by Erin Noelle
“A gift…your Christmas gift.” My voice trembles slightly, shoving it into her grasp. This is my trump card. If this doesn’t work… “Open it.”
Not needing to be told twice, her fingers make quick work of the paper, ripping and shredding the masterpiece I spent nearly half an hour to create in less than ten seconds. When she opens the black box and peers inside, she sucks in a sharp breath at the sight of her Grams’ cigarette case completely restored.
“Crew,” she whispers, covering her heart with her free hand. “How did you do this?”
“Look inside.” I ignore her question, eager for her to get to the other part of the gift. The part that’s got my pulse jackhammering and my gut flipped inside out.
Gently popping the latch free, she carefully opens the top and sees the lone joint inside with the words ‘I love you’ written on it, completing the set of messages.
She’s crying again, and going off the bright smile plastered on her face, I’m assuming they’re happy tears. Bringing both of my hands up to her neck, I cradle her face in my palms and tell her what I’ve been dying to tell her for days.
“I know we’re young, and I know we’ve still got a lot to learn about ourselves, each other, and life in general, but I don’t want to do any of that without you by my side. I hate the circumstances that brought us together, and I hate even more that I tore us apart, but I love you, Hudson Shavell. Give me the chance to show you just how much, and I promise you won’t regret it.”
“Crew.” She sniffles, wiping away the dark streaks from her face. “I can’t—”
“Crew.” I hiccup through my muffled sob. “I can’t—”
His lips crash down onto mine and steal the rebuttal straight out of my mouth...along with every other sensible thought I have. The strong fingers cupping my face slip to the back of my neck, anchoring my head as they tangle in the loose tendrils at my nape, and he kisses me harder. Determined to plead his case.
Gently coaxing my lips open with his tongue, he invades my mouth with effortless strokes, silently reminding me of the taste—his taste—I constantly crave, even when I’m infuriated with him.
He draws my bottom lip in between his and sucks hard while his teeth nip at the swollen flesh, eliciting a soft whimper from me. Then, tenderly brushing his tongue over the sting, the pain melts away, taking my reservations with it.
"Hudson," he breathes as our mouths slowly break apart. "Please don't say you can't. I know I've got a lot of shit to make up for, and I will. Not only tonight. Not only this weekend. But from this point forward."
Leaning down, he rests his forehead on mine, his bright green eyes feverish. "I know you can't just suddenly forget what I did, how horrible I've acted, but I'm asking you to forgive me and let me make it up to you. Please give me—give us—another chance."
"I-I'm scared, Crew," I confess, my voice raspy as I step back, putting a little distance between us. "You broke me! I waited for you, and you didn’t come. I cried for you, and you weren’t there. I looked for you, and you were with her! It was one thing to push me away, but to toss me aside for her of all people? There’s a difference between needing space and using me as your punching bag."
I stop momentarily and take a deep breath, forcing back the emotions threatening to bubble over. "But when I saw you with her—knowing that you'd left my bed and gone straight to hers—you broke me. My heart shattered into a thousand pieces when you made me feel like I meant absolutely nothing to you. And although all of this," I wave my arms around the romantic, picturesque setting and then look down at the good-as-new cigarette case in my palm, "all of this shows me that you're remorseful and want to try again, how can I be sure you'll never make me feel like that again? I'm scared to hand you my heart, now that I know the power you have over it."
"You have no idea how badly I wish I could undo what I did, but I can't, and I'm so fucking sorry for that." He pulls me up against him again, and I don't resist as he locks his fingers together behind my waist. "You mean everything to me, and I promise you I'll never be reckless with you again. I'm so far from fucking perfect, and I'm sure I’ll do something stupid in the future, but I won't purposely hurt you. Not ever again. I swear to you, Hudson, on Caleb’s memory. I. Love. You."
And with that, I give into the inevitable.
I’d wanted to forgive him long before I ever walked inside the cabin. I’ve missed him. Been miserable without him. And him being here with a genuine heartfelt apology, wanting to reclaim my heart, gives me hope for us.
“Okay.” I nod, peering up at him through my spiky, wet eyelashes.
“Okay?” he repeats the word, tilting his chin to the side, unsure of what I’m agreeing to. “Okay to me loving you? ‘Cause that’s gonna happen whether you say ‘okay’ or not, snow angel.”
The hint of a smirk that plays at the edge of his mouth when he calls me by the nickname he appointed wreaks havoc on my insides. My hands tremble. My heart threatens to explode. My body tingles from head to toe.
“Okay, I accept your apology, and I believe that you won’t intentionally hurt me again,” I clarify, flattening my palms against his chest.
His pupils dilate as I lift up on my tiptoes and bring my mouth a hairbreadth away from his. “And I love you too,” I whisper against his lips just before covering them with my own.
No surface inside the cabin is safe from us. Once we rip each other’s clothes off, our skin melds together in the most intimate of ways as we make up for lost time apart. His breaths become mine. Our racing hearts beat in tandem. It’s as if we can’t get close enough to each other, desperately clinging to each other as he works his cock inside of me over and over again.
We stop long enough to watch the magnificent New Year’s Eve firework show from the bubbling hot tub, with the snow-covered Rocky Mountains completing the most perfect moment in time—a moment I’ll never forget. Before the performance ends, Crew lifts me out of the water and perches my ass on the ledge with his head buried between my legs. I forget all about the fireworks overhead as the colorful explosions of ecstasy going off behind my closed eyelids are nearly too much for me to handle.
For the rest of the weekend, he rocks my world. On the plush king-sized bed. In the hot tub again. On the brown leather couch. Bent over the breakfast table. Hell, even on the bearskin rug in front of the fireplace. There’s an excellent chance I won’t able to walk when we leave.
When we’re not attacking each other like wild animals, we talk. About anything and everything. Retelling stories from our childhood, dreaming aloud about the future. Sometimes, we end up in a heap of laughter on the floor, and others, we need a tissue to dry our tears. It’s fun and it’s meaningful and it’s easy. It’s pure love, and I feel like the luckiest girl in the world.
The last night of our stay, we’re lounging in bed after a slow, sensual session of making love, smoking our last joint: the ‘I love you’ joint he gave me when I got here. He’s sitting up, using the pillows against the headboard for support as I lie on my side with my head in his lap, gazing up at him while I trace random patterns on his toned abs with my finger.
While he gently works his fingers through my tangled locks, he peers down at me and says, “I’ve got to help Mom clean out our old apartment tomorrow afternoon. The manager was nice enough to let us out of our lease, but we’ve got to get most of the stuff into storage for now. I was hoping you’d come with me. It’s gonna be hard going through all of his stuff.”
“Of course I will. Whatever you need.”
He bends over to kiss the top of my head. “Thank you, snow angel. We can go meet Mom after lunch, and later, I also want to take you to meet Rory and see the apartment.”
“Sounds good,” I reply with a yawn, my body thoroughly exhausted, “but first, sleep. I can’t keep my eyes open much longer.”
Chuckling, he stubs the cherry out on the end of the joint and moves the ashtray to the side table, turning the lamp off in the process. Then, scooting down until
his head is comfortably on the pillow, he throws his arm around my waist and snugs me up against his warm, solid body.
His lips find mine in the dark in a tender but emotion-filled kiss. “You know this is exactly what he would’ve wanted, right?” he whispers as he nuzzles his face into my neck. “He adored you.”
“As I did him,” I murmur into his thick hair. “It’s why it’s so important for me to give back to others like him. I want to keep his spirit alive.”
Neither of us says anything for a few minutes as we hold each other close. His breathing slows and his hand stops stroking my back, leading me to believe he’s asleep. I close my eyes to do the same, but right before I fall into dreamland, I hear him say, “I love you so fucking much, Hudson. I’m never letting you go again.”
Once I finally began to come to terms with losing Caleb, the loved ones remaining in my life became that much more important to me. My mom and Hudson. They’re what matter most. They’re my everything.
I’m not sure if I’m a firm believer in a predetermined fate, but I do think there’s a multi-layered reason my family ended up in Breckenridge, Colorado, staying at the Fire on the Mountain resort last November. Though the time Caleb spent in Colorado was much shorter than any of us could’ve ever imagined, the permanent smile he wore the entire time he was here said all that was necessary. Those joints Hudson gave us let him live, goofing off, playing video games, hitting on girls. Normal teenage stuff. I wish I could’ve seen him with his first girlfriend. I would’ve given him such hell.
The world is a darker place without his smile.
He would’ve kicked my ass over that bullshit I pulled. Instead, I channel him to be my strength, remembering the way he lived in the moment, found joy in everything. He might have been my little brother, but he’s also my biggest inspiration. And I won’t let him down. If he were here, he’d expect me to be the man Hudson deserves. And I’m trying every day to show them both.
Peering over her shoulder, Hudson offers me a lazy grin as she rests her hand on my thigh under the table. “You having a good time, birthday boy? Want some more cake?”
I blow out a stuffed breath, rubbing my hands over my t-shirt-clad stomach. “I may explode if I take one more bite. That was way too much food.”
She leans back in her chair and brings her mouth close to my ear. “I’ve got a great idea on how we can work off this meal later,” she whispers, so no one else at the table can hear her.
My dick responds instantly. Visions of her on her hands and knees in front of me, shaking that cute little ass as I bury myself into her wet heat pop up, and I groan at the sudden pressure against my zipper. Fucking hell.
I glance at the others around the table to see if anyone’s paying attention to us, and luckily, they’re not. Now that the food has been eaten, the candles are blown out, and the cake is cut and devoured, my twentieth-birthday dinner is all but over, and I’m ready to open the only present I care about—Hudson’s legs.
Twisting slightly to face her, I catch her gaze fixed on the growing bulge in my pants and I chuckle. “We’ve chosen the wrong name for the organization if we’re naming it after you,” I tease as I bump my shoulder against hers, “‘cause there’s nothing angelic about you. Snow Devils would’ve been more appropriate.”
“Shuddup! You’re the evil one,” she laughs, playfully slapping my bicep, then leaning in to brush her mouth across mine. “If anything, you’ve corrupted me.”
My hand moves quickly as she goes to pull away, cupping the back of her neck and holding her warm lips close to mine. Our eyes meet in a heated stare, which is doing nothing to help the raging boner I’m now sporting. “Damn straight I have, and I plan on doing a lot more corrupting when I get you home.”
Our mouths lock together with a magnetic force as we lose ourselves in a kiss that’s much too passionate for the middle of Ember Bar & Grille, especially when surrounded by our family and friends. But neither of us cares a fucking bit.
In addition to celebrating my birthday, the website for Snow Angels—our new nonprofit that delivers extracted CBD oil and marijuana high in CBD percentages to epilepsy patients around the state of Colorado—went live today, meaning we’re officially in business. Hudson’s Lovesong strain ended up cultivating the exact ratio she was hoping for, and we knew immediately we wanted to help others who suffer like Caleb did.
I’m applying what I’m learning in my online business school and absorbing everything her Uncle Danny is teaching me at The Green Halo to our small project, which will hopefully continue to grow into something substantial. For now, while we’re both in school, we’re happy to help whoever we can.
Whistles, catcalls, and shouts of “Get a room!” from Rory ruin our intimate moment, causing Hudson to giggle as we break apart. I flip off my roommate, which makes everyone, including myself, laugh harder.
“Don’t be jealous, man.” I smirk.
“Jealous? No offense, Hudson, but you do see I’m bookended by two beautiful Shavell sisters, don’t you? Two is always better than one.” His head swivels to his left, where Nali sits demurely, her cheeks blushing a rosy pink at his compliment, then to the right, where Dakota…was.
Hudson and I both bust out laughing at his failed comeback, while he searches around the restaurant for the other half of his bookends. Rory is not only my roommate, but we’ve also become great friends. He’s a guy who I can run pretty much anything by and he’ll be straight up with me, and it works out great that he and Hudson get along so well, especially since she spends nearly every night at our apartment. I’m expecting her to claim a section of my closet at any point now, since she officially has a toothbrush that stays in the holder on my sink, and to be honest, I’m ready for her to move in. The rare nights we spend apart, I find myself reaching for her constantly in the bed, and end up sleeping like shit.
“Hey, honey,” my mom’s voice cuts into my wandering thoughts. “Luke and I are going to head out, if that’s okay. We’re both working tomorrow morning.”
Nodding, I turn my attention to her with a content smile. “Yeah, of course, Mom. Thank you again so much for organizing this. It’s…perfect.”
The knowing glint in her eyes tells me she knows what I mean. It’s as perfect as possible without Caleb.
“Goodnight, sweetie.” She kisses Hudson’s cheek as she stands up from her chair, and then wishes everyone else a good evening before she and her fiancé leave.
I watch as they walk through the restaurant, pleased that my mom seems to be getting better. After a few months of pretending she was taking Caleb’s death like a champ, she finally admitted to me and Luke that she felt she was on the verge of a breakdown. She’s started therapy at the same place I’ve been going and things are slowly improving. She and Luke are still engaged and living together, but they’ve decided to put the stress of a wedding and marriage off for a while, giving everyone the proper time to heal. I’ll support her in whatever makes her happy and healthy.
Mel and Doug, along with Grams and the three youngest kids, are the next to leave, and Juno excuses herself not long after, leaving Rory, Nali, Hudson, and me at the table. Dakota is still missing. At least, she is until I spot her up at the bar, talking to a small group of people, one guy in particular. She beams up at him, twirling her hair around her finger while totally absorbed by whatever crazy story he’s telling with wild waving arms.
Cocking my head over to Rory to make sure he’s witnessing whatever is going on, I see he’s already found her with his gaze, but surprisingly, instead of appearing jealous or irritated in any way that the girl he’s hooked up with a handful of times—the girl I assumed he was going home with tonight—is blatantly flirting with someone else, he’s unfazed and returns his focus to Nali, where they continue whatever conversation they were having about white-water rafting.
Strange.
Hudson’s tiptoeing fingers creep up the seam of my thigh and regain my full attention. I hiss under my breath as they feather ov
er the denim covering my cock. “You’re gonna get in trouble,” I warn lowly.
“That’s what I’m hoping for.” The left side of her face tilts up with amusement as she squeezes my erection in her hand. “Let’s go home.”
I need no more persuading. Standing up, I tip my chin at Rory and Nali. “Thank y’all for coming tonight, but I gotta get my girl home before she mounts me right here on the table.”
Nali scrunches up her face as she covers her ears with her hands. “Earmuffs! Ewww! I could do without that visual, thank you very much.”
Rory chuckles. “You should hear them every night. It sounds like a—”
“No!” She slaps her palm over his mouth mid-sentence. “Please. Just no.”
After a few more minutes, we tell them goodbye before stopping by the bar to do the same with Dakota. Greeting us cheerfully, she politely introduces us to a girl from school, the girl’s boyfriend, and the other couple of guys standing there. Ready to get home to ravage my little tease of a girlfriend until she’s begging for mercy, I don’t pay much attention to most of them, not bothering to learn their names or to store their physical appearance to memory, except when she gets to the guy I noticed her flirting with earlier. I can’t help but think he looks really familiar. His name is James, which doesn’t ring any bells at all—not like I know many people around here anyway, but it bothers me that I can’t put my finger on it.
Hudson and I leave shortly after, walking hand-in-hand through the parking lot to my truck. Like the gentleman I am, I open her door for her and slap her firm ass as she climbs in. She snaps her head back and sears me with her electric blue gaze, making me forget about everything except getting her home, naked, and in my bed as soon as possible.
It’s not until sometime in the middle of the night, deep in a dream after passing out from three rounds of magnificent fucking, sexing, and love-making—in that order—that I jolt straight up in bed and it comes to me.