RIPLEY
The first thing I notice when my eyes open is that it’s pitch dark and my house is completely silent. I sit up, moaning because my body is stiff. Once I’m on my feet, I stretch and shake out my legs, which feel almost crampy. I slip on my shorts and put my cardigan back on. After going to the bathroom and cleaning myself up, I step into the hall and then into Alex’s bedroom.
Alex is on his side with his hands tucked under his cheek, and Tiny is lying next to the bed on the floor. Thank God we have plush carpet otherwise the poor dog would be in pain when he got up. I leave them be and head downstairs. Brock is asleep on the couch, and even in the dark, I don’t miss the fact that his shirt is off. He’s got a light sprinkling of hair that runs down his stomach and disappears into his shorts.
My breasts begin to tingle and I try to tell them to quit. Of their own volition, my feet carry me toward the couch. I sit down gingerly next to his hip. “Brock?” I keep my voice quiet, not wanting to spook him. “Brock?” A squeak leaves me because suddenly I’m flung onto my back and Brock is between my legs.
I open my mouth to speak, but his mouth hits mine and my brain shuts off. We’re a gnashing of lips and teeth, and my legs wrap around his waist as he grinds his dick against my aching core. I need to stop this, but I’m close to losing control and I can’t. We pull back, still close enough that our breath is mingling. “We should stop,” I whisper, but even I can hear that I’m not serious.
“Yeah,” he whispers back before his lips connect with mine again. I missed this, the simple art of kissing—or maybe it’s the magic of kissing the right person. His hand works its way up under my camisole until he reaches my breast, pinching my nipple and causing me to arch against his hand. I slip my hand between us, palming his hard cock. He grunts against my mouth and I feel myself get wetter. His shorts have an elastic waistband, and it’s easy to slip my hand inside and wrap it around his thick length.
We were each other’s firsts, and everything we knew, we learned together. We spent so much time learning each other’s bodies and what felt good to the other. Everybody since him has always felt wrong, but that did not stop me from being stupid and sleeping around. The only good thing that came out of that part of my life was my son, and I quickly push those thoughts away.
Before I know what’s happening, Brock has removed my sleep shorts and panties. I can feel his cock against my opening, and I quickly grab the blanket off the back of the couch and throw it over us, just in case Alex wakes up. Neither of us says anything, I just spread my legs a little wider and moan as he pushes inside me. God, this is a mistake, but I can’t make him stop. I’m selfish and want this so much.
In and out, he eases into me until finally he’s buried to the hilt. Out of nowhere I begin to cry, but only because it feels so right. I’ve missed the intimacy between us so much. Brock wraps his arms around me, hugging me tight to his body. “Shh…baby, I know, I know.”
“I missed you so much.” I cry into his neck.
“I missed you too,” he whispers, and then his lips are back on mine. We find a slow rhythm since the couch isn’t really the best place to do it. I’m embarrassed to say that it takes no time at all before I begin to come, and come hard. He silences me with his mouth and then his cock starts hitting me deeper and harder until he’s planted to the root, groaning against my mouth.
Our breathing is the only sound to be heard and the feel of him on top of me is comforting, but soon guilt plagues me, as well as humiliation. Could I have given it up any easier? He must think I’m a slut.
I push on his shoulders and he takes the hint, pulling out of me, and I unintentionally whimper as he does.
“Babe, what is it?”
With quick, jerky movements, I throw my bottoms back on. I quickly stand up and start pacing back and forth. My face feels like it’s on fire from embarrassment. I feel the heat of his skin as he comes up behind me, wrapping me in his strong embrace. “I’m not a slut,” I whisper harshly. I try to get away from him but he holds me tight.
“What?” he growls.
Turning in his arms, I try to push him away, but he’s like a rock. “I’m not a slut!”
“Why would I ever think you were a slut? Don’t ever talk about yourself like that, do you hear me?”
I suck in a breath. “You don’t know what I was like for a whi—”
He covers my mouth with his fingers. “It doesn’t matter. We can’t change our pasts or the people we were with while we were apart. Please don’t regret what’s happened here tonight. We both lost control. We both gave in to the moment.” His hands rub up and down on my upper arms.
“We can’t do it again,” I tell him. If we start anything, it’ll only end in heartbreak for us. Plus, there are things that could change the way he feels about me, that could erase all the feelings he still has.
“I know. I’m going to sleep on the couch okay? I don’t want to wake Alex by trying to get Tiny away from him.”
“Yeah okay. Before I forget, thank you for taking care of us. I don’t know what I would’ve done had you not been here.”
He kisses my forehead. “You are an excellent mother, you would’ve figured it out. Go get some sleep.”
It’s when I’m upstairs in my room and I feel wet on my leg that I realize he didn’t use a condom—why not? Now I’m worried I’ll get my heart broken again and then be left to raise his baby alone. Ugh. I need to quit with the negative thoughts; it’ll be fine. I’ll be fine, and if I repeat it enough, I may just believe it.
As I file charts away, the past three days come back to me. Sunday morning when I woke up, I felt a hundred percent better. When I went downstairs, I found it empty, but then I heard my little man’s excited squeals. I looked out the back window and found Alex running around, being chased by Tiny. Every time the dog got close, I got nervous, but Tiny always slowed down as he approached.
Brock stood in the yard and watched them with a huge smile on his face. I wiped at the tears that were sliding down my cheeks. What did I do to deserve to lose the love of my life and then get him back, only to watch him leave again? Was this my punishment for the bad choices I made after Brock left?
I turned away from the window and poured myself a cup of coffee before heading upstairs to shower quickly. Once that was done, I dressed in jean shorts and a Cubs jersey that used to be my dad’s. I left my hair down in loose waves and my face makeup free.
Back downstairs, I took my coffee out onto the back steps. Over the chain-link fence, I see Brock, Alex, and Tiny walking down the street—well, Brock and Tiny were walking, and Alex was doing a little skip while he held Brock’s hand.
“Hey Ripley.” Shit. I pasted on a fake smile when Tim came walking over. As always, his eyes slid over my body in a way that made me feel uncomfortable. “Who’s the guy?”
“He’s an old friend.” My eyes found the boys; they were heading back our way and Brock’s eyes were on Tim.
“It seems like he’s more than that.” Tim was staring at me but I refused to look at him. “He Alex’s dad?”
I turned toward him with a frown on my face. “Tim, that’s really not your business.” Just then Brock, Alex, and Tiny stepped into the back yard. Alex squealed and came running toward me. “Hi baby, are you feeling better?”
“Yep my tummy doesn’t hurt anymore. Did you see me walking Tiny? He was a good boy!” His little face lit up with so much joy, I could hardly stand it.
“Go take Tiny inside okay?” They disappeared inside and Tim was standing by me like he had no intention of moving. Brock was watching him with pure unhappiness on his face. “Tim, this is Brock. Brock, my neighbor Tim.” Tim the douche gave him a chin lift. “Brock, let’s head inside before Tiny and Alex destroy the place.” I knew they wouldn’t, but it was a good excuse to get away from Tim. “See ya Tim.”
The guy was a grade-A idiot. “Don’t worry dude—when you’re not here, I watch out for them.” Like hell he did.
Bro
ck froze behind me, but I reached back and grabbed his hand, pulling him inside. Once the doors shut, he began pacing back and forth in my kitchen. “He’s harmless Brock. The worst he does is stare at my boobs when he’s talking to me.”
The muscle in his jaw ticked as he looked at me and then out the back window. Yeah, Tim was borderline creepy, but he truly was harmless. I moved until I was standing in front of him and did the only thing I could think of to distract him—grabbing his face, I pulled it down until our lips touched. At first he held himself still, but soon he wrapped his arms around me to take control of the kiss.
I felt his hand slide into my hair and with a jerk, he pulled my head back and deepened the kiss. God, did he deepen it. His tongue brushed mine and his flavor exploded on my tongue. He was always such a good kisser; even when we were two inexperienced kids, he somehow knew what he was doing. I was so lost in the haze that came over me, I almost missed the little boy giggle that sounded extremely close.
When we pulled away from each other, there was so much emotion in Brock’s eyes, I wanted to cry, wanted to squeal, wanted to scream, all at once. He made me feel crazy. I looked around him to find Alex and Tiny staring at us. Alex kept covering his mouth, and his giggle sounded muffled.
“You were kissing him Mommy.” I felt my face get hot and knew it was beet red. Without even thinking, I buried my face in Brock’s chest. His chuckle vibrated against my face and it felt so right and so natural, but like a bucket of ice water being dumped on my head, I was smacked back into reality—the reality where he was going to leave again and not only leave me heartbroken, but my son too. I quickly moved away from him and went to Alex, picking him up.
Before turning around to face Brock, I took a deep breath. “Thank you again for everything. I’m sure you have stuff to do and we really need to prepare for the week ahead.”
My eyes began to tear up and I tried to turn away from him before he could see, but it was too late. He fit his body against my back. “Alex, will you take Tiny in the living room for just a second while I talk to your mom?”
I set Alex down and he disappeared around the corner with his shadow. Brock turned me around in his arms.
“What are we doing Brock? You’re leaving again. This is madness, and nothing good will come from it.”
13
BROCK
“I don’t know Ripley.” I reach out, wiping the tear sliding down her cheek with my thumb. God, I hate her fucking tears, especially when I’m the cause of them. There is so much I want to say to her, but I don’t know how to do that without breaking her heart. I never should’ve touched her, but as soon as I buried my cock inside her, I felt like I was finally home. It’s a bitter pill to swallow knowing I can’t have it no matter how much I want it, her and that little boy who has already burrowed himself in my heart. I’m my father’s son; I’m toxic, and I’ll only hurt them. I just can’t.
Her sniffling brings me out of my thoughts. Ripley watches me, and it’s like she can read my thoughts. She sighs, and it’s filled with a finality that scares the fuck out of me. “You’re leaving.” It’s not a question but a statement. “We can’t keep doing this. There is no happy ending for us.” Tears leak from her eyes as my heart pounds in my chest. I grab her face, kissing her hard. She whimpers against my lip, but I pull away before Alex sees us again, and Ripley blinks up at me with those big blue eyes of hers.
“You are so fucking beautiful,” I whisper as I stroke her cheek. “I should go. You and that little boy deserve the world. Don’t ever settle for less.” I kiss her forehead and inhale her scent, committing it to memory. “I’ll love you forever,” I whisper before leaving her standing in the kitchen.
In the living room, I find Tiny sitting with Alex. “Hey bud, Tiny and I have to go.”
He wraps his arms around Tiny’s neck. “Are you coming back?” I don’t miss the sound of Ripley crying in the other room.
“No, we’re not.” Alex looks at me with eyes just like his mother’s, and my chest aches.
“But why?”
“We just aren’t. You take care of your momma okay?” His little chin begins to wobble so I head out the front door before his tears begin to fall. I find Ripley’s neighbor sitting on the front step, and my eyes don’t leave his as Tiny and I walk to my truck and get in. Before I drive away, I look at Ripley’s house again, and the sight I see breaks my heart. Alex is in the window, and it’s very clear that he is crying. I look back at that asshole; he’s staring at me with a cocky grin on his lips. My stomach aches at the thought of leaving, but I have no choice. It’s for their own good.
Maybe I need to reach out to Jonah and share my concerns.
I stare at the ceiling, rubbing out the pain in my chest, or at least try to; since last night, it’s been constant. Every time I shut my eyes, I hear Ripley crying and see Alex’s heartbroken little face. I’m not sure how much sleep I’ve gotten, but I don’t think it was much. Hell, even Tiny was restless last night. Climbing out of bed, I stretch, my shoulder aching a little where I got shot. I throw on basketball shorts, a muscle shirt, and shoes, thinking maybe going for a run will clear my head.
In the kitchen, I find my granddad reading the paper and drinking a cup of coffee. “Hey, old man.” I squeeze his shoulder.
“Morning. You have trouble sleeping last night?” He sets the paper down.
“Yeah, why?” I grab a mug and fill it with coffee then sit across from him at the table.
“You were tossing and turning all night.”
I take a generous sip of my coffee. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to keep you up. I just had a lot on my mind.”
He surprises me when he reaches out, touching the puckered scar on my shoulder. “You don’t talk about it. Son, you don’t talk about any of it.” My granddad’s right, I don’t talk about it. What happened happened; I did what I had to do to survive, the end.
“I know, but I did talk to someone after it happened.” I take a deep breath. “I do think I should talk to someone about the shit with Dad and what happened that night with Ripley. I’m never going to be able to move on until I get help.”
He reaches out and grabs my hand. “Your mom’s been talking to someone. She’s been doing it for a while. Your grandma and I have even gone to a few sessions and it’s really helped us all. No pressure, but I can get you the number if you want.”
“Yeah maybe. I’ll think about it.” I’m supposed to go home in two weeks, so is it even worth it? Ripley lives here and I live in North Carolina, and honestly I had no plans to move back here.
Flashes flow through my mind: Alex sleeping on my chest, kissing Ripley, watching Tiny being so sweet and gentle with Alex, the few times Ripley gave me the smile I’ve missed so much over the past six years. They make me want a family, a family with them, but as always, images of my dad hurting me and my mom intrude on any good thoughts I have. Following right behind is the image of me swinging my fist and it connecting with Ripley’s face.
I stand up from the table. “I’m going to go for a run. Can you let Tiny out?”
“Yeah son, go clear your head.” He knows me too well. “Tiny and I are going to throw the rope around.”
Out front, I stretch a little before I start running, and it doesn’t take long before my mind is completely blank.
Once I get back, I get on my laptop and find Jonah’s number on White Pages.com. I sit on my bed and listen to it ring, then his voicemail picks up. “This is Jonah. At the beep, you know what to do.” The beep sounds and I leave a message.
“Jonah, it’s Brock. Listen, I want to know what the deal with Ripley’s neighbor is. I don’t like the way he looks at her. I hope you’re on top of that, especially with it just being her and Alex there. Call me back if you can.” I disconnect and drop my phone on the bed.
Who would ever believe I just called Jonah Mitchell?
I grab some clean clothes and head into the bathroom to shower. I’m taking my mom out to brunch today before she g
oes to the flower shop. I hop out and quickly dry off before throwing on my cargo shorts and t-shirt. My face is covered in light stubble, but I don’t bother doing anything about it.
Moving through the house, I look out the sliding glass door and see Tiny leaning against my grandpa while he whittles. I grab my keys and head out the front door. My grandma pulls in the driveway and I move toward her driver’s side door to help her out. “Where have you been?”
“I met with my book club at Starbucks. We had to decide on what book to read next. Marla wants some book with two men and a woman on the cover—do you believe that?” I just shake my head. I don’t want to picture her reading dirty books like that.
“Well what do you want to read?”
“The new Nora Roberts, but we have to vote on it and Marla gets her way all the time so now I’m going to have to read a book with a”—she looks around and then leans close to me—“threesome in it.” I can’t help but throw my head back and laugh. My grandma just said threesome.
I pull her into a hug and kiss the top of her head. “Well I hope they vote for Nora so you don’t have to read about threesomes.”
“Where are you off to?”
“Taking mom out for brunch before she has to work. I’ll see you later.” I head toward my mom’s place. I really am considering talking to someone; if I’m ever going to move on with my life, I need to get it all out. I would love nothing more than to move on with Ripley, but I don’t know if we can. I’ve hurt her so much, and it’s not just her, it’s Alex too. Why does this all have to be so hard?
I pull up in front of my mom’s, and she must’ve been watching for me because she comes be-bopping out of her place. I’ve never seen her so happy. My nose begins to burn and my vision gets blurred, but I force that shit back. What the fuck is wrong with me? I’m just thankful that my mom is free—free to be herself, free to live her life without fear of being struck or screamed at.
Then There Was You: A Single Parent Collection Page 45