Boys, you’re fighting the wrong war. That’s what he said. It was your fucking bastard banker father who was right.
Dan started playing with his teaspoon, moving a sugar cube like a slow skiff across the silvery waves.
I figured you’d bust my balls about this, Richard said, but I didn’t think you’d let me down. I never thought that could happen.
I have no desire to lay flowers on your grave, okay. But I will if that happens. At least you can count on that.
He stood up, set the tickets on the table. She can call me, he said. Or you take her. I’m starting to get fed up with that movie.
I’m not giving you a ride, went Richard.
It was a difficult moment for Dan. This was the worst they’d ever weathered. They hadn’t always seen eye to eye, they’d had their shouting matches, hadn’t spoken to each other for days, but this went beyond all that. A bridge had collapsed. And it was far from over. He spent the afternoon at the bowling alley, checking and rechecking with Ralph by phone to make sure everything was set. The first warm days brought customers in, all the lanes were busy, and he had to keep a constant watch on the machinery. The balls slid nonstop into their cages, the pins flew in all directions, exploded without end.
That evening, he sped straight to Marlene’s. He decompressed. He smoked a cigarette with her after they’d fucked, then got dressed, feeling much lighter.
It’s nice at your place, he said, hopping on one leg to pull on his trousers.
It’s furnished, she answered. You sure you have to go.
Sure and certain. I have to be up early tomorrow, I want to get in a run and do my exercises. I’m not being very disciplined these days.
Once outside, in the lit street, he breathed easier. The air was cool. It stung after a while. The sky was wide open and he’d enjoyed the hour they’d spent together. He still wasn’t sure about the long term, but he was sleeping better, it did him good to make love with her. They had more or less decided to keep it to themselves for now, no one needed to know, and that slight air of secrecy fit Dan like a glove. No commitment. No play-acting. No hesitation.
She wasn’t making demands, and that was fine by him, even essential. The fact that she hadn’t asked for anything scored her another point. Dan’s phone rang. Mona told him to forget about the movie, and that he could go fuck himself.
She was very fond of her dad. Ralph called soon afterward to let him know they had the shack and that Gisele had managed to procure all the necessaries from the hospital.
Ralph, I don’t know what I’d do without you.
And Gisele.
Right, and Gisele. In any case, I’m getting it in the neck.
I can imagine.
When I tell my mother about this, she’ll never believe it.
She loves him like a son.
How’s she doing.
Not bad. It’s her head—not much you can do about that. When I talk about you, she knows who you are.
She sends her love.
What really scares the shit out of me is getting old.
Yeah. I dunno. You’re probably right.
After hanging up, Dan took a good long shower, nice and cold, dried in front of the open window, and was asleep in no time. If he hadn’t had a nightmare, he would surely have slept straight through till morning. But he jolted awake screaming and shook in terror for several long minutes; fortunately, he covered his mattress with a rubber sheet and kept his meds and slippers handy.
The last time he’d renewed his prescription, the shrink had said it’ll take the time it takes, Dan, I’m not clairvoyant. But give up on the idea of sleeping like a baby.
I’m not a magician either.
This kind of crisis left him beat for the entire day. Once more, he bagged his exercises. He straddled his motorcycle and went to visit the shack. It was a nice day, the Moto Guzzi ran like a dream. It was so good that he arrived feeling more or less alive, face paralyzed by the crisp air, the white tracks of dried salt tears spangling his temples.
The place was magnificent, surrounded by greenery, deserted. The shack was a simple fisherman’s hut built near the water, with a small wooden dock that stretched onto the lake. It was here that they’d smoked their first cigarettes, then screwed their first girlfriends while listening to music and puffing on joints. It belonged to the father of one of Ralph’s cousins, a solitary angler who’d fallen in the lake and drowned. The place’s ill-starred reputation kept people away, a moss-covered wooden fence kept it closed, the road leading to it was abandoned.
Everyone had grown older since then.
The padlock on the door still worked. He opened the shutters. More than anything, the surrounding trees had grown. The interior was more or less maintained, tidy; there was a bench, a portable stove, a table, a staved-in armchair, a clutch of old fishing rods in a corner, a basket hanging on the wall, a net, storm lamps.
He pulled a blanket from his saddlebags, a few provisions, candles, rolls of cellophane tape, bananas, and brought them inside. Before leaving, he walked out onto the dock. The water lapped below his feet. The silence and surroundings were lovely. Even if you didn’t know the first thing about fishing, it still made you feel like going out to buy a rod and some worms.
He was back in town by midmorning. Ralph introduced him to two guys, two brothers, whom they could count on to handle things—and maybe more, if they hit it off, and if Dan could dislodge some extra cash for possible further activities, which he might.
After sending part of his pension to his mother, he was nearly cleaned out, but he promised the guys he’d manage if it turned out he needed to keep them around.
We trust you, buddy, declared one of them, slapping him on the shoulder while the other bro nodded. If Ralph says you’re square, you’re square.
Dan joined Marlene at the pool between noon and two.
They rested a moment in their deck chairs, eyes shut.
When he opened his, she was looking at him. Can I tell you something, he asked her after a minute, and as she nodded, he said, your glasses. Marlene, forgive me for saying so, but they don’t suit you at all.
Yes, but that’s going to change soon, she answered. I’m getting more and more used to contacts.
He dozed off again, mentally rehearsing the operation that, in itself, shouldn’t pose any problems, he’d done it dozens of times.
His name is Vincent.
He opened his eyes. Who’s that.
The guy Nath is seeing. His name is Vincent. I heard it when they were on the phone. She was talking to him in the back room, and when she came out, she was pale, white with fury. I feel a storm brewing. What, what’s with you, as if you didn’t know about it.
He was a bit dumbfounded. I didn’t think she was seeing one guy. I thought she was just having a few flings.
Anyway, it’s none of our business. You want me to put some lotion on you.
No, no lotion, thanks.
In any case, it’s not very reassuring. It doesn’t seem to be going very well.
Let’s not panic. Your sister knows how to handle herself.
Yeah, but if Richard ever found out.
Please. Let’s not talk about worst-case scenarios. Spare me. I’m going to get a headache if we keep on much longer.
At those words, he stood up and dove into the pool.
Swam the entire length underwater. Then he lay there, floating on his back.
When he returned to his chair, Marlene picked up the conversation as if nothing had happened.
The one you have to watch out for is Mona. She’s the one who told me about it. She never brings it up, but things haven’t exactly improved between her and her mother.
He grabbed a magazine and leafed through it distractedly. Yes, but what can we do about it. What’s the point of telling me this. As if there was somethi
ng we could do. Things like this happen in every home, behind every window. I’m going to get some sandwiches, what would you like. Mona wouldn’t do that. She wouldn’t go that far. Mona’s at a difficult age. She seems to have trouble controlling herself. I wouldn’t trust her if I were you. When I was a teen, I felt like killing people, I’m just saying.
Anyway, get me a veggie.
You know, I warned Nath. I told her she should watch her step. But I guess she thinks she’s smarter than everyone else. It seems to run in the family. I don’t mean you, Marlene, I don’t have any idea. But the rest of them are know-it-alls.
I was wondering what you’re doing tonight.
I’m going to hit the sack early. I have to recuperate. I told you I spent a lousy night, and I need some sleep.
You could just come have a drink at my place.
No, it’s nice of you to offer, but I’m going to bed.
Dan, it’s only two in the afternoon.
You see, I don’t even know what I’m saying anymore.
Exhaustion.
While everyone else was going nuts, Dan, for his part, was determined to stay the course.
Late that afternoon, he received a text from Mona saying that the date of their tickets was no good and they’d have to pick a later one. He answered that unfortunately Lynch’s film would be gone by then. She shot back that she could care less.
Meanwhile, Nath was clipping a poodle. According to her, there was no dog stupider or more annoying, or less worthy of interest, and she was eager to be rid of it. Marlene was trimming the claws of a young cat she had just dewormed, and the radio was murmuring an oldie by Sinatra in the background. When Vincent came in, accompanied by a kind of long-haired mongrel on a leash, she raised her eyes as Nath’s clippers slipped from her hands and continued to vibrate on the floor at the end of their cord and the poodle bared its fangs.
Marlene, said Nath, unplugging her machine, would you do me a favor and go buy me some cigarettes, if you don’t mind.
Are you sure, asked Marlene, standing up.
I’m sure.
She untied her smock and slipped on a coat while the lights of the shopping center lit up beneath a reddening sky. She crossed the parking lot and hugged the opposite wall, between a clothing boutique of questionable taste and a store for running gear—the people coming out of it looked like clowns, but they examined their kicks with delighted and self-congratulatory faces. From where she stood, she could see Nath and the guy from behind.
Breakups: she had lived through her share and always found herself on the wrong side. Score-settling, recriminations, nasty arguments—she’d known it all. Decent men didn’t grow on trees. She couldn’t hear anything, but Nath was waving her arms and seemed to be shouting, and the aforementioned Vincent was keeping pace. Passersby started slowing down to enjoy the show. Nath shut the curtains.
Marlene had once even known a man who had hit her on the head with a hammer. When Vincent came out, she practically ran to the shop and found Nath in the back room, short of breath, downing a large glass of water.
CALF
Keeping Richard from doing something boneheaded was one thing. Keeping his financial backers from not liking that he skipped out on them at the last second, with no notice, was something else again.
I thought you’d thought of that, went Ralph, chugging a beer in one gulp.
Maybe we should go see them.
Ralph rubbed the remnants of his thighs with a nervous laugh.
Have you forgotten, he said. Showing up with your white handkerchief. Y’almost got us all killed.
We wiped them all out. I don’t want to start that again.
And how’d we get out of it, huh. ’Cause at a certain point, you stopped using your head. At a certain point, you weren’t thinking anymore. You shoved that grenade in their faces and if you hadn’t, we’d all be dead. See what I mean.
They were at one of those Saturday night rodeos on the edge of town. Motors were growling, beer was in kegs, pills were passed around by the fistful—the guys helped themselves directly from the military infirmary and the girls raided the medicine chests of the women they worked for. The night was cool and sparkling. Dan had pushed Ralph’s wheelchair to the top of a hillock and they were admiring the spectacle. The guys bet their shirts and their pensions on the craziest among them, the ones behind the wheel.
Richard made himself a little cash on these evenings, because he was a bit crazier than the rest, a bit more adrenalin-fueled at the starting line. And that, too, was dangerous. The goddam business he’d gotten himself into was proof. Sometimes it seemed he was running on ether.
He’d given Ralph a manly embrace and ignored Dan, who was wondering if they’d ever get past this, if there was any chance they’d come through it intact, whether things between them could ever be the same or whether they would learn what it meant to be alone.
Ralph had brought his drone to film the race and Richard had said I wanna see that, call me, and had turned toward his car counting his cash, end of story.
His mood hadn’t changed after the race. He was even looking mighty fit, surrounded by groupies, and Dan watched him walk away with the Alfa guy who had shot him a glance in passing. He was gripping Richard’s shoulder and seemed to be congratulating him.
You see what I see, went Dan. Next thing you know, they’ll be slipping each other the tongue. Mmm, see if you can get that, just in case.
Way ahead of you, answered Ralph without taking his eyes off the monitor.
Dan suddenly had a burning desire to be elsewhere.
Why not between Marlene’s thighs, he thought to himself, surprised by the urgency of it.
He grabbed his phone and asked if he could come by later, say around midnight, for that drink she’d mentioned.
Dan, that was yesterday.
Yeah, maybe, I dunno. No. Does it matter.
He showed up at her place at around two in the morning. She was in pajamas. He was bleeding from the forehead, maybe one nostril as well, and was covered in dust. Her hand flew to her mouth and she let him in.
It’s fine, I’m all right, he said, entering with heavy steps.
It’s all fine, it’s just part of a plan. But I don’t want to talk about it. Nothing for you to worry about. Let me take a shower first, and if you have any bandages.
No, but I’ll go out and get some.
Noooo, no need, he called, but he heard the door slam behind her.
When she returned, he was coming out of the bathroom, a towel around his loins. He looked at her for a moment, asked if she’d gone out like that, in her pajamas.
There’s nobody out there, she answered. I didn’t meet a soul.
As she was in pajamas and he simply wrapped in a bath towel, they collapsed onto the bed without further ado. You’re quite the mystery, she whispered to him during a pause.
Her voice sounded thick. A moment later, he noticed she’d fallen asleep. He frowned at the thought of getting up, getting dressed, going home. There was nothing he needed to do. He felt good right where he was. Whether it was the place, the silence, the relaxation of his muscles, or else the fact that sex with her was getting better and better, who knows. Whatever the case, she was clearly lightening his burden. When he had walked up fast to Richard and the other guy, the backer, he was in a hurry to be with her, to be on top of her, to be done with them.
Richard, stop, he’d blurted in a dark voice, grabbing him roughly by the arm and forcing him to turn around. Everybody’s going to be sorry.
Richard had lost no time reacting. The drone had stabilized above their heads, but no one was lifting his eyes to admire the sky. With a violent shove, he’d sent Dan rolling into the bushes. That’s where he’d cut his forehead, on a rock jutting from the spiny branches. But he’d gotten up, blood running down his cheek, and come back for more.
Richard’s fist had shot out at stupefying speed and smashed Dan in the cheekbone like a brick. It was still smarting as he slipped from bed where Marlene was sleeping with her hands balled into fists, turned on her side, and he dressed quickly, in silence.
Day was barely breaking when he walked into a cafeteria and swallowed three croissants in a row at the counter, chewing methodically. He was the only customer. An old geezer, stooped and pallid, was washing the floor behind him with a microfiber squeegee mop that Dan had been using for some time and with which he was mighty pleased. Sports scores that meant nothing to him paraded across a screen. Another guy was making sandwiches in the rear kitchen, rubbing his eyes and yawning. The fog slowly dissipated on the horizon, broke up under an empty sky gone mauve.
Arriving home in the first light of dawn, he found Nath cooling her heels in front of his place. He said nothing, parked the car, nervously yanked the hand brake.
Dan, I have to talk to you, she said. Where were you.
You’re parked on the wrong side of the street, but whatever. Let’s go inside.
She tossed her bag on the bench while he rushed into the bathroom to wash his hands and check his bandage.
What happened to you, she asked from outside the door.
Nothing special. And what about you. What’s going on.
For a minute she stared at the tips of her shoes. Above the sink, bent over, his face was turned toward her, the tap was running, a few droplets of water splashed over the side.
I know you won’t like this, she sighed, but listen, Dan, I’m in big trouble.
No kidding. Otherwise you wouldn’t be at my door at seven in the morning looking like the ragged end of nowhere.
He knew the story, Marlene had told him the whole thing in detail, but he let her talk, took the opportunity to think.
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