by Emma Nichole
I can feel a tightness forming in my throat, tears pooling in my eyes at the thought of a child experiencing that kind of fear. “I can’t imagine it.”
“The last thing I remember was everything going black and the burning in my lungs. I woke up in the ambulance, terrified, in tears, and asking for my mom.” He pauses for a breath and to take another drink. “Ever since that day, I’ve been deathly afraid of pools—and large areas of open water—but mostly pools. I’ve never been able to push that fear aside.”
“So today, when I tried to pull you in, you freaked out because you were terrified,” I say for him.
“Exactly. Phoenix, I’m not an angry person. I don’t snap like that. I don’t raise my voice, unless I have to at work, and I’d certainly never do that to you. Being near the water sent my anxiety soaring and then you wanted me to go in. I just...panicked.”
“Case, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know...”
He holds up a hand to stop me. “You have no reason to apologize. How could you have known? It’s not normal for a grown man to lose his shit over going into a pool.”
“I’m still sorry. I’m sorry that today happened and I’m sorry you had to go through that.”
“It’s a battle even to this day...obviously.” He smiles a bit.
Being so vulnerable with me and telling me the truth had to have been difficult for him, even I can acknowledge that. He's struggling every day and I shined a light on it this afternoon.
I scared him.
I want to hold him. I need to hold him.
I get up from my seat across from him and walk over, kneeling on the floor at his feet, taking his hand in mine.
He shared with me—so I will share with him.
“You asked me once if the tattoo on my wrist was a tribute to my parents. I told you yes and left it at that, and it is true. It is a tribute to them.
“But their story still keeps me awake at night and causes so much fear and resentment deep in my soul.”
“You don’t have to talk about this. Not if you don’t want to.” He reaches over and pushes a tear that had escaped my eyes from my cheek.
“I want to. I want to share it with you like you did me.”
“Okay.”
I take a breath.
“When I was ten and my brother, Marco, was fourteen, we lived in a small apartment complex in Southern California. My father was a police officer. My mother was a nurse. We were literally the textbook perfect family. Dinners around the table, family game night, family vacations. The whole nine. We were happy and then the fire happened.”
“Fuck…” I hear him say, and I feel him squeeze my hand.
“It started as a small brush fire in a wooded area behind the apartment building. Between the winds and the drought we were in the middle of, it spread quickly, faster than anyone could have predicted. It engulfed our building in minutes. Sometimes, I can still feel the heat on my skin and the smell of the smoke in my nose.”
“How did you get out?” he asks.
“Dad got us out pretty quickly. He was still awake when it all started. He helped us get out and away from the building. And then we heard the screams for help.” Tears sting my eyes and I wipe them away when they fall. “My dad had to be a hero. He couldn’t just stay with us and be safe. He needed to help other people. I should be proud of my father, but I’m not. I’m angry at him for running back into the flames...and I’m angry at my mother for going with him because she was too scared to let him out of her sight.”
I look up at him. “We never saw them again. The last memory I have was them telling us to stay put, and stay together...and then they were gone. It wasn’t until the police forced us to go with social services did we realize they were really never coming back to us.”
“Phoenix...” He slides his thumb along my tattoo. “I’m so sorry.”
“Fire changed my life forever...and water changed yours.” I bring his hand to my lips and kiss his palm, then place it on my cheek. “We are royally fucked up.”
“Is that why you’re so drawn to swimming?” he asks.
It takes me a moment to process his question before I truly understand. “I think so. I think I find solace in the thing that could have saved my parents...or stopped the fire from happening all together. Water.”
“It’s like a cosmic joke.”
“What is?”
“The fact water is your therapy while it’s my nightmare.”
“Have you ever tried going back into the water in a controlled way?” I ask.
“I’ve thought about it, but it’s something I’d have to be completely sure of first. My doctor tells me I need to take those steps to overcome it. I know it sounds stupid...”
“It doesn’t. Not at all. I still have panic attacks when I have to treat burns, Case. Mental health isn’t stupid. It’s important to do what you have to in order to make yourself better.”
He leans in closer and presses his forehead against mine. “Thank you.”
“For what?” I whisper, resting my hands on his chest.
“Showing up tonight, listening, and sharing with me.”
“I like you, Case. I couldn’t stay away if I tried,” I admit.
Our bodies are magnets, pulled to one another with intensity and force. Without even a moment of hesitation, I cover his lips with mine and melt into him.
Clothes slide off.
Bodies mold together.
Time ceases to exist.
For now...
Chapter 21
Case
There’s something to be said about waking up to a mouth on your cock. In fact, it’s something I highly recommend every man experience at least once in their life.
But what is even better than that?
Waking Nora up with my tongue between her legs.
She was lying on her back, naked, with her pouting lips and perfect body—I couldn’t stop myself.
It doesn’t take very long before she’s clawing at my head and arching her back off the mattress, coming in a slow, sexy moan that bleeds into a sigh of pure contentment.
I kiss my way up her belly, between her breasts, and finally settle at her lips before lying on my side, facing her.
“Good morning,” I say, with a smile.
She looks my way and covers her face with her hands. “Good morning.”
“Why are you covering up?” I pull her hands away to find her blushing.
“I’ve never came that fast before.” She rolls on her side so we are face-to-face.
“And that’s a problem because...?” I push her hair behind her ear so I can see her face.
“It’s not a problem, I just don’t want to seem so...extra.”
“If that is your version of extra, bring it often and bring it hard.”
“Speaking of hard.” She slides her hand down my chest to slip under the covers, but I stop her with a hand to her wrist.
“I wanted this morning to be just about you. I’m good. You have no idea how satisfying watching you come is.” I lean over and steal another kiss.
“I have a question,” she says, laying her palm flat on my chest.
“Okay.”
“Most bachelors don’t have perfectly tended to flower baskets on their porches. Are you some kind of closet anthophile?”
“Careful, your love of words is showing,” I tease. “Nothing like that. This house was my grandmother’s before she passed away. She always kept flowers on her porch. When I moved back down here after she died, I wanted to keep her memory alive somehow. Flowers seemed fitting.”
“Who are you and where did you come from?” she says, staring into my eyes.
“I’m just me, Phoenix. Just me.”
I slide my arm around her body to pull her across the sheets so our chests touch. I grip the back of her thigh and hall it up to drape over my hip.
We lose ourselves in the mixture of tongues, hands, groans, and sighs only to be rudely interrupted by a loud ring coming from her c
ell phone on the nightstand.
“Shit.” She sits up and throws her legs over the side of the bed. “That’s work.”
I assume she has a special ringtone set for when works calls. I climb from the bed as well, going into the bathroom so she can take her call.
I close the door, but I can still hear her conversation, and of course, I can’t help but listen.
“Hello? Hi, Stacey. Yes. Yeah, I will be back in town in five days.” She is silent for a minute before speaking again. “So yes, Monday, that’s my first day back to work.”
The realization she’s still leaving hits my heart harder than I thought it would.
“Great. Thanks for verifying. I’ll see you next week. Bye.”
She hangs up the call and I come back out into the room.
“So you’re still heading back?” I ask, leaning against the bathroom doorframe. Somehow I thought maybe, especially after last night, she’d stay.
She pulls the sheet up to cover her breasts, as if she’s suddenly self-conscious. “Yeah. My flight is Saturday morning. That was the nurse who makes the ER rotation. She needed to make sure I was working on Monday.”
“Are you sure you want to go back?” I ask, point blank.
“Well, yes. That’s where my job is. Where my brother is when he’s not traveling. I have to go back,” she responds, but there is no fire in her eyes, as if she’s repeating a planned response.
“I’m sorry, Phoenix, but I call bullshit on that.”
She sits up straighter. “What?”
“There’s life in your eyes here. Why do you think you chose Savannah to escape to when you needed time away? Amelia is here, Grayson, Cadence...me.” I lay it out bare.
“We’re still in the glow of sex, Case. You don’t know what you’re saying.”
“Nora, I think we both know it’s always been more than fucking each other’s brains out, and if you can sit here and tell me you don’t feel it, you’re kidding yourself.” I push off the wall and go into the kitchen to make coffee, leaving her to consider what I’ve just said.
***
The pot of coffee hasn’t even completely brewed when she steps into the kitchen, completely dressed, with her purse over her shoulder.
“You know I like you, right, Case?” she says softly.
I cross my arms and lean against the counter. “And I like you. I don’t understand where the problem lies in this scenario.”
“My life is in San Diego. Work, my brother...”
“I know. You’ve said that already. It sounds like bullshit,” I say, uncaring that I sound cold.
“You want me to stay? That’s what you’re saying now? We went from casual sex to you asking me to stay in Georgia? Am I understanding that correctly?” she says, with a bit of heat to her words.
“I’m asking, for once, you make a decision that makes you happy. Not one you think is your obligation, and not one that is the easy choice. If it is to be here, in Savannah, and never speak to me again, do that. If it is going back to California, do that. If it is staying here and seeing me every single day, do that. But make sure YOU are happy, because, Phoenix, your fire burns out any time you mention going home.”
Nora
You’re right.
I feel alive here.
I want to be here.
I want to say.
I want to scream these things at him, shout them until I’m red in the face, but I can’t. My broken heart won’t let me. My fear won’t let me. I can’t get attached to a cop. I can’t get attached to someone who could leave me in an instant.
“You’re wrong,” I say instead. That’s all I can say.
“No. I’ve never been more right.” He pours himself a cup of coffee then pours one for me. “You told me in our very first conversation that you loved to write. That you had a dream one day of being a poet for a living.”
“That’s a pipe dream, Case. That’s just talk.”
“Says who?”
“My bills. My life. Me.”
“Do you love your job?”
“I’m good at it and I help people on a daily basis,” I say, defensively.
“That’s not what I asked.”
I place my purse on the table and pull a chair out to sit. “It’s my mom. This is what she always wanted for me. She wanted me to be a nurse in the hospital she worked in. She loved that place. She loved her job. I can’t just throw that away, Case. I wouldn’t do that.”
Between my fear of disappointing my mother and the fear of being too attached to a cop, knowing he takes unnecessary risks—outside of the line of duty—just like my dad did because he feels it’s still his duty, I have to convince myself to walk away at the end of this week. I have to.
“But wouldn’t she want you to be happy?”
“I have to go back, Case, we knew this when we started this arrangement. This was supposed to be just sex. Nothing more.”
“Can you look me in the eye and tell me it’s not more?”
“No, so I’m not even going to try.” I finally meet his gaze. “I am too attached to you and I don’t want to get hurt. You were so vulnerable with me last night, and I can’t tell you what that means to me, but it scared me. I started to really see past Saturday here...with you.”
“I can’t explain this hold you have on me, Nora. It’s been there since the first time I saw you. If you want to leave in a week, leave. I want you to go where you’re happy, but I don’t want our time to end yet.”
He steps forward and stands by me where I’m sitting and places a hand to my cheek.
“I could feel what you were about to do. You were about to end us right here and now.”
“Yes...I was.”
“Don’t.”
He doesn’t say another word, he simply bends at the waist and kisses me so sweetly, I can feel a tingle build and spread from my toes to my head.
I don’t want to end things now, but I need them to. I need them to before we take things to a point we can’t take back. Before we catch real feelings, but I can tell by this kiss, it’s too late.
***
I left a couple hours after our kiss at the table. We had breakfast together, shared another kiss by the door, then I left so he could get himself and Arya ready for work.
After exiting the Uber, I climb the stairs and pause with my hand on the door. I see Amelia in the main foyer, stealing a kiss from Grayson. Their arms are around each other, his back is to the door, and she’s wrapped around him.
Their love is so pure and perfect. The ultimate love goal, really.
I could feel that with Case; that’s what scares me the most.
I drop my purse onto the wooden table by the door, and go back down the front porch stairs, heading straight for the ocean.
Amelia told me once, when her divorce was finalized. We share the need to cleanse our souls in the water. That’s what I need right now.
I kick my sandals off in the sand and walk straight into the waves, clothes and all.
I sink under the water until the dull roar is all I hear. I hold my breath until it burns, then I break the surface, letting the waves gently carry me back to the shoreline.
I do this again and again. Finding my zen and letting the power of the water take control, allowing me, for just a moment, to simply be.
Only when my arms and legs ache, do I finally stay ashore. I walk out of the waves and back onto the dry sand. The tide carried me a bit farther down than where I started.
When my eyes settle on where I left my sandals, I see my fire-haired friend sitting in the sand, waiting for me.
I approach her and find her holding something out for me.
“I brought you a towel.”
I take it from her and wrap it around my body. “Thank you. How did you know I was here?”
“You left your purse by the door, so I knew you were at least nearby. I took a guess. I was right.” She pats the sand by here, urging me to sit. “Want to talk about it?”
�
�There isn’t much to talk about.”
“Honey, you don’t just spend an hour in the ocean for shits and giggles. Grayson filled me in on what happened with Case at the party. It explains a lot.”
“That poor man. The terror he has to deal with in such basic situations. I feel horrible for him.”
“But you shouldn’t feel bad for what happened yesterday. You didn’t know. You were just trying to flirt and have fun.”
“Blew up in my face, huh?” I smile a little. “He explained it all; then I told him about my parents. It seemed fair.”
“And you stayed the night, so clearly you made up and all is well?” She nudges me with her shoulder.
“There was definitely some making up happening. It was incredible really, the whole night. Until I got a call from work this morning, confirming the day I’ll be returning so the schedule could be made.” I stare off into the horizon.
“He got upset?”
“He said he wanted me to stay.”
“What? Really?” She scoots around so she can see my face. “Case asked you to stay here?”
“He said what we have has never been casual, and if I said otherwise, I was lying to myself.”
“How do you feel about it and him?”
“I like him, Amelia. I like him a lot. I could easily like him even more than that, but...”
“But what? There are no buts. Trust me when I say—you have to always go with your gut. Do I want you here? Of course I do. I’d do anything for it, but I can’t make you stay. You have to make the best choice for yourself. I know you don’t want to leave Marco.”
“He said I should just come here and be a writer,” I say quietly.
“Honestly, I don’t disagree, but it’s hard for me not to be biased.” She smiles.
“And he’s a cop, Amelia. I can’t be attached to a cop.” I shake my head.
“Why the hell not? That doesn’t make any sense.”