What do you mean, lost.
How should I know, ask her. I’m in a rush.
She left, slamming the door behind her in a whirlwind of snowflakes. He took the opportunity to wash his hands. With pale pink liquid soap, not entirely to his taste. Pressing on the dispenser pump, Dan accidentally sent a spurt straight to his chest. He stood there a second, nonplussed.
I did that too, said a voice behind him. Stupid piece of junk.
Marlene was wearing the same glasses as in the photo. During the day, she wore contacts, but they were packed away in the suitcase she had to retrieve from the station. Actually, she alternated. She hadn’t counted on snow. She didn’t know the area. She hoped she’d like it here, that Nath would take the time to show her around. She couldn’t understand how she’d managed to misplace that goddam key. She was sorry to bother him with this nonsense. It’s very kind of you. It’s really awfully nice of you, she said. It looks like a quiet little town, she said, wiping the mist off the windows. Quiet is important. He slowed down, pointing out the main shops while trying to avoid looking at her. The snow never lasts very long around here, he said. In a few hours, it’ll pretty much be gone.
He handed her off to a station employee he knew, an old regular at the bowling alley—the guy had an impressive record for making some really tough splits—and he killed time in the cafeteria with a white beer while Marlene dealt with her key problem.
Outside, the sky was clearing. He lowered his eyes to the still viscous soap stain forming a halo on his sweatshirt. He touched it with his fingertip. It was gummy and made a faint unpleasant sucking sound. He forced himself to think about something else. That woman, Marlene—she seemed kind of flaky.
When she reappeared, visibly relieved, she handed him a partially eaten bag of fries. I know, I shouldn’t, she said with a shrug.
There was a suitcase and a travel trunk. She looked around for a cart, but he grabbed the trunk with one hand, the suitcase with the other, and she gazed after him for a moment with a blank face while he headed briskly toward the exit.
RESTROOM
Picking up a 7-10 split wasn’t an everyday thing. To knock off the two pins left standing, the two farthest apart, is practically a miracle. Professional players only manage it about once in a hundred and fifty tries—diddly-squat. Dan had finished his workday and was watching a player at the edge of the lane scratching his head and making a face.
Night was falling. Dan always had a drink at the bar before going home. The music wasn’t great and the atmosphere was pretty noisy—the smack of bowling balls, pins flying in all directions, the hubbub of voices—but it was his haven of peace, his no-man’s land, his sensory deprivation tank. Sometimes a guy would ask him how’s it going or a woman would climb onto the stool next to him, but he had a knack for keeping people at bay—exchanging a few brief words now and then was the limit of his sociability.
Nath knew this. She knew all she needed to know. Which didn’t keep her from saddling him with Marlene, not troubled for a second about yanking away his one moment of relaxation and calm. It wouldn’t kill him, according to her. Not only wouldn’t it kill him, it would do him good.
What are you talking about, he’d answered. I don’t even know her. What are we supposed to say to each other. You’re really something.
Oh, come on, be a pal. Just do this little thing for me. I’m putting her in a cab. I have to go now. Wait, don’t hang up.
It was no use, she already had. Then Marlene had appeared, and now she still wasn’t back from the restroom. After a good ten minutes. It was a long time. He tried using it to think of something they might do, but no ideas came to him, not the least inspiration; his mind was spinning on empty, a complete blank. He no longer knew what it meant to take a woman out. The fellow who was getting ready to try his 7-10 split also seemed short of ideas.
Dan waited for him to make up his mind—to blow it by sending his ball into the gutter—before standing up to see what was going on with Marlene.
He hesitated at the door of the women’s restroom and made sure no one was watching before he entered. Inside hovered a sickly sweet aroma, of cheap quality and tepidly floral, in a faux-cozy decor, with sinks shaped like scallop shells. Having called her name a few times to no avail, he pulled himself up to glance over the door of the stall and saw Marlene sitting on the toilet, inert, slumped against the wall like a rag doll, eyes closed, glasses askew, a few sheets of pale pink toilet paper still in her hand.
That was all he needed to see: he dropped back to his feet and undid the lock with his passkey. She opened her eyes, gave him a distraught stare, her skin ashen. Not moving a hair, cheek crushed against the wallpaper, neck twisted, panties around her knees. Without a word, he leaned over and scooped her up, lifting her from the bowl and taking her out of the stall.
She couldn’t stand; her legs wouldn’t hold. It was as if her bones were made of rubber. He rested her as best he could against the row of sinks and quickly pulled up her panties while averting his gaze.
For a moment, he had to hold her close to keep her from crumpling to the floor. He swore between his teeth, then noticed she was coming out of her fog.
Oh. Oh, forgive me. I’m so sorry, she finally stammered. It’s nothing, he said in a dark voice, immediately moving away from her. No harm done.
MILLSTONE
Marlene claimed the evening had gone well. She added with a distant smile, well but nothing more. Nath remained puzzled for a moment, holding the coffeepot, while her sister sat at the table in the sun-drenched kitchen. I wouldn’t exactly call him a chatterbox, Marlene continued, then expressed her delight in the beautiful day outside.
Conversation isn’t their strong suit, Nath sighed, shaking her head. Just gotta make do. Richard’s no better. She felt slightly bad about ditching Marlene the day after her arrival, but she had no regrets. She’d gotten what she desired. She wouldn’t burn in hell for it.
To make it up, and because she felt more relaxed, lighter than the day before, she took Marlene for a drive around the area, from the precisely delineated residential suburb to the wooded hills, still covered in snow, just north of the city; then to the reservoir where people went swimming in summer, the army base, passing by the shopping center, the drive-in movie theater, the disco, the service stations; after which came a long stretch without relief or vegetation, just a wide, straight road that seemed to go on forever.
You have to enjoy small-town life, Nath said as she braked in the bowling alley parking lot. Have to not mind being bored.
She glanced at her sister as they headed for the entrance and thought to herself that the battle wasn’t over yet. Night was falling and the giant tenpins on the lit rooftop sign were already blinking in the misty twilight.
They sat at the bar. This wasn’t the Ritz or the Carlton, the few guys standing at the counter left them alone, but Nath, watching Marlene squirm on her stool, immediately recognized the neurotic, edgy, semi-adrift girl she’d had for a sister and had lugged around like a millstone all childhood long.
Cut that out, she hissed. Everything’s fine.
Marlene let out a small apologetic giggle and tried to sit still.
You should get new glasses, Nath advised her. Seriously.
GLASSES
Dan didn’t know much about that. He didn’t have an opinion. Seriously. Instead, he was concerned about the two women’s plan to drop in on Mona unannounced, which they wouldn’t let go of. They’d had a drink or two before he joined them and their eyes shone a little too bright. I just can’t wait to see her, Marlene repeated for the nth time.
He grimaced. He got up to fetch some beers—might as well, at this point. He was tempted to just take off and let them fend for themselves.
Who’s that girl with Nath, asked a veteran at the bar. Her sister.
Huh, whaddya know, didn’t know she had a sister. Dan nodded
, gathered up the beers, and returned to their table.
I don’t want a war, stated Nath. She’s an adult now, after all.
I don’t have any advice to offer. I’m not going to come between the two of you.
I’m sure it’ll work out, Marlene announced. We can all make a fresh start.
They stared at her without saying a word. Outside the bay windows, a cold moon was rising in the sky. Guys in fatigues and regulation haircuts were horsing around and laughing in the parking lot. Cars were finding spots. Did I say something wrong, asked Marlene.
Dan, on his motorcycle, arrived a few minutes before the two women, with a worried face but a fresh complexion, intent on warning Mona that she was in for a surprise—if that could soften the blow.
Lights were on in the living room and kitchen windows. He scowled. He hoped everything would soon return to normal.
She was taking a bath. Hence that candy smell that had indelibly permeated the place for the last few days and put him ill at ease. He announced the two women’s visit through the door. No response. He heard the tap running.
At that same instant, a huge crash froze his blood and took his breath away. It came from outside. He faltered, seized by one of those flashes of panic that sometimes grabbed hold of him. He flattened against the wall, jaw trembling.
Still, just as he was about to lose it, he recognized Marlene’s voice exclaiming oh my god, oh Jesus, oh shit. He opened his eyes, swallowed. He gave himself a moment, bit into his fist, and mopped his damp brow. Then he went outside, legs still shaky, to see what the ruckus was about.
Marlene had driven into his motorcycle. She hadn’t just hit it, she’d sent it flying against the garage door, which had suffered its own damage. She had an explanation for all this, it seemed, but he wasn’t listening and walked over to pick up his bike.
I’m so sorry, I’m so so sorry, she wailed at his back. He grimaced, and at the same time realized Nath was nowhere to be seen.
Oh, she changed her mind at the last minute, Marlene said. I dropped her off at her place. If only I’d known.
She seemed truly sorry. Sozzled, but sorry.
Where was my brain, she went on.
He gave her a dark look, then turned back to his mauled vehicle and the garage door that ballooned inward like a reverse paunch. Costly as it was, at least there wouldn’t be a huge blowout between mother and daughter. Not tonight, at any rate. Not here. Who knew what might have happened.
He looked up at the black sky, noted the artificial calm hovering over everything. Marlene was carefully inspecting the car’s bumper, hunting for scratches. He asked where her glasses were.
This’ll make you laugh, she said.
But he wasn’t to have that pleasure, for she stopped short when Mona appeared in the doorway.
REARVIEW
On the way back, Marlene, slightly tipsy and sans glasses, wore a vague smile about her lips. She hadn’t been able to see her niece grow up, but she was still feeling the rush of hugging her tight. A real temperament, and a real beauty; a smart girl, though visibly suffering the rigidity of adolescence—especially when it came to her mother.
Stopped at a light, in the center of town where things were hopping around bars with flashing neons, she tapped her fingers on the wheel and glanced at herself in the rearview mirror. She thought about Dan, what an odd duck he was. Then she concentrated on her driving and didn’t give him another thought.
To spare herself an unpleasant comment from her sister, she made no mention of the unfortunate little incident that had occurred as she was pulling up to Dan’s house and instead put the accent on the wonderful time the three of them had had.
Nath scowled and said she was going to bed.
She made an about-face when Marlene announced point-blank that she was pregnant. I’d like to talk to you about it, she added.
CREEPS
It didn’t show. It didn’t show yet. Observing Marlene from behind, in the bathroom mirror, all the while brushing her teeth with unusual ardor as her sister straddled the edge of the tan thermoformed acrylic bathtub, Nath pondered whether she shouldn’t take advantage of the situation and drown her once and for all.
Don’t be too long, she told her. We’ve got a lot to do.
It was beautiful out, a bright March sky in absolute, strident blue. In front of the kitchen window, pensive, Nath put cream on her face. The Italian coffeepot belched. Richard was under lock and key, Mona had slammed the door on her way out, Marlene had dropped into her lap like a bag of cement, and as for the rest, as for her love and sex life, the Lord had not exactly provided. The only thing missing was crummy weather.
The world was full of creeps. Nath had been all about finding some guys to teach the bastard who’d tossed Marlene out on the street when she got pregnant a lesson. At least, make it so he’d never do it again. But Marlene had gone all timid, Miss Above-It-All, and flatly rejected any sort of punishment. Nath had shaken her head. Christ almighty, I really don’t understand you. Her sister was no picnic, but that hardly justified it.
They stopped at the bowling alley to retrieve her glasses, after a morose, silent ride, each lost in her thoughts—so close in space, but so far apart in reality.
The woman who’d found them had sat on them and broken one of the temples—a major tragedy, to hear Marlene tell it, as she tried in vain to adjust them on her nose, whining that she didn’t have the resources just now to take on the cost of repairing them, nor in fact to take on any expense at all.
Don’t tell me you’re broke, Nath sighed, looking for a place to sit.
I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that, went Marlene.
FLASHES
Richard would have to settle a nice, plump debt the minute he set foot on the outside. He had no particular fondness for Italian models, but Alfa Romeo was a name that spoke to him—that murmured in his ear before settling into the basso profundo of a V6 with exhaust cutout. Naturally, he’d have to tweak it, soup up the engine, accessorize with a direct air intake, sixteen-inch tires, etc., and all of that carried a price tag. So it was important not to antagonize Nath. Not start shouting.
Until he could replenish—and his three months in stir had bled him dry, financially speaking—he’d have to play it cool, show tolerance and patient composure.
After all, she’s your sister, he said, touching her hand. She stared at him fixedly for a moment. Most men were such lousy actors. Transparent. But on the other hand, she had opened an account for Marlene and loaned her enough for a month. Something that, under normal circumstances, Richard would have found difficult to swallow.
She pulled away her hand in confusion.
Anyway, it’s just a loan, she hastened to add. I’m taking her on at the shop.
Nath, that’s for you to decide, he said with a smile. Family is family.
It’ll be all right. She’ll make out.
Yeah, he eluded. Let’s hope she doesn’t start sleeping around all over town.
Seeing that she didn’t appreciate the remark, he added, Never mind, forget I said anything.
He had a hard time feeling sorry for Marlene, compassion not being his strong suit. He had very little in reserve, to be dispensed with a dropper. Saving any for Marlene, that nutcase whom he’d met maybe two or three times at most, who went into a tailspin at the drop of a hat and attracted shit like a magnet attracts iron, was a waste.
By the end of the visit, and although she had remained quietly seated across from him like a schoolmarm, talking stuff and nonsense, he had a hard-on like a mule.
He would have paid a fortune for the two of them to be left alone for a minute. The days were long gone when he came home from a mission, half-crazed, still hallucinating, a bundle of nerves, and when he kept fucking and fucking Nath, moaning with pleasure in her arms like a child, for days on end. All that was long gone. But there
were still flashes, heat lightning, an irresistible yearning for her despite the truckloads of young women who were always around, who turned up in droves, who moved in with their husbands and their brats, among whom he could pick and choose; all those adorable little bitches that he, somehow, deserved—he figured he had fought hard enough for them, for his country, for God knows what, and even for those asswipes who had given him three months for speeding, repeat offender or no.
He grimaced as his eyes met Nath’s, who stood up to leave. Repeat offender, my ass, he thought.
HELL
Welcoming guys home from a stay in hell was a duty, a tradition, a time for emotions, hugs, and tears as families reunited in the station lobby decked out for the occasion.
Night was falling, the train was running late, and noses and cheeks were reddening in the cold air that flowed under the glass roof, where a large welcome banner flapped, made from a PVC tarpaulin that they dug out each time—Dan and Richard had had their turn with it a few years earlier, coming back from Afghanistan, and you could bet it would be used again.
The veterans were supposed to set an example, and unless they had moved away, or were in the psych ward or behind bars, they were expected to be there to lend the event the necessary decorum, and Dan had just noticed that Marlene had new glasses—she was walking toward him, waving broadly—when the train headlights pierced the darkness in the distance and a noise of joyful relief rose from the crowd.
She kissed him on both cheeks, which took him by surprise and irritated him more than anything else. If he could avoid being seen with her, so much the better.
He stood stiffly, arms hanging limp, so that she felt a moment’s hesitation, but then the guys started pouring noisily from the train, grabbing everyone’s attention, and he relaxed.
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