by L. P. Maxa
“Kase, kid, if you’re falling for Emmie, that’s okay. But if you’re not sure, let her be.”
“I know. I will.”
The last thing I wanted to do was cause her any more heartache than I already had.
Chapter Forty-Nine
Emmie
I rolled over, hoisting my belly up and onto the other side, reaching for my phone when it chimed loudly.
Kasen: Do you like Benson?
Kase. He was in his room next door.
Emmie: Why are you texting me? We’re one wall away from each other.
Kasen: I didn’t want to wake you in case you were sleeping.
Emmie: I’m studying.
Or I was trying to, but I’d been nodding off when I heard my text alert.
Kasen: Do you like Benson?
Where was this coming from? Was he jealous? No. Kase couldn’t be jealous of Benson because Kase didn’t want me. Not like that.
Emmie: He’s okay, I guess.
Kasen: Don’t be that girl.
It’d be nice if just once he’d let me get away with a bullshit answer.
Emmie: I like that he’s nice to me. I like that he doesn’t see me as a pregnant teenager. I like that he doesn’t pressure me for more. And I really like the way he keeps me loose.
I covered my mouth, laughing when I hit send.
Kasen: Stop it.
Emmie: You acted like a caveman earlier.
He’d basically shoved Benson’s hands off my shoulders and told us he was more of a verbal learner, not visual.
Kasen: I’m not proud.
Emmie: He’s a good guy, Kase.
Kasen: Are you in love with him?
No. How could I possibly be in love with Benson when Kase consumed so much of my heart, despite my best efforts?
Emmie: No.
Kasen: Could you be? Someday?
Emmie: I don’t know. Falling in love is the furthest thing from my mind right now.
Kasen: Fair enough.
Emmie: You can always come talk to me, Kase. You don’t have to text.
I wanted to see him. I wanted him to sit next to me and rub sweet circles on my belly. I wanted his hands any way I could get them
Kasen: Are your pregnancy hormones making you horny?
Emmie: Never mind. Stay in your room.
Kasen: My dad said pregnant chicks like the dick.
Emmie: I have a hard time believing he said that.
There was no way Mr. Cadence would use those words.
Kasen: I’m paraphrasing. But still.
Emmie: I’m fine.
“That’s not an answer, Ems.”
I looked up. Kase was leaning against my doorjamb, refusing once again to let a bullshit answer fly. His hair was a mess, like he’d been running his fingers through it. He wasn’t wearing a shirt and his sweatpants were riding low on his hips. He was the most attractive man I’d ever seen. And he was the father of my child.
“I don’t think it’s sex I want.” At least not with Benson. No, my hormones were all geared toward Kase.
“What is it then?”
I took a moment, trying to find the right words, trying to tell him why I enjoyed my time with Benson. Trying to explain what I missed most, and what I needed. “I want someone to hold me. Someone to kiss my forehead and tell me that everything is going to be okay.”
“Do you let Benson hold you?”
“We cuddle sometimes.”
Kase licked his lips, standing up straight and taking a step closer to my bed. “Do you like it when he touches you?”
My breath caught in my throat, my heart pounding. His words, they’d had the ability to turn me on from day one, and it seemed not much had changed. “I don’t hate it, but I can’t say I crave him or anything.” I’ve only ever craved one man in my entire life.
“Can I hold you?”
It’s not like he hadn’t held me before. We’d slept next to each other. We’d napped on the couch. He touched my belly all the time. He kissed the top of my head. He guided me into every room with his hand on the small of my back.
I nodded.
“We can’t have sex, Ems, we can’t blur the lines, but I’d like to give you what you need if you’ll let me.” He crawled on my bed, wrapping his arm around my middle and pulling my back against his chest.
I sniffled, wiping at my eyes, trying to hide my tears before he could see them.
“Why are you crying?”
Oh let me count the ways. “I guess I’ve been so lonely lately.” That was what it boiled down to, right? My life was different, and I felt a little lost.
“I’m here now, Ems.” Kase kissed my shoulder, and chills traveled down the length of my spine. “I should have been here all along.”
“I don’t expect you to put your life on hold, Kase.” And I hated that he felt like he needed to.
“Why not? You are.” His palm rested on my stomach. “Co-parents and friends.” He slipped it under my shirt, rubbing soothing circles. “You take care of the baby, and I’ll take care of you. And then once she’s here, we’ll find our new normal. Together.”
Chapter Fifty
Kase
I slept in Emmie’s room now. I knew it wasn’t the smartest move, but I couldn’t seem to stay away. Every time I thought about going back to my own bed, I remembered her telling me that she felt lonely. And instead of walking away, I pulled her closer.
It’d been a week or so, and no one in the house had mentioned it. Either they hadn’t noticed, or for once, her family wanted to stay out of our business. I went for a run every night. Usually Emmie and her mom came with me. They’d walk, and I’d do laps around them. Ems wanted to run. She said she felt like her muscles were atrophying. But Landry came over and argued my point alongside me. She told Emmie that if she would’ve started running at the beginning of her pregnancy, then she would have still been able to. But since all she’d been doing the last few months was yoga, she had to stick to that as we got closer to the end.
And that yoga? I was a big fan. We’d go on our walk/run and then she’d come inside and pull out the mat my mom had sent her. I’d sit on the couch and watch, you know, in case she needed me. Emmie was gorgeous, her body slender, until she turned to the side. And then she looked like she’d swallowed a bowling ball.
But tonight, she was in her room taking a test for one of her online classes, so I was running alone. The compound was sort of spooky after the sun went down, but I refused to use a flashlight like I was scared of the dark.
“Boo.”
Shitfuckdamn. I skidded to a stop, my hand flying to my chest as I slipped on the loose gravel. “What the fuck, Brody?” I regained my balance, leaning forward with my palms on my knees. “You about gave me heart attack.” I glared at him. “Why are you hiding in the dark, jumping out at people? If Ems had been with me, you’d have sent her into labor.”
He was laughing, hard, gasping while he tried to catch his breath. “If Em was with you, I wouldn’t have done it.” He erupted into another fit of hardy ha-ha, the bastard. “I wish I would have videoed that shit.”
“Is there something you need? Or is this a new hobby I should alert the rest of the compound about?” I had my hands on my hips, taking big gulps of fresh air, willing my pulse to return to a more normal rhythm.
“I wanted to talk to you.” He snorted, trying and failing to quell his laughter. “Sorry, I’m sorry. I’ll stop. I promise.” He bit his lips together, turning around for a moment. “Okay. Yeah. I’m good.”
I started walking, knowing that if he really wanted to talk to me, he’d catch up.
Which he did.
“I wanted to see how you were doing.”
“With what?” I liked Brody, but it wasn’t like we were best friends or anything.
“With the baby. With Em.” When I didn’t answer, he continued, “I know what it’s like to have your whole life turned upside down. Wyatt wasn’t planned, and finding out Landry was pregnant sho
cked the shit out of me. She and I were only fucking around, you know? I was about to leave on my first stadium tour and she was deep into her surgical residency.”
“I thought you guys were dating when you knocked her up.” I knew that Wyatt wasn’t planned, but I’d always assumed that they’d been together from the start.
“No.” He chuckled, rubbing at his blond curls. “We were banging, a lot. Like nonstop. But we weren’t dating.” He cleared his throat, keeping pace beside me as we walked toward Katie and Cash’s house. “I knew I wanted to be a dad, that part was easy. I loved Wyatt almost instantly. But I wasn’t sure how I felt about Landry for a bit.” I glanced at him, surprised to hear that. “I fell for Landry slowly, and then hard. Hell, maybe I was always in love with her and refused to realize it. It’s hard to know, it seems so long ago now.”
“Why are you sharing all this with me?” I wasn’t being mean, my tone wasn’t rude, but I honestly wanted to know what he was getting at, if there was a point he was trying to make.
“You’re in love with your kid, we can all see it. But I think you’re in love with Emmie too.”
Bold. That was a bold-ass statement. “I care about Ems, Brody, I do. But there can’t be more between us. We have a good thing going here, and we don’t have the luxury of fucking it up.” It wasn’t about only the two of us. There would always be someone else’s heart we needed to protect.
“If you could invent a time machine, if you could go back in time, would you have not touched Emmie at all, or would you have just kept your dick in your pants?”
I’d thought about that very thing, I’d even asked Ems what she would do if we could go back in time to that weekend. But it seemed like a lifetime ago.
“I can’t answer that. Not now.” I shot him an irritated scowl. “That would be me saying I don’t want my daughter to exist.”
He rolled his eyes, gently shoving me to the side. “Come on, dude, we all know you’re head over heels for your kid. Go along with me here. Play the game.”
I sighed, closing my eyes, remembering that first weekend I’d spent with Emmie. I was like a man possessed. I had to have her. My uncles had warned me away, both of them. But I’d refused to listen. I wanted her too badly. The way she came apart from my touch beside the pool, the way she felt in my arms while we danced. The way she’d tasted, the sound of her orgasm while I feasted on her. No. I wouldn’t have given that up, not a single second of it. And I wouldn’t give up anything that happened since then. It wasn’t always easy, and we’d both been through so fucking much, but not knowing Ems? The notion alone made me queasy. She was my best friend.
“I would have kept my dick in my pants. What’s your point?”
“My point is that if magic existed and you could travel back to that long-as-fuck wedding weekend, you’d still touch her. You’d kiss her and hold her and dance with her. You wouldn’t give Emmie up, not completely, no matter what.” Brody kicked a rock, sending it sailing into the woods.
“Why are you doing this?” Why are you making everything so fucking hard? Why are you saying these things to me? Why are you trying to throw us off balance?
“Because I know what it feels like to fall in love with the mother of your child.” He veered off, heading back the way we’d come while calling over his shoulder, “What’s better for a little girl than two parents who are as obsessed with each other as they are with her? If there’s a chance it could be more, fucking take it, bro. You’ll regret it for the rest of your life if you don’t.”
Chapter Fifty-One
Kasen
Brody’s advice shook me to the core, as I was sure he’d intended. I’d spoken too soon, thinking that Emmie’s family was backing off and giving us our space. No. Brody had been waiting in the dark, ready to pounce like an emotional ninja.
I’d showered, thinking of Emmie the whole time. Thinking about the way she’d felt in my arms the night we’d conceived our daughter. The way she’d laughed as we danced in the field. Everything about that weekend was burned into my heart. I remembered every detail of my time with Emmie, and everyone else I’d ever been with swirled together in a blur of nothing special.
I loved Ems. I knew I did. I was supposed to, right? I was supposed to love the mother of my child. That was me being a good man, a good dad. Two things that I’d promised her, months ago, that I would be. But that didn’t mean I was in love with her.
I stood in her doorway, drinking in the sight of her. She was lying on her back, wearing a sports bra and some tiny shorts. She got overheated at night. She didn’t like to wear a lot of clothes these days, and I was not complaining. So I thought she was smokin’ hot. That also didn’t mean I was in love with her.
Her laptop was shut beside her. She was done with her test. Her eyes were closed, but her hands were tapping her belly like she was playing with our daughter. “Ems?”
“Hm?”
I stepped into her room, glancing at the picture of me, her, and the bump I’d taken in the mirror. “Are you asleep?”
She smiled, opening her eyes. “Am I ever these days?”
“Our little girl giving you a hard time?”
She turned to look at me, lips pursed. “I don’t think she’s going to be one of those infants that naps all day.”
I grabbed the headphones from the dresser then climbed into bed beside her, helping her roll over and get comfortable. Once my unborn daughter was propped against my side, I placed the headphones around Ems’s belly and started rubbing big circles on her bare skin. “There you go, baby girl.”
“She already has you wrapped around her finger.”
“I’m not even ashamed.” I dipped down and placed a kiss on her bump. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.” Ems tucked her hands under her chin, resting her forehead against my arm and closing her eyes. “Nudge me if I doze off while I’m in the middle of a sentence.”
“Why did you give me your virginity?”
“I thought you were going to ask me to name our daughter after another stripper.” She picked her head up, meeting my gaze and taking a deep breath. “I don’t know, you were the first guy I’d ever wanted, you know? You made me feel things I didn’t realize even existed. And it felt right. It felt like it was exactly what was supposed to happen.”
“Did you cry into your pillow when the sun came up?” I’d thought about her on the plane that next morning as I watched the sky turn orange with light. I’d wondered if she was awake, and if she was sad. I remembered the promise she made me while we’d been dancing, and I’d hoped that she’d kept it.
“No. Honestly, I woke up smiling.” Her pink lips lifted at the corners, slightly. “I felt content and, like, happy.”
I scooted down, resting my head on the pillow and putting my face near hers. “Maybe we were supposed to happen.” I put my palm back on her belly. “Maybe it felt right because it was, because we were supposed to make her.”
She nodded, her beautiful blue eyes filling with tears. “Yeah, maybe so.”
“Ems?”
“Yeah?”
I glanced down, watching as she licked her bottom lip. Taking in the way the pulse in her slender neck started to race and her throat worked to swallow. “Nothing, I uh, get some rest.” I kissed the top of her head, breathing in her sweet scent.
There were things I wanted to tell her, ask her, talk to her about. I wanted to share all the shit that Brody had stirred up in my brain because she was my best friend. We were honest with each other. We had to be for this to work. But I was scared. I didn’t want to mess up what we had for what might be. There was too much at stake.
She snuggled down closer, her head resting on my chest.
This was all I needed.
Them safe and in my arms.
***
When I woke a few hours later, the house was silent. I rolled my head to the right, not all that surprised to find Emmie’s side of the bed empty. It was getting harder and harder for her to sleep
through the night. It wasn’t only the baby keeping her up now, it was the fact that she had to pee all the time and her back hurt and her hips ached.
She was in her third trimester, and it was crazy to think we were coming up on the end. Our daughter would be here soon. I threw the covers off, getting out of bed to make sure Ems was okay because that was the right thing to do, not because I was in love with her.
I walked down the dark hallway, following the faint light coming from the kitchen. I shook my head, laughing quietly when I saw Ems, sitting on the counter, eating ice cream from the carton with a plastic spoon the size of her pretty little head. The fridge was open, a can of whipped cream sitting beside her. Her hair was a wild mess and her belly was still bare, the sports bra and tiny shorts she slept in all she had on.
She was stunning. I didn’t think I’d ever be able to look at her and not notice her beauty. And my dad was right, I thought she was even hotter pregnant with our daughter. I tried to ignore it, but it was visceral. The way I felt about her body, it was possessive and raw. And fucking inconvenient. It turned me into a jealous dick. But it didn’t mean I was in love with her.
“You gonna keep standing there like a weirdo, or you want some ice cream?” She turned to me, licking her lips clean.
I stuck my hands in my pockets, trying like hell to hide the semi the sight of her had given me. “I want some fucking ice cream.” I stood in front of her, opening my mouth wide. “Give it to me.”
She giggled, the sound like music in the quiet sleeping house. She gave me a bite, then grabbed the can of whipped cream and took a hit for herself. “Good?”
I nodded, reaching out to wipe some cream off her chin. “Very.” I put my hands on her belly. “She wake you up?”
“Nah, this one was on me.” She took another bite of ice cream. “It’s hard to get comfortable.”
“Come back to bed, I’ll rub you until you’re loose.” I grinned, taking the can of whipped cream out of her hands.