by Rachel Hanna
The other part of her wanted to call him, hear his voice, try to imagine his warm hand enveloping hers. But, he would be able to hear the emotion in her voice. Would she start crying? Would her voice go up several octaves when he asked her if she missed him and she tried to deny it?
She flipped her phone over in her lap and stared out over the water. As much as she loved the beach, she had grown attached to the marsh also. The tall grass was constantly swaying and moving and bending to the wind. It gave her a sense of peace. She loved when the sun would set, painting purple and orange across the sky, the reflection in the water giving a haunting feeling as day turned to night.
Gone were the fears that a random alligator was going to crawl out of the depths, although she did see the occasional snake. Now, she enjoyed the sounds and smells and sites of the marshland just as much as the ones she loved about the ocean. The whole place was magical to her, unlike anywhere she’d been in the world. It was home.
She felt it so deep in her soul that it was impossible to imagine living anywhere else at this point. And that was why William could never be her boyfriend or husband because he wasn't there. He didn't feel that connection, apparently.
She closed her eyes and took in a long deep breath, slowly blowing it out as she listened to the birds making their last squeaks and squawks of the day. The sound of crickets and frogs and every other living organism that inhabited the marsh helped to ease her mind and calm her soul, but she still felt restless. Sad. There was a sense of longing that she wasn't sure she could assuage.
Just as she was about to stand up and walk into the house to make herself an evening cup of coffee, her phone started to ring. The sound startled her at first as she wasn't used to getting phone calls. She was much more of a text type of person.
When she looked down and saw William’s smiling face on her phone, she almost dropped it onto the grass. For what seemed like an eternity, she sat there debating whether to answer it. In the end, she was worried something may have happened, that he needed her in some way.
"Hello?"
There was a long pause on the other end of the line before he spoke. "Janine? It's William."
"I know. I still have you in my phone," she said, laughing softly. It felt good to hear his voice, like a warm blanket wrapping around her.
"I wasn’t sure if I should call you or not. I just wanted to hear your voice."
She had one arm around herself as she held the speaker phone up to her mouth. "It's nice to hear your voice too."
"How is everyone?"
"Good. Except my mom is the one who owns that bakery that was opening."
She heard him laugh. "Oh, that doesn't sound good."
"Yeah, it's not good."
"Well, there's always the option to move to Texas," he said. She knew he probably meant that as a joke, but it wasn’t funny to her. He wasn't going to be leaving Texas anytime soon, especially if he was still trying to get her to move there.
"So, how's the new job?"
"Good. Our numbers are really looking good, and my boss, Tina, is very nice."
"Tina? I thought you were going to be running things yourself?"
“I’m the manager, but she's one of the vice presidents of the company, so she is going to keep her office in this building and oversee the larger operations."
"That's great," Janine said, getting a sinking feeling in her stomach. It wasn't that she was jealous. William wasn't her boyfriend anymore, after all. But, even the sound of him speaking some other woman's name made her feel sad.
"I'm glad that you're doing okay, Janine." It felt like he was calling her to try and make himself feel less guilty about leaving.
"Ditto."
She couldn't say anything else, for fear that her voice would break, and she would cry. In that moment, she wished that she could reach right through the phone and pull William back into her world, but that wasn't possible. If he didn't want to be there, she would just have to figure out a way to move on.
"I guess I better go. I’m meeting a couple of work friends to watch the game."
"Oh. I'm glad you're making friends. That's important when you move somewhere new."
"Goodbye, Janine. It was good to talk to you."
"Bye, William," she said, ending the call before dissolving into tears.
Dawson sat on the deck, overlooking the ocean as streams of moonlight danced across the waves. It was his favorite place to be at night.
His whole life, he’d been an outdoorsman. Fishing, hunting when he was a kid, riding motorbikes on the trails around the island. Being inside had always been challenging for him, which was one of the reasons why he’d second-guessed his idea of opening The Inn at Seagrove.
But, he was also a people person. He thrived around others even if he did value his alone time. He wanted to get to know people from all over the world, although he wasn't sure how many global travelers would really be coming to his little island.
His favorite nights were when Julie would come over and sit on the deck with him, drinking a glass of wine and talking about their day. But when he had spoken to her earlier, and she had relayed the conversation she had with her mother, he realized she needed a night at home to decompress.
He offered to cook her dinner and bring it to her, but she had declined, opting instead to eat leftover spaghetti and commiserate with her sister for the evening. If there was one thing he had learned about her, it was that sometimes she just needed space and the best thing he could do for her was give it.
So, tonight he would enjoy the deck alone, listening to the waves and preparing for the new guests that would be arriving tomorrow.
So far he’d had a businessman from Atlanta, a young family from South Carolina and of course, his most extended guest, SuAnn. She had definitely challenged him right out of the gate, and he hoped he never had a more difficult guest in the future.
“Oh, sorry. I didn't know you were out here," SuAnn said, as if right on cue.
He turned around and looked at her, trying his best to offer a smile. "No problem. It's a big deck."
She laughed under her breath. “It seems I'm not really wanted around here after all."
Dawson recognized someone who was trying to put a guilt trip on him. He decided not to belabor the point, and instead he used his foot to push out the chair for her. She looked down at it for a moment before finally sitting.
"Hard day?"
"Something like that." He’d never heard her this quiet before. She sounded defeated, tired, a million miles away.
"I'm a good listener," he offered.
She sighed and crossed her legs. "I think my family hates me."
He was surprised to hear her say that because SuAnn didn't exactly appear to be the type of person who had a lot of self realization. "I'm sure that's not true."
She looked over at him, raising an eyebrow. "I don't think you're being honest with me."
Dawson crossed his arms over his chest. "Can I ask you something?"
"Of course."
"Why do you make it so hard for your family to love you?"
“What?"
"It's like you do everything in your power to criticize them, make them feel uncomfortable, make them get mad at you. Why do you do that?"
She looked at him like she had no idea what he was talking about. "I don't do that. I love my family, and I'm just trying to help them. Like I told Julie, I'm a lot older, and I have all of this wisdom to share."
"Come on, SuAnn. You're not trying to share wisdom. You’re trying to control everything and everyone."
Her eyes widened, and a look of anger floated across her face for a fleeting moment. "That's a very rude thing to say!"
"Maybe so, but true." Dawson turned his head and looked back out over the ocean. “You know what I like about the ocean?"
“Do tell,” she said, dryly.
"The ocean never changes. You can count on it. The waves come in, the waves go out, the tide comes in, the tide goes ou
t. You can count on it every single day, rain or shine. Not like people. Or at least, not like some people."
"What exactly are you getting at?”
“I’m saying that you're kind of like a rabid porcupine."
"Excuse me?"
"Well, the rabies makes you very unpredictable. Your daughters never know if you're going to bite, and if whatever you're going to say is going to be poisonous to them. And on top of that, you've got those sharp quills. They don't even feel comfortable going in for a hug or a nice girls lunch with you because you might poke them with one of your criticisms.”
She laughed to herself. "You definitely should not be a writer. That's just about the silliest thing I've ever heard anyone say."
"Maybe so, but I think it's apt. Your daughters can't be close to you because they don't trust that you're not going to criticize them or hurt their feelings. They keep up their guard. And the problem is, you don't seem to realize this, so you just keep doing it over and over again, pretending like you're trying to help. "
"I am trying to help."
"Well, and pardon me for saying so, but if you continue doing what you're doing, you're going to ruin your relationship with your family. And if that's why you came here, you couldn’t be doing more things to screw this up if you tried."
SuAnn said nothing. They sat in silence for a few minutes, both of them just staring at the ocean, probably for different reasons.
"So what should I do?"
"Well, the first thing I think you should do is go sit down there on that sand and think about what I've said. Really think about it. Stop thinking of yourself as the victim. Think about what your words may have done to those people you say you love. And if you feel like you've done something wrong, then apologize. Mean it. And then stop doing it."
She blew out a long breath. "That's a lot easier said than done."
Dawson stood up, realizing he was never going to get any more peace on the deck that night. "Probably so. But if you really want a great relationship with your family, you're going to have to do the work because you've messed it up. No two ways about it."
He turned and started walking toward the house. "Dawson?"
"Yeah?"
She smiled slightly. “Thank you."
He nodded and then turned toward the house, never feeling more shocked in his life that SuAnn had just told him thank you. Miracles still happened, apparently.
Dixie sat there, her hands on both sides of the coffee mug. It was a crisp, October day, but certainly not cold yet. Still, she loved the feeling of the warmth on her hands as they often got cold from her circulation problems.
"So, are you going to tell us why we are here?" Janine finally asked. She and Julie had been sitting at the table with Dixie for twenty minutes, lots of small talk going back-and-forth about the weather and the upcoming masquerade ball. But it was obvious something was going on with Dixie, and that was why she had invited them to have coffee with her at the bookstore after it closed.
"Can't an old lady have coffee with her friends?" Dixie asked, cocking her head to the side innocently.
"I don't know any old ladies at this table, but I do know someone who is trying to keep something from us," Julie said.
"Is this about our mother? Did she say something to you?" Janine asked, throwing up her hands.
"No. Actually, the most I've seen of your mother is her walking by and occasionally waving in my direction. We try to steer clear of each other," Dixie said, with a laugh.
"Then what's going on?" Julie asked.
"Well, I'm trying to work up my nerve to tell you both this."
"You're worrying me," Janine said, reaching over and putting her hand over Dixie's.
Dixie smiled. "No, there's nothing to be worried about."
"Is it William?" Janine asked, concern on her face.
"No. William is doing fine. This is about me."
"Is it about your Parkinson's?" Julie asked.
Dixie smiled slightly. "Not entirely, but I guess you could say it's related."
"Are we going to keep playing this game of riddles or are you going to tell us?" Janine asked.
Dixie took a deep breath and blew it out. "I'm in love."
Julie and Janine sat there, their eyes wide, before both of them broke out into giggles. "Really?" Julie said. "That's fantastic!"
"Wait a minute. I thought you told us you were out there playing the field, dating every Tom, Dick and Harry out there!"
Dixie laughed. "Well, the only one I'm dating is Harry."
"His name is Harry? What's he like?" Julie asked.
Dixie grinned from ear to ear. "He's wonderful. He's funny, smart and so nice. He kind of reminds me of an older version of Dawson. I met him at Parkinson’s rehab, and we just hit it off."
"You're sure it's love?" Janine asked.
"Positive. I've only felt this way one other time in my life. Honestly, I never thought an old bird like me would find love again, but then there it was."
Janine smiled. "Nobody deserves it as much as you do, Dixie."
"Well, thank you, honey," Dixie said, squeezing both of their hands. "But there's more."
"More? Are you getting married?" Julie asked, a hopeful smile on her face.
"Oh, no! I said there would only be one man I would ever marry, and I meant that. But, Harry and I have made a decision."
"What kind of decision?"
"Well, neither one of us is getting any younger, and we both have Parkinson's, so we would like to do some traveling before this silly disease slows us down. Harry owns a really nice motorhome, so we're going to be taking a long road trip after the first of the year."
"Dixie, that sounds so exciting!" Janine said.
"I'm worried about the bookstore. Julie, you can't run it all by yourself."
Julie smiled. "Don't worry. We will work it out in plenty of time."
"I don't know what I would do without you ladies. Having you here has given me so much motivation to live my life. For years, I just existed, thinking there was no second act for me, but then I saw that maybe it was possible. I saw you come here to a totally new town, Julie, and build a life for yourself. And then I saw you build a whole business for yourself, Janine. This world is full of second chances, and I've decided that I deserve one of my own."
Julie and Janine stood up simultaneously, each of them walking to Dixie’s side. They leaned in and gave her a big group hug.
"Before you leave town with this guy, you know we need to meet him, right?" Julie asked.
"I wouldn't expect anything less," Dixie said, laughing.
"So, let me get this straight. You're not going to be coming to meetings anymore?" Meg asked. They’d been attending them together for the past week.
Darcy, who was decked out in a pair of ripped blue jeans, high heel boots and a black oversized sweater, leaned against the wall of the bakery.
"Those meetings just weren't for me. I'm so glad they're helping you, though. But, we made a big decision at our house."
"Oh yeah? What kind of decision?"
"Well, my husband is going to become a stay at home dad so that I can go back to work."
"But I thought he came here for a job transfer?"
They moved closer to the counter, where they were planning to order strawberry cupcakes today. She would give her grandmother one thing, she could bake like a professional.
"He did. But he hates it. So, he's decided to go back to what he loves which is web design. He can work from home doing that, and he's already got a couple of clients ready to sign up. So, now I'm going to be on the hunt for a part-time job. That will get me out of the house and make me feel more human again, I think."
"You don't like staying home with the baby?"
Meg couldn't imagine that. She wanted to be with Vivi all the time, especially now that her hormones were much more balanced.
"It's not that I don't want to be there with Hatcher. I adore him. But, I watched my mother lose her identity when s
he stayed at home with us. She had hopes and dreams and career aspirations that she just gave up. And then when we all left to go to college and got married, she was left there trying to figure out who she was. It was really hard for her. I don't want that to be me one day."
Meg wondered if she should worry about that, but she had watched her mother do both. Although she had been a stay at home mother, she had built a successful online boutique when the girls got older that she eventually let go when she moved to Seagrove.
"I'm happy for you. And I hope you find the perfect part-time job," Meg said with a smile as they walked up to the counter.
Her grandmother wiped a stray hair off of her forehead, blowing up toward it to get it off of her face. She looked haggard and tired.
"Grandma, are you okay?”
"No. I am most certainly not okay. Trying to run this place by myself is going to put me in an early grave," she said. "Maybe I bit off more than I can chew."
Meg started to worry. Her grandmother never admitted defeat.
"Are you hiring?" Darcy suddenly asked. Meg looked at her, her eyes wide, and shook her head.
"I don't think you want to do that," she whispered.
"Yes, I am hiring, but everybody I've hired so far has left a few days later. Do you know somebody who is responsible and can put up with my apparently difficult personality?" SuAnn asked, cutting her eyes over at Meg.
Darcy laughed. "Listen, if you can put up with my difficult attitude and personality, I can certainly put up with yours."
SuAnn smiled slightly. "How would you like to start tomorrow?"
Chapter Eleven
"And three dollars is your change," Dixie said, putting the money in the little girl’s hand. "Now, you enjoy that book about seashells!" She watched as the little girl made her way onto the sidewalk, her mother waiting there and waving at Dixie through the window.
She turned around to get her purse, ready to finally close down the bookstore for the day so she could go spend some time with Harry. Instead, she heard the door open again. As she turned to tell the person she was closed, she saw SuAnn standing in front of her.