by AE Watson
“Those are not exaggerations,” Egar said, laughing.
My lips twisted into a wry grin. “When I was younger and freer, perhaps.”
“You were the lesson to my younger sisters of what not to be. The bane of the Morgentsteins.” He took a bite and chewed, watching me, waiting for my reaction.
But I gave him none. I was their bane when they were alive. If only he knew how true his words were.
“I expected you to be completely feral.” His admission was brutal and unchecked. “A wild creature who killed without reason.”
“You haven’t seen her get insulted,” Egar mocked with a warning but the comment bristled my pride. “Not properly.”
“And you are not what I expected either, Your Grace,” I said, preparing to offer him my own insult.
“You expected something? I’m surprised you knew of me at all.” He lifted a dark eyebrow and cocked something of a cheeky grin.
“My brother told me that you reached out to him. I assumed you would be younger. A child perhaps. Who else sends letters behind their father’s back to show support of a foreign king?” It was my turn to wound him and I regretted it the moment I said it.
The words landed with exactly the effect I’d aimed for. He winced but recovered quickly, pasting a grim smirk across his lips as his eyes dulled until there was hardly any life in them.
He did not respond. It was worse than exchanging insults and suggested I’d gone too far.
That discomfort sat with me for the evening as he conversed lightly with everyone but me.
He danced and laughed and enjoyed the evening. He wasn’t from Ettelbruck; nevertheless, he was the most popular person there. Whereas I sat next to Egar and tried to look the picture of pleasantness. Trying desperately to be the representative my brother needed.
Now more than ever.
“He’s not so bad, huh? The prince,” Egar slurred, nudging me, sloshing some of his wine onto his boot.
“Not so bad, I suppose.” I turned to Egar and grinned, faking cheekiness though all I wanted was to go to bed. “The real question, that you have avoided all night, is when will you settle, Cousin? Surely, you must be planning on finding your own special rose to marry and have babies with? You’re not getting any younger, Your Grace. What are you, nearly thirty?” I teased.
He shot me a glare and shut up.
I appreciated the silence, even if I had to suffer the view.
It was odd being hated by Prince Erick while still finding him unbearably attractive. A true contrast to Maddox and Grayson, both who had been charming and fun. I didn’t like the prince but his actions made me want to mend our relationship. A feeling I neither enjoyed nor understood. I assumed all my feelings were tied to that cursed magic in me that heightened my emotions.
The music played loudly and the party went well past the time I was normally up. When Egar began a conversation with some men about ships in the harbor, I managed to sneak away. I hurried into the dining hall and gathered up a tray of roasted meat and made my way out onto the large snow-covered veranda.
“Artan!” I shouted into the falling snow and frigid air. “I have lamb!”
It took but a second for the snow to swirl and dance in a vortex created by his vast wings. Though I couldn’t see him in the precipitation, he circled and landed on the cold stone courtyard. His wide nostrils created steam blasts into the air. I lifted a hand for the warmth of him and leaned in when we made contact.
I took comfort and love and understanding from the embrace.
“Here,” I said, pointing to the platter.
He moved, swishing flakes and making large, clawed footprints on the snowy ground. The meat began to vanish with the sound of him eating.
It reminded me of when he was a baby eating the frog in the forest. The day we realized he needed his meat cooked and preferably charred as he couldn’t digest raw food. He had been so small then. Now he stood as large as a house.
“One day, it’ll be me and you and a small farm surrounded by a great wood,” I whispered to him and the snow and the gods. It was as much a promise as it was a prayer.
We were silent for some time, just us and the sound of him finishing his meal.
“You’re looking for me, Princess?” a voice called out from the snow.
I spun, wondering if I was so cold I was hallucinating.
But Maddox spoke again, “I was instructed to find you.”
“Max,” I said his nickname softly, aware he could hear me without raising my voice.
“Did you really come all this way to find me?” he asked and walked closer, his footsteps crunching on the snow.
My insides balled into the tightest of knots. I wished for the necklace then to kill my feelings. But that hadn’t solved any of my problems. If anything, it created new ones.
“I did.” I sighed as Maddox’s large frame stepped from the shadows. “I need to tell you I’m so sorry,” I offered as sincerely as I could.
“No, Amillia, you aren’t.” He knew me too well. “I am certain you’re sorry you had to do it, but I know you do not take it back. You do not regret it.”
I walked forward, ignoring the cold on my exposed skin and the impractical slippers I wore with no tread. “I’m sorry I hurt you.”
“Does Keanna know it was you?”
“She does,” I admitted.
“And she forgave you?” He stepped into the light, wounding me with his expression. He was hurt and angry and I couldn’t blame him.
“No,” I confessed. “I suppose she will tolerate me as much as I will her if we should have to be around each other.”
“Then you understand how I feel about you,” he whispered and my heart cracked. “I love you and have always loved you. But that love has altered. You will always be the person who took my mother from me. Just as she was always the woman who took my father.” He stepped closer but I couldn’t move to join him. “You made that choice to kill her, knowing what it would do.”
“I did,” I agreed. “And for that I will always be sorry.”
“I know,” he said. “Why are you here? Why do you seek me?”
“Keanna and Ed cannot marry without your blessing. They wish to be married as soon as possible.”
“Then I will go to Firth,” he said with a heavy sigh. “Is that all?” He was done with me.
“No. I—Michael wishes you to become the steward in Midland. It’s troubled with the traitorous king and his abandonment of the people.”
“Steward, but I’m not royalty.” He furrowed his brow.
“Michael wishes it. He needs people he can trust on the various thrones. Please,” I begged, wanting to elaborate but respecting his disdain. It was becoming a normal sentiment for me.
Maddox clenched his jaw, clearly wanting to say something he wrestled with.
“Please, Max.”
“Fine. I will go to Firth, they will wed. And I will return to Midland and clean up the kingdom. But you will not be the attaché for Michael who comes to Midland.” His voice was firm and rigid, a perfect representation of his expression. “You will tell Michael that is my only stipulation. You and I will not see each other again after the wedding.”
My heart cracked and I wished for one of those bloody trinkets to kill off the pain.
“Agree, Amillia. You and I will not see each other again.” He was cold and rigid.
My lips parted but I didn’t respond. What was there to say? This was goodbye. I could try to manipulate my way into his heart again. I could profess my undying love. I could seduce him. But it wouldn’t be real. Not with half my heart already given away to Grayson.
I finally understood the cost.
I’d believed I knew what this, this trail of blood and ruin, would cost me. But standing here in the snow, with Maddox in front of me telling me he never wished to see me again, I finally understood what the guard trainer had meant. Hate would bring about the ruination of me and everything I once stood for. I could never go back.
My eyes threatened tears as the taste of this loss turned metallic in my mouth.
“Goodbye, Princess. I will pray to the gods that one day you find someone who you love enough not to kill for. Someone who is worth more than your vengeance. I will love the girl you were for the rest of my life.”
“That girl will love you for the rest of hers,” I whispered as an icy tear slithered down my cheek.
“That girl is already dead.” His eyes shone as he gave me one last look before turning and vanishing into the shadows and snow.
I staggered back, gripping the warmth of my dragon.
This was the cost of hate. Loss. The loss of me and everything I once stood for.
Would I welcome my end as I slowly lost everything and everyone?
Chapter 6
I woke, bleary eyed and exhausted at dawn with next to no sleep. My heart continued to ache from the night before, but I forced myself to push it down. I’d made a decision in killing Maddox’s mother. I knew he would never forgive me. I had to live with those consequences.
And now it was time to move on.
The yellow gown hung over the back of a chair as I donned my leather breeches and white tunic with my band holding in my breasts. I made my way downstairs to break my fast before the trays were brought up. I needed to get out of here. Yule or not.
The castle was abuzz with staff cleaning and tidying from the ball I’d managed to escape from.
I arrived in the kitchen to the cooks curtseying deeply, unable to meet my eyes.
“Good morning. I’m sorry to disturb you all.” I smiled pleasantly and tried to sound sweet. “I was hoping I might sneak something to eat before everyone else is awake. I have to be on my way home.”
“Of course, Your Grace,” the head cook said as she curtseyed again though it was unnecessary. “Whatever can we make you?”
“Nothing troublesome. Just some buttered toast would be delightful, thank you.” I wanted a full breakfast but there was no time for that.
They scurried and moved as if my presence caused a discomfort. It wasn’t at all my kitchen back home where I could come and go and be treated as one of them.
Here I was a princess. An assassin. And to some, the rightful queen.
I shuddered at the thought.
And the word.
Queen.
It made my skin crawl.
After no more than ten minutes my food was ready. “Here, you are Your Grace,” the head cook held up a tray with far more than buttered toast. “Shall you take it in the dining room?”
“Is there somewhere less formal, perhaps? I’m hardly dressed for that,” I asked softly, realizing I was now being difficult, exactly what I’d hoped to avoid.
“Of course,” she said uneasily. “Please, sit here. We can vacate—”
“Please don’t,” I practically begged, wanting so badly to lose the pretenses. “I would love to just sit and eat and not bother anyone.”
“Oh”—her eyes widened with fear—“Your Grace, you are no bother.” Her hands shook and rattled the tray as she placed it down on the rough wooden table next to the small stool. “I’m sorry it’s such a mess in here.”
“No, please. I’ve invaded your sacred space.” I fought with an explanation but offered it anyway, “At my parent—brother’s castle I am that kitchen rat, always lurking for scraps and the hope of avoiding everyone else.” My cheeks flushed with color as I sat and tried to put them at ease.
“Just as your naughty cousin is. Still. He’s the bloody prince and lord of the castle and yet, I find him in here, picking at my roasted hens.” The cook’s expression lightened. “Every time I turned around when he was a boy, Prince Egar was wrapped around my feet hoping to catch some scraps.” She took a deep breath. “Can I make you a tea?”
“I wouldn’t want to be a bother—”
“No bother. Janessa, tea for the princess!” She winked at me and got back to work, rolling out the pastries for the breakfast sweets.
I took a bite of the greasy eggs she’d laid on my toast, savoring the salty goodness as the yolk and butter mixed.
Janessa, the kitchen girl, hurried over with my tea. “Milady.” She curtseyed.
“Thank you,” I said and sipped, closing my eyes and letting it all combine. The smell of the kitchen, the taste of the strong tea, and the hearty bread with fresh butter. I could almost convince myself I was home. A place I would be in no time if I left soon.
But hurrying the meal would insult the kitchen staff. I decided to eat slowly and try to weasel some gossip from them instead. Something they had to be expecting. “During my stay I haven’t seen a single lady on Egar’s arm. Is he also like me in resisting that fate?”
The cook’s eyes lowered to the floor followed by the rest of the kitchen staff.
“Ah, so he is more like my brother Ed. A string of ladies who might not be suited for court.” I pressed my lips into a tight smile, fighting with a full grin. “Perhaps, I should tell him Ed is marrying a girl our mother and father would never have approved of. A commoner.” The words slipped from my lips before I caught myself.
The cook’s eyes widened as she met my gaze. “Truly?”
I nodded and stuffed toast and eggs into my face before I could say anything else. Even my fancy accent was gone. I’d reverted to full kitchen rat.
“That would be something,” she offered quietly, moving closer to me and lowering her voice to nearly a whisper, “There is someone. He’s spoken of the predicament of an improper marriage a few times in unguarded moments. A shop girl we think.”
“That makes me happy to know he is in love. He’s my favorite cousin,” I admitted freely, maybe too freely. His happiness would matter to Michael as well. “I want him to marry who he loves and not for duty.” I knew the words weren’t specifically for him.
“Millia, gods!” Egar blasted as he strolled into the kitchen, bleary eyed and unshaven. His bedclothes left something to be desired and made me giggle. “What are you doing down here so early?”
“Eating, dear cousin. Tea?” I asked as if I might be the one to make it.
“Aye, at the very least. Bridge, do you mind whipping me up a little something to settle my stomach?” He bat his lashes at the older woman.
She rolled her eyes but started the kitchen staff on the task, barking orders, “You heard His Grace. Eggs and toast and tea and perhaps a little of the old hair of the dog!”
Egar sat next to me on another small stool. “I see you’ve found your way into the kitchen as you always do at home.”
“You are one to talk!” I finished my toast and drank back the tea.
“I see you’re not wearing the clothes I brought to you. Does this mean you’re leaving?”
“Yes, thank you for sending word about Maddox. I saw him last night. It’s done. So I am free to go and finish seating stewards.”
“I suppose the journey home isn’t half as long for you, flying on that dragon of yours.”
“I don’t always fly with him,” I whispered, leaning in. “Sometimes my magical aunts help me out. Which is something you might be interested in for Ed’s wedding. I can have one of my aunts fetch you.”
“Fetch me?”
“Indeed.” I leaned in more, lowering my voice to nearly inaudible, “They can make it so you open a door here and walk out in Firth. Very strange to witness but it would allow you to attend and see Ed.”
“That is an odd offer, even coming from you, Millia.” He smiled wide. “But if you’re certain they would be able to do this strange magic, I would be grateful for the chance to see the blessed event.”
“And I would be grateful for your company there. The girl is not like us. She’s a commoner.” I watched his expression, wondering if it would change.
“A commoner?”
“And a wolf,” I whispered. “Maddox’s sister. She too hates me for killing their mother.”
“Gods, and Michael is allowing her to wed Ed, though he will
be steward of Firth?” He knit his brow tightly over his fierce gaze. For a moment, I worried I’d misspoken. But he lightened a second later and nodded. “How bold and modern of Michael to allow such a union.”
“I suspect seeing what befalls a marriage of duty over one of love has made him rethink arranged marriages.” Except mine of course.
“Of course. I suppose it has changed all our opinions.” His bleary eyes widened. “I wish you would stay longer.”
“I’ll come back,” I said, realizing it was the truth. I would be back. I liked it here.
“Promise?” Egar asked, throwing his arms around me. He squeezed so tightly I couldn’t get my breath. “I miss all of you.”
“I promise. And I’ll tell Michael you have accepted his offer?” I asked.
“I have,” he agreed with a heavy sigh. “Do I have to move?”
“No.” I leaned back, smiling at the concern in his eyes. “He is having a castle built, one central to the entire kingdom. But it will take time. He will rule from the Black Keep for some time so you can remain here for now.”
“All right.” He smiled faintly and stood up with me. “Tell him I’ll be waiting for my summons to see him and finalize details. Surely, he will have a say on the steward’s council.”
“Perhaps. But I need to be off.” I stood on my tiptoes and placed a soft kiss on his cheek. “If you need me, send a raven to Michael and I’ll be here within hours.”
Egar laughed, shaking his head. “My little assassin.” He placed a large hand on my shoulder. “I expect you will know I need you far before I do.”
“That’s probably true.” I grinned wide and stepped back. “I’ll send word about the wedding.”
“I’ll be waiting with bated breath.” He winked and I walked out, carrying only my small bag with me.
When I was outside the castle, in the grand courtyard, I glanced up to find a beast circling in the sky. He was watching, waiting for me to go to the woods where he would fetch me. “Farewell!” I waved and hurried down the steps of the castle, hood up and swords lightly hitting my sides.
I rushed along the snowy streets to the edge of the city where the forest was thickest.