MARIE had only been back in London two days when she realized that,as far as Chris was concerned, she need expect nothing more thanthe casual affection which he had always bestowed upon her.
He was just the Chris she had always known--selfish andirresponsible and wholly charming.
Sometimes she despised herself because, no matter how indifferenthe might be to her, her love in no way lessened. She felt that itwould be much more for her happiness and much more sensible if shecould grow as indifferent to him as he was to her.
Time after time she told herself that she would not care, that shewould not let him hurt her, but it was useless. The first coldglance, the first small act of neglect, and the old wound achedafresh.
Her greatest fear was that Miss Chester would know the real stateof things. When she was present Marie always exerted every nerve toappear bright and happy; she went out of her way to talk to Chris.She was determined that the old lady should believe they had had athoroughly good time and were perfectly happy.
She did not understand that eyes that appear woefully blind canoften see the clearest. Miss Chester had long ago discovered forherself that this marriage, like many others she had seen duringher life, was turning out a failure.
She was too wise to let either of them know of her discovery, butshe shed many tears over it in secret and lay awake night afternight wondering what she could do to help and put things right, butrealizing that she could do absolutely nothing.
Interference would make things worse. She understood thoroughly thedifferent temperaments with which she had to contend; she knew justhow proud Marie was, just how obstinate Chris could be. She couldonly wait and hope with a trembling heart.
Chris seemed to have drifted back to his bachelor days; he came andwent as he chose, and he said no more about looking for a housewherein he and Marie might make their home.
Miss Chester spoke of it once to Marie.
"My dear, don't you think you should be looking about for a houseof your own? I love you to be with me, but I am sure that Chrismust want his own home--it's only natural."
"I think Chris is quite happy, Aunt Madge," Marie answered, in thetoo quiet voice in which she always spoke to Miss Chester.
"Quite happy! But what about you?" the old lady asked indignantly."Every wife wants her own home; it's only natural, and there'splenty of money for you to have a delightful home."
"Money again!" Marie thought wearily. What great store everyoneseemed to set by it!
Chris had opened a banking account for her, and told her to drawwhat she wanted and amuse herself; but Marie had not yet learnt thevalue of money, and beyond spending a few pounds on clothes andodds and ends she had not touched it.
He had given her a diamond engagement ring and another beautifulring when they were married. One afternoon when they were lunchingalone. Miss Chester being absent, he said to Marie suddenly:
"Wouldn't you like a pearl necklace or something?" The vagueness ofthe question made her smile; there was something so boyish aboutit, so very like the Chris she had known years ago.
"I should if you think I ought to have one," she answered.
"I don't know about 'ought to,'" he said, dubiously. "But otherwomen have trinkets and things, and pearls would suit you, you'reso dark! We'll go out this afternoon and look at some, shall we?"
She flushed with pleasure; it was so seldom that Chris suggestedtaking her anywhere. She ran upstairs to dress, feeling almosthappy; she was so easily influenced by Chris--a kind word orthought from him kept her content for days, just as a cross word oran act of indifference carried her down to the depths of despair.
It was a sunny afternoon, and a heavy shower of rain overnight hadwashed the smoky face of London clean and left it with a wonderfultouch of brightness.
"Are we going in the car?" Marie asked, and was glad when Chrissaid that he would rather walk if she did not mind.
They set off together happily enough. It was on occasions like thisthat Marie tried to cheat herself into the belief that Chris didcare for her a little after all, and that it was only his awkwardself-consciousness that prevented him from letting her know of it--a happy illusion while it lasted!
It was after they had bought the necklace--a charming double row ofbeautiful pearls--and were having tea that Chris said suddenly:"Marie Celeste, why don't you go about more and enjoy yourself?"
She looked up with startled eyes.
"Go about!" she echoed quietly. "Do you mean by myself?"
He did not seem to hear the underlying imputation, and answeredquite naturally: "No, can't you make friends or ask some people tostay with you? You must have friends."
The color rushed to her face.
"I had some friends at school," she answered, "but not many. Idon't think I was very popular. There's Dorothy Webber---"
"Well, why not ask her to stay with you?"
There was a little silence.
"I don't think I want her," Marie said slowly. Dorothy Webber andMrs. Heriot had always somehow gone together in her mind; they wereboth essentially men's women--very gay and companionable--andthough she would not have admitted it for the world, Marie did notwant Chris to meet Dorothy Webber.
"Oh, well, if you don't want her, of course that alters things," hesaid with a shrug. "But it seems a pity not to have a better time,Marie Celeste! Most women with your money would be setting theThames on fire."
"Would they? What would they do?"
He looked nonplussed.
"Well, they'd go to theatres and dances, and play cards, and thingslike that," he explained vaguely. "I don't know much about women,but I do know that not many of them stay at home as much as youdo."
She sat silent for a moment, then she said: "You mean that it wouldplease you if--if I was more like other women?"
He laughed apologetically. "Well, I should feel happier about you,"he admitted awkwardly. "It's not natural for a girl of your age tostick at home so much. Time enough in another thirty years."
"Yes." Marie remembered with a little ache the kindly warning whichFeathers had several times tried to give her.
"Chris wants a woman who can be a pal to him--to go in for thingsthat he likes--and you could, if you chose to try!" He had saidjust those words to her many times, and though in her heart she hadalways known that the first part of them was true, she felt herselfutterly incapable of following his advice.
If she had loved Chris less it would have been far easier for her,but as it was, she was always fearful of annoying him, or ofwearying him with her attempts to be what he wanted.
"There's no need to stay in town all the autumn, either," Chriswent on, after a moment. "Why not go down to the country, or tosomewhere you've never been? There must be heaps of places you knownothing about, Marie Celeste."
She laughed at that.
"Why, I've never been anywhere, except to school in France, and toBrighton or Bournemouth for summer holidays."
Chris lit a cigarette.
"If you could get a friend to go with you, there's no reason whyyou shouldn't go to Wales or Ireland," he said, his eyes bent onhis task.
Marie stared at him; she could feel the color receding from hercheeks. So he did not mean to take her himself!
She became conscious that she had been sitting there dumbly formany minutes; she roused herself with an effort.
"Perhaps I will--later on," she said.
The pearl necklace of which she had been so proud a moment ago feltlike a leaden weight on her throat. She wondered hopelessly what hewas going to say next, and once again the little streak ofhappiness that had touched her heart faded and died away.
And then all at once she seemed to understand; perhaps the steadyway in which he kept his eyes averted from her told her a gooddeal, or perhaps little Marie Celeste was growing wise, for sheleaned towards him and said rather breathlessly trying to smile:
"You are very anxious to dispose of me! Why don't you find a friendand go away for the autumn too?"
&nb
sp; She waited in an agony for his reply, and it seemed a lifetime tillit came.
"Well, Aston Knight said something about it when I saw him lastnight. You remember Aston Knight?"
Marie nodded; she remembered him, as she remembered everything elseto do with her fateful wedding. He had been best man becauseFeathers had refused.
"What did he say?" she asked with dry lips.
"Oh, nothing!" Chris spoke as if it were a matter of noconsequence. "We haven't arranged anything, but he asked me to runup to St. Andrews with him later on for some golf. You don't carefor golf, I know, and I shouldn't care to go unless you were havinga good time somewhere, too . . ."
She did not care for golf. It was clever of him to put it that way,she thought, as she answered bravely:
"Well, why don't you go? You would enjoy it."
He looked at her for the first time, and there was a vague sort ofdiscomfort in his handsome eyes.
"You're sure you don't mind?"
"Mind!" Marie almost laughed. What difference would it make if shetold him that she hated the idea of his going away from her morethan anything in the world. "Of course I don't mind; I shouldcertainly arrange to go. I thought we agreed that we were each togo our own way?"
"I know we did, but I thought . . . well, if you are quite sure youdon't mind."
"Quite sure." There was a little pause. "Perhaps Mr. Dakers willgo, too," she hazarded.
"Yes, probably, I should think. I heard from him this morning."
"And is he still away?"
"Yes; he asked if we had made any plans for the autumn."
She noticed the little pronoun, and her heart warmed; she knew thatFeathers at least--with all his contempt for women and marriage--would not leave her out of a scheme of things that concerned Chris.
She looked at her husband, and her throat ached with tears, whichshe had kept pent up in her heart for so long now.
She was sure that Chris could always tell when she had been crying,and she was sure that it made him a little colder to her, a littleless considerate.
She loved him so much! Even the little line between his brows,which was the result of his habit of frowning, was beautiful toher; she still thought him the handsomest man in the world.
She would have loved to go to St. Andrews with him; she knew Chrishad been before for golf many times, and the very name conjured upvisions of his old tweed coat and the thick low-heeled shoes healways wore when he played, and she wished with all her heart thatshe had the courage to ask him to take her.
She had never been to Scotland, but the very mention of it seemedto speak of wide stretches of moorland and purple heather and thecool fresh mountain air.
She moved restlessly, and Chris looked up.
"Shall we go?"
"Yes, I am ready."
They went out into the street Marie knew now why he had brought herout this afternoon, why he had suggested that pearl necklace; itwas a kind of offering in exchange for his freedom for the next fewweeks.
She supposed that most women would have acted differently; wouldhave refused to be left at home--would have cried and made a scene;but the heart of Marie Celeste felt like a well from which all thetears have been drawn.
Let him go! What use to try and keep him an unwilling prisoner?
She passed a sleepless night turning things over in her tired mind,trying to find a way out of the entanglement which seemed to growwith every passing day.
Surely there must be some way out that was not too unhappy! Surelythere must be women in the world sufficiently clever to do whathitherto she had failed to do!
In the end she decided to write to Dorothy Webber. After all, theyhad been good friends, and it would be pleasant to see her again.She wrote the following morning, and asked Dorothy to come toLondon. "Chris is going away," she wrote. "So I would love to haveyou for company. Shall we go to Wales or Ireland for a littletrip?"
She asked the question, parrot-like, in obedience to her husband'ssuggestion, not in the very least because she wished to leaveLondon, or to visit any place. Wales or Ireland might have beenTimbuctoo or Honolulu for all she cared.
She told Miss Chester what she had done.
"I knew you would not mind, dear," she added.
Miss Chester was pleased, and said so.
"I have often thought how well Chris and Dorothy would get ontogether," she said innocently. "They are very much alike in theirlove of sport."
Marie bit her lip.
"Chris is going away to Scotland," she said, "golfing with AstonKnight and Mr. Dakers."
Miss Chester dropped her knitting.
"Then, my dear child, pray go with him! Mountain air is just whatyou want to put some color into those pale cheeks. If it is for mysake that you are staying I beg of you to go; I will speak to Chrismyself."
Marie laughed nervously.
"I don't want to go--I hate long railway journeys. You know I do. Iwould much rather stay here. Auntie, it's really the truth!"
Miss Chester took a good deal of persuading, but finally gave in."I don't like the idea of husband and wife being separated whenthere is no need for it," she said in a troubled voice, but Marieonly laughed as she bent and kissed her.
"You need not worry about that," she said. "Think how pleased weshall be to see him when he comes home."
She waited anxiously for Dorothy's reply to her letter, which cametwo days later.
"I should have loved to come," so she wrote, "but only the daybefore I got your letter I accepted another invitation, but if youwill ask me again later on, Marie, I'll be there like a bird."
Marie's first feeling was one of relief that Chris would not meether, after all, but the next moment she was despising herself forthe thought. How could she be so petty and jealous? And, besides,it would have been less lonely--Dorothy was always good company.
She told Chris of Dorothy's letter, but he seemed unimpressed.
"Well, I should ask her later on," he said casually.
"Yes, I will. Have you fixed anything up yet?"
"Yes--at least, Knight is doing all the arranging. Feathers iscoming along, and another man, and that boy Atkins wanted to buttin, but I shall choke him off. He's such a kid, and besides"--helooked at her with his little frown--"I've not forgotten that henearly drowned you."
"How absurd!" But the pleased color flew to her cheeks. Perhaps hehad cared, after all, when he so nearly lost her.
"And--when are you going?" she asked hesitatingly.
Chris yawned.
"At the end of the week, I think--Friday."
Friday again! A little shiver of apprehension swept through Marie'sheart.
CHAPTER XI
"You went away-- The sun was warm--the world was gay; My heart was sad, because although I bade you stay you did not so! But went away . . ."
A Bachelor Husband Page 11