When it was all over, he collapsed on top of her, breathing in the sweet scent of Jane. Vanilla, he thought with a smile. Moving to her side, he felt her curl into his arms and he tightened his arms around her.
“That was beautiful,” she whispered.
The catch in her voice told him that she was crying and he pulled away, looking into her eyes. “Jane? Did I hurt you? I hurt you and…”
She covered his lips with her fingers. “You didn’t hurt me, Caleb. It was just…so perfect!” she admitted. “So many of my friends have told me about their first times and it was nothing like what we just did. You made this special for me and I…” her voice cracked and she paused. “I love you,” she whispered.
He bent lower and kissed her gently. “I love you too. And I’m glad that it was everything you hoped for.”
She laughed, throwing her arms around his neck. “Was it everything you wanted as well?”
Caleb chuckled. “Yeah, it was better than my expectations.”
They barely left the bed that weekend. The two of them lived off pizza and making love, experimenting with other positions, learning more about each other’s bodies and laughing, talking. Making plans for the next time they would be together.
Chapter 4
Twenty-One Years Old
Jane drove the two and a half hours to Nashville. Again. She was eager to see Caleb but, the past few visits had been strained. He was tired and stressed about medical school. Jane understood. She really did. But she wasn’t sure what to do to help him. She wanted to see him as often as possible, but was she more of a burden to him?
Parking in front of his building, she stared up at the window she knew was his. He used to wait at his dorm room window, watching for her. Now she had to go find him. Sometimes he was here waiting for her, but more often, she found him in the library studying because he’d lost track of the time.
With a sigh, she pushed open the door of her ancient car. When she’d turned eighteen, Jane had convinced her mother to pay her a salary. She was going to school and working at the bakery and Jane needed money of her own, needed to make decisions. Buying a car was her first major purchase. It might look horrible, but the engine and tires were good. She’d done her research and made a sound decision. Jane was also relieved that she didn’t have to drive the massive delivery van any longer, but boy would it be nice to have a new car.
Jane slowly climbed the stairs and stood in front of his door. She paused before knocking, wondering if she should just turn around and go home, give him more time to study. Was she being sensitive enough to his needs?
Jane knew that she and Caleb needed to talk. A conversation would be much better than this mental back and forth. She couldn’t read his mind, so it would be better if she just asked him. But she missed him so much in between her visits! She loved him, but…was this long distance relationship too much for him? Was it too much for her? Were they growing apart?
Yes, a conversation would resolve all of her questions. If there was one thing she and Caleb were good at it was talking. And sex. So two things they were good at, she thought with a smile.
Lifting her hand, she knocked on the door and waited. Silence. Knocking again, she waited for longer this time, hoping he was just grabbing a power nap and she’d woken him up.
Still no movement and her smile disappeared.
Turning, Jane surveyed the medical school buildings, wondering which one he might be in this time. She’d start with the library, even though it was massive. Lots of floors to walk, stacks of books to peer around.
Should she just turn around? Or maybe wait for him instead of searching him out? She could go find a coffee shop and grab something to drink, text him and wait for him to find her. That seemed like a better plan. She had her own college books in the car. She could study for next week’s exam while waiting for him instead of spending her time walking around the campus.
That seemed a bit more productive, she thought and stepped back into her car. She pulled her cell phone out and texted him, but instead of waiting for a response, she tossed it back into her purse and drove away. She’d been here enough times to know where a coffee shop could be found and pulled into the first one. She bought a cup of coffee then settled into a spot near the window. Pulling out her books, she started studying.
Or tried to. In reality, she spent more time looking at her phone, waiting for a reply text from Caleb than studying.
After two hours, her coffee was cold and she’d turned the page only once. Even then, she couldn’t remember what she’d read.
Closing the book, she stuffed everything back into her book bag and tossed her coffee into the trash. Maybe she should just head home? She’d told Caleb what time she’d be here. Where was he?
She drove back to his building and knocked once more. This time, she heard movement and, a moment later, Caleb opened the door. He looked mussed and handsome and so incredibly wonderful. And yet, she’d been waiting for him for more than two hours! He’d fallen asleep?!
“Jane!” he said, sounding as if he were surprised to see her when, in reality, they’d been talking about her visit all week!
That only flamed her temper higher and she glared up at him. “Seriously Caleb? Are you really surprised to see me?”
He’d been about to reach for her but at her angry words, he pulled back. “No. I knew you were coming this weekend.”
“Did you?”
“What are you so angry about? Of course I knew you were coming for a visit. You’ve mentioned some big news. What’s going on?”
She huffed a bit, wanting to tell him that she was getting her associates degree and had been accepted to the University of Lexington. It wasn’t Vanderbilt, but she couldn’t afford a ritzy university like this.
But she was too hurt that he hadn’t been here when she’d arrived so she didn’t say anything about her accomplishments. “What time was I supposed to be here, Caleb?”
He blinked and shrugged. “Five o’clock.”
“And what time is it now?”
He glanced over his shoulder to the clock over the stove. “Damn! It’s after seven. Why are you so late? Was there a lot of traffic?” He reached for her, wanting to bring her inside.
Jane pulled back, unwilling to come inside. She knew exactly what would happen if she stepped into that apartment. He’d kiss her and she’d forget about how angry she was. Later she’d tell him how hurt she was and he’d charm her back into a good mood. They’d forget about tonight.
Until the next time.
Jane was too hurt to want to brush this off. This had happened too many times and she felt as if her time wasn’t as important as whatever was going on in his life. Yeah, he was in medical school and she knew that it was brutal. But she wanted to matter to him. She wanted to be as much of a priority in his life as he was in hers!
So instead of letting him pull her into his apartment, she stepped back and glared up at him. “No, there wasn’t any traffic on the way. I time my departures so that I don’t run into much traffic. You know that.”
“So why are you so late?” he asked, leaning a shoulder against the door and crossing his arms over his chest. “Sounds like you’re ready for an argument, Jane. So bring it on.”
She took a slow, deep breath. “Caleb, I was here at five o’clock! You weren’t.”
He shrugged. “I was in the library studying. You know that. You’ve found me there several times before.”
She fought back the tears at his callous answer. “Yeah. I’ve searched you out. In the past, I’ve been so excited to see you that I went looking for you. But…”
“Jane,” he said, his stance softening at the evidence of tears.
“Don’t!” she said when he started to reach for her again. “I want to matter to you, Caleb. I know that you have to study a lot, but you’re just not…” she sniffed and fought back the tears. “You’re not as excited to see me when I come to visit you as I am to see you. And it hurts.”
/> “I’m sorry, honey. I’m excited! I promise! I just…I was studying and lost track of the time.”
“I know. And that hurts.”
He pulled her into his apartment and into his arms, just holding her close. “I’m sorry.”
Jane closed her eyes and savored this moment. She loved the way he smelled. She loved the way she could just barely reach the top of his shoulders and the way he tucked her in close like this. Like she truly mattered to him.
But it was all a lie. He was more focused on studying. And that’s how it should be – until she drove two and a half hours to visit him. That’s when she wanted to be a priority. That’s when she wanted to matter.
Pulling out of his arms, she sniffed and wiped the tears. “You have a lot of studying to do. I know that. And I’m going to let you do that.”
He lifted a hand, his fingers tangling in her blond curls. “Jane, you’re here. I’m sorry.”
She stepped out of his arms. “I know that you love me, Caleb. And I don’t expect to come first in your life when I’m not here. But when I take off from work and my own studying to be with you, I expect to come first. At least when I arrive.”
“You are first, Jane!” he said.
“No. You’re focused on school. I truly admire and respect you for that. You’re going to be a great doctor someday, I just know it. And I don’t want to hold you back from your dream.”
She pulled open the door and stepped out. “Goodbye Caleb,” she said softly.
He didn’t say a word for a long moment. But when she started to pull the door closed, he jerked into action. “Jane! Don’t do this,” he called out, stopping the door before it could close on their conversation.
Jane turned back, taking in one last look at him. “I love you, Caleb. I love you so much!”
With that, she turned and ran down the stairs, diving into her car before she changed her mind. Thankfully, her car started up on the first try this time, but before she backed out of the parking lot, she spotted him coming down the stairs. He was in his bare feet and she wanted to tell him to get some shoes on. But it was more imperative to get away. So she backed up and pulled away.
Driving away from Caleb was the hardest thing she’d ever done in her life. She was sobbing as she drove down the street and knew she should pull over until she could see better. But Jane needed the distance. She needed to get as far away from him as she could. Otherwise, she might turn around and beg Caleb to love her as much as she loved him. To care enough to be there for her on the odd weekends she got away to visit him.
She drove and drove, getting out of Nashville finally and onto the highway. But by the time she reached the first rest stop, she had to pull over because she couldn’t see any longer. The tears were blurring her vision and it was too dangerous to drive.
She looked at her phone and saw all the texts from Caleb. “Please come back!” he urged. “Let’s talk.” “I can change. I’m so sorry.” And others that were equally as sweet.
What was she doing? Caleb was the love of her life and she’d just thrown it away because she was hurt? She should have stayed and talked to him, explain how she perceived his actions. Maybe she should come visit him less often, give him more time to study.
Whatever, she turned around and drove back, needing to see him and beg him to forgive her for leaving without talking things through.
Hurrying, she was crying now because she hoped she hadn’t completely messed things up. Caleb was her man. He was everything to her. They’d even discussed dating other people while they were apart, but neither of them wanted that. She didn’t want that and she couldn’t stand the idea of another woman touching Caleb. Not the way she touched him. She loved him so much, she ached when she didn’t see him. Why hadn’t she thought about that before she’d driven away from him and possibly messed everything up?!
She drove back and parked in the same spot she’d left just over an hour ago. Knocking on his door, she banged hard. No answer.
“If you’re looking for Caleb, he went over to one of the frat parties,” a guy said.
Jane swung around, staring at the guy with curly, shaggy hair. “Do you know which one?”
The guy grinned. “I think it was Omega something, but if he’s there, I’m here. We could party alone and I guarantee that…”
She didn’t wait for him to finish the ridiculous come-on, rushing off to find a frat house called “Omega something”. She knew where the frat houses were and it was relatively easy to find the one that had a party in full swing. Since she was a female, it was easy to be admitted. Looking around, she was disgusted by the chaos and the drinking. She shouldn’t be. She’d seen this kind of stuff on television and in movies, but still, it was a bit nuts.
But in the back, standing alone with a red, plastic cup in his hands, was Caleb! She worked her way around the crowds of other people who were drinking and flirting, thinking that a lot of people would be hooking up tonight.
“Caleb!” she called out, but the music and conversation was too loud and he didn’t hear her. She struggled to reach him but the crowd was tight. There were so many people here! Surely this was a fire code violation, wasn’t it?
But she broke free from the crowd and headed towards him again. At that same moment, a tall, raven haired woman in the tightest red dress sauntered over to Caleb. As Jane watched, the woman with the glossy red lips lifted her hands up and kissed Caleb. Just kissed him! She watched, stunned and horrified. The woman’s red lipstick was…Caleb hated lip gloss! She never wore gloss because she knew that he hated it and yet, Caleb was kissing her! Wasn’t he? Actually, the woman was too tall and Jane couldn’t see what was going on.
It wasn’t a long kiss. Although, as she watched, it felt like an eternity, but the whole thing was probably over in just a few seconds. Caleb pulled back and stepped away from the woman.
That’s when he looked over at her, their eyes clashed.
Jane saw the guilt in his eyes. He glanced at the woman and Jane almost threw up when he turned back, seeing the red lip gloss smeared all over his mouth.
Turning around, she pushed people out of the way as he headed for the doorway. “Jane!” she heard him call out. She didn’t stop. She just rushed out of the house, ignoring the angry calls when she shoved someone out of the way in her desperation to get away. She couldn’t be here, she thought. She had to leave. Had to get away from Caleb and the red lip gloss smeared all over his face.
She ran as fast as she could, sobbing as she raced for her car.
“Jane! Wait!”
She ran faster. Caleb was over six feet tall and ran track in high school as well as in college. She knew that he ran just to ease the stress of his classes now, even though he wasn’t on a team any longer. So her shorter legs and untrained running were no match for Caleb’s longer legs and track team training and he caught up with her in no time.
“Jane! Wait! I’m sorry!”
She sobbed, pushing away from him. “Don’t touch me!” she yelled. “Don’t you ever touch me again!”
She walked away from him now, the tears streaming down her cheeks and blinding her.
“Jane! It was nothing!”
She spun around and glared up at him through her tears. “Nothing?”
“Nothing at all!”
She reached up and rubbed her thumb over his upper lip then showed him the red smear of the nasty woman’s lip gloss. “This isn’t nothing, Caleb! This is you kissing another woman!”
He stood there for a long moment, and guilt was written all over his features. “Okay, so I kissed her. But I didn’t mean to. She came up to me and just…took over. I pulled back when I realized what she was doing.”
“She was kissing you!” Jane screamed. She knew that she sounded like a jealous fishwife and didn’t care. Her heart was breaking. She was in so much pain, she wasn’t sure how her body was still in one piece.
“She kissed me! I was mad and hurt so I kissed her back but…Jane!”
> Jane threw her hands in the air. “It’s over!” she told him. “Just…go become your famous doctor and leave me alone!”
With that, she ran to her car and threw herself inside. Her tires squealed as she pulled out of the parking lot.
She happened to look in her rear view mirror and saw him standing there staring after her.
She cried even harder, but this time, she didn’t make it to the highway before she had to turn off. She pulled into a fast food parking lot and sobbed, her body bent over the steering wheel as images of Caleb kissing that woman hit her over and over again.
Somehow, she got home that night. She wasn’t sure what time it was, but as she pulled into the driveway, she wondered what her mother would say. She didn’t want to talk to anyone, but she was exhausted.
In the house, she walked up the stairs to her bedroom. Without bothering to pull off her clothes, she slipped into bed and slept. She slept for three days straight, ignoring her mother’s questions by just rolling over.
By Monday, she got out of bed, but she still couldn’t answer her mother’s questions. She worked. She studied. She slept. For the next two months, that’s all she did. She didn’t answer her phone. She took her tests and aced every single one of them, but she barely ate. She didn’t talk to anyone, not even her mother and she refused to speak on the phone or answer her cell phone. If she wasn’t driving to school, she turned off her phone, not wanting to speak to Caleb. And not wanting to know if he hadn’t called.
Twenty-Eight Years Old…
Doctor Caleb Whitwell watched the beautiful blonde woman through the windows of the bakery.
Jane. She was still the most amazingly beautiful woman he’d ever seen. Her blonde curls danced around her pretty, green eyes and she smiled at each customer who came through the door. He’d been watching her for months now, just needing some sort of connection with her.
Surrender Page 5