This Ain't Love: MC Romance (BDMC: Second Generation Book 1)

by A. M. Myers

  “Leave him, Mom. What are you waiting for?”

  “Oh, Diego,” she answers, something broken shining through in her voice. “As you said, it’s complicated. But listen, take care of your girl, okay? And my grand baby.”

  Diego nods. “You know I will.”

  “Good,” she says. “Now, when do I get to meet this Isabelle?”

  “We’ve got a lot going on right now but we should be able to get away and grab lunch with you sometime soon, I hope,” he replies and a flutter of nerves races through my belly. I don’t have any experience in winning over someone’s family and this is so much more important since Diego and I are bringing a baby into the mix. Making a good first impression with his mom is so damn important and it scares the hell out of me.

  “Good,” Carmen chirps, dragging me out of my thoughts. “Call me when things settle down and we’ll plan something, okay?”

  They talk for a few more moments, Diego promising to be more careful and not get into any more shootouts before telling her good-bye and hanging up the phone. As he ends the call, he sighs like he has the weight of the world on his shoulders and I can’t take my eyes off him, my chest aching with the stress he’s under. There is a part of me that wishes I’d never brought my problems to his door so he wouldn’t have to deal with all of this but when I try to think about handling this on my own and running for my life with no support from anyone, the ache in my chest grows. Maybe it’s selfish but I like having him here to hold me up and take care of me when this situation gets overwhelming.

  Diego tosses the phone onto the table in front of him and leans back in his chair, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose. His pain calls to me, tugging at my heart because I know all about difficult family dynamics, and I feel compelled to close the distance between us. My bare feet are silent against the wooden slats of the deck as I walk toward him and when I reach his chair, I lay my hand on his shoulder. His eyes shoot open and meet mine.

  “Hi.”

  He smiles but it’s weak. “Hi. I take it you heard some of that?”

  “Um,” I answer, scrunching up my face as a wave of guilt rushes through me for eavesdropping and I shrug. “Kind of all of it. How can I help?”

  “Just come here, baby,” he answers, holding his arms open for me to come sit in his lap and I do without hesitation, rounding the chair and crawling into his embrace. As soon as I’m settled, his arms lock around me and he sighs, his entire body relaxing. Looking up at him as he closes his eyes again, I want to help him in some way but I have no clue how to ease his pain and I hate it. How many times in the past three weeks has he comforted me and known just what to do? But now that it’s my turn, I’m completely lost. Sucking in a breath, I reach up and place my hand on his cheek and he leans into my touch, humming in approval as he opens his eyes.

  “I’m sorry that I’m driving a wedge between you and your father.”

  He scoffs. “Don’t be. There is no love lost there and he’s been ashamed of me since the moment I quit the force. Hell, before that even. There is always something wrong with me in his eyes and I promise it isn’t about you.”

  “Still…”

  “No, Izzy,” he growls, shaking his head and locking eyes with me. “My father is a miserable bastard and he loves to make everyone around him just as miserable as he is. It’s been this way my entire life and he’s just using you as an excuse to pile more shit on me but I won’t let him. I… I’m so fucking grateful for you and our baby. Don’t you know that?”

  I suck in a breath. “I think I’m beginning to.”

  “You heard the other part, too, didn’t you?” he asks, searching my gaze for an answer but I’m not sure how to respond. Does he mean the part where he said he loved me? It’s the thing that jumped to my mind as soon as he asked the question but I’ve been trying to avoid thinking about it since I heard those three little words come out of his mouth.

  “I…”

  With a sigh, he hooks his hand around the back of my neck and pulls me forward, claiming my lips in a kiss so earnest that a single tear streaks down my cheek. He pulls away and meets my eyes again. “I don’t want anything more from you right now, Izzy, and I don’t even expect you to respond but you need to know that I meant what I said. I’m so fucking in love with you that I will wait however long it takes, slay whatever demons stand in our way, and love you enough for the both of us until you’re ready for more.”

  “And if I’m never ready?”

  His brown eyes burn with intensity as he stares back at me, studying me, reading me like his favorite goddamn book. “Do you want to walk away? Leave me once this shit with Luca is all cleared up?”

  I open my mouth to tell him yes but nothing comes out and I realize that I have no idea how to answer his question.

  Do I want to run right this second?

  No.

  Am I ready to commit to him?

  I… I don’t know.

  “That’s good enough for now,” he says, flashing me a smile and I narrow my eyes at him as I scowl. We both know I didn’t say a damn word but just like always, he can read me like no one else can so I shouldn’t be surprised that he saw exactly what I was thinking. Rolling my eyes, I fall into his body and he holds me close as he laughs. He’s right and he knows it which only irritates me more but I don’t have the energy to fight him on it today. “I’m sorry for the things my dad said, by the way. I know I shouldn’t apologize for him but…”

  “I get it,” I tell him, sitting up again and grabbing his hand. Glancing down at our laced fingers, I bite my lip and take a breath. “You’re not the only one with a shitty dad, Diego, and I know you’re not excusing his behavior.”

  Forcing the words past the lump in my throat was harder and somehow also easier than I expected and I take another deep breath as I look up and meet his eyes again. He watches me, surprised and eager for more revelations but that won’t be happening today.

  “I want you to know,” I tell him, reaching up and laying my hand on his cheek. Subtly, he leans into the touch and that damn ache in my chest feels like it’s swallowing me whole but this time, I kind of like it. “I am so proud of the fact that you are my baby’s father. I’ve made one hell of a mess out of all of this but there isn’t anyone better in the world or anyone else I would want to do this with, no matter how things turn out. You’re an incredible man and I know you’ll be an amazing father.”

  His eyes widen and he drops his gaze for a moment, wetting his bottom lip before looking up again. My heart hammers in my chest as he stares at me, his jaw flexing and something I don’t want to put a name to blazing in his eyes, something that makes it hard to breathe, but I can’t look away. Just when I think I can’t take another second of it, he pulls me forward and plants his lips on mine. The kiss packs one hell of a punch, banishing all the bullshit we’ve both been clinging to for weeks now, and I can feel the truth of his words.

  He loves me.

  The realization sinks into my mind and my heart races in my ears as I lean into his kiss and let out a desperate little moan. It’s not enough. I need more and I can’t seem to get enough of him as butterflies flutter around in my belly. It’s been years since I’ve felt anything like this but I know in my heart that I’m falling in love with this incredible man, too. But the fear is still there, lurking in the background, and it worries me. I’ve spent so many years conditioning myself to avoid this feeling, this intense longing that almost killed me that last time I let it in, and I’m not sure I know how to let go of the shit that’s kept me safe for the past fourteen years. The defenses I’ve built up are so ingrained in who I am that removing them would be like cutting out an organ. And what scares me more than anything is that I might never be able to give Diego all of me and in the end, my heart will end up shattered just like last time.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Diego

  Ten weeks.

  That’s all the time I have left to put all this shit with Luca to b
ed and make sure our world is safe before my son is born and maybe that sounds like plenty of time but based on how slowly things have been going up until now, it sure as hell doesn’t feel like enough time.

  Five days.

  It’s been five days since I told Izzy that I am in love with her and as of yet, she hasn’t run. Which I’m taking as a win, especially since she hasn’t pulled away again or put up more walls to keep me out. Honestly, it’s a huge fucking relief since I was shitting a brick when I realized she had overheard the conversation I was having with my mother and that all of my cards were out on the table whether I wanted them to be or not.

  Three hours.

  That’s how long it’s been since I last had Izzy on her back, screaming my name as I slipped into her warm, wet pussy like it’s my fucking salvation. Because it is. When I’m with her, when we’re together like that, none of the other shit matters - not crazy, stupid Luca, not my asshole father, and not even the fact that she still refuses to open to me. It’s just us and it works.

  But this is what my life has been reduced to at this point - counting down the minutes, hours, days, or weeks until something happens, until my life falls apart. Maybe I’m being a dramatic little bitch about all this but I’m so fucking happy right now, murder plots aside, that it feels like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. I’ve been here before, on the verge of getting everything I’ve ever wanted, and it was ripped away from me so I can’t get too content in my new reality until we put an end to Luca. I can’t accept that this is all real until Izzy agrees to be mine.

  “What’s wrong?”

  I glance up at the woman in my lap and flash her a smile as I shake my head. “Not a damn thing.”

  “Really?” she asks, turning to straddle my thighs as she studies my face. An adorable little wrinkle appears between her eyebrows as she narrows her eyes and rubs her thumb across my forehead. “You’ve been worrying too much.”

  “It’s my job to worry about you, Mama.” My words have an impact on her, her eyes widening for just a fraction of a second before she schools her features and tries to play it cool. I snort out a laugh. Izzy is such a bullshitter and everyone else might think she believes all of the crap that comes out of her mouth but I’ve always seen past that and it’s even easier now that I’ve spent so much time with her.

  “Jesus Christ,” Kodiak calls and I glance over her shoulder as he pulls his wife, Tate, into his lap. “Why don’t you two go get a goddamn room?”

  I arch a brow as I move Izzy so she’s sitting across my lap. “Back at you, asshole.”

  When Izzy found me in my office an hour ago, hunched over her case file and studying the reports for the hundredth time in the past few days, she insisted that we come to the clubhouse and hang out with our friends but now, all I want to do is get her back to my place and peel my t-shirt off her body. Glancing down, my grin grows. Her belly has gotten so big that none of her shirts will cover it anymore and since she hasn’t wanted to go out to shop for anything new with the threat looming over us, she has been forced to wear my clothing. Not that I’m complaining. I love seeing her in my shirt and the only thing better would be to see her in a cut of her own with a Property of Smoke patch slapped on the back.

  “So, you guys make things official yet?” Ali asks, arching a brow as she stares her best friend down with a look that honestly terrifies me a little bit. Izzy just turns to her and flashes a wide grin.

  “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

  “I swear to God,” she growls, shaking her head. “If you weren’t pregnant right now, I’d kick your ass.”

  A whoop from the front door pulls our attention. “Yes! Chick fight!”

  “Shut the fuck up, Jumper,” Storm calls, rolling his eyes and Jumper laughs as he strides over to our group, throwing himself on the couch next to Izzy and me.

  “Asshole,” she acknowledges with a nod. Izzy still hasn’t let Jumper off the hook for the shit he said about her a couple of week ago and I have been enjoying watching him grovel.

  “Your highness,” he answers, giving her a sarcastic little bow and she scoffs as she pops him in the back of the head. When he looks up again, he’s grinning at her. “Got something for you.”

  She scrunches her nose as she watches him carefully. “What?”

  “Photos from the idiot’s apartment.”

  “Jumper,” she sighs, flicking her hair off her shoulder in a dismissive gesture. “I don’t want to see your dick.”

  Laughter bubbles out of Ali, Carly, and Tate and Izzy peeks over at them, the corner of her lips twitching with her barely restrained smirk. Jumper shakes his head and shoves a pile of photos in her lap.

  “Very funny. I meant from Luca’s apartment.”

  I pick up the first photo and study it. “We need you to identify his friend from the alley, baby.”

  “Oh,” she whispers, the color draining from her face as she nods and picks up the stack of photos. “Okay.”

  Fuck.

  I hate this.

  Ever since the night Luca attacked us in the radio station parking lot, Izzy’s fear has been through the roof but she seemed better today and I can’t stand taking that away from her. But we need answers and we’re running out of time.

  She sucks in a breath and I drag my hand gently across her back as she looks down at the first photo and shakes her head. Setting the pile back down in her lap, she starts flipping through them but she only gets a few photos in before she stops and pulls one out.

  “Him. This is the guy.”

  I take the photo. “You sure?”

  “I will never fucking forget either of their faces so yes, I’m sure,” she answers, a shudder running through her body as she stares off in the distance. In her eyes, I can see the horrible memories of that night haunting her and I pull her into my embrace and press a kiss to her forehead as she settles into me. Nodding to Jumper, I hand the photo to him and he examines it.

  “Yeah, I wondered about this guy. He came by a couple times.” He stands up and tucks all the other photos under his arm. “I’ll get this and his license plate number to Streak right now and we should have a name soon.”

  “Good work,” I say with a sigh that I feel all the way in my bones. Finally, we have progress and it’s like my insides are vibrating as my mind spins with the next steps we need to take. Izzy nods, looking up at Jumper.

  “Yes, thank you, Jumper.”

  He nods, color staining his cheeks as he turns toward the door and calls over his shoulder, “Don’t mention it. Catch y’all later.”

  As soon as he walks out of the clubhouse, Ali turns to her husband and mentions that Jumper seems to be less of an asshole lately but I tune them out as my mind turns back to the next steps. Streak should get us a name fairly quickly but then what? From all the reports I’ve gotten from Fuzz, Luca hasn’t even left his house except to run down to the convenience store on the corner to grab cigarettes so I’m more convinced than ever that he’s working for someone else, someone bigger, and I need to figure out how to get him to lead us to that person.

  Maybe if he felt threatened…

  “What are you thinking about now?” Izzy asks, pulling me out of my thoughts. I shake my head and nudge her so she’ll climb off my lap. She does it with a scowl before turning back to me, demanding an answer.

  “I think I’m going to head over to Luca’s apartment and scope it out myself, see if I can push him into leading us to whoever he’s working for.”

  The conversation around us stops and Storm’s brows shoot up. “You’re sure it’s not just him and this other guy?”

  “Yeah,” I answer with a nod. “I’m more convinced every day. Luca isn’t pulling the strings on this and I need to know who is.”

  He nods once as he moves to the edge of the couch. “Want some backup?”

  “That’d be great.”

  “Hold up,” Izzy says, standing up and turning toward me as she crosses her arms over her chest, her belly gett
ing in the way. “I want to come, too.”

  I shake my head, my lips pressing into a thin line. “Absolutely not.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “Mama,” I scold, flashing her a look. “He’s trying to kill you. There is no fucking way in hell I’m going to bring you right to his doorstep.”

  She opens her mouth to object and I shake my head again, pinning her with a glare.

  “No. You can be as mad at me as you want but I don’t give a shit. You’re staying here, where it’s safe,” I growl and she meets my glare, clearly ready to challenge me. There is no way in hell I’m going to back down on this though. Izzy’s independence is one of the most important things to her but this is just stupid. “For fuck’s sake, Izzy, the last time you were face-to-face with this fucker, he was shooting at you.”

  The color drains from her face and her entire body sags as she uncrosses her arms, letting them hang at her sides as she nods.

  “Yeah… okay.”

  Fuck.

  I can’t stand the fear in her eyes or the broken look on her face.

  Shoving off the couch, I close the distance between us and pull her into my arms, wrapping one around her back and massaging the back of her head with my free hand. She buries her face in my chest and grips my cut as a shudder racks her body. Leaning down, I press a kiss to her cheek, just in front of her ear.

  “I need you to stay here, baby,” I whisper, closing my eyes as I breathe her in. “I need to know that you’re completely safe so I can go handle this. It could go wrong if I’m worrying about you instead of focusing on what I need to do.”

  She nods. “I get it. Just… please be careful, Diego, and hurry back to me. We need you.”

  “You know I will, Mama.” Pulling back, I meet her eyes and when her lip wobbles, it almost breaks me, but this is something I need to do and I can’t let anything stop me. I cup her cheek and she closes her eyes for just a moment, soaking up my touch, before she opens them again and meets my gaze.

  “Let’s get this over with,” Storm says, stepping up to my side and clapping my shoulder with his hand. I nod at him, not looking away from my girl.