“It’s soothing.”
“Auditory,” he reaffirmed with a nod and pointed over her shoulder almost in a distracted nature. “Oh, are those cheesy poofs?”
“Help yourself,” she said quietly.
That was typical of Gavin. When things got too close for comfort, he generally backed away or changed the subject. It almost made her sad to think that the idea of them being similar in nature made him shy away again. It was better not to go down that road again, she thought morosely.
She’d always turned down the radio or turned to things that gave her a feeling of solace. There was too much noise in the world. Horns honking, lawn mowers, trains, vacuums, etc. Here, normally, the beach provided a gentle lulling sound of the waves that was relaxing. An occasional cry from a seagull was the only piercing sound here. It wasn’t that she hated noise, it was more that she was keenly aware of it and selective of what made her feel good.
These last several months had been a brutal lesson in self-awareness and discovery of what she wanted or needed. Getting hurt emotionally by how similar, and how far apart they were, was something she just didn’t need.
Way to go, Casanova! Gavin thought wretchedly. Cheesy poofs? Seriously? You were talking and having a conversation…and went to talking about cheap orange puffed snacks?
He could have slapped himself on the forehead in sheer frustration and disappointment as he noticed the expression on Natalie’s face. She never could hide how she reacted, at times, and he’d seen her smile when questioning her about the Band-Aids. He’d loved how quirky and carefree she was.
Opening the can of snack food, he popped one in his mouth and began to chew aimlessly, trying not to watch her like a tiger watching its prey. She was so beautiful and he was such a dork. How had he ever thought that he would be good enough for her someday? As she slid a sideways glance towards him, his heart beat nervously and he instinctively held out the blue snack can towards her.
“Mont un?” he mumbled, sending a faint cloud of orange powder from his lips. Natalie rolled her eyes and reached towards the can silently, accepting a few puffs in her hand. Popping one in her mouth, Gavin felt himself blush and he was fascinated with watching her simply chew.
“You’ve got it bad, you dork,” he thought and shoved three more puffs into his already full mouth just to keep himself from saying ‘I still love you’ in the silence that yawned between them.
Sitting there awkwardly, they snacked on the can and drank silently. He remembered how they would watch a movie or television show together, snacking on corn chips or popcorn. They were both junk food addicts when it came to lounging around. That had been one of his favorite pastimes to share with her. It wasn’t that watching the screen was impressive or special, it was that he simply had a chance to spend time with her. Being near Natalie, breathing the same air as her, or being around her aura, made him feel whole, and he missed this feeling.
A loud splintering sound from above made him wince and Natalie paled significantly. It sounded like an old, rusty nail was being pulled from a piece of wood that made his skin crawl, almost like someone running nails down a chalkboard. He expected to see part of the roof lifting away, or anticipated needing to run for cover if the walls were going to buckle from the onslaught of rain and high winds.
“How long do you think this storm is going to go on?” Natalie asked suddenly, glancing up at the roof and looking around fearfully. She was terrified and her precious lips were almost bloodless. Walking around in the storm wasn’t safe, but then again, there was always a chance staying here wasn’t, either. He didn’t want to deal with a collapse or structural damage that could result in injury or death.
“Stay here where you are safest,” Gavin cautioned, getting to his feet. Natalie reached out and grabbed his hand immediately. He glanced at their hands in surprise and met her eyes just seconds before she released him just as quickly.
“Don’t leave me here alone.”
“I’m not going anywhere and if something happens the walls will keep debris off of you.”
“What about you?”
“I’m just going to look around and then come right back.”
“Go on, then,” she said stoically, looking away. For a moment, Gavin hesitated. He knew she was scared, but didn’t she realize that he couldn’t let her get hurt? Was she afraid that he would abandon her there?
“I’m coming right back. I promise.”
“Do what you need to.”
“I’m trying to, but you are making me feel bad for wanting to make sure you are safe.”
“Aren’t you scared even a little bit? Don’t you feel anything right now?” she bit out, her eyes flashing with intensity. He didn’t understand why she was so prickly and attacking right now. Yeah he was frustrated he was mucking things up again and stumped at how much things were off kilter between them right now.
“I’m terrified that I’m not going to be able to protect you and then I see disappointment in your eyes when you look at me. I can’t handle failing you again and I’m not ready for that kind of heartache to keep me up at night. Just stay here!” he snapped.
Gavin sprung to his feet and rushed out of the kitchen as the wind howled almost as loudly as his soul cried out. He was such an idiot! When it came to her he seemed to be incapable of doing anything right. She could push his buttons like no other and this wasn’t the first time he’d been struck with ‘verbal diarrhea’ (as Tobin called it) regarding his emotions. He opened his mouth and stuff just poured out uncontrollably.
Yanking his flashlight from his jacket, he haphazardly tucked his iPhone back down in his pocket, thankful for the plastic case and his jacket since he had gotten soaked by the rain. He texted in to say that he’d taken cover and gave his location before putting it back in his pocket.
Looking around, Gavin saw that the walls still appeared to be sturdy and assumed it was the roof groaning against the wind. If they lost part of the roof, they’d get wet and it would weaken the structure but they could escape into the storm if needed. That was a last result for him. He didn’t want to be exposed to the elements any more than necessary.
Water was sloshing up under the door frame and seeping inside the house. He didn’t want to scare Natalie, but that wasn’t a good sign and he had seen houses swept off their foundation due to storm swells. If the water continued to rise, combined with the roof weakening, they might have to take their chances, after all. He was surprised that the water had come close due to the height of the seawall, and could have sworn for sure that they were out of harm’s way from the surge.
Natalie hadn’t said a word and the silence (if he ignored the drafts of wind through the broken window) was deafening. It wasn’t like she was on the opposite side of the house or far from him. The small galley kitchen was just out of sight and if he turned the corner, he’d see the condemnation in her eyes once again.
He was so torn.
Maybe this was all a lost cause and he’d been living with the unfounded hope that there was something more between them that could be saved. This almost seemed like a cruel joke, to be stuck here with the woman he loved only to have a second chance with her painfully ripped away.
Tobin would listen quietly and have some pearl of wisdom to share that would only make it harder on Gavin. His friend’s favorite saying was one borrowed from a Chinese philosopher that said ‘those that can’t do, teach’ because he had never held down a relationship longer than a few weeks. His friend was the quiet, silent, stoic type that didn’t mince words once he spoke. Gavin tried to be carefree and outgoing but was failing miserably – and Natalie needed someone that could give more… whatever that entailed.
The other window facing the ocean gave a loud pop, cracking under the immense pressure or impact on the glass. It hadn’t shattered like the other one had, but rather split the pane right down the middle from one corner to another.
Walking back to the kitchen, Gavin saw Natalie sitting on the floor and immediate
ly felt his heart reach out. She was cross-legged, with her eyes pinched shut painfully, taking several deep breaths as if trying to calm herself. Her hands were clapped over her ears in an attempt to muffle out the sounds of the storm.
He knew what it was like to be scared and how painful it was. Giving in to those fears and emotions was brutal. It was something that tore through him over and over again when he’d wanted to call or needed to hear her voice. The idea of her being so frightened made him want to comfort her, regardless of what was once between them.
He glanced around and saw that the kitchen was framed with a tall row of cabinets on one side and a pantry on the other; if things went south they would at least have some sort of framework around them, regardless of the open concept that the rest of the house seemed to be comprised of.
“Natalie, I’m here,” Gavin breathed, extending his hand towards her.
It was simply too much!
Natalie hated storms and the massive pop, the keen feeling of loneliness, combined with the fact she knew she’d just driven off Gavin once again, was utterly emotionally decimating.
She’d watched him get up and walk away from her in stunned disbelief at his angry, bitter words. There was so much raw truth in them, like it had been pulled from somewhere in his soul. Before she could say anything, he’d left her there to deal with the wailing sounds surrounding her and her own turbulent feelings.
She’d never dealt with anything like this storm before and prayed to never do so again. At the sound of the glass popping, she’d immediately ducked once again for cover, afraid that she might need more than just a Band-Aid this time!
Paralyzed, she’d tried to think of things that made her happy. It was the same technique she’d used over and over again as a young girl during thunderstorms or tornado warnings. She’d always had a fear and this seemed like such a stupid idea, to be close enough to the coast to deal with tropical storms or hurricanes when you had such an adverse fear or phobia.
“Natalie, I’m here.”
Gavin’s voice barely reached her consciousness as she ran all sorts of scenes through her mind. Rainbows. Flowers with butterflies. Calm bubbling creeks. Sun shining through tree branches. Gavin smiling at her or holding her hand. Puppies licking your fingers… Lollipops.
“Natalie? Can you hear me?”
Marshmallow crème. Oreos. Crocheting. Warm quilts. Bubble baths. Sweet kisses. Laughter with friends. Reading a book…
“Natalie?”
This time she heard her name faintly and felt warm hands tug at her, pulling her into a standing position, before holding her tightly in his arms. The warmth of his shirt made her feel like she was coming home as the world around them faded away.
Gavin.
She smelled the faint scent of his cologne and felt his chin touch the top of her head as he simply held her, reminding her of how he would hold her when she was scared during a storm. Most times she was able to cope on her own, but when it was really bad, Gavin had been there for her… just like now.
His heart beat strong under her ear. The simple feeling of safety and security washed over her. He was her rock and she hadn’t realized how adrift she’d felt in the last few months.
Holding her hand to his chest, her other arm was smushed up oddly between them. As she moved her arm, she felt his arm suddenly tighten and heard a heavy sigh escape him. He was expecting her to pull away and it made her feel dejected. She wasn’t ready for this sudden burst of comfort to end. Instead, she slipped her arm around his waist and simply hugged him. She heard his sudden intake of breath and smiled as his arms tightened around her once again. They stood there together for what seemed like forever before she realized they were swaying gently.
“Are we dancing?” she whispered, not moving.
“Maaaybe… just a bit,” he admitted.
Natalie bit her lip shyly as she heard that playful nervous edge to his voice. He was normally lighthearted but when it was something he’d been ‘caught’ doing, that is when that tone came out. The last time she’d heard it was at Valentine’s when they had agreed not to exchange presents. He showed up at her work with a massive heart full of chocolates. When she’d questioned him, he’d claimed that same elusive drawn out ‘maaaybe’ that she recognized.
“It’s been a while since we danced,” she hedged.
“Entirely too long,” he agreed.
“I like this,” she breathed, feeling herself melt against him.
Don’t snuggle, Natalie, she thought to herself. She was setting herself up for heartbreak again and in this very moment, she didn’t care. This was them, as a couple, and they’d been so good at one point, before she began overanalyzing things.
Bitter words from people that were jealous of how easy their relationship had been between them. Those insidious remarks, a few well-placed suggestions, and seeds of doubt took root in her mind, making her wonder and worry. Maybe something was wrong between them deep down inside.
“No one could smile this much and suddenly turn off their emotions unless something was wrong with them,” one ‘friend’ had said at work. Natalie hadn’t realized there was an element of truth to it until she’d seen it first-hand.
They had begun fighting over silly things. It was like suddenly there was a spotlight on everything that had made her feel good about them as a couple. Those moments were dissected and found flawed by everyone around her in her world… everyone but her.
The final straw had been when driving to dinner, they’d come upon an accident. Pulling over, both of them had gotten out of the car, but Natalie froze at the sound of a child screaming for their mama. The car had been mangled horribly and she knew without a doubt that the mother was gone or dying in front of them.
It had been paralyzing, but Gavin had flown into action. He’d shoved Natalie back into the truck, telling her to sit still and call 911. He’d walked calmly to the car and began to evaluate the situation, helping the medics once the ambulance arrived. Not once did Gavin flinch or cry; instead it was the detached, cursory look on his face that made him unrecognizable in that moment.
She couldn’t help the words that flew from her mouth in shock and horror. How had he not been affected by the horrible accident? What kind of person could see devastation like that, families torn apart, and remain untouched? Was this the man that claimed to love her?
Natalie had attacked verbally, releasing all the pent-up emotions, fears, and doubts inside-and Gavin hadn’t moved. He didn’t say a word or defend himself. He’d simply stepped back and out of her life before she’d realized it. Looking back now, she knew that it was Melissa’s own divorce that was coloring everything around her. It had been Melissa’s poisoned opinions that had divided them. Natalie had been naïve and crazy enough to listen. It took losing Gavin to make her realize what she had actually wanted and missed. Pride and fear kept her from reaching out to him at first, then it was resentment.
It only took a hurricane to bridge the gulf between them.
“Do you have your phone on you?”
“There’s really no one to call until the storm subsides down some. I’ll get you to safety and treat your cut as quickly as I can.”
“I thought we could play a little music, Poprocks,” she whispered, smiling, knowing he hated that nickname.
“I didn’t realize Tobin told the entire world,” he said heavily but there wasn’t any bluster to it; in fact, he sounded almost tentative.
“I overheard him and some of the guys call you that at the station one day. I thought it was funny. I’m sorry. I won’t say it again,” she quickly sidestepped backwards, pulling away and feeling that she’d ruined the moment between them.
Gavin released her. He suddenly had this intense, extremely distracted look, making her hesitate long enough to glance at him questioningly. He was digging in his jacket that he’d set on the counter and fished out his iPhone.
Pressing the screen, he held it up between them triumphantly before setting it on th
e countertop in a silent challenge, not looking away from her eyes. She saw the brief moment of fear for a second before it disappeared.
Holding out his hand to her, Natalie saw his throat work as Gavin swallowed hard, a sign he was nervous. A soft lilting tune began to play. It was one of her favorite songs from a movie she’d watched as a young girl. Gavin had gotten her dancing lessons and a DVD of the film for her birthday.
“You don’t play fair…” she breathed, reaching out to him and hesitating before her fingers touched his hand. She paused only inches away and glanced back at him.
“I’m done waiting or playing fair,” he confessed and closed the distance between their hands. “…and you were right.”
“About what?”
“Tobin did tell my entire world,” Gavin breathed, tugging her back towards him, before gathering her in his arms and swaying to the music once again.
Stunned, Natalie felt herself falling for him all over again, helplessly, as his words touched her soul. Instead of pushing himself on her or coercing her, he was working his way into her heart slowly, one second at a time.
Chapter 6
Natalie wasn’t sure what to say, or how to react to Gavin’s words. She couldn’t breathe as she looked into his eyes. There was such open sincerity there hidden in his gaze that it was humbling. He still loved her and she saw it in his gaze. Anything she said now would make or break this moment.
She was still hurting that he’d let her go for so long, yet deep inside she wanted this very moment between them. She wanted to tell him that she felt the same way. Instead, she fell silent and laid her head back on his chest, stepping back into his arms as the sounds of Hungry Eyes by Eric Carmen played softly in the background.
“I’m good with this,” Gavin whispered, holding her as he laid his hand over hers again. There hadn’t been any pressing questions or needed responses, but the moment was still there between them. He’d laid out his emotions and she’d answered in a way that suited them both. She was ready to move on, never forgetting the pain that being away from him caused, nor forgiving how he’d given her so much room to make her decisions. She’d felt abandoned and it wasn’t just something as simple as ‘Yippee! We are in love!’
The Whirlwind Rescue Page 5