by Ann Mcintosh
“I’m sure he does.” She could picture it: Mateo dating, marrying a beautiful young woman, filling the house he grew up in with children of his own. She wished the future she imagined for him didn’t make her feel so terribly sad. To mask it, she smiled at Lola and continued, “Give him time to sort himself out. He’s been in one role for so long, it’ll take a minute or two for him to decide what to do next.”
Lola gave her a long, interrogatory look, then took a sip of her drink.
“I guess you’re right. I just worry about him, alone here now. I want him to be happy.”
Just then Mateo laughed at something Ben said, and Regina nodded toward him, unable to stop herself from smiling at the deep, happy sound.
“I think he is.”
“For now,” Lola said darkly, just as her girlfriend, Leticia, came over. When Lola smiled and put her arm around the other woman’s shoulders, the resemblance to her brother made the breath hitch in Regina’s chest. “Hey, babe. Having a good time?”
Regina was glad to be out of the crosshairs, but the melancholy sensation lingered long after the conversation had ended.
Lola was right. Mateo did deserve to go on with his life, and find happiness. He’d been an exceptional father figure to his youngest siblings, and would be a devoted and loving father to his own children when the time came.
And Regina was forced to admit to herself there was a part of her that wished she could be the one to provide that for him, but it would never be in the cards.
She’d never seriously given consideration to having children, too intent on making her way in the world, and excelling. Pushed by the need to prove herself and rise above the barriers others had tried to put in her way—from her father, to teachers and professors, and even some of her colleagues. There had always been someone telling her she wouldn’t make it, and that had just made her work harder, fight more, for what she knew she deserved.
It was far too late now to have regrets for the path she’d taken. Too late to wonder what might have been.
This was reality, and Regina was a determined realist.
When she left to go back to San Francisco, she would leave with dignity, even while admitting to herself that Mateo meant more to her than she could ever have imagined possible.
Trust her to be ridiculous and fall in love at exactly the wrong time, and in exactly the wrong place, with exactly the wrong man. It just went to prove how right she was to have decided to put men—and all the problems they brought—behind her, but she wasn’t sure Mateo would be that easy to get over.
If she could have fashioned a man specifically for her, Mateo would have been the result: caring, responsible, loving and supportive. Even the fact that he was incredible in bed didn’t rate as highly as those other attributes, although it was a definite plus.
But he wasn’t for her, and she would never be able to give him all he deserved. Time to accept the fact, and put the best face on it that she could.
So, as she always did, she hid her thoughts behind a smile and reminded herself that this was a celebration.
And her heartache was nobody’s business but her own.
* * *
It was great to have everyone back home for his birthday, but Mateo had to force himself to focus on his siblings rather than trail around after Regina like a puppy. Yet, no matter how he tried, he was always aware of where she was, who she was talking to, and what she was doing.
He hadn’t even had a chance to tell her how beautiful she looked. The bright red of her dress set off her skin tone to perfection, and the slick of matching lipstick made him want to kiss her more than he wanted to breathe.
It had also been his plan to try to keep his siblings from asking her too many questions, but that hadn’t worked out quite the way he’d wanted. He’d seen them all hovering around her at different times, no doubt cross-questioning her, trying to figure out what was going on between him and Regina.
Mateo wished he knew.
Oh, he knew what they’d agreed to, and what the plan still was.
They’d keep enjoying each other until it was time for her to go home, and then that was that.
But somehow, that didn’t sit right with him now.
Didn’t feel right.
Seeing her walk out of the house, arm in arm with a laughing Serena, had made his heart jump and kick into high gear.
And she’d fitted right in with the family, as though she’d always been a part of it.
As if she belonged there.
He was finding it harder and harder to contemplate her departure with any equanimity, but it had to be faced.
Regina had her life planned out, and it didn’t include a man with a ready-made family tying him to Miami. A man who, in his midthirties, was just starting to get his life back together, and wasn’t sure which way to go. And he would never contemplate burdening her with this change in his feelings.
He just loved her too much.
No one wanted Regina to succeed more than he did, and he’d say and do nothing to stand in her way.
She walked over to the bar, and since she was the only one there, he finally saw a chance to talk to her by herself, where they weren’t surrounded by nosy family members with big ears.
As he approached, she glanced up, and he saw a flash of something unreadable in her gaze, but she’d masked it behind a smile before he could figure out exactly what it was.
“Hey,” he said, wishing he could put his arms around her, pull her close. “Are you having a good time?”
“I am,” she said easily. “Your family is a lot of fun.”
“That they are.” He moved a little closer, and lowered his voice. “I’m always happy to have everyone home, but would it be terrible to say I wish they’d all leave, so I could have you to myself?”
She laughed lightly, but her lioness eyes darkened just a little.
“That’s a horrible thing to say.”
“I know.” He tried to sound contrite but couldn’t quite pull it off. “I’d ask you to stay, but I don’t want to give them the wrong idea. I’d never hear the end of it when you leave. They all seem to like you a lot.”
She hesitated, and he couldn’t resist a spurt of hope. Maybe she’d say she didn’t care, and that she’d stay anyway, but that didn’t happen.
“I like them all, too,” she said and gave him one of those distancing smiles he hadn’t seen from her in a long time, before glancing at her watch. “Enjoy your family, Mateo. I’m going to head home before it gets any later.”
His heart dropped with disappointment, but he found the wherewithal to smile.
“Drive safely, and call me when you get home, just to let me know you made it okay.”
The look she gave him made his heart turn over, and he suddenly didn’t care who saw. He had to kiss her.
But he kept it gentle, although it wasn’t the chaste touch of lips to cheek he’d given her when she arrived.
For a moment she melted against him, but then she stepped back, to give him a more genuine smile.
“None of that, now,” she whispered. “The children will see.”
And he laughed with her as they headed back over to the group and she said her good-nights.
He’d planned to walk her to her car alone, but Serena came with them, chattering away to Regina as though they were the best of friends, and the opportunity to give her a proper good-night eluded him.
He couldn’t resent his youngest sister, though, and he slung his arm across her shoulders on the way back inside.
“So have you decided whether you want to transfer back down here or not?”
“No, I think I’ll stay in Gainesville,” she said, putting her arm around his waist and leaning her head against his shoulder. “It’s not that bad, and the classes are interesting.”
That pleased him, of c
ourse. Yet, he couldn’t push aside the rush of loneliness her words brought, too.
But he would never let her know how conflicted he felt, so he squeezed her a little tighter and said, “Good girl. You worked so hard to get into that program it would be a shame to walk away from it.”
She grinned up at him. “I know you just want me out of the house. So you don’t have to pretend you’re glad because I’m getting a college degree.”
So challenged, he did what he’d always done when she’d teasingly sassed him in the past, and tickled her until she wrestled free and ran.
Later that evening, when all the guests were gone, and it was just the family, plus Lola’s and Ben’s girlfriends, the subject of Regina came up.
More like it was brought up and jumped on.
“So, what’s really going on with you and the Cali doctor, bro?” Micah tried to sound casual, but everyone else stopped talking to hear the reply.
Mateo shrugged, swirling the ice in his whiskey glass. “We’re friends.”
Clearly, that wasn’t sufficient, since Lola got in on the conversation, too.
“I saw how you were looking at her. I think you’re more than friends, and you don’t want us to know.”
“I like her.” Serena was wrapped in a blanket on the couch. “She’s cool, and easy to talk to. She was giving me some advice on which courses were best to take, and how to balance my time at school.”
“She said she’s going back to San Francisco in a couple of weeks.” This from Ben, who had a speculative expression on his face. “Are you going to try one of those long-distance relationships? Those hardly ever work.”
“And isn’t she kind of...old for you?”
Micah sounded more intrigued than anything else, but Lola apparently thought his comment a step too far, and said, “Micah, really?”
“I mean...”
“That’s enough.” Lola called on every ounce of her second-oldest position to shut him down, and Mateo held up his hand.
“We’re friends,” he reiterated, keeping his voice level, not letting his pain bleed through. “That’s all.”
And although they all gave him a variety of disbelieving looks, they got the hint and changed the subject.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
ON THE DAY after the party, Regina came to a decision.
She would enjoy the time she had with Mateo, without fear and without sadness.
Perhaps she should have been better prepared. She’d never been someone to do anything by halves, and having made up her mind to have a once-in-a-lifetime affair, might have expected to fall in love.
But she couldn’t have predicted Mateo’s effect on her life and her emotions. She’d felt immune from love, since the men she’d been involved with before hadn’t really broken through the shell around her heart. No one had, until Mateo.
Knowing their relationship wasn’t meant to last didn’t diminish her feelings, or make her too afraid to carry it through to the end. They weren’t hurting anyone—except her, and she was strong enough to bear it.
Yes, it would take her a long time to get over him, but surely she could do that, given the right mindset? Didn’t she pride herself on her ability to focus on work, to the exclusion of all else? Right now, her focus was on Mateo: the way he made her feel, and her emotional connection to him, but she was sure her drive to succeed would return when she got back home.
Back to the place where the only thing of importance waiting for her was her job.
“No regrets,” she reminded herself. “There’s nothing to regret.”
It had been a perfect interlude, with a man who set her afire in the best possible ways. Even the way he believed in her dreams made her more confident in herself.
He was the only person she’d ever felt secure enough with to show her fears, and be vulnerable with, and that was something she’d treasure, forever.
And seeing him with his family just reinforced her belief that he was where he was meant to be. They still needed him—Serena, in particular. When they’d talked, she’d seen the lack of confidence, the uncertainty in the younger woman’s eyes, heard it in her voice. Mateo was his little sister’s mooring in a world she’d learned could be unpredictable and filled with pain.
The bond Mateo and all his siblings shared went beyond the normal; it was forged in the loss of their parents and cemented by the care Mateo had taken to keep his family together, whole and strong.
She envied them that sweet, solid connection. Having never known one like it, and having craved it as a child, she would never, ever do anything to damage or destroy it.
And that included telling Mateo how she felt.
He couldn’t fool her; she knew she wasn’t the only one battling with growing feelings and needs. That look in his eyes, the tender expression when their gazes met, told her far more than he probably wanted. It wasn’t hard to distinguish between lust and caring, and Mateo cared for her, just as she did for him.
And that caring would keep them apart as firmly as if they hated each other, because trying to maintain their relationship would probably make both of them unhappy.
She couldn’t bear the thought that eventually he’d regret not being with a younger woman, one who could give him a family of his own. And while they were definitely compatible now, how would their ten-year age difference play out in other ways, later on?
These were things she hadn’t had to think about when she had so simply set out to enjoy his company for a while, but now they preyed on her mind.
No, it would be far better for her to go back to focusing on her work and achieving her ambitions, and to keep this time with him as a sweet, lovely memory.
He called her on Sunday evening, after dropping Lola and Leticia at the airport. Serena had left earlier to make the more-than-five-hour drive back to college, and both Micah and Cristóbal had flown out earlier. Although Ben was staying another day, he had gone to visit friends in Vero Beach, and would be overnighting there.
“I’ll come to your place,” she suggested, when he asked if she wanted to get together. “You must be tired, and you’re working tomorrow, aren’t you?”
“Yes,” he said. Even through the speaker in the car, his voice was a sexy rumble. “But I really want to see you. I’m already on the road, so why don’t I just swing by?”
But she refused, and told him she would meet him at his house.
“We can go swimming again,” she teased. The last time they’d set out to swim, they’d ended up making out in the pool instead.
He groaned. “Now you’re just torturing me.”
She laughed, already throwing some clothes into an overnight bag, even while still on the phone. “See you in a little while.”
He greeted her as though he hadn’t seen her in a month, rather than just a day, sweeping her into his arms and kissing her until her head felt light, and she was floating on a rush of desire.
Making love with him was never predictable, and when he lifted her and put her on the kitchen counter, she didn’t know whether to protest or not.
Then she didn’t have the mental capacity to do anything more than feel, and ride the waves of the orgasm he so easily created.
Mateo now knew his way around her body better than anyone she’d ever been with, almost as though he’d studied her and discovered exactly the places and actions that drove her wild. There was an added edge to him tonight, though, a fierceness that called to her own pain and determination to wring every last scintilla of pleasure out of their time together. It took their desire to a new level.
She stored up the memories. The way his hands felt, holding and caressing. His scent, so distinctive she’d know him in the largest of crowds. The sensation of his body under her, over her, in her.
The sweet way he whispered loving, joyous words into her ear, telling her how beautiful she was, h
ow amazing she made him feel.
He made her feel beautiful, in a way she hadn’t before. Not just physically beautiful, but from the inside out, and for that she’d always love him.
Lying next to him in bed later, she rested her cheek over his heart and listened to the strong, solid beat. How glad she was to have found him, to have loved him, even for this short time. While work had always been the center of her life, now she felt richer, more able to see past her own small box of a life.
She’d always considered love a weakness, something that reduced you to a diminished state, where you put others ahead of yourself, to your detriment.
Now she realized it was the opposite.
It made you want the loved one to have the very best in life, even if it meant letting them go.
* * *
The following morning, she got up at the same time as Mateo, and they had breakfast together. When they went outside to leave, his car wouldn’t start.
“I’ll drop you off at the hospital,” Regina told him. “And if you want me to come back and be here when the tow truck comes, I can do that. I don’t really have much planned.”
“I’d appreciate it. But I don’t want to waste your time doing all that. I can find out when Ben will be back, and get them to come for the car then.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. It’ll be fine.”
As she drew up outside the staff entrance at the hospital to drop him off, he jokingly said, “I suppose kissing you goodbye is out of the question?”
She looked at him, noting that tender expression, as she shook her head. “Oh, no, you don’t. You have your reputation to think about.”
That made him laugh as he reached for the door handle. “Oh, being seen kissing you would definitely up my reputation around here, rather than diminish it.”
Then he was gone, leaving her shaking her head, and chuckling, too.
That was another thing she liked about being around him. For so long, she’d taken herself and her life so seriously that she was rarely able to relax and cut loose. With Mateo she could do both.