by Carol Wyer
‘I do that too. That’s one of the reasons I put on so much weight last year,’ she replied.
‘Looks like it’s all fallen away.’
The compliment cheered her up although the sight of Sean was a concern. He seemed almost lifeless, head hanging, shoulders drooping. He’d no doubt been dumped by Jacqueline. She wasn’t going to say anything about what she’d seen in the car park. If Jacqueline had chosen William over Sean she was crazy. Sean was far more honest and dependable.
‘So, why the comfort food?’
‘Got some bad news.’
He piled a few scoops of the velvety creamy brown dessert into a plain blue bowl and passed it to her, then set about filling his own bowl. Carrying spoons and bowls they went into his sitting room consisting of arty furniture and large photographs of him and Suzy on the walls. He dropped onto one of two fat round leather chairs. Ronnie joined Chloe and sat at the foot of hers.
Sean stared at his bowl, spoon hovering above the creamy mound. ‘Rachel’s moving to France taking Suzy with her.’
‘Oh, Sean!’ Chloe was lost for words.
‘I know. It’s shit, isn’t it? The new man in her life has got a work promotion but it means moving there. They’ve already found a place to live.’
‘What does Suzy think about it?’
‘She doesn’t want to leave her friends or school but she’s not got much say in the matter. Rachel thinks it’s a great idea and that it’ll do Suzy good to be educated in France. There’s another reason they’re leaving: Rachel’s expecting again. She wants the child to be brought up in France and be bilingual. Her boyfriend’s keen too. He’s half French and his parents live in the south west of France.’
‘Rachel can’t deny you access to Suzy. It’s not right.’
‘She’s Suzy’s mom. She can pretty much do what she wants. She said I can see Suzy whenever I want, but I can’t exactly nip across to France every five minutes, can I?’
He prodded the melting ice in his bowl, and with chin down released a sound that came from deep within – a moan of distress. ‘It’s taken so long for me to gain her trust and become close to her, and now this. I don’t know what to do – maybe I should uproot too and head after them to be closer to Suzy.’
‘But your business… your life?’
‘Suzy’s my life,’ he replied and placing the bowl on the floor, beckoned Ronnie over.
‘I’d be careful about making a major decision like that. How would you support yourself? If you found no job or couldn’t work for yourself, you could well find yourself sinking into depression or becoming a person Suzy wouldn’t like as much. I know what unemployment and loneliness can do to someone. I’ve been that person; it can send you slowly mad. Suzy idolises you. She won’t want you to give up on what makes you the person you are and change into one she doesn’t like as much. Can you even speak French? Who would you mix with? It’s taken a lot to join the singleton club here, how would you manage in a foreign country?’
‘I don’t know, Chloe. I don’t want her to be shoehorned into this new move without letting her have some sort of say. It’s a massive change to her life – a different culture, language, schooling and a sibling on the way. It’s a hell of a lot for a teenage girl to cope with. I should be around for her.’
‘I know very little about children but I know teenagers are more resilient than you imagine. Ask her what she thinks about it all. She might have clear ideas.’
‘You think she’d want to stay with me if I ask her?’
‘I’m not suggesting you try to persuade her to stay with you because I think she should get to know her new baby brother or sister. She needs to feel included and if she’s here with you, she won’t. At least let her know you want her to be part of your life.’ Looking at his despondent face her heart went out to him, but she knew that you didn’t have to physically see or be with somebody to maintain a healthy relationship going. Thanks to the internet, she and Faith had kept in touch long after Faith had moved from Appletree and were as close today as when they lived next door to each other, if not more so.
‘You can Skype her or use WhatsApp to stay in touch regularly. I do that with my friend and from what little I know of the French education system, pupils have extraordinary long holidays – about two months solid in summer, during which time she could come and stay with you if she wants. The main thing is to let her know you are here for her and whatever her decision, you’ll support it. It’ll be difficult enough for her to move away from her life and her friends and familiarity, without feeling she’d be losing you on top of that.’ Chloe had drawn on her own experience of losing her family to give the advice. Whether it was right or not was another matter but it seemed to give Sean some comfort. He stroked one of Ronnie’s silky ears.
‘It’s crappy, Chloe, that’s what it is. You don’t get much time with a child before they grow up and move away, and I’ve lost enough precious time with Suzy already. I’m frightened of losing the rest.’
‘I know. But some time is better than no time.’ She fought back the sudden sorrow: her time with William had been short lived and she had nothing positive, like a child, to show for the relationship.
‘True. Jacqueline will be gutted too. She and Suzy really hit it off. I rang her earlier but she didn’t pick up. I expect she’s at one of her motorbike rallies or something. She’s so dynamic. I feel really lucky she’s interested in a guy like me.’
Chloe swallowed hard. She couldn’t tell him what she’d seen. He’d had a bitter enough blow today already. ‘And she’s lucky too. You’re an empathetic, understanding, caring man.’
‘Don’t forget book crazy,’ he added, a tiny smile creeping across his features.
‘And book crazy,’ she repeated, lifting her spoon as a toast and licking off the ice cream.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Wednesday, 7th March
Chloe had remained indoors since Sunday. Apart from scurrying out over the fields with Ronnie, she’d stayed in her office working on Oh, Ambassador! New ideas kept popping into her mind and as her fingers flew over the keys she was aware of how authentic her characters were. She envisaged Alex in his mansion, inviting friends to a raunchy Play-Doh themed party where multi-coloured sculptures of favourite sex positions had everyone rolling about with laughter. The ambassador and Alex had morphed into one sexy and thoroughly desirable figure.
Her phone thrilled, and when she pressed the button without checking who was calling she heard a hesitant, ‘Chloe, it’s Jacqueline.’
Chloe looked at the paragraph in which Laila was attempting to make the overly large appendage on her pink plasticine sculpture stay upright to a background of whoops, and pressed the save button.
‘Hi.’
‘Chloe, can I ask your advice?’’
Why was everyone coming to her for advice? She hadn’t much to offer and to suddenly be the person everyone entrusted with their secrets was a novel experience for Chloe. It could only be about Sean. Jacqueline knew she and Sean got along well. She braced herself for Jacqueline’s revelation that she was now seeing William and said, ‘Sure. Do you want to come over to my house?’
‘I’d rather speak on the phone. I’m still in my PJs. I can’t face the world at the moment.’
‘Okay.’
‘I know I can trust you with this secret. I went out with somebody else.’ Jacqueline’s heavy sigh was audible at Chloe’s end. ‘I don’t know why I agreed to accompany him to a business event; probably because I was in a good mood and he is a nice guy. We’d shared a laugh together, and he had one of those irresistible puppy-dog looks on his face when he said it would mean a lot if I went with him. He’s been really struggling since the break-up from his girlfriend. She was seeing a photographer behind his back and it hit him for six when she told him she wanted to end their relationship and for him to move out. I felt sorry for him. It’s horrible going to those work things alone, so I went along as his escort and it was a really great night – good food, frie
ndly company. There was live music and dancing and fireworks and I had too much to drink and to cut a long story short, at the end of the evening he kissed me and I stupidly responded. The whole thing had been so romantic that I’d got carried away, but as soon as it was over I knew it wasn’t what I wanted. I explained I was seeing Sean and I didn’t want to ruin that. He put an arm around me and said it was a shame but he understood and if it didn’t work out with Sean, he’d be waiting. God, Chloe, he was so… masterful and sexy. He actually made me go weak at the knees.’
Jacqueline paused for breath and Chloe didn’t dare interject. Jacqueline hadn’t mentioned the anonymous man and Chloe wasn’t going to encourage her to. She didn’t want to explain her relationship with William – it would alter the dynamic of her relationship with Jacqueline, who trusted her enough with this information.
‘I want to give Sean and me a chance. He feels comfortable. He’s so considerate and I don’t want sexy and wild in my life. I’ve had my mad time. Sean is a safer, surer bet at the moment, so after some soul-searching, I decided that although I’m attracted to this other man, I want to give Sean a chance and see what develops. I really like him and his daughter. They’ve just accepted me as part of their unit, and it feels like I’ve known him far longer than I actually have. The problem is this man is persuasive. He won’t let it lie. He’s sent suggestive text messages, and the other day he caught me unawares and kissed me again and I have to admit it was thrilling in a way. He said he wanted me to know he’s serious about me and if he wants something, he usually gets it. Chloe, I actually am in a quandary. You know Sean, probably better than I do. I’m so confused. I’m like some hormonal teenager. I want to see Sean but this new man is exciting and a little bit dangerous. I can’t help but be attracted to him. What would you do?’
The answer was simple: she’d run a mile from William. She had a niggling suspicion William was after Jacqueline purely to get at Sean who had supported Chloe so much. Was he capable of such vindictiveness? She imagined he was; yet that wasn’t something she could run past Jacqueline, not without revealing she’d seen them together, and her own involvement with William.
‘I was married to somebody who I thought was exciting and very sexy. He made me feel I was the only woman alive and pursued me when I rejected him.’ She recollected the first time she’d met William…
Chloe has finished displaying all the copies of the latest E L James on the front table. She’s read it and although she’s marvelled at the writer’s imagination, she’s been thinking that she could write something similar, maybe something with more humour in it. She’s always been good at English and has a powerful imagination. She’s needed it to survive. She checks the display and takes a photograph of it for the bookshop’s social media pages. That’s her forte. She’s the go-to social media guru. Not that many go to her. There are only a few employees and most of them are over forty so it’s fallen to Chloe to drag the bookshop into the twenty-first century with an online presence.
She enjoys it. She spends most of her life online, much to Nanny Olive’s dismay. However, Nanny understands why Chloe would rather stay at home night after night than go out with people her own age. Her social anxiety disorder holds her back from forming new relationships and she is happy enough at home. Nanny is thinking of getting a new dog. Paddy has been gone for a year and both of them miss him. Chloe’s been browsing dog homes and breeders to find the perfect canine pet and thinks she’s stumbled on the one. He’s only a pup, one of a litter of mongrels, with large brown eyes and has the cheekiest face. He hasn’t been given a name but she thinks Ronnie would suit him. She and Nanny are going to look at him tomorrow on her day off to decide if he’ll be suitable.
The ancient doorbell rings, its melodic sound reaching the back office where she is now checking to see if an order has arrived. The bookshop is her sanctuary. Whilst she can’t face crowds of people, the shop, with its ancient wooden staircase and tall bookshelves provides enough calm for her to deal with the customers who come through its doors. Her colleague has nipped out to buy some cough medicine, so it falls to Chloe to see who has entered, and serve them.
She scurries to the desk, head lowered, to wait for the customer to appear with a book. Chloe likes to see the books people choose. You can tell a lot by what a person reads. Only the day before, a woman in her early sixties had bought The Wonderful World of Pooh Bear. Chloe imagined she bought the book as a present maybe for a grandchild. As Chloe passed the purchase to the customer, the woman wiped away a small tear and whispered it was a gift for her ailing husband who’d requested she read the stories aloud to him as he could no longer see. ‘He read it as a child and loves Winnie the Pooh’s positivity,’ she said, obviously keen to offload her sorrow.
‘He is a very wise bear,’ said Chloe, earning a smile.
Lost in thoughts of the woman reading to her blind husband, Chloe doesn’t hear the customer until he coughs lightly and she starts.
‘Oh, sorry,’ she mumbles and looks up into amused grey eyes.
‘You were miles away.’
The man is in his thirties with film star looks and dark thick hair cut in a fashionable style. He makes Chloe immediately think of Grey from the books she’s been arranging. Her throat dries and her face feels like it’s been blasted by a furnace.
‘Have you read this? I wondered if it was any good.’
He lifts a copy of Stella Rimmington’s first novel. She coughs to clear her throat.
‘If you like fast-paced crime, you’ll enjoy it.’
‘I’ll give it a go. And this please.’ He passes her a self-help business book about succeeding and adds, ‘I need all the help I can get in my business.’ He waits, expecting her to pick up on the conversation and she does, albeit reluctantly as she rings through the purchases.
‘What business are you in?’
‘Stationery sales. You need a top-of-the-range pen, I can get you one – best pen you’ll ever own. Or an exquisite new notebook, envelopes, paper, special notepads… I’m your man!’ He reveals white teeth.
‘I don’t need a pen.’
‘Of course you do. We all need pens. They’re like pieces of jewellery but practical, and you can’t beat the feel of one of our fabulous Cross pens. Here, try it out!’ He produces a stylish silver pen and slides it across to her. It’s metallic cool between her fingers and sits nicely balanced. She scribbles on a pad by the till and the tip glides smoothly across the paper leaving an inky black trail. She admires her tidy handwriting. She’s always enjoyed writing and the pen feels like an extension of her own hand. ‘See, I can tell you like it. You have lovely handwriting. Mine’s such a scrawl I ought to have been a doctor.’
She offers a shy smile. ‘It’s very nice.’
‘It’s yours. A gift.’
‘No, thank you. I can’t.’ She suddenly becomes flustered, waving her hands in anxiety.
‘Yes, you can. I have literally thousands of them outside in the car. I’d like you to have it. It matches the silver light in your eyes.’
She lowers her eyes immediately.
‘You can repay me by having dinner with me.’
She stammers she can’t accept and he keeps his eyes on her. ‘I don’t give up easily. I’ll return tomorrow and the day after that and each time I’ll give you a pen until you say you will go out with me.’
William had been true to his word. He’d come into the bookshop every day for three weeks, each time with a new pen for her until finally she’d agreed to having dinner with him but only if they could be alone. She’d expected him to duck out of the date but to her surprise he’d taken her to an expensive Italian restaurant which was completely empty. It transpired he’d hired the whole restaurant to ensure there’d be no other customers, and only then did she explain why she couldn’t go out with him again. He’d been fascinated rather than repulsed by her disorder and made it his mission to help her through it.
But William had given up on her in the end
. Chloe no longer represented a challenge for him and he had turned his attention elsewhere. She feared Jacqueline would be yet another casualty of his need to seek out what seemed unattainable.
‘Only you can decide what you want to do. I can offer advice but ultimately we all have to take the risks or make choices ourselves and live with the consequences. You and Sean might make a go of things. It’s early days, but you’ll never know what could have been if you bail at this stage. Sean’s a caring man who likes you hugely and the effect you’re having on him is evident to me. He’s happier. Much happier. I’d give him the chance he deserves if I were you, and if this new man is as keen on you as you think he is, let him wait. If he’s as crazy about you as he professes, he’ll wait for you.’
Jacqueline had gone quiet at the other end of the phone. Chloe strained to hear a response. It came after a few seconds. ‘I knew you’d be the person to ask. You have such a calm way of looking at everything whereas I’m hyper and it’s got me into sticky situations in the past.’
‘You make me sound way wiser than I am.’
‘Don’t put yourself down. You’re definitely much more sensible than me. You always seem aloof, like you’re weighing up everything and Sean thinks the sun shines out of your… oops!’ She gave a brief giggle. ‘I could do with calming down. I’m getting too old to behave like a child. It’s just that I’m not used to such flattery or attention. I’m usually the one doing all the running after blokes and suddenly, not only do I have Sean keen to impress me, I get the full attention of a gorgeous guy. I joined the club to have a laugh and maybe meet somebody and bingo! I get two hot men chasing after me.’
‘That’s because you’re huge fun and stunning.’
Jacqueline snorted. ‘Stunning? Not me. You should see the photos of me a few years ago. I used to be a right old frump – thick glasses, mousy hair, crooked nose. That was until I had an epiphany and made the big decision to leave my husband. You see, I didn’t have to be that woman. I had laser surgery, ditched my glasses, had my teeth whitened and got some rhinoplasty and a facial lift. After that, I had my hair cut and remodelled into the latest fashion, bought my motorbike and left on my epic journey where I reinvented myself, and you know what I discovered?’