"It's not personal; they would have killed anyone who undermined them. Your determination not to comply was quite a shock to them."
I rolled my eyes. “Is that why you came? I don’t care what stage of grief the George family has reached.”
Tori took a sip of her coffee, wrapping her hands around the mug for warmth. "I rented a snowmobile to visit you in person."
"You could have called to tell me instead of tracking me and my money down.”
"I wanted to see how you were doing for myself."
"I'm great. Thanks for stopping by." I forced a smile.
"Did you know that Ralph Maddox was murdered last night? The local police are investigating."
"I saw that on the news. Did you know him?"
"No, but the circumstances are unique. I was hoping you might be interested in the case." I shook my head, holding back the urge to curse. Why would I want to involve myself in any new investigation? It was better to stay out of the drama. Other people spent their whole lives oblivious to the corruption infecting their world. I missed the blinders, but despite my best efforts, they would not go back in place.
"Convey my condolences to the family." I poured myself a fresh cup of coffee and avoided looking at Tori.
"Avery, it's time." Tori insisted. "I’m offering you the case."
Another case was another chance to dig myself in deeper and put a target on my back. This would be the third time Tori had offered me a case to investigate for the Central Cleanup Agency, but I was tired of cleaning up next level messes. I could put that life behind me. Or, at least, I told myself I could.
"I'm not interested. I've retired." Even though I was barely thirty.
"Look, Avery: get back out there. You can't keep hiding out. We're certain the George family's off of your trail. They had enough rope to hang themselves.”
"Why do I need to do anything?" I slammed my cup down on the counter, spilling some. I rushed to grab a sponge from the sink to clean up the mess.
Tori flounced her long dark hair over her shoulder to reveal faint scars of a past she could never outrun. "You’re hiding, not living."
"I may live longer if I hide." I cleaned up the mess and tossed the sponge back into the sink.
"Or you may get eaten by a bear. When all is said and done, what do you want to accomplish?"
"Does it matter?"
"To Ralph Maddox, it matters."
I bent down to feed Milly a treat while I considered what Tori said. "Well, he’s dead now. I never met him. Wasn't he a CEO?"
"He was the CEO of Cybertech."
"Too bad. Sounds like he had a good life."
"As far as we can tell, he kept his nose clean. He ran charities."
"That's nice. Let's hope he remembered them in his will."
The light left Tori's eye like an extinguished spark. "Avery, drop the cynical act. It doesn't suit you."
I laughed. "Now, you're an expert." Tori's attitude grated on me. I wanted no reminders of the career mistakes that almost got me killed. And all of those decisions involved Tori or her brother, Ryan Kain.
"No, but I'm concerned. Avery, you helped my brother when no one else would. You saved his life."
"I did what I had to do. How is Ryan, anyway?" She was the one to know since she'd taken him from a hospital room and hidden him away. I picked up a towel and dried the counter with too much force.
"He's the same." Tori's voice cracked.
I leaned closer to her. "And when can I see him?" I asked.
Tori flushed, illuminating her faint burn scars. "He has been through too much. Let him rest."
"Is it wrong for me to want the same?" I looked her in the eyes as I twisted the towel in my hands.
"You don't want that," Tori snapped.
"I want my life back." I wanted to slap Tori into my reality, but I wrapped the towel around my hand and resisted temptation.
"Knowing your background takes nothing away from you," Tori said.
"You don't know what you're talking about!" She must be delusional.
"Look: this is not why I came here to visit you, other than that you haven't been answering my calls. Take the case. Get out of the house. Rejoin the real world."
I snorted a detersive laugh. "The real world—that’s a strange thing to call it."
Tori raised her eyebrows. "If you say so. Let me know if you'll take the case by next week."
"I can let you know now. I'm out. There'll be no more putting myself out there as bait."
Tori bit her lip for a moment as she considered her response. "Do what you have to do."
I nodded once before heading out of the kitchen and into the den with Milly at my heels. How dare Tori think she could just call me and expect me to take another screwed-up case when the last two had almost killed me? I still didn't understand where or why she was hiding her brother, Ryan Kain, after the last case. The whole situation felt wrong. Who takes an injured relative out of the hospital and hides them from the world? Sometimes, I considered that Ryan Kain had been institutionalized somewhere, his conspiracy rambling having gotten the better of him. Other times I wondered if Tori had him locked away somewhere herself, no better off than when the George family had kidnapped him.
Tori rinsed her glass in the sink and headed to find my guest room. Apparently, she'd invited herself for a visit. I guess she assumed she was welcome, considering she and her brother had paid for the property.
***
The morning brought about a warmer day. The trees around the cabin left tiny drip holes in the snow, wearing it away with the melted ice. Like the snow outside, the stalemate between Tori and I thawed. While the safety of isolation was a comfort, the lack of human interaction was difficult. Having someone other than Milly to talk to was a welcome reprieve from my self-imposed solitude.
“What do you want to do today?” Tori asked me over breakfast.
“I was hoping to do some reading.” It was an honest answer.
“You can read anytime. Let’s head to town and do some shopping. I saw some adorable ski shops on the way into town.”
“You’re welcome to go shopping. I’ll be right here.”
“The whole hired hit thing messed you up. Do you think they're still trying to track you down?”
“I have no way to know for sure.” Having lost my appetite, I scraped my plate into the trash. “But I’m not willing to put myself out there as a target.”
“They'll find you if they want to take you out. It’s better to be proactive.” Tori pulled a lip-gloss out of her bag and put it on with a flourish that seemed at odds with her suggestion.
“You don’t think I should try to take them out.” I hoped I'd imagined it.
“No, but they'll keep the public distracted with their image as they're showing it, while you're staying out of the public eye. They can portray you any way they like if you don’t put yourself out there.”
“I like to think they'll forget all about me.” I poured myself another cup of coffee.
“Have you forgotten them?” Tori asked.
“No. How could I? They tried to have me killed.” I put the cup down too hard and rushed to grab a towel to clean the mess.
“It’s a draw.”
“Right now, I’m still alive, despite their best efforts.”
Tori paused as though she was thinking of something insightful to say. She adjusted her dark hair and looked me dead in the eye. “Take the Maddox case, Avery. You’ve been here too long.”
“I've already told you: I’m not interested.”
Tori stood up and pushed in her bar stool. “You can’t say I didn’t try. I guess I’ll head out as soon as I’m packed. I’m sure you’ll be glad to have me out of your hair.”
“It’s not like that, Tori.” It was, but what else could I say.
“Oh, no—I get it. You have a plan, and this is it.”
“Actually, I made plans. For the holidays. You should do the same.”
Tori smiled. �
�I may just do that.”
Chapter 4
I climbed into my used SUV and slammed the door. My weekly visit to town made my heart race with anticipation. My neck and head throbbed like it was in a vise. I had to break the cycle. A realization hit me: I could change things. It was up to me.
I pulled my phone out of my bag and called my dad. The phone rang twice before Dad answered.
"Hello?" Dad sounded cheerful.
"Dad, about Christmas—is your invitation still open? I know it’s only a week away."
“This is your home, Avery." Christmas music played in the background. "You’re always welcome to come home.”
"Then I'll be there. I'll try to catch a flight in tomorrow.”
"I can't wait to see you!"
"Me too! Love you, Dad."
"Love you, too."
I turned on the four-wheel drive and headed for town. It was time to do what needed to be done.
***
I parked outside Dr. Steven’s office with a sick feeling in my stomach. I had told him more than I'd wanted to the week before. Seeing Tori made me even more aware of how much I needed to close the door on my past. I was ready to take back my life, and I realized that I wouldn't have to carry the burden alone if I told Dr. Stevens what had driven me to isolation. Leaving that worry behind when I visited my father was appealing.
I made it through the reception area, signed in, took a seat, and grabbed a magazine. There was an unwritten code of conduct in Dr. Steven’s office. None of the patients acknowledged the existence of others in the tiny lobby. Nobody wanted others to imagine what broken bits they might be hiding inside. I pretended to read for several minutes, concentrating on not staring my fellow patients down.
“Ms. Rich?” I flinched when the lady at the desk called my name; she'd outed me.
I walked to the desk. “Yes?”
“Is your information the same?” She asked me that every time.
“Yes, no changes.”
“I need you to fill out this medical update.” She shoved a clipboard across the desk.
“Everything’s the same,” I insisted. The receptionist smiled and nodded, but she didn’t seem inclined to take the paperwork back. I scribbled down the information as fast as I could and handed her the clipboard.
“Great. Then you can head on back. Dr. Stevens should be ready.” She smiled like I'd won a contest instead of an hour of drudging up what I'd rather leave alone.
“Thanks.” I wouldn’t miss this when I visited Dad. That was the best part of the trip: missing at least two or three sessions.
I headed down the hall to Dr. Stevens' open office door. “Hello?” I stood there, waiting for him to invite me in.
Dr. Stevens was hunched over the paperwork at his desk. His posture accentuated the curvature of his spine. “Oh, good, Avery. Come on in. Have a seat.”
I obliged without comment, closing the door behind me.
“I want to tell you how glad I was to see you open up about your dreams last week.”
The nightmares weren't what I wanted to talk about. It was time to talk about the real traumas. The ones I had lived through. “I’ve been thinking about that. I want to tell you what happened. With the case in Alexandria. There’s a reason I can’t trust anyone.”
“Can’t trust anyone? Do you mean anyone at all?”
I took a deep breath. “You can’t repeat what I tell you. It’s confidential.”
“Yes, it is.” Max Stevens scribbled something on his notepad. I imagined it said I was paranoid, but I knew that wasn’t the case.
I clenched and unclenched my fists and forced myself to take a couple slow, deep breaths. Telling someone what had happened with the George family and the banking scandal would make it real again. Recalling how their corruption had led to kidnapping and murders looked back at a time I had no desire to revisit. Telling how they'd tracked me down while I was undercover and how they'd stolen my identity to frame me would let my guard down. I chewed my lip as I tried to figure how to get it all out. Dr. Stevens looked at me as though I was a package on Christmas morning. He couldn’t wait to see the trauma wrapped up inside my mind.
“I made detective almost two years ago.” My voice cracked. I looked at Dr. Stevens for approval and found disappointment etched on his face instead. He didn’t respond.
“That should've been a great thing. I left my home in Sandusky, quit my job—which I loved—and I moved to Alexandria.”
“That sounds like an exciting time.” Dr. Stevens stretched, trying to adjust for his back.
“The man who hired me, John Calbert, wanted me to work a case outside the department. Several local bankers had gone missing. One of them turned out to be Calbert’s son-in-law.” I paused, hoping I could get then next part out.
After a long moment, Dr. Stevens broke the awkward silence. “Why would your commander want you to work a case outside of the department?”
“There were dirty cops involved in a cover-up.” Once I'd started, the words tumbled out. I told Dr. Stevens about having met Ryan Kain and his conspiracy ramblings. I told him about memories I'd locked away, of the murder I'd witnessed, and of the George family and their attempt at a cover-up. I shared all the trial details, including the car bomb that had taken Calbert off the witness list for good. The whole time, Dr. Stevens wrote as fast as he could manage. He paused only to push his glasses into place when they'd slid down his nose.
I couldn’t have cared less. It was like I couldn’t stop myself. All the details I'd been holding inside wanted to be heard. By the time I'd finished telling Dr. Stevens about how the George family had tracked me to Smithville while I was undercover, I realized my tears had soaked my collar.
Dr. Stevens mumbled reassurances without looking up from his notepad, but it didn’t make me feel protected. Instead, I wondered why I was telling him any of this to begin with. I stopped talking as I tried to swallow the knot that had formed in my throat.
Dr. Stevens looked up. “Avery, I think we’ve made real progress. I think that getting these traumatic events out will be the best thing. You can’t deal with these memories while you’re hiding from them.”
“Hiding?” Did Dr. Stevens know I was there to hide from the George family?
“Well, the clinical term is repressing.” He nodded like it was all ordinary, but I knew that what I'd experienced was anything but normal.
“So, where do we go from here?” I rubbed my eyes, trying to clean the dried tears away.
“It sounds like we need to go back to the initial trauma. We can try to figure out how you might put that part of your life into perspective so you can feel safe again. We'll come back to that in our next session.”
Drudging up memories each week was exhausting. “I’ll let the appointment secretary know, but I’m going away for a few weeks. I won’t need an appointment until after the new year.”
“Going away? This may be a crucial time for you. I’d advise against traveling right now.”
“Right now? It’s the holidays. I’m going to visit my dad. I’m sure I’ll be fine.”
“Where did you say your father lived? Sandusky?”
I shook my head. I had to let the paranoia go. “He used to. He moved to Los Olivos, California a couple of years ago.”
“I see.” Dr. Stevens continued to scribble in his notebook as I collected my purse and headed out to the lobby. I wondered if he'd even noticed I'd left.
Chapter 5
The flood of cars at the airport made it obvious that the holiday travel season was in full swing. I tried not to curse as I found my way through the traffic. The noise of too many planes roared close overhead. The airport, out in the prairie nowhere, seemed so far outside the city it was strange.
I found a spot and parked my SUV in long-term parking. Milly jumped around in her seat, excited to see all the people passing by, dragging suitcases of every color and description. I froze, trying to take everything in. I told myself to get it together, tha
t it was just an airport, and there was no reason to think anyone had followed me there. I reached over to Milly, letting my fingers tangle in her fur. “It’s okay, girl. You'll love it at Dad’s house.” Milly nuzzled against me, enjoying the attention. “All right. If we’re going to make it through security on time, we have to go.”
We made our way into the terminal where I checked my bag and made arrangements for Milly. She looked at me with her warm, brown eyes as they loaded her crate onto a dolly, and I froze in place, watching her roll out of sight. Her gaze never left me. I wonder if she felt betrayed.
After sending Milly on her way, I felt more exposed than ever. She was my extra set of eyes and ears. I'd learned to depend on her reactions to moderate my own.
I sat on a bench seat in front of the terminal and tried to take deep, measured breaths. A chirp from my phone broke through what little peace I'd mustered. A quick glance told me it was a new message from Tori: “I'd hoped you'd take the case. Have a good trip. Happy holidays.” I put the phone in airplane mode and stuffed it in my pocket without answering. Had I told Tori I was traveling today or was she tracking my spending again? I wanted to think it didn’t matter either way, but I couldn’t shake the uneasy feeling.
“Now boarding flight 489 to LAX.”
I stood up and hauled my carryon to the line to board the plane. Once I'd found my seat, it was all I could do not to make a run for it. The passengers were packed into each other’s personal space, and I couldn’t help wonder about each individual as I sized up my fellow travelers.
I pulled out the novel I'd been reading and tried to focus on the story. The constant motion of the surrounding people was almost unbearable. I assessed each person’s behavior and habits. I was sure the woman to my right was someone’s grandmother, but I knew that didn’t mean she was beyond reproach. A man two rows ahead of me was, without a doubt, a member of the armed forces, but I couldn’t guess which branch. I examined each person like suspects as I peered at them over the edge of my book. I'd worked out a complete mental profile on each passenger within eyesight by the end of the flight.
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