Then There Was You: A Single Parent Collection

by Gianna Gabriela

  “By seeing her. I bumped into her twice at Tufts Hospital.”

  “Ah, now that makes sense. Her son was at Tufts around the same time Kelty was there.”

  “I know. The first time I saw her was just after her boy died, in the hallway. She was a mess.”

  Steve grunts as his face turns hard. “That doesn’t surprise me, that douchewipe of an ex of hers almost cost her the only positive she might be able to hold onto from Jamie’s death. What an idiot.”

  His words tumble around in my brain, and suddenly a lot of pieces look like they might fit. “Positive?” I manage on a croak.

  “Well, yeah. He’d been brain-dead for a week, the doctors already told her that time was running out because of cell degeneration.”

  “Running out on?” I ask, but I already know the answer. I know.

  Steve suddenly drops his arms and leans forward, as I watch shocked realization wash over his features.

  “No fucking way.”

  MIKA

  The moment I realized Steve wasn’t here for me but for Jude, his college buddy, I knew I was living on borrowed time.

  When I watch the two walk out of the men’s room, I know it’s too late.

  Jude’s head hangs low as he stalks straight out the front door without saying a word. Steve’s gaze is focused on me and I feel a hot blush crawl up my neck.

  “Sweetheart,” is all he says and I shake my head.

  “I can’t now,” I whisper, before he says anymore. “We have customers. I just can’t.”

  “You know,” Steve persists.

  I put a pleading hand in the middle of his chest. “Please, Steve…not now.”

  He hesitates a moment before finally conceding with a nod. “All right, sweetheart, but I’m calling my sister.”

  “Steve…”

  “No argument, Mika. I may have just lit a fuse, and you’re gonna need her at your back when it blows up.”

  I don’t get a chance to argue when a group of six walks in the door, and Steve slips out before I can stop him.

  It takes everything out of me to smile and take orders, but apparently, I’m not doing such a great job hiding the turmoil inside, because when things slow down, Mandy pulls me aside.

  “What’s going on with you? You’ve been like a robot all night. Trouble in paradise?” she teases, wiggling her eyebrows, but instead of making me laugh, I feel the first tears spill over. “Oh shit,” she mumbles. She rounds the bar, grabs me by the wrist, and starts pulling me down the hall. “Melissa! Take the bar for me. Emergency,” she yells when we pass the kitchen. She drags me right into Jude’s office, shutting the door behind us. “What on earth, Mika?”

  It’s like opening a can that’s been shaken for a too long, there’s just no way to stop the flow.

  I barely notice Mandy shoving me down on a chair before disappearing out the door. A few moments she’s back, dumping an industrial-sized roll of toilet paper on the floor in front of me.

  “Typical fucking man, not having a single tissue anywhere,” she grumbles, pushing a wad in my hand. “You’re scaring me. Should I call Jude?”

  “No! Please, I…I’ll b-be fine.”

  We both know I’m lying, since my crying is turning hysterical.

  “I’m getting you a stiff one.”

  “I d-don’t d-drink,” I stammer.

  “You’re fucking drinking tonight.” She disappears again and I fight to get myself under control, only partially succeeding. “Here,” she barks, shoving something so potent it stings my nose at me. “Don’t think, just toss it back.”

  I do as she says, which triggers a coughing bout that works sobering. “Talk or I’m calling him,” Mandy threatens when I take too long.

  “I had a son,” I start, and she immediately puts a hand on my arm.

  “I know, Mika. I recognized your name before we even met. I’m so sorry you lost him.”

  “So you read about me?”

  She doesn’t look me in the eye. “I may have seen some stuff online, yeah.”

  I snort. “Bet it was enlightening,” I can’t help snap. Knee-jerk response.

  “Actually one article was,” she says in a serious voice. “It drew my attention because of the headline; “Malice or Mercy.” It talked about your court case and quoted some examples of similar cases and their outcomes.”

  “Problem with every article out there, good or bad,” I stop her, so tired of everything, “is that none of them includes all the information. This was about so much more than just my son’s life. There wouldn’t have been any urgency if that was the only consideration.”

  “I don’t get it.”

  “Jamie was a good kid, a good friend to his buddies, a great son to me. He was generous to a T, and was quick to lend a helping hand. He would’ve wanted his death to mean something. I was determined to give him that, to give him a chance to live on. Time was running out and my ex didn’t see things my way. My only option was to take him to court so I could let Jamie go, but save his organs.”

  “Oh Lord.” Her hand presses against her chest. “Kelty.”

  “Yes. Kelty. I swear I had no idea,” I hurry to add. “At least not until I recognized Jude walking up to the cottage. It’s all such a mess.” I grab another wad of paper from the roll and mop at my face. “It’s been a series of coincidences I can’t even begin to explain. The day Jamie died; I bumped into a stranger in the hallway who was unexpectedly kind to me. I saw him again at a fundraiser at the hospital in early May, when he talked about his daughter who had received a heart transplant. I recognized him and knew; I just knew his daughter had Jamie’s heart. I ran out of there.”

  “Jesus.” Mandy sniffles and rips off a length of toilet paper herself. “But wait. The first time you called about the cottage was the end of April. You said you were looking at a few other options.”

  “Yes, my best friend, Sam, gave me your number. Her brother is a Cape Cod real estate agent.”

  “Steve.” She looks at me, her mouth hanging open. “Do you realize how fucked up this is?”

  “Oh, yeah. I do. I swear, Mandy, I didn’t plan this. I just got…swept up and then Jude kissed me.”

  “Jude? You haven’t told him, have you?” I turn away when I see the accusation in her eyes.

  Oh my God, what a mess. I can’t help wonder why our paths seemed destined to cross at every turn, if it was going to end up like this anyway.

  “I told him I was keeping something from him. I promised after Kelty’s birthday I would tell him. He would’ve told me to leave, and I just wanted to be part of her birthday.”

  “Then Steve showed up,” Mandy concludes correctly.

  “And then Steve showed up,” I agree.

  “You have to talk to him.”

  I get up and start pacing the small office. “I don’t know, Mandy.”

  “You owe him that.”

  Ouch.

  She’s right, though, he deserves to hear it from me, but not tonight.

  “Tomorrow,” I promise, but she seems less than impressed. “Mandy, I’m raw, and I bet Jude is too. Tomorrow,” I repeat firmly.

  “Okay, but—”

  The door opens and Melissa sticks her head inside. “Sorry to disturb but, Mika, your phone was behind the bar and has been ringing nonstop for the past five minutes.” She holds out my phone and I take it from her.

  Twelve missed calls from Sam’s number in five minutes. That has to be a record.

  “It’s my friend, Sam,” I begin to explain when the phone starts ringing again.

  “Go,” Mandy says, waving me out the door. “Go home. Get some rest, but tomorrow…” She wags an admonishing finger in my face.

  “Tomorrow,” I confirm. “I swear.”

  “Steve’s an idiot.”

  It’s the first thing out of Sam’s mouth when I answer as I’m walking through the restaurant. I wave distractedly at Melissa and Penny on my way out the door.

  “It’s not his fault.”


  “He’s my brother, of course it is.”

  “It’s such a mess, Sam. I made such a mess of things.” The tears that had mostly dried up start flowing again, as I walk up to the cottage and sit down on the top step. I glance over at the main house. It looks like his family is still there, judging from the extra cars remaining in the driveway.

  “Say the word, babe,” Sam says softly. “I can be out there in a couple of hours. Or you can come here if you feel up to driving.”

  “It’s tempting,” I sniffle. “But I’ve done enough running, Sam. This time I’m staying. It’s the right thing to do, at least until I’ve talked to him.”

  “You like him.”

  “More than I should, given the circumstances,” I admit, suddenly bone-weary and freezing cold. “I need to go inside, Sam. I’m exhausted.”

  “Okay. Call me anytime.”

  “I know. I don’t know what I would’ve done without you. Love you bunches.”

  “You’re a walking disaster, my friend, but I love you too.”

  I hang up, head inside, and in the dark almost trip over the four other frames I had mounted. I stumble straight to the small bathroom, flip on the lights, and strip down, not even bothering to pick up my clothes.

  Letting the hot water pelt on my back, the cold that invaded my bones over the past hour slowly disappears. By the time I roll into bed, still wrapped in a towel, I can’t even form a rational thought.

  I’m emotionally drained.

  JUDE

  I watch from the window as she comes walking out of the restaurant, her phone to her ear.

  Steve’s already gone. He popped by on his way out, but he picked up on my unwillingness to talk pretty quickly. He said his goodbyes and left.

  My brother is gathering up his family right now, ready to head out. They’re about half an hour north of Boston, so they won’t be home before midnight as it is.

  Kelty fell asleep on the couch next to her grampa, who’s been nodding off as well. I’ll get both of them to bed as soon as Ethan’s gone.

  “Sure you’re okay, Jude?” he asks for the second time. I’ve done my best to put on a normal face, but he knows me well.

  “Just some stuff I need to deal with tomorrow. I’ll be fine.”

  “Okay. We’re ready to get out of your hair. Was good seeing Kelty so much better, man. Happy she’s doing so well.”

  I return his one-armed hug, kiss Libby, and share fist bumps with the boys before walking them out.

  I’m still standing in my driveway when their taillights disappear. My gaze drifts to the cottage and I notice the bathroom light is the only one on. Is she still up?

  It’s probably a good thing I have to get my daughter to bed, or I might be tempted to go knock on her door. I’m still trying to rein in my emotions so it’s probably best I don’t.

  Inside I say good night to Dad, get Kelty to bed, and after tidying up and turning off the lights, head upstairs myself.

  Instead of turning on the lights in my bedroom, I walk straight over to the window and peek over at the cottage. It’s completely dark. She must’ve gone to bed.

  I strip, and slip between the covers, without bothering to brush or wash up.

  Right now I’m beyond caring.

  12

  JUDE

  It’s amazing how quiet it can get here.

  Before Kelty came to stay with me, I used to be up at the crack of dawn for my daily run. My hand inadvertently goes to my stomach, which I’ve noticed is getting soft. If I’m not careful, I’ll end up with a gut like Dad, and more recently Ethan.

  The gravel of the parking lot crunches under my shoes as I make my way to the cottage.

  She’s up. I saw the lights flick on inside a few minutes ago.

  It’s been a restless night, my brain unable to shut off long enough to reach a proper sleep, and I know today will be long. Longer still, if we don’t clear the air.

  I’m not looking forward to the conversation ahead. I don’t expect it to be an easy one, but it’s a necessary one. This whole situation has me freaked out. Conflicted. Suddenly unsure of the source for the feelings I started developing for her. Disturbed by the sequence of events that brought her here. Angry to be confronted with the reality of something I wasn’t ready to deal with yet: Kelty’s new heart once belonged to someone no longer here. And surprisingly enough, hurt at the possibility the connection I thought I felt with her might quite easily not have been real.

  I tried to reason my way through this all night long, but there doesn’t seem to be an easy way. So the hard way it is, with nerves raw and vulnerably exposed.

  Maybe that’s why I’m dragging my feet, taking my time making it to her steps. I’ve never been one who deals well with emotion, in particular my own. Yet I know talking with Mika will evoke many of them, for as many reasons.

  This is one fucked-up situation, but it’s not one I feel I can run from. Too much is at stake for too many people who mean a lot to me.

  I take a seat on the top step and sip coffee from the travel mug I carried with me, waiting for her to come outside like she seems to do every morning.

  “You’re early,” her soft voice sounds behind me, and I turn my head to see her standing over me, her hair a tangled mess, and her face still showing evidence of her own rough night.

  In a silent invitation I scoot over, making room for her on the step, which she reads and accepts.

  Despite the world of uncertainty hanging between us, I like the feel of her thigh brushing mine.

  “Did you sleep?” I ask, my first words gravelly.

  “Not much,” she admits, taking a sip from the same cup I’ve seen her use before. “I knew this would be a hard conversation no matter what, but I want you to know I never meant for you to find out this way.”

  “I know.”

  “As much as I feel I had no control over what landed me in your life, that part I should’ve managed better, and I regret it deeply. I’m sorry, Jude. So very sorry.”

  I glance over and notice her fighting tears. Almost inadvertently, I reach out and tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. “I know,” I repeat softly.

  It’s true, I know in my bones she didn’t set out to hurt anyone. I believe we’re both victims of some cruel cosmic joke we don’t have the punch line to.

  “It’s funny,” I admit. “I had so many questions, and for some reason, sitting here with you, I can’t think of a single one to ask.”

  “Then let me talk. Let me tell you what I’d planned to tell you today anyway. If it brings up questions then ask, and I promise I’ll answer. All of it.”

  I turn my head and catch her liquid blue eyes on me, swirling with emotions, open and unguarded. “Okay.”

  Listening to her talk about her son is difficult, as she rips that wound wide open so she can bleed—for me. The accident, taking a leave of absence to look after him, the growing tension between her and Jamie’s father, and the last week of Jamie’s life. I understand now why she fought to gain full control over her son. Why she didn’t hesitate to ‘pull the plug before the ink was dry’ as my father put it. As a parent, I understand the need to give the inevitable death of your child value. Make it meaningful. Heck, Cassie and I had discussed some of these things ourselves during the months leading up to Kelty’s heart transplant. Needing to find a purpose for the devastation of your loss.

  It all makes sense.

  “I didn’t do well after Jamie died,” she shares. “Emmett and his family were intent on vilifying me, I continued to be hounded by the press when I just wanted to be left alone. I’m not proud of sinking as low as I did—Jamie would’ve been so disappointed—but I got through somehow. Unfortunately, with the realization I had no clue what to do next, how to fill my life back up.”

  “Then you ended up here.”

  She smiles at my words, but her eyes never leave the water. “Yeah. The first time Kelty visited me I had no clue, but then you walked up. I’d heard you talk about your daugh
ter at the fundraiser, and I just knew my son’s heart was beating in your daughter’s chest. I ran from the hospital as fast as I could, but when I saw you again, and realized Kelty was the daughter you’d spoken of, I felt like maybe I’d been given a gift.”

  “How is that?” My tone is sharp. Probably because I sense she’s getting to the core of her motivations, and I’m afraid I might not like hearing them.

  This time, it’s her reaching for me. She slides her hand, palm up, under mine and curls her fingers to hold on. “In that moment, I thought as long as no one found out, there would be no harm done.” A wave of anger has me pull at my hand, but she only grabs it tighter. “I was wrong, I didn’t take into account the draw I had to you from the start. The feelings that would develop so quickly.”

  “In that you’re not alone,” I confess.

  “I think I realize that. I want you to know, I’m so grateful having had this amazing opportunity to learn that when hope ends for one, life begins for another. To see for myself the good Jamie left behind in your daughter. To get to know both of you. I will never regret a moment of it. ”

  I pull my hand free and twist to face her. “That sounds like goodbye,” I force myself to say.

  “I think it’s better for everyone if I leave.”

  I hate how reasonable she sounds, so I bark, “Why?”

  “Because this kind of information is obviously hard to contain once out there. Because as long as my ex keeps talking to the press, sooner or later, they will find me here, and when they do they’ll find Kelty as well. The only reason Emmett hasn’t mentioned anything about Jamie’s organs, having been donated, is because it doesn’t suit his purpose to paint me as an evil mother and himself as a hapless victim. The reason I haven’t brought it up to defend myself is because the media would have done their best to dig up the names of the organ recipients. The fallout wouldn’t just be for Kelty, but for whomever has his kidneys, his liver, his corneas…the list goes on.”

  I pull myself up and run my hands through my hair as I walk down the steps. There I turn back to her. “Stay.”