by Raathi Chota
“Lana, what’s wrong? Talk to me.” Benny placed a hand on my thigh. I turned to him, and my eyes trailed down to his lips then I kissed him. It was a quick kiss, because then he pulled away and shook his head. “No, don’t do that. What’s wrong?”
“I miss being a kid,” I said after a while. “The only thing we worried about is if we’d get to play with the same toy tomorrow at kindergarten. Now it’s too much.” I breathed out then took in the smell of burned wood. “College, responsibilities, the future, safety, wealth, and decisions. It’s all too much.
“Sometimes I wish I could go back and warn myself of the stuff I’ll go through or do something differently,” I whispered then looked ahead where all our friends danced.
“Do you remember that one day in second grade when Liam got caught eating glue?” Benny asked, and I chuckled at the memory.
“Yeah…Levi, Aidan, and Jennifer were making fun of him, but then you and Nick came and told them to stop.”
“Yet we all got into this big fight, but then this girl came in with her big glasses and bright blue eyes and told us to stop,” Benny said. “You do realize we only stopped because you came in, holding hands with Ethan. Liam was smart. He drew the attention away from him and yelled out cooties…wait a minute, why was Levi in our class anyway? He’s older?”
“He didn’t like elementary school, so sometimes when he’d run off, they’d send him to my class.” I shrugged. “I was actually surprised that Aidan didn’t recognize him. They used to be good friends.”
Benny nodded then drank his can of beer. In the background was the water, and the sudden urge to get in grew. Once he was done with the beer, he smashed the can then dumped it in the bag, close to the towels.
“Let’s go in the water,” I said then pushed myself up.
“What? But it’s da—”
“So?” I took off my shoes. Benny saw that I wouldn’t take no for an answer, so he took off his shoes.
“We’re going in with our clothes?” he asked as I walked forward. I let out a sigh then dropped my jacket but kept my other clothes on.
“Why not?” I asked then stepped forward so that the water wet my feet and allowed them to sink into the sand. I continued to walk and look ahead at the never-ending deep sea. I felt the water further up my legs as I continued to walk. There was a familiar touch against my palm, and I turned around to see Benny. “I thought you didn’t want to get your shirt ruined.”
“Well, I couldn’t let you walk deeper into the water like that,” he said then pulled me into a hug. I rested my head against his chest, and we swayed with the waves. I looked up at him, and he kissed my forehead. “It’s like you weren’t gonna stop.”
I turned away then snuggled into his chest more. I didn’t know how long we stood there, but it was nice to hear the waves and block out the music. Block out the rest of the world. As my eyelids drooped, I felt someone pull my ankle. My grip tightened on Benny, and I let out a squeak since we fell. I was underwater for a few seconds but then resurfaced and saw Jaden.
“Dude!” Benny complained while Jaden laughed.
“Where did you come from?” I demanded.
“Just came back from a jump.” He pointed toward the pier where people jumped off. “Wanna join?”
Benny and I shared a look, and I smiled. We got out of the water then dried ourselves with the towels. From there, we followed Jaden up the stairs that were under the pier. We reached there in time to see Axel and Tamia jump off. Benny swung his arm around my shoulder, and I leaned into him because I was cold. Nick and Melissa approached us, dripping from head to toe as they laughed.
“Hey, aren’t you guys going?”
“I-I don’t know,” I mumbled in the dark.
“Dude, it’s awesome,” Nick said as he looked at his best friend. Melissa looked at the two of us then at her boyfriend.
“Then go get us some drinks. Get your girlfriends something to drink,” she ordered. Nick and Benny groaned then walked off. “Levi’s been jumping.” I noticed she was in a bikini.
“What? What about his arm?”
“He says he’s okay. It’s healing.” She shrugged as I looked around for him. While I looked for him, I noticed Blake approach us. He must’ve jumped already because he was shirtless and his body was soaked, making his tattoos glow.
“Hey, you up for another round?” He looked at Melissa.
“Not yet, but I know someone who is,” she sang then turned to me.
“No, no, no. I don’t like heights,” I said as I shook my head.
“Come on, Willson, you’ve jumped higher than this,” Blake said with a grin.
“Correction, you had me over your shoulder and jumped off a cliff.” I huffed as Melissa’s eyes widened.
“Oh well, suit yourself, and just know that I’m winning.” He smirked then backed away.
“Nu-uh. I am totally winning!”
“Says who?” he asked, and before I could answer, he got up onto the edge then jumped off with Carter. I turned to Melissa, who grinned hysterically as I turned red.
“What?”
“Nothing,” she sang then looked over her shoulder. I followed her gaze to see Blake walk up the stairs while people cheered him. I cursed under my breath then took off my clothes. Thank goodness I had the red bodysuit on underneath. Melissa turned to me as her eyes widened. “You’re jumping?”
“Yep,” I stated then gave her my damp clothes. “I am not letting him win.”
I decided to go to the opposite side that nobody used. I slowly got up, and once I had both feet on, I looked down. Oh my God, I wished I never looked down. I grabbed onto the lamp post, which was off.
“Whoa, pumpkin, you sure you wanna jump?”
I slowly looked over my shoulder to see Axel glance up at me. I shook my head but kept my hands on the lamp post. Axel chuckled then pushed himself up. He was confident in his straight posture and calm expression while I was a wreck.
“H-How deep is it?”
“Deep enough,” he answered then held out his hand. “C’mon, we’ll jump together.”
I grabbed onto it with my right hand while my left still held the lamp post.
“Ready?”
“No,” I answered, and he laughed.
“Pumpkin, do you remember the first time we met at my house and I said it’s a pleasure to finally meet you?”
“Y-Yeah?”
“Well…” he said then moved closer. “I said finally for a reason.”
After he said that, both of his hands went around me and he literally dragged me with him. I shut my eyes as we landed in the water. I came up and heard the cheers of people, yet my mind wasn’t on them. I remembered the day I met Axel. I was at the Gunners’ house because Blake brought me there from the party. I remember I got drunk, did a body shot by Benny, and the fight with Quinton which led me to the house. Axel was weird when we met; he even knew my last name.
“A-Axel, what do you mean by finally?” I asked as we swam. “What did you mean when you said don’t get too close?” I asked, but he shook his head. “Did we meet before that? Axel, talk to me, please, I need to know,” I demanded as we reached shore.
“We’ll tell you after graduation.” He waved off as we walked up to join the party.
“What do you mean by we?” I yelled over the music.
“Pumpkin, just know,” he said then clasped onto my arms. I felt his thumbs press against my skin as his jaw clenched, “the day I met Levi, it became my fault.”
After that, he walked off because he had to go find Tamia. I stood in the crowd of teenagers as I tried to put two and two together. He said the same thing that night I decided to put a gun to my head, but I was too smashed to know what he meant. I was snapped out of my thoughts when I felt something being draped on my shoulders. Benny appeared with two Solo cups in his hands and with a dry plain black tee on.
“I ran in the house quick,” he said as I put on his flannel.
“Thanks,” I sa
id and took one of the cups from him. Thankfully, it wasn’t alcohol but a nice crisp, refreshing cola. A loud scream erupted through my ears, and I thought it was the one in my head, but apparently other people heard it too. We looked in the direction of the voice, and that’s when people headed over to see what happened. I gave Benny a wary look as he grabbed my hand. Apparently, the sound came from Jennifer Brighton, who was by the bonfire. She was on her knees, and as I got closer, I paled. Noel Brighton laid on his back as he foamed at the mouth. I turned to Benny as I placed a hand over mouth. He looked at me with a frightened expression, but I already knew. Someone’s going to die. Keene ran past me and dropped to his knees. Jennifer cried on the phone as she tried to talk. I looked down at Keene again, who assured Noel that it’d be okay.
“Everyone fucking back off!” Keene yelled and pushed the crowd away. I was forced and shoved as I backed away. Benny called out my name, but I ran. I ran away from the crowd and onto the pier. By now it wasn’t full, so it was easier to get to the end.
“Lana!” Benny yelled behind me. Tears streamed down my face as I ran because it was my fault. I got a splinter in my foot from one of the planks, but I didn’t care. “Lana!” Benny shouted as he caught up to me. He whipped me around then pulled me into his arms. I cried as I wrapped my arms around him. I looked over his shoulder and saw the ambulance and police arrive. Benny tried to calm me as he stroked my hair. My grip tightened on him as I sobbed nonstop because Noel Brighton would die and it’s all my fault.
Chapter Eight
Lana
None of us imagined the first week back at school to have a day off to go to Noel Brighton’s funeral. I was surrounded by people in the cemetery and thought of that night. After Benny calmed me down, we walked back to the beach. We were questioned by the police while Parker, Austin, Quinton, and the Willis twins were taken in. Since Noel was a supposed drug addict, abandoned by his family, they believed the cause of death was an overdose. Keene said Noel’s drink was spiked with arsenic. I believed Keene because 1) Noel was not a drug addict, his parents forced him into rehab because they didn’t want the family name going bad and he only did it once, 2) he was the first one James ever dealt with, and 3) someone’s going to die.
Those words echoed in my head the whole night. Even when we drove home, I couldn’t digest the information that someone died. After that night, Keene never spoke. Levi and I tried, but he remained quiet. He stood next to me in his black button up. The atmosphere was dark; nobody smiled as they kept their gaze on the casket in front of us. It was depressing because Noel was such a great guy. I still remembered when I met him and told him that everyone had a story. As the casket lowered into the ground, I heard sobs. I glanced up and saw Jennifer wipe her tears away. On her right was Kelly and, on her left, was Melissa. Next to Melissa was Miranda, followed by Tiffany, and they silently cried. I should be there too, I thought, but the guilt ate me up. I fiddled with the ring around my index finger and watched as the casket went deeper until it was gone. Mrs. Brighton broke the silence when she stepped forward and looked at us. I was on the other side with the others and my parents. Detective Kale had to be here too because Noel was involved with James. There were a few journalists—not only because of the Brightons, but because of the case.
“You.” She pointed at Keene, and I noticed her smudged makeup. “You were such a bad influence on him! How dare you show your face here? Y-You…addict!”
Keene remained quiet as he stared at the ground. I wanted to say something, but Levi beat me to it.
“With all due respect, ma’am, don’t blame Keene. All he ever did was offer your son a place to stay after you kicked him out, after what you thought it would do to your family,” Levi said. “Keene was not only his roommate, but his friend!”
“Levi,” my dad warned when Levi wanted to continue. Keene outstretched his arm and gripped on Levi’s shoulder. I heard a click and turned my head to see a photographer. After the casket was lowered, people left. Levi let out an exasperated sigh then followed Blake. Benny and I decided to stay with Keene once everyone was gone. I noticed someone opposite us as they approached the grave.
“This all my fault,” Parker said. His blond curls seemed off as they covered most of his face. He wore a beige shirt that seemed too large for him and black pants with his regular combat boots.
“What do you mean, Parker?”
“James. He said if we didn’t succeed, someone would die.” He looked at us. “We never kept you till midnight, so we didn’t get the money but…” He trailed off then looked at the grave again. I bit the inside of my cheek, because that made sense. I’ve learned that if people didn’t do what James said, then he made them suffer. He made Jennifer and Keene suffer, and they didn’t deserve it.
“Parker, get in the car,” Dad said as he walked next to him. I looked at my dad’s police cruiser then back at Parker. He nodded then shoved his hands in his pockets. Once he was out of sight, I turned to my dad.
“Dad, what’s going to happen to him?”
“He’s going to the juvenile detention center. After a few months, he’ll continue his sentence in adult prison,” Dad bluntly stated. “The kid’s committed too many felonies.”
“What about Austin, Quinton, and the twins?” Benny asked.
“They’ll be going to juvie too,” Dad answered. “But Parker had too many warnings already, plus the knife he carried around…”
Dad shook his head in disappointment then got in the car. He knew everything that Parker did except that he was a rapist. If Dad knew, then he’d probably kill Parker himself. I turned to Benny, who looked down with a small smile. I turned to Keene, who still hadn’t moved. I didn’t want to leave him, and Levi was his ride home.
“You go…I’ll see you tomorrow in school,” I said to Benny. He looked at Keene then nodded. Benny gave me a side hug then kissed my cheek.
Once he was gone, I looked down at my shoes. I didn’t know how long we stood in silence. It was a sunny day, birds chirped, trees blew in the slight breeze as the sun stared down on us. I thought of everything that happened the past seven months. Then I remembered at the start of the senior year when I wanted the year to be different and less painful compared to the previous years. I jinxed it because it had been the worst year of my life. So much shit, so much pain, so many people hurt, all because of me. I was snapped out of my thoughts when I felt Keene’s fingers entwine with mine. I turned to see he motioned his head toward the car. I nodded then let his hand guide me out of the cemetery. As we walked, I stared at my shoes. They were black flats that went with my plain black dress. We arrived at Levi’s Mustang, and I noticed Blake got out of the passenger seat to let us in. Keene let me in first, and I got into the backseat. There was a meal at the Brightons’ house to honor Noel, but I didn’t think us going would reduce the tense atmosphere. I looked at Keene, who sat next to me. He looked out the window since we entered downtown to get to his place. I noticed a tear roll down his cheek. I bit the inside of my cheek then moved toward him. I rested my head on his shoulder as he turned to me. I thought he’d shrug me off, but instead, he grabbed my hand. I accepted it as I felt his thumb brush against my skin for comfort.
“Err…Keene, you don’t have to go to work for the next few days,” Levi said. “That’s if you don’t want to.”
The car was silent after that, but I noticed Levi looked through the rearview mirror. He stared at Keene a bit longer then returned his gaze to the road.
“School’s gonna be hectic now since Noel went to Jefferson High too,” Blake said after a while. “Hopefully the time leading up to graduation will fly by.”
***
We arrived at Keene’s building and walked in a single file. Keene didn’t want to take the elevator, so we followed him up the stairs. I ran a hand through my hair as we walked down his corridor. I leaned against the wall as Keene took out his keys.
“Please err…take your shoes off by the carpet. I spent the whole morning vacuum
ing and mopping the floors,” Keene finally said as he pushed open the door. The three of us shared a look as he walked in. Levi scoffed then went after him.
“Dude? That’s what you say after almost a week of not talking?” Levi demanded.
“Levi,” I warned as we took off our shoes. I gave him a look as we walked into the living room.
“There are drinks in the fridge,” Keene said as he unbuttoned his shirt. “I’m gonna take a bath.”
With that, he left the room and walked down the hall. Levi shook his head then plopped down on the sofa while Blake shoved his hands in his pockets. I heard the bathroom door shut, then seconds later, water ran.
“He’s going to take a bath,” I said and looked at Levi then Blake. “Is he really going to take a bath?”
“Yes, Lana, he’s not gonna try and kill himself. He’s not weak,” Blake sneered. I stared at him for a while as I let the words sink in. I slowly nodded then spun around to get the drinks.
“Dude, what the fuck?” I heard Levi’s voice. As the bottom of my feet touched the cold tiles of the kitchen, Blake and Levi started to argue. I let out a sigh as I blocked out their cusses. Blake talked about me while Levi spoke about Keene. I entered the room again with three bottles of root beer. Levi and Blake sized each other up. Blake seemed frustrated while Levi looked tired. After Noel died, he mostly stayed with Keene. I separated the two as I pushed a bottle against each of their chests. They looked down and caught the bottle in time as I removed my grasp. I sat down on the sofa then propped my legs on the coffee table. They watched me as I twisted open the cap then tossed it onto the table. I took a long sip and let the cold liquid tickle my throat. I gave them a blank look, and Levi sighed. He joined me then sat on my left while Blake sat on my right. We drank in peace, and I noticed the water was turned off.