by Shade, S. M.
We’re back in the news again and it’s my fault. I just hope this little retreat Axton planned is as remote as he seems to think it is. I took a few minutes to check out their website and online brochure. It’s not a huge resort. The lodge only boasts about twenty rooms with a few cabins scattered around the property.
The available activities listed include a lot of winter fun, like snowmobiling, sledding, snow tubing, and ice skating. It’s only a few miles from a large, popular ski resort that probably would’ve been Axton’s choice if we weren’t trying to avoid the public eye.
My phone beeps with a text from Patrick. It’s the first time I’ve heard from him since we exchanged numbers at the charity concert.
Patrick: I saw the news on SLY. How are you doing?
Me: I’m okay. Glad to get away. Are you still joining us?
Patrick: I’ll be there tonight.
When I look up from my phone, Axton is watching me. “Is that Dani?”
“No, Patrick.”
He sits up. “Patrick is texting you?”
I don’t like his tone. “Yes, he saw the SLY report and wanted to see how I’m doing.”
There are no further comments from him, but he doesn’t look thrilled with the idea. Fortunately, timing is on my side to avoid an argument and we pull into the White Sky Resort.
Despite being awakened early and in a completely unfamiliar place, Caden is all smiles as I change his diaper and bundle him up.
“Nay-mi!” he cries, pointing everywhere around us, and a smile takes over Axton’s face. Axton gets out of the limo with him and walks a few feet until they’re standing in fresh snow. Kneeling, he stands Caden in it. Caden doesn’t hesitate to shove his hands in it with a squeal.
“It’s snow,” Axton explains. “Snow.”
“No!”
Axton’s head falls back as he laughs at Caden’s gleeful cry. “Ssssss-now. Snow,” he corrects.
“No!” Caden scoops up his mittens full and throws it. “No!”
“This afternoon, we’ll come out and play in the snow,” he promises, picking him up.
“No!” Caden screeches, reaching toward the ground.
It’s a good thing his hunger and love of graham crackers overweighs his need to get his hands back into his new discovery. I take off his wet mittens and put a cracker in each hand. Whatever he eats, he always wants one in each hand.
He munches on the graham crackers as we head inside. Axton checks us in at the reception desk while I get Caden a box of apple juice from the table of complimentary breakfast items.
It’s very early and the place is empty other than the clerk talking to Axton and the porter who waits to help with luggage. Maybe this will be a good place to get away. I haven’t had a chance to look around, but I can see into a large lounge with a fireplace that looks cozy and comfortable. Some time by that fire with a book while Axton wears Caden out in the snow sounds like a plan.
Axton returns and hands me a key. “We’re in cabin four.”
What? “No, I’m with Dani. In the lodge, not a cabin.”
“That was before your face was sprayed all over the TV. I want you and Hatch with me.” His tone allows no argument. Alone in a cabin with Axton sounds like a great way to yank my heart around some more. Fuck.
What the resort described as a cabin is actually a beautiful A-frame house with a breathtaking view of the snow covered hills and forest. A wooden deck wraps around the house, freshly cleared of snow.
I barely listen to the porter as he shows us around, I’m so into exploring the place, but I do catch his remark that meal delivery is available in the cabins as well as the lodge.
“We’re also happy to send someone to build a fire in the fireplace at your request.”
“I think we can handle that,” Axton tells him. Two of our security guards enter, carrying the last of the luggage. There’s no traveling lightly with a baby. Axton tips the porter and sends him on his way, then turns to talk to security.
“Get checked in. Keep your phones on at all times. I don’t need you hovering while we’re here, but I want you nearby and ready to assist if we start having issues.”
“They aren’t staying with us?” I ask, surprised when they leave.
“No, half the point was not to have security breathing down our necks all the time. If word gets out that we’re here or we start having problems, I’ll have them stay. If you go anywhere with Hatch, you call one of them to escort you, even out to play in the snow. We’re off the beaten path, but we aren’t exactly unrecognizable right now.”
My expression must reflect how I feel because he grabs my shoulder as I start to walk away. “This isn’t your fault. Having your life broadcast, complete with lies and rumors, is a part of fame.”
“I never wanted to be famous.”
“I know.”
Hatch starts fussing and Axton picks him up. “I’ll order some breakfast.”
We spend the next hour or so getting settled in and unpacked. The cabin has two bedrooms right across from one another, and I get Caden’s playpen set up beside my bed. He won’t play in it, but it’ll work well as a temporary crib.
The cabin is beautiful. The living room is cozy with a fireplace on one wall and a hot tub tucked into a corner. There’s a small kitchenette with a refrigerator, microwave, toaster oven, and coffee maker. A few basic staples are stocked, such as milk, orange juice, and coffee. I’ll have to find a store to grab some of my cold brew and some hot chocolate. My favorite spot is the loft that’s lined with floor to ceiling windows, giving an amazing view of the nature around us. Narrow, highly polished wooden steps lead up to it, making me wonder how they got the overstuffed couch and end tables up there.
Spending a week here is just what we need. An escape from all the crazy, some privacy and time to ourselves.
After breakfast, Axton bundles Caden up and takes him outside to play in the snow. He invites me to join them, but I’m not in any mood for it. I climb the stairs to the loft and curl up on the end of the couch, watching the snow fall. Paige’s actions are still weighing on me, and I can’t stop tossing it around in my head.
Paige and I met in high school. She was the bubbly blond that was just crazy enough to be fun without being a drama magnet. I was the morose teenager just plodding through until I could escape. We were very different, but we clicked.
We had a small group of friends, that changed as people dropped in and out of it over the years, but we stuck together. She was there when Mom died, through college, as we found jobs and started pretending to be responsible adults. She was never the most stable person, always hopping from job to job, which is one reason I thought she wouldn’t be too devastated when she lost the nanny agency position. I should’ve thought more about her situation.
I’m aware that I didn’t ask her to stick her neck out like that for me, but that’s the point. I didn’t have to ask. She risked her job to make sure I had something I desperately wanted. A family. Even after being questioned by the cops for her part in hiring me, she offered to let me stay with her, and gave me a spare phone. It wasn’t long after I left that she started avoiding my calls and blocking me, but I could’ve tried harder to see what was going on.
I can’t reconcile that person with someone who would run to the media and implode my life when things just started to calm down. It just doesn’t make sense.
I’m under orders from Axton, Milo, and Dani not to contact her and not to talk to her if she tries to contact me—not that I think she would.
It’s something I have to accept, I guess, that the longest and most real friendship of my life is over. Letting it go without talking to her, without closure is hard. I know Axton and everyone probably expect me to be angry, but I can’t manage it. I just feel heavy and tired and resigned.
Dad left. Mom couldn’t be bothered with me after he did. None of the relationships I’ve been in ever led to love. Axton just fucks me, and he said himself it’s just a lack of self-control. M
y oldest friend screwed me over in the worst way possible. Maybe all of that says something about me, about who I am.
Maybe I can’t be loved.
Fuck, now I’m just feeling sorry for myself.
Caden loves me. That sweet little boy loves me, and I love him more than anything. I have that, and I’m not too dense to know it’s more than some people get. Before Axton, I didn’t know what it felt like to be in love. That’s probably an experience everyone isn’t gifted with as well. It sucks it had to be with someone who doesn’t feel the same, but I’m still thankful for it.
When I take a second to step away from my self-pity, I realize there’s a lot to be grateful for, and I need to focus on that, the way I’ve always tried to.
Caden’s shrieks of delight reach my ears, and I decide I’m going to make the most of this week. Who knows what’s coming next? Right now, there’s a little boy who is probably dying to throw snow at me, and an infuriating rock star I wouldn’t mind pelting with a snowball.
Caden adores the snow. He’d stay out here and turn into a little popsicle if we’d let him. Bundled up in our coats, hats, and scarves, we aren’t instantly recognizable and the people we do run into don’t give us a second look. It’s a great feeling to just be able to play with Caden outside without feeling eyes on us all the time. Granted, there’s security close by, but it’s one guy who isn’t obvious about it.
Despite the new drama with Paige, this is the best day I’ve had in a long time. The lodge provides plastic sleds and inflatable snow tubes, and for the last few minutes, Axton has been pulling Caden on a sled while I build a small snowman. It’s not much bigger than Caden and my plan is to get a picture of it with him.
When they start back toward me, I turn my phone to record them. Axton’s cheeks are as bright as his boy’s and they both have identical smiles. The two of them together tug at my heart like nothing else.
I keep recording as Caden runs toward me. He falls face down in the snow, pops up and keeps going. “Nay-mi!” The pure joy on his face is something to see.
“Nay-mi made you a snowman,” I announce, and he pauses a few feet away from it. “We can find something to give him eyes and a nose and—”
His joyful squeal interrupts me and is quickly followed by Axton’s laughter as Caden tackles the snowman, knocking it to pieces. I probably should’ve seen that coming. “What are you laughing at?” I taunt Axton and manage to ping him right in the head with a snowball.
In a second, he’s on his feet and I have no chance to outrun him. Caden sits in the pile that used to be my snowman and giggles hysterically while he watches Axton chase me around in circles. When he catches me, a handful of snow is stuffed down my shirt.
When I try to retaliate, Axton picks Caden up and holds him in front of him like a shield, moving him back and forth.
“Really? Hiding behind the baby?” I can barely get the words out through my own laughter at Caden’s response.
“Down!” His feet run in the air cartoon style until Axton finally sets him down.
Caden barrels at me and tosses a handful of snow on my leg. “You got me!” I cry and scoop him up. His little arms go around my neck and he hiccups in my ear from laughing so much. “Are you hungry? You want to eat?”
“Eat,” he agrees, and Axton grabs the rope to the sled.
“Get on, I’ll pull you back to the cabin.”
Caden sits happily in my lap on the ride back to our cabin, and after some dry clothes and a hot lunch, he falls asleep on the rug playing with a stuffed dog. Axton moves him to the playpen. After all that exertion, he’ll be knocked out for a while.
Axton sits on a loveseat near the fireplace and I sit beside him for a few minutes, watching the flames. He lays his hand on my leg, and it’s everything I can do to get up. “I’m going to read for a while.”
Dani and the rest of the crew will be showing up around dinner time tonight so I want to take advantage of the few hours of quiet I can get. Since we were going to a winter climate, I didn’t think of packing a swimsuit, but I’m not going to let that stop me from trying out the hot tub. A pair of shorts and a sports bra will have to do.
Axton walks in just as I’m stepping into the hot water with a book in my hand. His gaze strips me naked, rolling down my body and back up. His tongue darts out to lick his lips when green eyes land on mine.
“I didn’t bring a swimsuit.”
One side of his mouth rises into a wry smile. “It’s just the two of us. No need to cover up.”
“Fuck off,” I scoff, and sink into the water. “Dani just texted me. The plane lands at four. Everyone is meeting for dinner at the lodge at seven.”
“I know.” He loiters by the tub, smirking down at me. “Like I said, we’re alone.”
“Yeah, gives me an idea.”
His eyebrows raise, and he steps closer. Every inch of me wants him to strip, get in this hot tub and fuck my brains out, but I’m not doing it. If I do, I’ll just feel all emotional after and I really need a break from the turmoil.
“Let’s hear it.”
“Since it’s so private and peaceful, I’m going to relax and read my book and you should go find a nice, quiet place to go fuck yourself.” I return to my book but not before I see the grin leap across his face. When I look up again, he’s gone and a few moments later, I hear the soft notes of his acoustic guitar float down the stairs.
Score one point for me. Hot water up to my chest, a good book and calm music playing while snow falls outside the window. Couldn’t ask for a more perfect end to an afternoon.
* * *
Two dining room tables have to be pushed together to accommodate our group at dinner and I hope the lodge staff are ready for this boisterous bunch. It’s the first time everyone has been together since the tour and it’s a happy room, with everyone laughing and talking.
Caden is in heaven seated between Axton and Jude, sharing their attention. Brysen and his wife, Clara sit across from me, their daughter between them in a highchair.
Elliot speaks up, teasing Jude. “No flavor of the month with you this time?”
Jude shakes his head. “Your jealousy of me is really getting out of control. If you’re hard up, I’m sure I can introduce you to a few women in your league. One of them is even kind of attractive.”
Elliot came alone as well, but I guess that isn’t as out of the ordinary as Jude being solo. “Says the man with a face only a mother could love.”
“Your mother.”
The table erupts in laughter and they grin at one another. Patrick is all smiles as well as he and Dani chat a bit. Turning to regard Clara, he asks her how she’s been.
“I’m good. I’m happy to see everybody again. It’s been too long.” Her face brightens with excitement as she looks at Dani. “Dani, you have to come and see my new scrapbooking room. I redid the whole thing week before last with those shelves and cabinets I was talking about.”
Dani’s face tightens, but she forces a smile. “I can’t wait to see it.”
It only takes a few seconds for the hammer to fall and Axton’s voice silences the table. If she thought he’d wait for privacy, she was wrong. “You were at Clara’s last night. And two nights last week.”
Dani sits up straight and looks him in the eye. “No, I wasn’t.”
“Then where the fuck have you been staying?”
“Since I’m a grown woman, what I do is none of your concern and I won’t be discussing it here.” Her voice is severe, and her eyes never waver from his.
A slow head shake and a glare is what she earns in return. “It better not be Dustin, Danielle. It better fucking not be.”
Oh, I hadn’t even considered that. Surely, she wouldn’t be seeing her abusive ex again. I mean, I know it happens, women go back to their abusers all the time, but if she is, Axton will kill him.
“I’m not talking to Dustin and that is the end of this conversation,” she snaps.
The waitresses arrive bringing out
everyone’s food and eventually the talk and chatter resumes, though I see the looks being thrown back and forth between Dani and Axton. The last thing I want to do is take sides or get caught between them again, but if she is seeing Dustin, I’m solidly on Axton’s side because that would be horrible. On the other hand, if she’s not, her private life is hers alone and she doesn’t have to answer to her brother. We struggle hard enough to keep our privacy and she deserves hers.
“Have you guys seen the weather for this week?” Patrick asks as we have some drinks after everyone has eaten. “There’s a blizzard warning. Two feet of snow predicted tomorrow night.”
“Snow me in,” I reply. “I’ve got access to a hot tub and came prepared with wine and books.”
“Elliot and I are going down to the ski resort for the day tomorrow if you want to join us,” Brysen announces to the table.
“I’m in,” Patrick says.
“I’m drinking tonight and sleeping tomorrow,” Jude says. “That’s how you begin a vacation.”
Dani grins at me. “I’m with Naomi on this one. Book, wine, and fireplace for me.”
“Naomi and I are taking Hatch to the Snow Trails to go Glow Tubing,” Axton says.
He smirks when I glance at him since this is news to me and takes out his phone to show everyone a picture of the place. It really is a cool idea and Hatch will love it. Snow covered lanes are lined with colored lights and glowing arcs stretch above each one. You ride down the slopes on inflatable snow tubes that can be hooked together into a train if you choose.
“Looks fun,” Clara comments and Brysen glances at Elliot.
“Would I be a huge bastard if I backed out to take my kid snow tubing?”
“Fine, choose some baby over me,” Elliot teases, making a face at Brynn in her highchair. “Patrick and I will get over it.”
“Great, I’d love for you to come. Caden will be thrilled to have Brynn there,” I tell Clara. And I’m happy not to go alone with Axton. We’re going to be spending too much time together here as it is.