by L. P. Maxa
I hadn’t realized until that moment how much I missed my mom, how much I missed my parents. Payton Cadence was welcoming and kind, excited to see me, excited to see her granddaughter growing in my stomach. And it made all the hurt I’d been feeling bubble to the surface.
“Kase, why don’t you go down to the stables and get your dad for me?” His mom wrapped her arm around my shoulders, steering me onto the large leather sectional. “He’d want to know that you guys are back.”
Kase glanced at me, his eyes narrowed. “You sure? You sure you’re okay?”
I nodded, teeth clenched and smile firmly in place.
“Stop hovering.” His mom shooed him away.
“I’ll be right back.”
“He’s very attuned to you, that son of mine.” Mrs. Cadence sat down next to me, mischief in her eyes. I didn’t say anything because I wasn’t sure what she wanted to hear. Kase wasn’t in love with me. He was in love with his daughter. “Are you really okay, Emmie?”
I wanted to lay my head in her lap. I wanted to be taken care of. I wanted my mom. “It’s been hard with my parents.”
“Kase told us that they weren’t taking the news well.” Her kind smile turned sad, like she was hurting for me. “I’m sorry to hear that, sweetheart.” She reached out, putting her hand on mine where it rested on my bump. “Mace and I are always here if you need us.”
“Emmie, sweetheart, I’m so glad you could come see us.” Kase’s dad came into the house through a back door wearing worn jeans and a thin t-shirt. He was handsome, like his son. And his smile was warm, like his wife’s.
I stood, holding out my hand to shake his, but instead he used it to pull me in for a warm hug. Kase’s parents were the complete opposite of mine, that was for sure.
Chapter Forty-One
Emmie
“Emmie, sweetheart, you okay?”
We were all in the Cadences’ living room watching a movie. I’d been fighting to keep my eyes open for the last twenty minutes.
“Yeah, sorry, I guess it’s been a longer day than I’m used to.” I held my hand over my mouth, doing my best to stifle another huge yawn. “I feel like I’m borderline narcoleptic after eight o’clock.”
“Oh I remember those days.” Kase’s mom chuckled as she leaned forward and rubbed her hand on my thigh. “Don’t feel like you need to stay up for us though. We have all day tomorrow to hang out.”
I enjoyed Kasen’s parents, both of them. They were kind and sweet. They didn’t treat me or Kase like we were a disappointment to them both, which was a real nice change of pace from life back at the compound.
“Come on, Ems.” Kase took my hand, pulling me to my feet. “Let’s get that baby in bed.”
“I fixed up the guest room at the end of the hall.” His mom blew us kisses. “Good night, loves.”
We both blew a kiss back and I let Kase guide me down the long hallway, pausing in front of a door. “Your bathroom stuff is in there, get ready for bed and then I’ll tuck my girl in.”
He closed the door behind me, and I tried real hard to tamp down the smile on my face when I saw it in the mirror. His kindness, his words, they were all directed at our baby. But I couldn’t help but swoon a little. Kase wasn’t anything like the guy I’d thought he was. I assumed he wouldn’t want anything to do with me, or with the baby. I thought a child would harsh his player vibe, I thought he’d choose his lifestyle over having a daughter. I’d been wrong. Kase was in love with our baby, and he was a good man. He cared.
And he was making it so damn hard for me not to fall for him.
Pregnancy hormones. I’d blame it on my pregnancy hormones. Of course I’d think a hot dude being nice to me and my unborn child would be the perfect mixture of sexy and sweet. Right? Right. And being here with his parents, who were everything I’d been craving, everything I’d been missing from my own family? That was all adding to the problem.
I brushed my teeth and washed my face, taking deep breaths and willing my heart to stop its dumb fluttering act. I wasn’t falling in love. I was falling into my third trimester.
When I opened the bathroom door, fully prepared to tuck my own damn self into bed, my mouth went dry at the sight of Kase walking toward me, using a towel to dry his hair. Shirtless. He was shirtless and there were droplets of water trailing between his pecs and down to his belly button. And worse? He was smirking at me. He needed to stop smirking at me right the hell now.
“You’ve got to be the cutest pregnant chick of all time, you know that?”
Jesus H. Christ.
“I doubt that’s true.” I waved away his compliment as I stepped past him, peeking into two empty rooms before I found the one with my suitcase in it. “You’re being nice because your kid is probably about to wreck my body.”
Marley’s terrible description of post labor was never far from my mind.
I picked up my bag, about to swing it around to land on the bed so I could change into my pajamas. But, Kase came and took it out of my hand, placing it on the mattress and shooting me a stern look. “Don’t lift heavy shit while I’m here to help you.”
“Heavy shit? Kase, it’s a weekend bag, not a suitcase full of bricks.” I rolled my eyes, laughing lightly when really, in my mind, I was fainting onto a pretty pink velvet couch from his sweetness and attention.
“Doesn’t matter.” He unzipped the suitcase and tossed the lid back before jumping onto the bed and lying on his side. “I don’t get to be there for you often, so while I am, let me help, okay?”
I nodded, keeping my lips firmly shut so I didn’t whimper and beg him to kiss me. I pulled out a stretchy tank top and some soft maternity pants I’d gotten from Halen. I refused to go buy maternity clothes when three people who lived within walking distance of my house had closets full.
“Um, I’m going to change.” I shifted on my feet, glancing at the door he’d shut behind us.
“I’ve seen you naked, Ems.” Kase wagged his eyebrows. “Change.”
I took a deep breath, not liking the way his words made my core clench. Pregnancy hormones. Yep. I wasn’t in my right mind. Not my fault. It was the baby’s fault.
“You haven’t seen me naked and knocked up though.” I rubbed my belly. “Not the same experience, I can assure you.” I expected him to make some joke, or to tell me I was crazy, or to close his eyes with a smile so I could change in peace.
I knew he’d never actually get up and leave the room.
But what I didn’t expect was for him to sit up and reach for my hands, and to drag me closer to the bed, to pull my shirt up and off my body, and to push my jeans down to my ankles. He sat back when I was standing in front of him in my bra and panties, a smile on his face.
“You’re right, it’s not the same experience.” He leaned down and placed a soft kiss on my stomach. “It’s better.” Then his gaze met mine and I hoped like hell he didn’t see the brimming tears. “You’re gorgeous, Ems.”
I took another deep breath, turning my back on him as quickly as I could. I tugged on my shirt and put on my pants, then wiped at my eyes to make sure that all traces of the tears that had almost spilled over were gone.
When I finally felt strong enough to face him, he was lying back on the bed again, cool and casual. Like he hadn’t rocked my whole world with nothing but a soft sweet kiss to our daughter.
“Your parents are great.”
He wrinkled his nose. “Yeah, they’re okay.” He closed my suitcase and moved it down to the floor, making room for me on the bed.
“They’re handling all this so much better than mine. They’re being so kind to me.”
Kase lifted the covers and then patted the mattress. “Come on, I’ll tuck you in and tell you a bedtime story.”
I climbed into bed beside my friend and co-parent and was instantly surrounded by his spicy scent. Dammit. Why did he have to smell good too? I needed to find his cologne and pour it down the drain.
“Did you know that me and Katie have differ
ent parents?”
I gave myself a mental headshake, remembering that I was lying next to him for a reason. He’d tell me a story and then he’d leave. I needed to keep my chill for like ten more minutes. I could do that. Anyone could do anything for ten minutes, right?
“Uh, I vaguely remember hearing my dad and Uncle Luke talking about it one day.”
“Katie’s bio parents died the night she was born. Her mom lived long enough for them to get Katie out, but that was it.” He folded the pillow behind his head. “My dad was this young rocker, traveling the world and hooking up with a new girl at every stop.”
I snorted. “Like father like son.”
“Funny.” He sent me a toothless smile and then continued, “He lost his parents and gained a little sister all at the same time. He said it was such an odd and inexplicable feeling, happiness that Katie had survived, and overwhelming sadness that his dad and stepmom were gone.” He rested his palm on my stomach, like it was the most natural thing in the world for him to do. “He had no clue what he was doing. He’d never even held a baby before. And Katie was so tiny, a preemie. My mom was a nurse in the NICU. She moved in here to help my dad once he brought Katie home.”
“And they lived happily ever after?” I tucked my hands under my chin, liking that we were getting to the sweet ending where two people fell in love.
“Nope.” Kasen wrinkled his nose. “My dad kind of lost his shit at one point. He said he went back on tour, but the reality was, he ran away. He left my mom here to raise Katie on her own for a few months.”
He up and left the girl who had been kind enough to help him? That was shitty, and it made me admire Kase’s mother even more. “Your mom sounds like a pretty spectacular person.”
“She is.” His palm started to rub big circles on my bump. “Anyway, my dad came home and groveled at my mom’s feet and begged her forgiveness. It all worked out in the end.” His hand stopped and he used it to run his fingers through his hair. I had to bite my lips together to keep from begging him to put it back on me. “My parents are great, but I think that’s because they know a little bit about what we’re going through: the uncertainty, the fear, and the excitement. They understand that it’s not all black and white, and that people can thrive in the shades of gray.”
I turned on my side, my belly resting between us, one of the words he used standing out from the others. “Are you excited?”
“Yeah, I think I am.” He rested his cheek on his pillow, his face level with mine. “I’m a lot of things, but excited is definitely one of them. What about you?”
“Excited, nervous, and terrified.” My hand went to my stomach, pushing at our daughter’s tiny butt when she tried to float it under my ribs. “I run the full range about thirty times a day.”
“You’re doing great, Ems.” His hand reached out and grabbed my shoulder, massaging the knots that had been growing ever since we told my dad about the baby.
“That feels so good, my neck and my are back killing me. My body is used to constant stretching and exercise, and all it’s been getting lately is—”
“Stress?”
I nodded. “Stress, two a.m. wake-up calls, and hours of watching lectures on my laptop.” I’d doubled down on school, adding more classes to my course load now that I wasn’t in rehearsal most of the day. I wanted to get as much accomplished as possible before the baby came.
Kase wanted to be in our daughter’s life, and I knew he’d try his best. But I wasn’t delusional. I knew what his career was like, how much traveling he did. I knew the majority of parenting would fall to me. Which meant it’d be a couple years before I could focus this much time and energy into getting my degree again.
“Like I said, I’m here now, let me help.” He made a roll-over motion with his finger, waiting until I got comfortable on my other side. “Close your eyes, I’ll rub you until you fall asleep.”
I snorted, pulling an extra pillow from behind me and wedging it between my legs. “Isn’t that what got us into this mess?”
“You got jokes tonight?” He tickled my ribs, making me laugh. “I promise not to get you double pregnant from this massage.”
As Kase rubbed at the knots in my shoulders and my neck, his words kept repeating in my head. Double pregnant. If anyone had the power to get someone double pregnant, it was Kasen Cadence.
The fuck-boy who’d done a one-eighty when he’d decided to be a dad.
Chapter Forty-Two
Kasen
I opened my eyes, blinking into the darkness. I was in my room, but I wasn’t alone. Ems. I glanced to my right, everything from tonight coming back to me. I’d dropped her bag in my room after she’d gotten to the ranch. I hadn’t been sure which guest room my mom wanted her in. Then after she changed in here, I’d decided she could have my bed and I’d bunk in a guest room. But then I’d fallen asleep giving her a massage.
And she was lucky that was all I’d tried to give her. Holy hell. When I told her to get changed, it had really started as me simply wanting her to know that she was beautiful. But then her perfect little bump had been right there and I’d started to get a bit choked up. So I’d kissed her stomach. When her eyes welled with tears, I’d wanted to pull her into my lap. I’d wanted to wipe those tears away and kiss her lips. I’d wanted to move those tiny lace panties to the side and taste her again.
But. That wasn’t part of being friends. Or co-parents for that matter. I’d already fucked her life up enough. I didn’t need to add my dick roaring back into the mix again and making anything worse.
“Kase?” Emmie’s voice was sleepy, soft. “What time is it?”
I held my wrist in front of my face, squinting. “It’s almost two.”
She groaned, rolling onto her back and sitting up a bit. “Well, that makes perfect sense.” Her hands went to her belly, rubbing soothing circles as she let out a tired sigh. “It’s her witching hour.”
“She’s moving?”
“Like a racoon on crack.” She turned to me, wincing. “You should go back to your room so you can sleep.”
I grinned. “This is my room.”
Her eyes got wide. “Oh, I’m sorry.” She looked around, trying to see her surroundings in the dark. But it would be no use. I had blackout curtains. The only reason I could see her was from the light on my watch. She threw the covers off, pushing herself up. “Which room is mine? I’ll go there and sleep.”
“Don’t go.” My words came out fast, louder than I’d meant. “I, uh, can I…” I pointed at her stomach. “Can I feel her?”
She was silent for a few seconds, still as a statue. I was almost afraid that she was going to tell me no and leave. If she did, I’d get on my knees and beg her to stay, which would have been embarrassing as fuck, but I wasn’t above it. I’d never felt my daughter move before. I wanted to more than I’d wanted anything in a long time.
Luckily, Ems lay back down and pulled her tank top up, exposing her belly. “Yeah, of course you can.”
I placed my palm on her stomach, which was harder than it’d been earlier when I was telling her about my parents. She took my hand and moved it lower and to the side. In a matter of seconds, I felt it. It was more alien-like than I’d thought it would be. But I sort of loved it. And I couldn’t stop smiling. “That’s so weird.”
Emmie snorted. “You’re telling me.” She took my hand and switched it to the other side. “She has a lot of room in there right now, she does laps from one side to the other.”
I sat up, putting both my palms on the bottom section of her rounded bump, enamored with the fact that my kid was alive in there. Growing and thriving, and from what it felt like, she was having a hell of a lot of fun.
“Thank you.” I whispered the words softly, not wanting to disturb the silence between us in case Emmie had fallen back asleep.
“What for?” She was whispering too, matching my tone.
I dipped down and placed another kiss on her stomach, moving slowly this time, letting my lips
linger on my daughter. “For giving me a choice, and a chance.”
Her hand went to my hair, her fingers running through it twice before stopping. She didn’t say anything, but the silence between us wasn’t uncomfortable. I kept my hands on her, laughing as our daughter moved back and forth, kicking and elbowing my hands.
“See what I mean? Racoon on crack.” Emmie sighed. “She’ll do this for at least an hour, keeping me up all night.”
“Hm.” I felt around at the end of my bed, snagging my dad’s old acoustic guitar and strumming a few notes. “Maybe some music will get her back to sleep.”
“You want to sing our unborn baby back to sleep?”
I winced, even though it was dark and she most likely couldn’t see me. “You think it’s stupid?”
“Stupid hot.” She gasped, her hand flying her mouth like she was trying to stuff the words back in.
I chuckled. “Did you call me stupid hot?”
“No.”
I knew I was grinning from ear to ear, but like I said it was too dark for her to see it so it was okay. “Well, you ain’t seen nothing yet, Ems.” I balanced the guitar in my lap, reaching out to rub the bump one more time. “Okay, kid, your mom is so exhausted her brain-to-mouth filter is on the fritz, so how ’bout we let her get some sleep?”
I strummed a few notes, humming softly. I never played or sang in front of anyone besides my parents. I wasn’t a musician, and I didn’t want to be. But my father insisted we each try our hand at a musical instrument. Katie was hopeless, but I ended up being not half bad on a guitar.
I started cataloguing songs in my head, trying to find the perfect one for my restless daughter. I couldn’t help but smile when the perfect lyrics came to mind from an old Bob Dylan tune and then I started to sing about growing up and staying forever young.
Ems whispered, “It’s totally working. Tiny traitor, I’ve tried singing to her. I’ve even tried freaking rocking her back to sleep in there. Nothing worked.” Emmie adjusted the pillow behind her head and closed her eyes. “If I fall back asleep, wake me up and I’ll go get in the other bed.”