by Rachel Hanna
Colleen sat nervously at the table. It had been a few days since Tucker's proposal, and they had both done a wonderful job of avoiding each other. She missed him. There was no doubt about that. She wondered if he missed her too or if he regretted the time they had spent together over the last few months. She was encouraged that he had accepted her text invitation to meet for lunch, at the very least.
She tapped her fingernail on the metal bistro table, looking around the square. He was never late, but it was five minutes until noon and he still wasn't anywhere to be seen. Maybe he would get back at her by making her wait and never showing up. After all, she had probably embarrassed him in the worst way possible. It had kept her up for the last several nights as she thought about the look on his face when she said no. They hadn't even gotten a chance to talk after that because Tucker made a hasty retreat, leaving her on the beach to think about what she’d done.
Of course, she couldn't blame him. How nervous he must've been to ask the question, and how shellshocked he must've felt when she said no. It honestly broke her heart every time she thought about it.
To be honest, she didn't even know why she had invited him to lunch other than to try to explain herself yet again. She’d texted him a couple of times since the incident, but he had only responded with one or two words. She imagined he must be very angry.
She looked at her phone to check the time again. Three minutes until noon. Maybe he wasn't coming. Maybe she should try to gather up what she had left of her pride and drive back over the bridge to go home. After all, she didn't even really know if she still had a job. As soon as everything had taken place, she immediately used a few of her vacation days to avoid making Tucker feel uncomfortable at work. Why did things always have to be so complicated?
“Hey.” She looked up to see Tucker standing in front of her. He was wearing jeans, black boots and a pale gray T-shirt. She loved when he wore T-shirts. It showed off his amazing muscular physique, and right now she wanted to wrap her arms around him.
"Hi. I'm so glad you agreed to come."
He nodded slightly before pulling out his chair and sitting down. He rested his forearms on the table, his hands clasped together. “So, I was surprised that you wanted to meet. I thought things were pretty much over between us."
She looked at him, her lips turning downward into a slight frown. “Are things over?"
"Well, it seems to me that you saying no pretty much tells me about the state of our relationship, so…"
"Tucker, I didn't mean no forever. It's just that…"
"Just that what? I thought we were headed somewhere. I thought we had a future."
"I did too. I mean, I do. It's just that I was engaged to someone else not that long ago, and it really did a number on my head.”
"Are you comparing me to Peter?"
"Of course not! That whole engagement really took a lot out of me. I was enjoying us getting to know each other and taking our time. I just didn't expect for you to suddenly go down on one knee and propose. I was taken aback and scared.”
“Look, Colleen, I love you. We fell hard and fast. I know what I want. I want my future to be with you, but I'm worried that you don't feel the same way. I never want to feel like I’m giving my heart to somebody and they just don't want it. I’ve had my share of broken hearts along the way.”
"Tucker, nothing has changed for me. I want to be with you and build a life with you. I just need a little time. I want to make sure that this is the right thing for both of us. Can't we just take things a little slower?”
He smiled slightly. "You know, my mother always said I was a little bit impulsive. I guess I just thought if we love each other now, might as well make the jump to marriage but I didn't think about your feelings. I just thought I was doing this grand romantic gesture, and you hurt my pride when you said no."
She laughed. "I appreciate the gesture, and I really do hope you'll make it again one day.”
"Well, if it's all the same to you, I think I'll wait a little while before I try that again."
Colleen reached across the table. “Forgive me?”
He smiled. “There’s nothing to forgive. Now, I’m starving. I haven’t had an appetite in days.”
Chapter Five
Dawson stood in front of his house, his arms crossed. “Do you think we're ready?"
"Well, I reckon we’re as close as we’re going to get," Lucy said with a laugh. She had been right beside him the whole time, through every renovation and menu revision. She would never admit it, as stubborn as she was, but she had enjoyed watching the transformation of Dawson’s home into The Inn At Seagrove.
He sometimes worried that her advanced age might cause her to retire when he decided to open the inn, but she’d jumped in head first right along with him.
"I sure hope we're ready. I've already got my first couple of reservations, and we open in two days."
"I know. And I’ll be cooking ahead just so we have plenty of food. Pancakes are going to be a hit!"
Lucy had been very proud of creating a new recipe for caramel pecan pancakes with peach flavored maple syrup. She was chomping at the bit to serve it to the first visitors. The whole menu, in fact, was a sight to behold. Dawson hadn't seen Lucy this excited since Burt Reynolds came to visit the town two decades ago. She said looking at him made her feel things that she couldn't say in polite conversation.
“Oh, Dawson, it's beautiful!" Julie said as she walked up beside him and Lucy. She had driven up without him even noticing she was there, his attention completely devoted to looking at the landscaping he had just completed in the yard.
“You like it?"
“It's stunning! I love the pansies you planted over there. That violet color is just gorgeous and really makes the front of the house pop.”
"I better get back inside before I burn those casseroles I put in the oven," Lucy said, rubbing Julie's arm before walking back in the house.
“Lucy got a snazzy new apron, I see,” Julie said with a laugh.
“I’m not sure who’s more excited, me or her,” Dawson said. “I wasn't sure if I could get this place ready on time, but I think we're going to get there. My first guest is arriving day after tomorrow."
"I know you're so excited! I'm thrilled for you, Dawson," she said, grabbing his hand as they both stood there staring at the inn.
“I have you to thank for it.”
Julie looked at him quizzically as he grabbed her other hand to face her. "Me? I haven't done anything."
"You've done a lot more than you realize. Encouraged me. Made me feel like I could really do this. And gave me the space to get it done without getting mad at me for not taking you out to fancy dinners. But, we're going to go to a fancy dinner to celebrate soon."
She smiled at him. “Dawson, if you’ll remember, I had a husband who took me to a lot of fancy dinners for a lot of years and you see how that ended up. I would much prefer sitting in that swing over there with you, having an evening cup of coffee and listening to the waves roll in behind us. That's my celebration. And now every day gets to be a celebration."
"I think that might be the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.” He smiled as he leaned down and softly kissed her.
"It's true. I never thought this would be my dream life, but it is. I thought all my hopes and dreams were wrapped up in some big house in the city with a bunch of friends who weren't really my friends. But this place has become a part of my soul, and I can't imagine ever leaving here. So, you have my help for whatever you need because investing my time in this inn is investing my time in my forever home."
"Well, Julie Pike, I hope you mean that because I can't ever imagine losing you. I feel like my life didn't really start until we met. And since this place is like heaven to me, having you here just makes it even better."
"Better than heaven? Is that even possible?" she teased.
"I'm thinking it is," he said, leaning down to give her a longer kiss.
Suddenly, he
heard someone clearing their throat. They broke apart, each of them turning around like two middle schoolers who had just been caught making out in the janitor’s closet. Julie's daughter, Meg, stood there, her face red from embarrassment after catching her mom kissing Dawson. Some things never change. No kid wants to see their parent smooching on anybody.
“Oh, Meg, I didn't see you there…" Julie said, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. Dawson did the same, the taste of her strawberry lip gloss clinging to his lips.
“I’m going to go inside and do some final touches on the kitchen cabinets. Good to see you, Meg," Dawson said, making a hasty retreat.
Julie sat at the picnic table, her daughter across from her, the ocean waves rolling gently to shore in the background. The sun was starting to set, a beautiful swath of pink wiping across the sky like God had painted it himself.
Meg seemed uneasy, almost embarrassed. She wasn't saying anything, so Julie decided she’d better break the ice.
"You look good. Have you been getting more rest?"
Meg finally looked up, shaking her head and smiling slightly. "I am so sorry, Mom."
Julie reached across the table and squeezed her hand. "You don't have anything to be sorry for. I'm the one who’s sorry. I came on too strong, even though I was truly trying to help."
"I know. I guess I just wasn’t ready to hear it. But you're right. You and Christian are both right. I don't know what's going on with me, but I need help."
Julie was glad to hear her say it, although she wished it wasn't true. “I’ll do anything to help you. I hope you know that."
"It's just that I hated to ask. I didn't want to admit to myself or anyone else that I was struggling. And the last thing I wanted to do was disappoint you yet again."
Julie cocked her head. "Disappoint me? What on earth are you talking about?"
"I know that you were disappointed when I got pregnant, and I thought if I had the baby and turned out not to be a good mother, you would be disappointed all over again."
Julie's eyes welled with tears, and Meg’s soon followed. "Honey, I've told you over and over that I've never been disappointed in you. And a lot of women go through this. It doesn’t make you any less of a mother.”
"Today, Dixie found me walking down the sidewalk. She took me into the bookstore and we had a little chat. She even gave me a book."
"Dixie is the wisest person I know," Julie said, chuckling.
"I wish she was my grandmother," Meg said under her breath. Julie slapped her hand playfully.
"Well don't ever let your real grandmother hear you say that."
"I called and made an appointment with my doctor tomorrow. I know you're busy with Dawson's opening, but I was hoping you might come with me?"
Julie smiled. She was so grateful Meg had asked her. "Of course, I will come with you. Dawson's place isn't opening for two days anyway, so tomorrow I will be right by your side."
"Thanks, Mom. Well, I better get back. I left Christian with the baby for a bit. I need to go get some more diapers before I head home." She stood up and walked around the table, hugging Julie's neck.
"We will get through this, Meg. Everything is going to be okay.”
Meg smiled and nodded. "I believe you. I'll see you tomorrow. The appointment is at eleven o'clock."
"I'll meet you there."
As she watched her daughter walk toward her car, she was struck by what an adult she had become so quickly. Just a year ago, she was a college student with her eyes full of stars. Now, she was the mother of a baby girl who was counting on her. That was a lot of responsibility for a twenty year old, but Julie was determined to help her daughter make the most out of her life and Vivi's.
Julie sat beside her daughter as they waited for the doctor to come into the room. Because this wasn't really a medical check up, the nurse had taken them to the doctor’s office so they could talk in private about what was going on with Meg.
"I don't know why I’m so nervous," Meg said, her leg bouncing up and down like a jittery jack rabbit.
"Everything is going to be fine," Julie said. She looked down at her granddaughter sleeping peacefully, something she loved to do during the daytime but not so much at night, and smiled. “Vivi is so beautiful. I mean, I might be biased, but I think she could be the most beautiful baby I've ever seen."
Meg chuckled. "Yes, I think you definitely might be biased." She peered over her mother's lap and looked at her daughter. "However, I would agree with you. Definitely the most beautiful."
Julie squeezed her hand. "I can't wait for her first Christmas. And then her first birthday. We're going to have so much fun spoiling her rotten!"
"It's hard for me to look forward to that right now."
"I know. But you will. The doctor will be able to help you."
As if on cue, a woman walked in wearing a white lab coat. She was pretty with long blonde hair and looked like she had just stepped out of a magazine. She smiled and reached out her hand.
"Hi, I’m Dr. Miller. You must be Meg?"
"Yes. And this is my mother, Julie Pike."
"Nice to meet you. I know you must've been expecting Dr. Hodges, but he's away on a trip right now."
Meg looked at her mother as if she was hesitant about talking to a new doctor. Julie squeezed her hand once again.
“Okay,” Meg said.
"I understand that you called and spoke to one of our nurses about having some issues with possible postpartum depression?"
"Yes. I mean, at least that's what I think I have. I just haven't been feeling myself since the baby was born."
The doctor smiled reassuringly. "Well, first let me say that this is a very common issue. We estimate that more than three million women experience this every single year after giving birth.”
“Three million? Really?" Julie said.
"Yes. Like I said, we see this all the time. Thankfully, most cases are easily treatable by a doctor, and this normally resolves itself within a few months."
"A few months? That long?" Meg said.
Dr. Miller smiled again. "Well, to be honest, that's usually because the woman doesn't seek out any assistance. But you're here, and that's a good thing.” She pulled out a chart. “There are three phases of the postpartum period after birth. The first phase is six to twelve hours after you give birth. It sounds like you did okay then?”
"Yes. I mean, I don't remember anything being wrong. I was just so focused on the baby."
"And then we have the two to six week period which we call the sub acute postpartum period.”
“This all sounds very complicated," Meg said.
Julie looked at the doctor and raised her eyebrows, trying to give her a sign that Meg couldn't take in a whole lot of information right now.
"It sounds like you may have started having issues during that period of time?"
"I guess so. It really started a couple of weeks after Vivi was born. But now she's almost three months old."
"And now you're in the delayed postpartum period, which can last up to six months."
“Oh no," Meg said, her face falling a bit.
“Meg, this is very treatable. Coming to get help was a great first step to feeling better. So, let me ask you, are you experiencing insomnia? Loss of appetite? Irritability?"
"All of the above."
"What about problems bonding with the baby?"
Suddenly, without warning, Meg started to sob. It was like a huge amount of emotions were suddenly released right there in the doctor’s office. Dr. Miller pulled a tissue from a box on her desk and handed it to Meg.
"Yes. I've had problems bonding. I feel so guilty," Meg said, blowing her nose into the tissue.
"No need to feel guilty. Meg, this has nothing to do with your abilities as a mother. This is completely hormonal and very normal. We see it all the time."
“I don't want to miss this time with my daughter."
"Look, as far as your baby knows, you're her mother. You feed her,
you comfort her, you talk to her. There will be no lasting effects."
Meg dried her eyes. Julie felt like she wanted to squeeze her daughter tight in that moment. She had no idea how Meg had even been holding it together this long.
"What kind of treatment are we looking at?" Julie asked.
“Well, we definitely recommend some counseling. There are some great new mother group sessions here at the hospital. But there are also individual counseling opportunities if you don't want to be in a group setting."
"I think I would like a group. I don't really have any friends here yet, so maybe that would help me."
"I think that would be good for you. The other thing we can try is some hormone therapy. Very simple stuff that you won't need long-term. Of course, there's also the option of doing an antidepressant, although there may be some side effects. And, honestly, some women can't tolerate those."
"I think I'd like to know more about the hormone therapy first."
Dr. Miller smiled. "Great. Let me go get you some informational flyers and some samples. I'll show you how to use the hormones, and then we’ll set up an appointment to meet again in a couple of weeks."
As the doctor left the office, Julie could see a change in Meg’s demeanor. The baby started fussing a bit, so Julie picked her up and held her close to her chest.
"That all sounds very promising," Julie said.
Meg nodded. "Yeah. I finally feel like there may be some light at the end of the tunnel."
Julie nodded and looked down at her granddaughter. “Vivi is such a blessing."
Meg leaned her head over onto her mother's shoulder. "Thanks for coming with me."
Dixie took another bite of her fried catfish. She hadn’t eaten this much in years. Having someone who wanted to spend time with her and take her on real dates was new for her. When Johnny died, she gave up the idea of growing old with someone, but when she met Harry at one of her Parkinson’s support group meetings, she felt a weird butterfly feeling in her stomach.