“I remember.” It had always been her specialty.
Maggie’s eyes shone with what looked a lot like hope. “So, will you? It’s the least I can do. For just now, I mean.” Her cheeks flamed.
“I...” I hesitated. It was a bad idea. Going to her to place, being alone with her. My head knew that. It remembered vividly how much pain we’d suffered at her hands. But my heart? My heart was still foolish. It still remembered how much we’d loved this woman. How much we still loved her. Because it had only taken seeing Maggie again for all those feelings to come rushing back to the surface.
Even after all this time, after everything that had happened, I still loved her.
A piece of me probably always would.
“Vinnie?” Maggie’s voice pulled me from my thoughts and I smiled down at her.
“I’d like that.”
I only hoped I wasn’t making a huge mistake.
6
Maggie
Vinnie was in my car.
In. My. Car.
What the hell was I thinking?
In less than twenty-four hours I’d been warned by Lucii and my mom to stay away from him, and yet, here I was driving him to my house for lunch.
But the second he lifted Belle from the stroller and her tears stopped, I knew I was a goner. It was like some divine sign at how epically I’d screwed up my life.
I should never have picked Rob. He was always a bit reckless with a straying eye. I’d watched him with enough girls over the years in high school to know he wasn’t a one-woman kind of man. But the second he finally paid me some attention, all my reservations went out the window, because I’d wanted Rob Kallows for as long as I could remember. So when he finally saw me, I didn’t stop to think about ‘why now?’. Why this precise moment and not before? I was naive and stupid and blinded by what I thought was love for a guy who had never once before suggested he felt the same about me.
I chose Rob, and in doing so, I lost Vinnie.
And watching him hold Belle earlier, the way her eyes lit up in his embrace, how easily he handled her, my heart had almost burst. This was supposed to be my story. Him. Us. He would never have treated me the way Rob did. Not in a million years. Vinnie would have been gentle with my heart. He would have stuck around.
But Vinnie wasn’t my story. Rob was. And no amount of wishing was going to change that.
“Mags?” His deep voice washed over me and my hands tightened around the steering wheel. “You okay over there?”
I glanced at him and forced a smile. “I’m fine. We’re almost there.”
“You live in Parkside?”
“Yeah. We moved here after I found out... I’m sorry, I’m sure you don’t want to know—”
“Hey.” His hand landed on my knee sending my heart into overdrive. “It’s okay. It is what it is, right? But I’m here, and you’re here, and I wasn’t sure we’d ever get this again. So, let’s make the most of it, okay?”
There were so many layers woven into his words, I didn’t know where to begin. But my house came into view and with it a fresh wave of panic that I was making a huge mistake inviting him back with us.
“This is us,” I said too cheerily. He saw right through it, chuckling. “If I get the groceries, do you think you can handle Miss Grouchy Pants back there?”
“I think we’ve got it under control.”
I cut the engine and climbed out. The house was smaller than most around here, but it was clean and tidy and despite the bad memories I had of the place it was also filled with so many good ones. Taking a deep breath, I went around to the trunk and began unloading the groceries while Vinnie saw to Belle.
“Hey, Princess,” he said to her. “You’re stuck with me again while your mom deals with the groceries. Think we can make it inside without a tantrum?” I glanced over the back seat just in time to see her beam up at him. “I think so too.”
They followed me inside and down the hall to my big open plan kitchen diner. It was my favorite room in the house.
“Nice place,” Vinnie said, bouncing Belle in his arms, although she seemed happy pulling on his t-shirt and chewing her fingers.
“It does us,” I said a little too flippantly.
“Hey, did I say something wrong?”
“What?” My eyes widened. “No, I just...” I let out an exasperated sigh and sank back against one of the counters. “Maybe this was a bad idea.”
“You want me to leave?”
It was probably for the best; before things got too complicated. More complicated than just old friends catching up. But I didn’t want him to leave. I didn’t want to be alone again with nothing but my thoughts and Belle’s incessant cries for company.
“No, I don’t want you to leave. I just... I don’t understand how you can be here. Knowing that...” I averted my gaze, unable to stand the weight of his stare.
“Losing Dad,” Vinnie cleared his throat. “It made me realize life’s too short, Mags. We were best friends once. I’d like for us to be friends again.”
Friends.
Such a simple yet complicated word. We had been best friends once. But we’d also been so much more than that. I just hadn’t realized until it was too late. Or maybe, deep down, I had always known how Vinnie truly felt about me, and I’d just been too scared to cross that line because I didn’t want to lose him. So I stashed him away in the friend zone, telling myself we could never be more, and I’d lost him anyway.
“And if you’d have come back and me and Rob were still...”
“As long as you were happy, I’d like to think I would have wished you both well.”
God, he was too good. His heart was too pure. After what we’d done to him, how we’d hurt him, it was more than I deserved.
“What?” he asked, noticing my sudden change of expression.
“Everything’s such a mess.” I closed the cabinet door and stuffed the grocery bags inside each other.
“Want to talk about it?”
“I do but first she needs feeding and then it’s nap time.”
“What’s on the menu?” Vinnie’s lip curved.
Relief sank into me that he wasn’t going to push me. Not yet, at least.
“Cheesy pasta with peas,” I replied.
“Mmmm, tasty.”
“Can you put her in her highchair?” I motioned to the chair in the corner of the room.
“I think we can manage that.”
I watched Vinnie carry Belle with ease. She liked him, that much was obvious. But then, it was impossible not to like him. Vinnie was like the sun; people gravitated toward him. But he was choosy about who he let in. Who he trusted with his friendship and time. And I’d never realized how much I’d taken that for granted until he was gone.
I prepared Belle’s lunch while Vinnie played peek-a-boo with her and Mr. Cuddles, her favorite soft toy.
“Okay, Princess Belle, lunch is served.” I pulled over one of the chairs, but she started fussing. “I think she wants you to feed her.” My chest tightened.
“Well, what the Princess wants, the Princess shall get.”
I moved aside, letting Vinnie sit down. It had been nice watching them together earlier, but it was suddenly becoming too much. Too familiar. Like Vinnie was filling holes left by Rob. And it wasn’t fair. To him or Belle. Even to me. Because we weren’t the same people we were two years ago. I didn’t know the first thing about Vinnie’s life in LA, and he didn’t know the first thing about mine.
After Belle had finished and Vinnie had cleaned them both up, I lifted her out of the highchair and said, “Say goodbye to Vinnie.”
“In,” she cooed. “In, In, In.”
“I think you’re her new favorite.” I choked out, barely meeting his eyes. “I’m going to put her down. I’ll be right back.”
Belle started fussing again, pouting the way she did whenever she didn’t like something. “Ssh, baby,” I soothed. “I know you like Vinnie, but don’t get too attached.” He isn’t ours
to keep.
By the time I reached her nursery, she was snuggled peacefully into the crook of my arm. Melancholy washed over me. She was getting so big, soon she wouldn’t want me to soothe her. And while I was excited for all the next steps in my daughter’s little life, I was also terrified. Because as she grew and developed words and understanding, she would ask questions. Want answers that I wasn’t sure I’d be ready to give to her.
Where’s Daddy?
What happened?
Why did he leave?
Doesn’t he love me anymore, Mommy?
The thought of her hurting over Rob’s disappearance from her life caused me so much anguish now; I couldn’t imagine what it would be like when she was finally old enough to verbalize her emotions and thoughts.
I put her down in her crib and grabbed the baby monitor before making my way back to Vinnie. He was right where I’d left him, moving from photo to photo. I’d started a photo wall after Belle was born. It charted all her firsts: bringing her home from the hospital, her first bath, meeting her grandparents, the first time she smiled. Only I’d had to change some of the photos after Rob left because it was too hard seeing us, pretending to be a happy family.
“I was wrong,” Vinnie said, not taking his eyes off a photo of me and Belle on her first birthday. We’d thrown a party at my mom’s house for her. It was a difficult day. She’d cried for most of it. But there was a moment, where I was letting her lick some frosting from her fingers, that she giggled at me. Dad snapped the perfect shot of us together, happy, content. It was one of my favorite photos of the two of us.
“She’s got a lot of you in her too. Her smile, that’s all you. And she has your dimples.”
“If I remember correctly, you spent most of seventh grade through ninth grade teasing me about those.” My brow rose as Vinnie glanced back at me, amusement dancing in his eyes.
Suddenly uncomfortable with the intensity of his stare, I rushed out, “Can I get you a drink?”
“I wouldn’t say no to a glass of water.”
“Oh,” I nodded. “The hangover. I remember. You were pretty trashed.”
“I didn’t... say anything, did I?”
“Shaun didn’t tell you?”
“He may have hinted I made an ass of myself, but no, he refused to tell me the details.”
I fought a smile as I got him a glass of water.
“Thanks.” He took it from me and our fingers brushed, sending a bolt of electricity zipping through me. Snatching my hand back, I ran it through my bangs. “Hungry? I did promise you lunch.”
“Sure.” He was frowning a little and my stomach dipped. Did he regret coming here? Pretending everything was okay between us, when really nothing was okay at all.
There was so much history. It was in every look, every unsaid word, every breath.
“Sit,” I instructed, while I set about gathering the ingredients to make us turkey subs. “So, LA, huh? How is that working out for you?”
“Mags, come on. I don’t want to talk about LA. I want to talk about you. About what happened.”
“Y- you do?” I gawked at him; certain I’d heard him wrong.
“Messed up, right? But I meant what I said. Losing Dad,” he swallowed, “Has given me some perspective. And I can’t leave again without knowing you’re okay.”
Leave again. His words rattled around in my head. Because he didn’t live here anymore. Because he ran from me and Rob.
Nausea rolled through me and I clapped a hand over my mouth, forcing down the tears clawing up my throat.
“Mags?”
“Fine, I’m fine.” I turned away from him. “Just give me a minute.”
“We don’t have to talk about it,” he said quietly, his eyes drilling holes in the back of my head. “Forget I said anything.”
“No, it’s okay.” I slowly turned to face him, giving him a small smile. “I just never expected this...”
“Tell me about it,” he said. “I was so certain I’d find the two of you—”
“You didn’t know?”
“When I left, I was in a bad place, Mags. I didn’t want to know anything and after a while my family stopped talking about you. As time passed, things got better. I threw myself into work, hung out with my friends.”
It hurt so much knowing I’d done that. I’d run him out of town.
“God, Vinnie, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I screwed everything up. I should never have trusted him. I knew what he was like, but I thought I could be the girl to change him. I wanted to be that girl. I wanted it so much. But never at the expense of our friendship.” My voice cracked, tears spilling from my eyes. There was so much I wanted to say, to tell him, but nothing seemed adequate.
So instead, I looked right at him. Hoping he’d see it all there, right in my eyes.
I’m sorry.
Forgive me.
Be my best friend again.
7
Vinnie
Regret swam in Maggie’s eyes and it tore me up inside. I wanted to go to her, to pull her into my arms and tell her everything was going to be okay, but we weren’t those people anymore.
“I didn’t mean to upset you,” I said, rising from the stool. “I’ll go. I should go.”
Fuck. What was I even doing here?
I started for the hall, every step away from her like trudging through quicksand.
“Vinnie.” My name fell from her lips like a shot to the heart.
“Yeah, Mags?” I turned slowly, looking at her with two years’ worth of pain and regret.
“Stay, please. We still have a lot to talk about.”
I inhaled a sharp breath feeling the weight of everything pushing down on me. “I can do that,” I said, inching slowly toward her.
“The living room is just down the hall. I’ll bring us something to drink.”
With a nod, I slipped out of the kitchen and leaned back against the wall, giving myself time to catch my breath. Everything was spinning through my head at a mile a minute. I’d thought I wanted to know what had happened between them, but now she was prepared to let me in, I wasn’t so sure.
This was Maggie for fuck’s sake. The only girl I’d ever loved.
Tipping my head back against the wall, I inhaled a couple of ragged breaths, willing my heart to calm down. “It’s just Maggie,” I whispered to myself. The girl you’ve loved since forever.
I found the living room and took a seat on the dusky pink sectional. Photos of Belle and Maggie adorned every surface, as if she was trying to cram as much love into the space as possible. It was... a lot.
But part of me needed to know. Craved it the way an addict craved their next hit. And maybe, in some ways, Mags was my addiction. Because no matter how much she’d hurt me, no matter how broken I’d been after she’d chosen Rob, here I was, a sucker for punishment. Wanting any scraps of Maggie Stark I could get, no matter the consequence.
Maggie appeared a couple minutes later, a tray of drinks and turkey subs in her hands. “I hope you’re hungry.” She set it down and gave me a small smile.
“You didn’t need to—”
“It’s fine.” She brushed her bangs out of her face, something I’d quickly learned she did when she was nervous.
That makes two of us.
I helped myself to a sub, taking a big bite. Hoping the quiet moment might ease some of the awkwardness that had settled between us. But Maggie didn’t really eat; instead, she just picked at her sub.
“Thanks again,” I said when I was finished. “Not hungry?”
“Not really.” Her shoulders lifted in a small shrug. “Rob never liked my cooking much,” she said, to herself more than to me. “I know making a sub isn’t exactly gourmet, but I tried my best. He always found something to pick fault with though.”
I curled my fist against my thigh, forcing myself to take a deep breath.
“We found out I was pregnant two months after you left. I was so happy. Surprised, but happy. It was all I’d ever wanted.
My own little family. Of course, my mom was livid. She thought I was too young; thought mine and Rob’s relationship wasn’t strong enough to survive a baby.
“But I didn’t want to listen. I was happy. Rob made me happy.” She peeked over at me. “At least, I thought he did.” Maggie’s gaze dropped to her hands, wrung tightly in her lap.
The baby monitor let out a whir and we both stared at it, bracing ourselves for the high-pitched cries, but they never came. Instead, Belle murmured softly and then it all went quiet.
“She only usually has an hour.”
Which meant we were running out of time.
“Why did Rob leave?” I asked.
Growing up, he’d always been impulsive; guided more by his desires than level-headed decision making. But I found it hard to believe he’d just upped and left Maggie and his daughter.
Maggie let out a little sigh. “Things went downhill pretty quickly after I found out I was pregnant. We moved in here and started making plans for Belle’s arrival, but I could tell he resented me. He wasn’t ready to settle down and start a family. I tried to reassure him, to tell him that we’d get through it and once she arrived, he’d love her more than anything. But he became withdrawn. We fought a lot and he would disappear for hours at a time.
“So many nights I’d sat up waiting for him to come home, worrying about where he was, who he was with. Then the next morning, he’d be slung over the couch, wearing last night’s clothes and stinking of liquor.
“By the time Belle was born, we were walking a fine line. Mom begged me to move home and let them help with her. But I wanted to make it work. I wanted him to change for us. For her.” Silent tears streaked down Maggie’s cheeks, and it almost fucking killed me. I wanted to call Rob and ask him what the hell he was thinking? How he could do that to Maggie and Belle? But it wasn’t my place anymore. It hadn’t been my place for two years, since I left and cut myself off from them.
“I shouldn’t have just left, I should have—”
Then There Was You: A Single Parent Collection Page 98