by Rae Else
She glanced at Alex. He was lighting another cigarette. She swore that a few weeks ago, the grey had only been at his temples, but now it was throughout his hair. Likewise, there weren’t just a few lines at the corners of his eyes but a web.
‘I’m sorry,’ El said, ‘for what I said before … about Mum.’
Alex closed his eyes and stroked his brow as if he had a headache. ‘You don’t need to apologise.’ His gaze was watery when he looked at her. ‘By God I loved your mum, but if she were here I’d give her a piece of my mind.’
El stared, not knowing what to say.
‘I have a sister,’ he explained. ‘She’ll have seen the news today too.’
‘I’m sorry…’
‘It was my dad who never wanted mum or Jill to know about arete. My parents both passed a while back. I could have told my sister about what was going on, but Anna always convinced me it was safer for Jill this way. Now Anna’s gone, and whatever relationship I had with Jill is too. She’s hardly going to want to be contacted by a criminal.’ He tapped the ash from the cigarette onto the ground, before inhaling again. ‘We weren’t close, but I can’t help thinking – there’ll never be another Christmas or birthday, or anything…’
‘It’s not your fault,’ El said gently. ‘You were trying to do what was best.’ She thought of Ingrid and how she’d made her forget. ‘You lied to keep her safe.’
His gaze darted to her. ‘She deserved the truth.’ He paused and took another draw. His hand trembled. ‘And I’m not just talking about Jill. I should have told you everything about the arete world that day at the lab, I should have told you about extracting the empousa blood from you after the catacombs—’
‘Alex, I know you tried to get Dan to tell me the truth at the flat. You showed me the book about empousa, just like you tried to tell me something in the lab with the books—’
‘It wasn’t enough.’ He shook his head. ‘I was a coward. I know I should have done more.’ He crushed his cigarette underfoot. ‘It’s the same with Jill. I didn’t tell her because I didn’t feel I had a right to. Your mum, Dan … they’re arete. It was their fight, their plan … that’s how I always justified not saying anything.’
For a few minutes, they were quiet. When he went to take out another cigarette, El frowned.
‘Well, if we’re both speaking our minds,’ she said. ‘You definitely don’t need another.’
A smile crept over his face and he chuckled, sliding the pack into his pocket and handing over her lighter.
He headed inside, calling back, ‘Don’t sit out too long. Doctor’s orders.’
As the evening drew in, the wind became more raucous, its tumult in the trees making it sound like rainfall. Mulling over their conversation, El couldn’t help drawing parallels between her and Alex. This world had been concealed from her until recently. In a way, she’d been clinging to her old life, acting like she didn’t belong here either. It was time to take responsibility for the part she’d played.
When she came back in, most arete were in front of the TV. She could hear Ryan upstairs. She strained her ears more and detected the flick of a page: Dan was still at his vigil. She took a deep breath, there was one other person she wanted to patch things up with. She put a spoonful of coffee in a mug and boiled the kettle. Perhaps this would pave the way for a chat with Dan.
Outside the hospital dorm, she wavered with her peace offering. The other arete in the room, their laboured breathing and contortions of pain, kept her frozen.
Dan looked around. There was a softness about his eyes. ‘You’ve seen the news?’
She nodded and brought the coffee over.
He looked surprised. ‘Thanks.’ He put down his book and took a sip. ‘Euch, is this instant?’ He stuck out his tongue.
‘Coffee snob.’
He laughed. It felt good to hear and she sat down on the end of Cam’s bed, feeling more welcome as some of the tension between them dissolved.
‘You know, coffee’s an underrated art form.’ He sipped, wrinkling his nose.
It was endearing and made her smile. Her hands swept to the book he’d laid down, Paradise Lost. There was also a tablet nearby, with an internet browser open to an empty black screen. He reached out to the tablet and hit the refresh button, the same blank page reloaded.
‘Uplifting,’ she said, looking at the angels and devils adorning the paperback.
He smirked. With an ostensible effort, he took another gulp from his mug and then set it down on the bedside table. ‘Thanks, but maybe don’t trouble yourself next time unless it’s the real thing.’
El shook her head and they sat for a few minutes in comfortable silence.
Little by little, Cam’s weak pulse and washed out complexion disturbed El’s calm.
‘Do you hate me?’ El blurted out.
Dan frowned. ‘El, ‘course I don’t hate you.’
‘But what you said earlier – that I’m selfish, that I’ve not taken responsibility for my actions – it’s true. I mean, if I hadn’t given all the empousa blood to my grandma, we’d have some now.’ Her gaze crept around the room to the bedridden arete.
‘I was angry. I shouldn’t have said that.’ His dark eyes were on her as he stood up. She thought he was about to leave but his voice was low. ‘Come downstairs.’ He was out the door before she could say anything. El noticed that he’d taken the tablet with him.
In the kitchen, Dan went straight to the sliding door and closed it after her. He didn’t stop at the seating area but continued down the garden, over the lawn. The gloom of night was just beginning to fall. He put the tablet he held into torch mode, and a bright light illuminated the lawn and shrubs. Overhead, the trees swung, the wind becoming wilder.
As they walked down the rockery, Dan turned around, holding the device up so that she could see where she was stepping. The dark fronds of undergrowth reached out fleetingly as they passed. They came onto a deck with water beyond: a pond. Tealights sat along a wall and Dan drew a lighter from his pocket to ignite them. El pulled her lighter out to help. In the glow, the body of water grew before slinking back into shadow.
El’s attention roamed towards the house again and she realised that the wind, whirling above, provided natural interference. She thought she understood what they were doing here: Dan wanted privacy. Her mouth grew dry as she realised that they were alone, her body betraying how much the thought affected her.
‘What did you want to tell me?’ she asked.
Dan surprised her by sitting down on the edge of the deck. He turned the torch mode off and refreshed the internet screen to the blank page. ‘That I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to take it out on you. Like I said, I’m not angry at you. I’m angry at myself … and Anna.’
It was this last admission that made her sit down beside him.
‘Is that the dark web?’ El asked, indicating the screen.
He nodded. The silence spread and seemed as likely to thicken as the night.
‘Listen,’ El pressed, ‘you don’t need to sugar-coat it for me. You’re right. I was so hung up on my own problems … on Grandma, that I didn’t think about anything else. Not even the other people I care about. I mean, until tonight I didn’t even know Alex had a sister. A sister he’s never going to see again. Luke’s estranged from his dad. And you, well, Cam…’ Guilt coursed through her as she thought about how different things could have been.
‘El.’ Dan’s eyes bore the same authority as his voice. ‘Your strategy was sound – giving the blood to your grandma, I mean. If she’d used her full power, you’d have all come out alive and we’d be in a stronger position.’
His matter-of-fact tone reminded her of the way he’d explained his and Anna’s plan involving her. Her self-reproach diminished as she focused on his emotionless tone.
‘I don’t get how you can think that way,’ she said. ‘Strategically. I wish I could, but I wasn’t thinking about Grandma like that, Dan. I willed her to take Louisa’s life. I felt s
ure she would. Killing Louisa was the only way that Grandma could have saved herself … and me. But she didn’t. She didn’t—’
A sudden sharpness in her chest cut her voice off. Her eyes started to tear up, and before she could stop herself, she was heaving with desperate breaths.
Dan wrapped his arms around her. ‘El, she had her reasons. She did what she felt was right.’
‘But she—’ El ran out of words and gave in to his embrace. This moment of affection was the only thing stopping her from falling apart completely. When her tears subsided, she croaked, ‘Dan, she didn’t do it … not even for me.’
‘I’m sorry, El.’
As she drew back to look at him, his eyes were gentle. She wiped her face with her hand and stared at the pond, wishing away the lingering ache in her chest. For some time, the only sound was the stirring of the canopy above and the water below, lapping at the deck.
‘What did you mean when you said you were angry with Anna?’ El asked finally.
‘How much time do you have?’
She smiled darkly. ‘I don’t think we’re going anywhere anytime soon.’
He paused for a while. ‘Do you know … when I first met you, I was so jealous.’
El frowned. ‘Of me?’
‘Uh-huh. Anna kept you from this, protected you from it. Sometimes … I wish she’d done that for me.’
El remembered the sullen answers she’d first had from Dan when she’d arrived in London. All that had been jealousy? She recalled his words upstairs too: None of us asked for this. That’s what he’d meant. He hadn’t had a choice. After all, he had been on the run from the Order since he was nine years old. He’d told her that when he’d turned sixteen, Anna had let him join the Opposition. He was right. Anna hadn’t protected him from the Order in the same way she had El.
‘And now,’ he continued, ‘I’m angry that she brought you into this and made me lie to you. If I’d known then how I’d feel about you, I’d never have agreed to conceal so much.’
Despite everything, El’s heart thrummed. She forced herself not to be blinded by the butterflies in her stomach. He hadn’t told her last night about who Helena Carras was; he still wasn’t confiding in her. The thought of him consciously keeping her in the dark reminded her to dig deeper.
‘There’s still something you’re not telling me. All those people … the ones killed in Dover. That happened because of us, because the Triad was destroyed. Are you sure that it was the right thing to do? Are you sure that destroying the Order is worth the cost? Is it worth everything that might happen?’
‘Yes.’ His eyes darkened. ‘You see, when I was nine, Anna taught me that I didn’t need to fear my oppressors.’
El frowned. Nine? But he’d joined the Opposition at sixteen. Then she remembered him telling her about his childhood. ‘Your adoptive parents.’
He nodded. ‘Even back then, Anna was preparing me.’ His voice quickened. ‘My path has always been so clear to me. It’s always led me here – to taking up her mantle.’ The brightness left his expression when he looked at her. ‘I’d never wavered … until you.
‘These last few weeks, I admit, I started to think that there might be a life outside this. That there might be something … more.’ His gaze softened again. ‘I’m sorry for what I said about your grandma. You went after her because you loved her. Believe me, I understand. I mean, only last night, I’d have seen you go into hiding if you’d only bloody well agreed.
‘But you asked for the truth, El. And the truth is, Janos needs you for this alliance with Helena. The Opposition needs you. And if Anna taught me anything through her sacrifice, it’s that I must be willing to give everything to succeed.’
A chill stole through her. Was he saying that she didn’t matter? When he’d talked about her loving her grandma, he’d drawn a comparison with how he felt about her. He’d implied that he loved her. Yet in the same breath, he discarded his feelings. His words about Anna’s sacrifice chilled her the most. His choice of word: sacrifice. It felt biblical.
Before she could accuse him of overdosing on Milton, a shout cut through the wind.
‘Dan! Dan!’ Adam was running down the steps. ‘The safe house – in Wood Green – it’s been hit by the Order.’
Both Dan and El sprung up.
‘Either someone was recognised going in or there’s a more serious security breach and we’re in danger,’ Adam said.
‘Bugger!’ Dan said.
‘The others are already loading the wounded into the van. We’re moving out.’ Adam charged back up the steps.
‘Quick,’ El said. ‘Check the web.’
Dan refreshed the page. ‘Nothing.’
‘Why hasn’t Janos warned us?’ El exclaimed. ‘If he can see the future, wouldn’t he warn us if we’re in danger?’
‘Janos can’t foresee everything. He’s not infallible. And he could be busy looking at something else. We can’t stay.’
El’s heart raced. ‘We have to help.’
‘El.’ Dan grasped her hand, stopping her. ‘The injured, Tia, Adam – they’re all safer without us. The Order’s after us, not them. They need to leave here … but we can’t go with them. We need to get to Greece.’
El stared at him in horror. ‘They need our protection—’
‘There are at least twenty other serpents, sirens and harpies here. We need to get to Greece. We owe it to those who have already given so much.’
The echo of his words from a moment ago lingered in her ear. I have to give everything to succeed.
‘So the first thing you’re willing to sacrifice are your friends?’ She demanded.
‘I’m thinking strategically, El, as you put it. And this is about you. The question is, what are you willing to sacrifice?’
Panic pushed its way in. How could this all be on her? She was small in the grand scheme of things. How could she possibly make a difference? But she remembered the guilt she’d felt while staring at Cam. This was the same, wasn’t it? She could stay and claim to be protecting those she cared about or she could try to see the bigger picture. Dan’s dark eyes held her captive, waiting for her decision.
‘Okay,’ she said. ‘Let’s go.’
They hurried back to the house. Inside, they fought their way through the disarray of arete, some rushing around packing things, others carrying patients from the hospital to transport them to a new safe house.
They were soon in the dorm. Dan pulled out jackets from the cupboard, as well as sunglasses and silicone wristbands from the drawer. ‘I put a veiling on the bands. Take one.’ He pulled a black hat on and threw her a patterned headscarf. ‘Here – for your hair.’
El wound the black cloth around her hair, eying the pale-faced girl in the mirror on the wall. With the repeating pattern of skulls across her head, she hoped that she looked different enough to go unnoticed.
El’s contemplation was interrupted when Luke bounded into the dorm. ‘What’s the plan?’
‘We’re leaving London,’ El said. ‘We can’t afford to get stuck here or the fight against the Order will come to a standstill.’
‘We’re leaving the others?’ Luke said, looking back to those who were still shifting the wounded out to the van.
Dan shrugged on a leather jacket. ‘They have plenty of other arete here to protect them.’ He set a pair of shades on his head and pushed on one of the silicone bracelets. ‘If you’re coming, Luke, grab a wristband. The shades will help mask the feel of our gaze. I don’t know when we’ll next be able to find more clothes, so make sure you grab a jacket.’
El stood ready in similar apparel.
Alex came into the room and eyed them all. ‘Under different circumstances seeing you in fancy dress would be funny but I suppose this means we’re leaving.’
El came over and hugged him. ‘We’ll try and get in contact with you as soon as we can.’
Alex frowned. ‘Uh, I’m coming with you.’
‘But the injured…’ El said. ‘Yo
u must be needed here?’
‘Ryan is here. And besides, my place is with you and Dan.’
El smiled and hugged him again before Alex got ready too.
She pinched some concealer from a makeup bag in the bathroom and helped Luke dab some on his bruised cheek. The less conspicuous they were, the better. Within minutes, they left the house.
As they passed the van, El spotted Tia. ‘We have to go,’ El said. ‘Alex is coming with us too.’
‘Little thief,’ Tia said. El hoped that she was just talking about the scarf and not about nicking one of their medical personnel. Tia reassured her as she touched the scarf. ‘Suits you.’ She hugged her. ‘Don’t worry about us, Adam knows a guy. And our escort will keep us safe.’
There were about ten serpents, sirens and harpies standing around the van, their stances alert, ready and waiting.
El hugged Tia close again before Dan tugged her away.
‘El!’ Tia called. ‘Kick some Order ass!’
- Chapter Four -
Trojans
They stood in the centre of the carriage on the underground. They were a group of six. The ladon who El had named Robin Hood, but was actually called Natasha had joined them, together with Jim, the human-hating typhon.
Dan thought it was best to have reinforcements with them. He’d chosen an earth and air manipulator as they would be most useful if they came up against a unit of Order members. An Order contingent always consisted of an arete of each element. With the addition of Robin and Jim, their own band now boasted the same.
El’s fingers strayed to her hair before she felt the headscarf. She had to try to act naturally. The last thing she wanted was to accidentally pull it off. Not that it mattered that much right now: they were all wearing one of the wristbands that Dan had worked a kerykeion into earlier. It was strange to see the effect of the veiling on the humans within the busy tube. The closest people to them, whether sitting or standing, turned away as if repelled by their group. Even when El and the others spoke, the humans were oblivious.
Dan had managed to contact Janos just before they left the safe house. Janos had instructed them to stay veiled on the underground, otherwise, CCTV would identify them. But they wouldn’t be able to rely wholly on the veiling to get through London.