Son of a bitch, my head hurt.
“Leave,” Serena snapped to the De Lange recruits. With a sigh, Tank jerked his head toward the door. All five of them followed, their faces pale.
King had been leaning on the wall, watching us fight for an hour now, and every so often, he’d yell something like, “Kill shot.”
And Ash would literally aim for my dick.
It was a bad day. A very bad day.
And now it was worse because Violet was here, and she looked pissed enough to join in on the fun.
“Vi?” I blinked up at her.
“Ash.” Violet smiled sweetly at her brother. “It’s my turn.”
“Oh, shit.” Maksim whistled. “I’ve never seen her fight, but she’s probably pissed off enough to kill him. This really turned out to be a way better day than I thought when I woke up this morning.”
“Shut up, Maksim,” King snapped. “I hope she kills him.”
“He can hear you.” Everything hurt. It was like my back had a heartbeat as it pulsed with pain every few seconds. I slumped to the mat, my vision still crossing as Ash walked over and offered his hand.
I blinked up at him. “Is this a trick?”
“You’re a boss. Technically I can’t kill you, and I don’t want to make my sister cry—like you’ve been.” He glared. “For days.” Just as I reached for his hand, he jerked it away. “On second thought, I can make it look like an accident just like you did, so maybe I will kill you.” His blue eyes flashed.
“Nope.” Violet hopped into the ring in nothing but spandex shorts, a sports bra, and her hands wrapped. “If anyone kills him, it’s going to be me.”
“You look really pretty,” I murmured. “I like the sports bra—”
Sharp agony exploded in my ribs as Ash kicked me. “Stop looking at her bra.”
I couldn’t keep the groan from spilling out.
“Um, they are married,” Maksim pointed out.
“Thank you.” I jabbed my finger in his direction.
Fear that I was going to pass out ripped at me until Violet helped me to my feet.
I offered a shaky smile of hope, and then she gave me a shove backward.
“Fight.” Her nostrils flared. “Defend yourself, Valerian.” She said my name like a curse. “Because we all know Breaker was shit at hand-to-hand combat.”
“I’m not going to—”
She had aimed a swift foot for my dick and missed only because I bent over and stepped back, but she grazed my hip with bruising intensity.
I roared out a curse and charged her, wrapping my hands around her body, lifting her into the air and slamming her down against the mat. “You wanna fight, princess? Fight!”
Her fist came up, smashing my chin. “I want your blood.”
I smirked and pinned her to the floor, straddling her as I leaned down and whispered, “Am I not bleeding enough?”
“You lied to me.” She didn’t blink, just stared into me like she could see all my darkness, all my truth. “You should have trusted me.”
“They were going to kill you!” I thundered, angry at her, angry at myself. “So, don’t tell me what the hell I should have done!”
“Not that!” She swallowed and broke eye contact, and her voice grew hollow. “You should have told me you were Valerian. Not last week, not last year, but the day I forced my friendship on you. I wish you would have told me; I wish you would have shared that burden, and that’s the problem. You say you love me, but you won’t share yourself with me. Your secrets will always be the canyon between our hearts.” She shoved at me, then throat punched me.
Coughing and gasping, I sucked in a few short, painful breaths and fell away from her. “Violet…” My voice was hoarse, sore. I coughed again. “Wait…”
“What?” She held up her hands again, fingers curled like talons, as though she was going to go for an eyeball gouge next. Great. “You have more excuses to make? More lies to spew? When you love someone, it’s either all or nothing—so I guess we’re the latter.”
“No.” My vision blurred as I gasped for more air. “That’s not true.”
She landed a left hook to my cheek, and because I was struggling for air, her aim was perfect as it sent me to my knees.
“How many more secrets are you keeping?” She yelled. I’d never seen her look so beautiful or terrifying as my blood caked her knuckles, as sweat ran down her perfect chest.
I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to stand only to have her put her foot on my bloody back, shoving me back down.
My fight was gone. If she wanted to kill me, at least she’d feel vindicated.
“In the Russian mafia, after they break you,” I flinched past the burning pain in my back and on my cheek. “The boss will typically give that woman to one of his higher-ups.”
You could hear a pin drop in the gym.
“So, you’re right, I did this to us, without realizing what would happen, by keeping you, I claimed you as mine, by keeping you from them, I damned you to a future with me.”
“Did you know?” Her voice shook. “That any of this would happen?”
“Not until it was too late,” I admitted, going still beneath her foot.
“Why isn’t she killing him?” Maksim whispered loud enough for most of us to hear. If I wasn’t bleeding out, I’d probably manage a solid eye-roll, but this moment felt tense, important like Vi was making a life-changing decision, and any movement on my behalf would shatter her resolve.
She started getting out of the ring then looked over her shoulder. “As Breaker Campisi, would you have married me? Eventually?”
The truth hurt. It burned down to my very soul as I slowly shook my head. “No, Violet. I love you with everything in me, but I took a vow, my blood for yours, remember? I promised your father. I could only give you my body as Breaker—as Valerian, you own my fucking soul.”
A tear slid down her cheek; she quickly wiped it away, her anger back.
“Ballsy,” Junior muttered. “Telling her the truth and literally pounding that last nail into your coffin—”
“—up top,” Maksim held up his hand for a high five, “You know because it’s literally his funeral? Too soon?”
I groaned and moved to a sitting position as I watched indecision flash across her face. Sometimes life gives you moments, moments where you see something in someone else, something they’re trying to hide, something that bursts through the smokescreens and demands to be noticed. This was our moment. All along, she’d asked me to fight her.
What she really meant was fight for me.
Fight for us.
So, with a cocky grin, I moved to my feet and leaned over the ring. “One more night, Vi.” She stilled. “You promised.”
She was quiet and then offered a cruel smile that made me want to immediately hide behind something. “Sure, Valerian. You know the garage code, 666. If you can make it into the house without dying, I’ll give you one last night and then this?” A solitary tear slid down her cheek. “Is done.”
“Fine.” I lied.
“Fine.” She flipped me off, and then all that was left was my blood, some of Ash’s blood, I think a missing tooth—not mine.
And a very beaten down heart that still refused to stop beating her name
They were silent, all of them, my cousins, my family, as Violet left the basement.
I fell to my knees and watched, wishing she would turn back around and say we could try again, but who was I kidding? I had known this would be the outcome.
I knew it the minute I said my vows.
She would never forgive me.
And I would spend the rest of my life alone in Seattle, praying for the day that she walked back in that door and told me it was worth it—that we were worth trying, that even though Breaker was dead, I was very much alive, that she was what kept me alive.
“I don’t suppose…” I found my voice even though it still hurt to breathe. “Any of you know how to get into Chase’s house without
getting shot on sight?”
Serena snorted. “Yay, another funeral.”
“Serena,” Junior hissed. “That’s not nice—besides, he looks half dead already, he probably can’t even get it up, forget trying to sneak into that fortress.”
The adrenaline seeped out of my system, leaving weakness in its wake, and I lay back against the cool bloody mat and stared up at the ceiling the fan whipped around once, twice, three times.
I squeezed my eyes shut, and then someone was laying down next to me.
Ash.
“You here to finish me off?” I saw two of him. Damn it.
“Give me one good reason I shouldn’t kill you—just one.” The entire gym was quiet.
“I love you,” I whispered. “That’s my reason, and it will always be my reason. I love you. And sometimes love asks us to do the impossible, and all we can do is hope it’s strong enough, big enough, to cover a multitude of sins.”
With a groan, I relaxed into the mat. Then, with a foul curse, he pushed himself up and then reached down and actually pulled me to my feet. With another curse under his breath, he glared at me. “I’m still pissed you slept with my sister.”
I barked out a laugh and winced. “Ouch, it hurts to laugh.”
Junior was the first to speak. “Probably not a good sign considering you’re going to Chase’s tonight. You plan on eating through a straw the rest of your life or what?”
“He won’t get caught.” Ash assisted me out of the ring, and Junior helped me not fall flat on my face as I got down. King and Maksim must have left when Violet did, leaving only Serena, Ash, and Junior.
“Um…” Serena raised her hand. “Sorry to be the negative one here, but Ash, you got caught at least a dozen times last year sneaking back into your own house; how the hell is he going to sneak in? You know your dad’s probably sharpening his knives with a smile on his face in hopes that Brea—Valerian stops by.”
I tried not to flinch at the sound of my old name and reached for one of the folded towels to wipe it down my face. “She’s right, you know.”
When I looked up, Ash was grinning down at me with a knowing look and then nodded to Junior. “The things I do for a dead man…”
“What am I missing?”
Ash sighed. “It’s not as if I have a heart anymore anyway, and since Junior has Serena and nobody would believe it, I guess I’m taking one for the team.”
“Taking what for the…the—ohhhhhh…” Junior burst out laughing. “Sorry man, at least you know you’re going to get caught and then lectured. God, I hate their lectures.”
“I’m lost.” I shook my head at Serena. “You lost?”
She smirked. “What’s the one thing that pisses the dads off more than anything else?”
“Weapons next to the lasagna?” I guessed.
Ash smacked me on the back of the head like I hadn’t just gone five rounds with him and one with the devil, aka my wife.
“Outsiders brought inside,” Ash said proudly. “And not just any outsiders. They hate it when we bring girls over because, according to them, they gotta be vetted first, just their way to control everything.”
“Last time we—” Junior flinched when Serena reached for her knife. “I mean last time Ash brought home girls that weren’t even pretty and were… uh… short—” She lowered the knife to his dick as if to say keep talking.
Ash groaned. “Okay, killer.” He flicked the knife out of her hands. “It was years ago, and Junior was too heartsick over a psychopath with the last name Abandonato to even touch one of them. The point is, the dads were pissed, so pissed that we would be so irresponsible and also because I may have been slightly intoxicated and half-naked with not one, but two of them splayed across my lap doing… things. Anyway, it might be enough to get Valerian in. We’ll have to rely on Dad’s tender spot for Violet to get you out, though. But she can handle him, she always does. Plus, we could always tell Mom.”
“Bingo!” I snapped my fingers. “Tell her to keep him in bed.”
“Don’t think that will be a problem.” Ash scrunched up his face. “Mom bought bagels so…”
“NOOOOO!” Serena plugged her ears while Junior started gagging.
I rolled my eyes. “Guys, parents have sex. Trust me, I wish I could unsee and unhear about ten years’ worth of moans.”
Serena shuddered like she needed a shower. “Fine, fine, I’m over it, sort of. So, I guess now all we need to do is go hunting?”
“And the best place to hunt…” Junior grinned.
“Campus.” They high fived each other.
Ash’s smile was forced.
I put an arm around him. “I know it’s soon. You don’t have to—”
“Ah, maybe sex will fix my broken heart. God knows the booze, pills, and fighting are doing jack shit.” He shrugged. “It’s not a big deal.” He eyed me up and down. “You need to wear a beanie and sunglasses. You still look too much like your older, weaker self.”
“Gee, thanks,” I grumbled. “I wasn’t weak. I was trying not to draw attention.”
“By having sex with everything that walked?” Junior nodded. “Solid plan, really, can’t believe you thought of that all on your own.”
“Are we doing this, or are we talking about my sex life? Because this one over here still wants to kill me for—”
“Sleeping with my sister,” he said through clenched teeth.
“That.” I pointed.
“He’ll never let it go, just get used to it.” Serena grinned. “And I know exactly where to go. There’s a small party later tonight to celebrate the end of the Fall Semester.”
“Where at?” Ash asked.
Serena shrugged. “You’ll see.”
“I have a bad feeling about this,” Junior whispered under his breath as we all made our way up the stairs, me hobbling, Ash wincing, and the other two giving us shit for walking so slow.
I had a bad feeling, too, though it had nothing to do with the current situation but what would happen after the fact.
She said, one more night.
I killed Breaker Campisi.
But I wondered if she understood the power she had—to kill Valerian Petrov, to kill the remaining parts that needed her more than she would ever know.
This time my life was in her hands.
And I was so damn terrified that she was going to pull the knife, sink it deep into my back, then make sure I saw her face as I took my last few breaths.
The thought haunted me still, even two hours later, as we drove into downtown. Ash had spent that time bandaging me up, so I wasn’t a walking talking bloody wound. My back had been patched up with surgical glue, and once I washed the blood from my face, I actually looked half-human even though I still had bruising on my eye and jaw compliments of Ash’s right hook.
I tried talking to him a few times about doing this, being with a girl so soon after Claire, but the minute I said her name, he got this empty look in his eyes and told me to drop it, and I had to because I knew what it felt like to lose what you loved the most. I couldn’t imagine being in his position even though I could imagine loving someone who wanted nothing to do with you, even when you save them.
I sighed and looked out the SUV window. We were a few blocks from campus, and some of the upper-class dorms were moved to that location as the school continued to expand, but I didn’t actually know anyone who lived there.
Then again, I’d never really cared, so…
Junior parked in the garage while Serena made a call. “Yeah, we’re here, awesome, we won’t be long.”
“Where are we, exactly?” Ash asked once we went into the apartment building. The lights overhead flickered. “And why does it feel like a horror movie?”
Serena laughed. “Chill cousin, it’s an old building, but all the apartments are lofts that have been refurbished. No murderers here except for the ones walking down the creepy hall.”
“I prefer the term assassin,” Junior grumbled.
I
shook my head at him. “You would.”
The click of Serena’s heels on the hardwood floor echoed off the hallway walls as we walked past doors that had been painted a dark navy blue. The sound of music got louder the farther we went. At the end of the hall, near another set of stairs, Serena stopped in front of the last door.
Room 729.
She knocked twice.
The door flew open, revealing Tank.
He looked so different from the first time we’d met him when he’d been undercover. He was stocky, wearing a black beanie, and had a cocky grin on his face as he crossed his bulky arms over his chest.
“Huh,” Serena winked at him. “You’re even wearing designer jeans, I’m so proud, I could cry.”
He just snorted out a laugh and rolled his eyes, then opened the door wider, turned around, and shouted, “Our king needs a few concubines.”
The best part was that he was dead serious, even if it sounded ridiculous. A few gasps were heard as someone turned down the music. I was surprised girls weren’t clawing at each other in an effort to get to Ash. He was even more popular now that his eyes were dead—probably because every woman saw him as a project, a man they could fix, a man they could love back to life. But the problem was, every girl thought she was the exception—and none of them would be able to replace Claire.
All in all, there were maybe fifty people scattered around the large loft apartment. One wall was completely brick while the other two were painted a tan color that made the room look more masculine.
Serena was right. The apartments were nice.
I checked my watch and tried not to look like the old Breaker as I stood there, probably unrecognizable anyway, with the bruising on my face compliments of Ash and his fists.
“What’s going on?” A girl stepped forward, and I recognized Annie. She was wearing a black cardigan and a khaki skirt. Where the hell did that girl shop? She was dressed like a nineteen-year-old soccer mom. Her eyes glazed over me like she didn’t know me. And then her hurt expression fell to Ash.
Yeah, I know how this story ends.
Not well. For her.
My heart clenched as if to remind me how it would end for me after tonight.
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