by Dannika Dark
Ren took his aviators from the collar of his shirt and slid them over his eyes. “What did the Relic have to say?”
“He agreed with our findings. Said he didn’t see anything suspicious. I mean, a few of the deaths looked questionable. Most were from natural causes or accidents, and only a handful might have been due to foul play. Probably someone in the family, but we can’t pursue those.”
“You spoke to him this morning?”
I scratched my neck. “No.” I could sense he was parsing my words, so I held my tongue.
Ren looked off toward the road. “Funny. I spoke to someone this morning who said Graham Wiggins went missing. Three packs had an appointment with him last night and today—he never showed. He’s not answering. His car’s at home, but nobody’s there. It’s like poof”—Ren snapped his fingers—“he vanished into thin air. You wouldn’t know anything about that, would you?”
“Not a thing.” I tugged my earlobe and looked at the table. Crush and Christian were playing rock, paper, scissors. Others were laying down bills and betting on them. “I have the name of a bear sleuth who likes chaining up women. Are you interested?”
Ren’s jaw clenched. “You sure about that?”
“Yep. They’re not in city limits. We freed one woman, but I don’t think it was the first time they’ve done something like that.”
“Yeah. Give me a name.”
I was relieved he took the offer. Maybe that would distract him enough to stop thinking about the missing Relic. “Franklin. Just do me a favor and leave a man named Ferro alone. He lost a son.”
“If he’s part of that group, he’s part of their dirty crimes.”
“Maybe, but all the same, I don’t want to see a grieving father slain. Turn him over to the Council.”
Ren gave a curt nod. “You got it.”
“Sorry I couldn’t solve your case.”
He fell into stride beside me. “Something tells me you already did, but we’re not gonna talk about that, are we?”
“Nothing to talk about.”
“That’s what I thought. But I think it’s worth underscoring that a lot of packs are out a Relic. It’s not easy finding a qualified replacement.”
“I’ll see what I can do to help out with that problem.”
He adjusted his glasses. “A problem you don’t know anything about.”
“Exactly. And Ren? No more side favors. This was a really messy case, and people got hurt. If you ever need help, you’ll have to go straight to Viktor.”
“Understood.”
Harley started barking uncontrollably at the restaurant entryway. Suddenly a few people put their beers down and stood. A tall man lingered in the doorway, a duffel bag slung over his shoulder. This was primarily a Shifter joint, and everyone knew everyone.
No one knew this guy.
But I did.
And so did Blue.
She turned to look. “Matteo? What are you doing here?”
Harley kept barking, drool flinging left and right.
Matteo acknowledged everyone before turning his attention to Blue. “May I speak with you privately?”
“Later,” she said. “Not here.”
“I’m leaving. I just wanted to say goodbye.” He turned his Chitah gaze to the onlookers and felt their cold reception. “Goodbye, Blue.”
Crush patted Harley’s side and fed him a hunk of meat as a reward.
I sat down in front of Blue. “You should talk to him before he’s gone. He came all this way.”
Her eyes swung up to the empty doorway, and a look of regret crossed her expression before she ran after him.
Blue stumbled into the restaurant and rushed toward the front door. It was rowdy in there—a dizzying mixture of laughter, boisterous chatter, and rock music. She accidentally bumped into a woman while rushing outside.
Matteo headed down the concrete walkway.
“Matteo, wait.” She strode toward him, wishing she hadn’t had all those beers.
He stopped by a rosebush on the corner and turned.
Blue gestured toward the faded wooden bench against the building. “Let’s talk.”
They sat and waited for a couple to pass them and go inside. A cool breeze stirred up the leaves on the bushes, and Blue was glad that she’d worn the tank top today. And not one that concealed all her scars, but a low-cut shirt that let her enjoy the weather along with everyone else. She didn’t give a damn about the stares.
“What changed your mind?” she asked.
He laced his fingers together and leaned back, legs stretched out. “I suppose the thought entered my mind when I helped you rescue the children in the warehouse.”
“You shouldn’t have been there.”
“Where young are concerned, I will always be there to help. It wasn’t until then that I realized where I truly belong. You were right. I need to return. Those children need protection to make it safely to the sanctuary, and I’m the only one who knows those woods.” Matteo faced her, his voice as soft as the breeze. “Come with me.”
“You said you realized where you belonged. It’s the same for me. I belong here with Keystone. I figured it out last night when I was dying.” She rested her arm on the back of the bench. “After the lion attack, I wasn’t the same. I felt guilty for surviving. It didn’t seem fair that my sons had to die, and I was still here. Their deaths haunt me, but I’ve accepted it. I’ve had enough time to move on. You’re still not over the deaths of your mate and child. Everyone heals differently, and I can see your wounds are still fresh.”
“Balderdash.”
“Really? Last night you should have gone after the Relic. But you just stared at me like you were reliving an old nightmare. You’re not as ready for a relationship as you think you are. No one can heal your pain—you have to heal yourself. Going back to West Virginia and working with the sanctuary will be good for you. That’s your calling in life. That’s what’s going to heal you. Not a replacement.”
“So I should forego love because I’ve lost my kindred spirit?”
“No, but what is it you like about me? The kiss I gave you was payment, not an invitation. Is it the scars? Do you think because I don’t have any prospects that I’ll stay by your side? You learned nothing about me back at the cave—not enough to bring you all the way up to Cognito. Tell me what you expect.”
“A gentle word. Would you cast me away so hastily? Your scars are a map to your heart, and any man who can’t see that is a fool.”
Blue sighed and watched a family pile into their car. “Maybe not everyone is meant for love. And that should be okay.”
He turned his gaze toward the parking lot. The sun glinted off the windshields and chrome on the bikes. “Have you ever considered paying a Sensor to take away the pain?”
It wasn’t unusual for immortals to engage in that type of sensory transaction. Sensors couldn’t remove memories, but they could remove all the emotions tied to them. “That pain is what drives me. It’s what makes me do what I do. That’s what happens when you find a purpose. You learn to channel all that pain into something else, whether it’s good or evil. I catch bad guys, and the ass-kicking I do helps me work out all that aggression.”
Matteo chuckled softly.
“There was a time I considered it,” she admitted, knowing he might be seeking permission. “I once let that pain drag me under, and I thought about it. My boys deserve my tears. But I wouldn’t judge anyone for doing it. Sometimes what we suffer through is more than we can endure. I can’t imagine what you must be going through with losing your baby and then your kindred spirit. I know kindreds have a bond that’s stronger than soul mates. It must have been a crushing loss. If you think removing the pain will help you get on with your life, then maybe you should.”
He slowly ran his hand over his mouth. “I’m thinking about it.”
“You’ll still have all the wonderful memories and feelings for them but without the rest. Time isn’t linear. It’s a series of line
s and loops. The lines are all the ordinary, mundane parts. The loops are the moments that change us—death, birth, tragedy. When we reflect on our life, we get caught in the loops and live in them. We circle back to those moments, replaying them in our head over and over until we drown in the emotions. And when the loop is a tragic one, all you can think about are the things you did wrong. What you didn’t say, what you could have done differently, how it could have been prevented, and it consumes you. I lived in the loops for a long, long time.” She reclined her head against the wall behind them. “Sometimes, if I’m not careful, I can slip into them. Like I did with you when I told my story. But you know what I found out, Matteo? It’s not the loops that matter. It’s the lines. It’s those ordinary moments that matter more than anything else. The lines are so long, but we waste our lives, caught in the loops.”
“You have an interesting mind, female. I would have enjoyed getting to know you more.”
“Sorry. I had too many beers.”
“I noticed. Your demeanor seems altered.”
She shrugged. “I feel reborn in a strange way. It took almost dying to remind me why I wanted to live. As much as I want answers from the afterlife, my job here isn’t done.”
He reached out and held her hand. “Someday, when this life can give you no more, I’ll be waiting. When your heart has been broken by some other male, I’ll be there to mend it. When you are alone, I will keep you company. And should you desire children, I will father them and raise them with love. Maybe not in fifty years, maybe not even in a hundred. But life is very long, and it can be so lonely. I know that more than anyone.”
“That’s because you live in a cabin in the woods.” She smiled warmly at him. “Maybe you should move into town. Make some friends, find a routine. It helps to be around people.” She shifted to look directly at him but slid her hand out of his grasp. “You’re not here because of me. You’re here because of a kiss. It made you feel something you haven’t felt in a long time, and that had nothing to do with me. Besides, I could never be with someone who knows the pain of losing a child. I can barely manage my own pain, and I don’t want to share that same grief with someone. Can you understand that? Losing a child is incomparable to anything else. You know that, and someday you’ll understand my reasons. Sometimes it helps to surround yourself with people who don’t know about your past.”
“You don’t feel that you’re living a lie?”
She gave him a pensive stare. “How many times do you want to repeat your story? Is that even something everyone is entitled to? Being with people who share your tragedy is healing. But being around those who don’t is freeing. Maybe it’s not that way for everyone, but it is for me.”
When Matteo rose to his feet, the light seemed to embrace him. His eyes were as golden as the sun, his hair as dark and wild as the earth. Maybe it was the alcohol talking, but she briefly wondered what her life might look like if she accepted his offer. Could she settle with a man who wasn’t her Breed? He was handsome enough, and he’d proven himself noble. But what would she do with herself in a cabin in the woods? Would that be enough?
No. It wouldn’t.
He offered her his hand, and she stood up. She got a crick in her neck looking up at him. His clothes were tattered, his dark beard sparse and long. She wanted to tell him that he didn’t need to hide under all that hair any more than she needed to cover her scars with shirts and sweaters.
He cupped her nape and gave her a sideways smile. “I hold no judgment against your choice, but I’ve done my best to prove myself a worthy male.”
“And you are worthy.”
“Just not worthy enough.”
She held his wrist. “Not for me. But someday you’ll be worthy enough for yourself.”
“Perhaps.”
“How will you get home?”
“The same way I got here,” he said enigmatically.
“You look like a nomad. You’ll never hitch a ride. If you walked, I can pay for a train ticket.”
He searched her eyes for a long while before lifting his bag and slinging it over his shoulder. “You should tell him.”
“Tell who what?”
“Viktor.” He leaned in tight. “Do you think I can’t scent your feelings for him, female?”
Blue’s words caught in her throat as she looked at him.
Matteo stepped off the porch. “Should he ever be bold enough to court you, he’ll be a lucky male.” Matteo bowed. “My lady.”
Blue gripped a wooden post and watched the mysterious Chitah cross the parking lot and disappear into a blaze of sunshine. Matteo closed the door on a future with him, yet she couldn’t help but wonder if he hadn’t opened another door… just a crack.
Chapter 32
We stayed at Skulls for hours—well after sundown. The lights wrapped around the pergola created a warm ambience, as did all the beer. I cut myself off early on, knowing I’d be driving. I didn’t want to put Crush in an embarrassing situation. It got rowdy, as it usually did with my father’s buddies, but we had a good time. Even Christian loosened up and made a few friends. He still kept his shirt off. The whole night.
As did my father, for no other reason than to prove he didn’t give a damn what anyone thought about his less-than-perfect physique. Men were shameless.
I straddled the bench next to Christian and nibbled on his shoulder. He turned his head and gave me a heated gaze.
“You’re going to have to drive Blue home,” I informed him. “She’s wasted.”
He looked ahead at Blue, who was sitting cross-legged on a table, listening to a woman spinning a tall tale. “Aye, she’s a bit langered. But having a good time.”
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen her so relaxed.”
Christian waggled his brows. “My blood has that effect on people.”
“Why are you sitting here all by yourself?”
“No one wanted to arm wrestle.”
Our fingers curled and twined as if getting to know each other. I touched the onyx ring I’d given him and grinned like a fool.
Christian lightly smacked my arm. Quicker than a heartbeat, two angry men hoisted him to his feet, and you could cut the tension with a knife.
Christian held up his palm. “Jaysus wept. It was a fecking mosquito.”
I rose to my feet. “I think it’s time for us to head out. Let the Vamp go. He has permission to kill anything sucking on me.”
“Even himself?” a man growled.
That sent me into a fit of laughter.
“Havin’ a good time, are ya?” Christian asked me while shaking free from the men’s grip.
I found his shirt and tossed it at him. “You better go before you wind up on a spit.”
He slid on his shirt and then circled his arms around my waist. “Is that so, Precious? You’d watch them burn me on the fire?”
“I’d make sure they didn’t eat you.”
He playfully kissed my neck. “Pity. I’ve heard I’m quite delicious.”
“You better get Blue home before someone puts her on the karaoke machine.”
Christian sighed dramatically. “It’ll be a blessing to not hear the shenanigans of fifteen wee ones. Finally, I’ll have some peace and quiet.”
“Admit it—you’ll miss them.”
“Like I miss the plague.”
I glanced at a couple dancing by the roses. “I’m thinking of giving my pay to the other victims. Lenore’s taking care of the alphas, but I feel guilty about the rest.”
Christian frowned. “You can’t just be giving away all your money every time you have a job. You need to build your finances. That’s the only way to survive.”
“I know, but I feel shitty about the whole thing. After talking to Ren, I can’t stop thinking about all those people I lied to. Some of them lost children. Maybe they’ll accept a compensation package for sharing their stories, and if they don’t, I’ll donate their share to charity. Don’t judge me. I didn’t come from money, and I survived j
ust fine. Sometimes it feels like we get paid too much for these jobs. I know I need to save it, and I do, but it feels wrong to keep it all. Even Viktor gives some of his away.”
“Fine, Mother Teresa. Just don’t come weeping to me in a hundred years because you can’t afford a hamburger.”
I tapped my foot against his ankle. “I’m a skilled scavenger, remember? I can talk any man out of his onion rings.”
His eyes twinkled with the memory of how we met. “You never stood a chance, Precious.”
“Not against the Lord of the Onion Rings. I’ll meet you back home.”
We fell into a deep, passionate kiss. His arm snaked around my lower waist, his hand cradled my neck, and I gave him all of me. Maybe I didn’t have much to give, but everything I had was his. My heart, my soul, my family, my friends, my past, my future, my secrets…
Well, maybe not all my secrets.
When our kiss simmered to a few lingering pecks, I fell back on my heels. People were staring, mostly women who undoubtedly wished their man would kiss them like that.
He caressed my cheek. “I’ll be on my way to take the drunkard home.”
“Keep the bed warm.”
That put a twinkle in his eye as he hurried off.
I found Crush, who was sitting at the end of a table, Harley at his side.
I patted the dog’s head as he licked my elbow. “I’m heading out.”
“This early?” a woman said in disbelief.
Crush chuckled. “Sometimes I wonder if she’s really mine.”
I smacked him on the back of the head.
Ren smiled. “Yeah, she’s yours.”
We practically dressed alike. Ripped jeans, boots, and usually a tank top or T-shirt. At least I had the good sense to keep my clothes on.
I reached over the table and grabbed his wadded-up shirt. “Put this on.”
“Why? Are you ashamed of your daddy?”
“No. But I don’t want you to catch pneumonia.”