“I ken what I told ye,” his eyes snapped with annoyance, “but I cannae allow ye tae marry James. Ye willnae be happy. He cannae make ye happy.”
“I appreciate your concern about my welfare,” Anabell said, taking another step away from him. “And I’ll forever cherish our time together. However, that period is ended. More than anything, I want tae help my clan. ‘Tis a wee sacrifice tae pay in order tae alleviate the suffering of hundreds.” She took a deep breath. “There’s nothing ye can say tae change my mind. I bid ye guid day.”
Not waiting for his response, she whirled around and walked quickly away from him.
Blane stood frozen in shock as he watched her retreating form. He knew she had feelings for him. He felt their connection. But she would throw it all away as if he didn’t matter to her.
Anabell had confessed that her mind was made up, and the stubborn glint in her eyes was further proof of that. Although he considered her to be sweet and naive, he knew that she would never waver from what she believed was right. She was a champion of those less fortunate, and he had seen her go out of her way to help the poor.
But he also knew his uncle, and that man would stifle her true nature. The sweet, innocent lass would be broken down, and she would become as cynical and cursed as Blane.
He pivoted on his heels and marched back to the stable. He needed to leave this place. There was no way he could stay and watch the woman he loved wed his vile uncle.
“Ho, Blane,” Giles’s familiar voice called out to him.
“Nae now,” he said, shaking his head. He untied the reins from the stall and started to lead his mount toward the exit.
But his friend ignored him. “I followed ye back from town.” He paused. “What happened tae ye? Are ye all right?”
“I told her nae tae marry the bastard, yet she’s going through with it,” he said, his answer coming out before he could stop it.
Giles didn’t need any preamble and knew exactly who he was talking about.
“Why should ye be upset?” he asked. “Did ye have designs tae marry the lass yourself?”
Blane shook his head, deciding not to answer the probing question. He might have married her, except she was promised to someone else.
“Look, I can see ye care for Anabell,” Giles said. “’Tis evident by the way ye speak of her. This is how I see it. If she’s that important tae ye, then ye need tae fight for her. Ever since we were wee lads, I’ve never known ye tae accept defeat sae easily.”
Blane grew quiet as he remembered the old times. But then he pushed the memories aside and started toward the exit again.
“Our home has changed,” Giles said, causing Blane to pause. “And none of the changes are for the better. Under your uncle’s rule, the tribe has deteriorated, and nae many are proud tae be members of our clan. Men while away their time in drink, and their women and children are miserable. As things stand, nay one cares about anything.” He leveled a steady gaze at Blane. “We need ye, Blane. Ye are the son of the great Richerd Cunningtoun, and I ken that if ye return, ye will bring back our pride and hope.”
“This disnae concern me,” he said, climbing on his horse. “There’s nothing I can do tae help the clan.”
Blane dug his heels in the horse’s flank and spurred the horse forward. He needed to get away from here. Now.
He crashed past the gate, feeling as if someone chased him. Except it wasn’t a person that pursued him; it was his past. He rode hard, and the trees blurred past him. But as much as he tried, he couldn’t go fast enough.
When he finally slowed his horse minutes later, he noticed the sound of water cascading over large rocks. He scanned the area and discovered that he had been here before. Out of all the places to go, the waterfall wasn’t the best choice. As soon as he made this realization, he should have turned and ridden in the other direction, yet something compelled him to stay.
Blane tied the horse to a tree and scrambled down the incline. It had rained the night before; the water levels were high, and the riverbank was muddy and slippery. As he made his way down the slope, a rock beneath his foot gave way. It happened so quickly that he had little time to grab on to a shrub to steady himself. Several loud curses escaped him as he tumbled down, hitting a rock here and there until he crashed into a prickly bush at the base of the incline.
For a moment, he lay on the dirt, stunned. He touched his face and found blood on his fingertips.
“Why the hell am I here?” he asked aloud.
But there was no answer except for silence.
He got up and stumbled to the stream to clean the blood and dirt from his body. But he paused when he looked down at the water. The man staring back at him looked haunted and disheveled.
Blane closed his eyes, not wanting to see the man he barely recognized: the failure. He had found the perfect woman and experienced contentment that he never thought possible. The outside world ceased to exist when he was with her. And he enjoyed spending time with her. But then she was gone. He lifted his hand and squeezed the bridge of his nose. Everything he cared about always disappeared.
He angrily wiped the tears away and slammed his fist on a rock beside him. A loud expletive escaped as sharp pain ripped through his hand. He was meant to only have misery in his life. The agony settled further in his black heart, and he let out a wild, heart-rending howl. His despair reverberated in the empty space. And all the while, the red squirrels continued to scuttle along the forest floor, and the currents flowed steadily onward.
Blane started to dip his hands in the stream, but his movements stilled when the lass’s sweet face shimmered in front of him. As he continued to be rocked by the traumas of his past, Anabell would move forward with her life. Was he foolish enough to give her up so easily?
He recalled the unhappy look on her face the last time they spoke. If he let her marry the man he despised, her unhappiness would only increase. He couldn’t allow this to happen. He needed to take control of the circumstances, and he needed to make things right.
Chapter 19
The darkened clouds overhead seemed to reflect Anabell’s distress. Running as fast as she could, she tried to put more distance between her and Blane.
She should have taken the shortcut toward the Great Hall, but she decided to follow the longer route back. In her agitated state, she loathed encountering any wedding guests. It didn’t look good for a bride to be upset hours before her wedding. If Blane hadn’t come along and warned her about James Cunningtoun, she would have been fine. Now that he said his piece, more doubts and emotions jumbled in her head.
Anabell debated whether to go to the solar, but she quickly decided against it. As usual, Lady Beitris and her attendants would question her, and their concerned expressions would only cause her to break down in tears. Her only recourse was to retreat to her bedchamber.
She moved toward the kitchen tower, but her steps faltered when she became distracted by a couple sharing an intimate moment behind a parked cart. Embarrassed, she began to turn away when she heard Maggie’s familiar voice.
Anabell gripped the side of the cart and peeked over the side to confirm that it was her nursemaid that had spoken. Sure enough, she observed Maggie with Oswyn. Even from an outsider’s perspective, the passion the couple shared was apparent. For a moment, she felt a surge of envy, and the tears she had suppressed surfaced unexpectedly.
Her thoughts turned at once to Blane. It was too easy to recall how they were locked in a similar embrace. But she knew it was dangerous to indulge in ideas that were never meant to be. She had already made her decision, she reminded herself. She was going to marry James Cunningtoun. No matter how much she desired it, the type of relationship Maggie shared with Oswyn wasn’t meant for her.
As Anabell slowly backed away from the scene, her hand brushed against a rotted piece of wood on the cart. The item broke off and clattered to the ground.
“Did ye hear something?” Maggie asked.
Alarmed that the nursemai
d might discover her, Anabell hurried away. The guards were training in the yard, and various servants were milling about. She hastened past the well and was at the barn before she finally slowed her steps and caught her breath.
That was a close call. She leaned her hand against the structure and closed her eyes. Despite her dash across the courtyard, her mind and heart continued to race. And all the while, Blane’s warning echoed in her head. ‘Twould be a terrible mistake. But how could this be? Was the marriage so awful if she could help end the feud between the clans?
“Anabell,” someone called.
The sound of her name jerked her out of her thoughts, and she groaned inwardly. She had spent little time with her future husband, but she recognized his slurred voice anywhere. While she tried to escape Maggie, she forgot to pay attention to where she was going. She now realized her mistake. Instead of heading toward the main building, she was moving away from it.
At the sound of the Cunningtoun’s approach, she pivoted and faced him.
The chief bent his head and peered at her. “I thought ‘twas ye,” he said.
“Guid day, my laird,” she said, smiling tightly at him. He was only a foot away from her, but he stank of alcohol and old sweat.
“Call me James,” he said. “After tomorrow, we willnae need any formalities. Come, walk with me.”
James went to place her hand at the crook of his arm, but when he reached for her, he misjudged his step and tripped. Then attempting to break his fall, he yanked her toward him and slammed his stocky body against hers.
Anabell let out a yelp as the force of the collision sent her crashing against the wall. With no time to brace for the impact, her arm scraped along the hard surface. Searing pain raced along her forearm, and she bit her lip when she saw blood there.
The laird was busy brushing the dirt from his great kilt and didn’t notice the damage he caused her.
“Was there something ye wanted, my laird?” she asked through gritted teeth.
“Nay,” he said. “I havenae seen ye since this morning.” He looked from left to right as if to make sure that no one had witnessed his blunder.
“Ye have seen me,” she said, stretching her lips into a strained smile. “And ye will see me plenty tomorrow as well.”
“This is true,” he said, nodding.
“If ye will excuse me,” she said, showing him her wounded arm. “I have tae tend tae this injury.”
“Of course,” he nodded again. “I should go too.” He then stumbled toward the training area.
Anabell let out a breath of relief and retraced her steps. This time, she headed straight to the main building. The last thing she wanted was to bump into the Cunningtoun again.
She reached her bedchamber a few minutes later, and she quickly cleaned her injury with a damp cloth. When the task was complete, she stared at the scrape. The wound would heal, but a scar would likely remain. However, the one thing that couldn’t be healed was her heart. And that was something that would never be fixed.
Anabell circled to the small bench by the window and looked outside. Although she hadn’t spoken to anyone about her doubts, they had grown stronger each day. They had even affected her sleep. And Blane’s warning had simply confirmed her fears. No one except for him saw the flaw in this union.
But she acknowledged that it was useless talking about her worries, especially since everyone was optimistic about the alliance. More than one person had told her that she was making the right choice.
And her father was proud of her too. No doubt, if she backed away from the marriage, she would fail many people. Her father would no longer look at her with pride but with disappointment. And the bairns would continue fearing raids and death. They had grown up witnessing the destruction of their homes and families. Did she want them to continue carrying this terror?
Anabell walked back to her bed and threw herself on the mattress. All the while, the picture of Blane’s earnest face floated in front of her. If only her decision was simple. She saw the benefits of marrying James Cunningtoun, but she couldn’t deny that her heart belonged to Blane. All the sweet memories she carried were connected with the mercenary. He had come to her rescue countless times. And when he made love to her, her world had shifted. It was in the afterglow of their lovemaking that he had cradled her in his strong arms, and she never wanted to leave his protective embrace.
Not too long ago, she had a different impression of him. But since then, her feelings had changed. She saw a side of him that was kind and generous. And as she got to know him, her respect for him increased, and that, in turn, blossomed into love.
Anabell sat up on the mattress and hugged her knees to her chest. She didn’t know what the future held, but for that one day in the woods, she had experienced joy, love, and happiness. These were things she had always wanted, but she recognized that her association with him was finished. Once she married James, she would never see Blane again.
But she needed to move on and put all her childhood fantasies aside. The ceremony was set. And tomorrow, she would become the bride of James Cunningtoun.
A tap sounded at her bedroom chamber, but Anabell chose to ignore it. The day was fading, and she felt no desire to leave her bedchamber and possibly interact with her future husband again.
The knock echoed in the chamber a second time and was more insistent. “Are ye there, Anabell?” Lady Beitris called through the door.
Anabell stayed quiet, hoping that her grandmother would leave her alone. But she had no such luck. The door pushed open.
“I havenae seen ye all day and was looking for ye.” Her grandmother’s eyes immediately fell to the bed and found Anabell sitting there, motionless. Alarm reflected in her voice. “Is something wrong, lass? Are ye ill?” She turned to the woman behind her. “Maggie, go fetch the physician.”
“Nay, dinnae go, Maggie,” Anabell said. “I’m fine.”
“Then why didnae ye answer when I knocked?” Lady Beitris asked as she strolled into the bedchamber.
She swept her gaze across Anabell’s face, and then her expression softened. Her grandmother took a seat at the edge of the mattress.
“My lassie,” she said, her voice becoming gentle. Her brows were drawn together, and there was sympathy in her dull eyes. “Ye are nay longer a bairn.”
“Aye,” Anabell said, her voice small.
Lady Beitris understood her turmoil. She opened her arms and wrapped Anabell in a comforting hug, rocking her back and forth.
Anabell squeezed her eyes tightly, remembering a time when life was simpler, a time when her only concern was to explore the castle grounds. But she was a bairn then. She was now a woman.
“I never meant tae return tae Scotland and immediately get married,” she whispered.
Indeed, things were moving far too quickly. She had neglected to dwell on her dilemma, but now that the ceremony drew closer, she could no longer avoid the truth. She knew nothing about James, and she felt no joy in becoming his wife.
“I understand what ye are going through,” Lady Beitris said. “I think ye are probably nervous about the affair. When I married your grandfather, I was scared too. But it got better over time.” She ran a soothing hand over Anabell’s hair. “Did your mother respond tae your missive, lass?”
“Aye, she said she willnae be able tae attend the wedding,” Anabell said. “She wasnae overjoyed tae receive the news. However, she has acknowledged my sacrifice.”
“I’m sure if she could, she would want tae be here with ye, lass,” Maggie said.
“Unfortunately, we cannae wait for your mother’s arrival,” Lady Beitris said decidedly. “Your father tells me that the Cunningtoun wants tae wed and have the pact between the clans finalized as quickly as possible. I agree that ‘tis best if we negotiate the peace treaty right away.”
“Ye can be assured that everyone approves of your commitment,” Maggie interjected. “I heard some servants saying that they look forward tae sleeping at night without fear o
f attacks from the Cunningtoun clan. Of course, the wounds of the past willnae disappear overnight, but ‘tis the first step in our healing.”
The nursemaid continued to chatter enthusiastically about the goals many clan members had for rebuilding their lives.
Anabell pulled back from her grandmother’s embrace. She studied the faces of both women. “Tell me the truth. Do ye really think I’m making the right decision?” she asked.
“Of course ye are, lassie. Your heart is exactly where it should be,” her grandmother said.
“And our people will finally gain the peace they sae longed for,” Maggie added. “Ye have said this yourself on many occasions.”
Anabell fell silent. “Blane disnae think I should marry the laird,” she said, dragging her fingers over her quilt.
“He disnae?” Maggie asked, surprised.
“Aye,” she sniffed. “He told me ‘twould be a mistake in marrying the Cunningtoun.”
“Is that what ye think as well?” her grandmother demanded.
Anabell dropped her chin to her chest. “He might be right,” she said.
“It seems tae me that she has fallen in love with the mercenary,” Maggie said, coming to her own conclusions.
“Well, ye will need tae remove that notion from your head, Anabell,” her grandmother said firmly. “When I married my husband, ‘twas out of duty tae my family. I came tae care for him over time, and I believe ye will feel the same for the Cunningtoun.”
Anabell nodded. But as the impression of James and his drunken behavior floated in her mind, her throat constricted.
“Cheer up, lass,” Maggie said. “Ye are entering matrimony, nae preparing for a funeral.”
“Ye are right, of course,” she said, smiling bravely for their benefit. “I want everyone tae be happy.”
But even as she tried to reassure the older women, uncertainty continued to swirl in her mind. Deep down, she had no desire to marry the laird, but in the end, it didn’t really matter what she wanted. She couldn’t put herself before the needs of the clan. After all, she had witnessed the damages from the clan wars. There were too many people on both sides who were maimed or killed. And then there were the constant threats of new disputes. If she turned her back on the clan members now and they suffered more losses, would she be able to live with herself?
Highland Engagement Page 15