Because I Love You

by A'zayler

  “Aye, Dream, where you want me to put you out at?”

  “Back at the gas station.”

  My mind was so far away that I hadn’t even realized just how low I’d spoken to him until he turned back into the bitch that I’d never known him to be.

  “Speak the fuck up,” he yelled.

  Obviously hearing just how fucked up Joshua was right then, Egypt looked at him before looking over the seat at me. My face frowned at the same time I rolled my eyes.

  “Nigga, don’t be doing all that yelling at me. If you would open your fucking ears and shut your big ass mouth, you would have fucking heard me. I said take me back to the gas station.” I was tired of this bitch nigga trying me.

  For the first time ever, I saw Egypt laugh. Damn, he was fine. His smile wasn’t the biggest, but it was bright enough to make me feel better. He was so damn handsome it didn’t make no sense. I’d temporarily lost my attitude watching so much happiness cross his face.

  Egypt’s laughter and my suppressed smile obviously pissed Joshua off because that nigga went ape shit on me so fast that I couldn’t even prepare for it.

  “Man, fuck this hoe. Bitch, get your raggedy pussy ass out and walk your ass back to that fucking gas station. Stank pussy hoe.”

  “Nigga you ain’t said nothing. Stop this piece of shit, and I’ll get out.” I started grabbing my stuff and preparing to get out.

  Joshua had me fucked up if he thought he was about to hang this raggedy ass ride over my head. Furthermore, before I sat there and let him make Egypt think my pussy was bad or that it had an odor, I’d stroll my ass right back down that street on my own two feet. Though it might have been far-fetched, I wanted Egypt to have some of me eventually, and crybaby ass Joshua was ruining that for me.

  “Nah, bitch, I ain’t stopping. You gon’ jump your ass out.”

  “Shitting me, muthafucka. I ain’t jumping no got damn where. If you don’t stop this fucking car, then I guess I’ll be riding with you to the house.” I smacked my teeth while steadily talking shit that I knew would make him mad.

  The moment he stopped this truck, I was hopping my ass out. I wouldn’t dare go to his house with him after the way he’d just handled me. On top of that, he had a baby mama from hell. I’d already had too many run ins with that hoe, and she was just as crazy as me. We’ve beaten the shit out of each other over and over, and both of us was always ready for more.

  Only reason I might tap out on her today was that her nigga had practically broken my body in half with that big eggplant ass dick. No remorse having muthafucka. I rolled my eyes as I thought about that shit. Hell nah, I wasn’t walking nowhere. He owed me for that shit. I was riding my happy ass right back to that gas station.

  “Man, y’all crashing out bad. Stop this shit, blood, and let this fucking girl out where you got her from.”

  I smiled as pretty faced Egypt took up for me. I hurried up and wiped that shit away when Joshua looked at me, though. All it would take was for him to think I was trying him in front of Egypt, and he would continue cutting the fucking fool. He glared at me hard as hell through his rearview mirror, cursing the whole way to the side of the road.

  “You better get your ass out here. I’m being nice even stopping for you.”

  I rolled my eyes and opened the door. I was done arguing with this idiot. His ignorant ass. I wasn’t even all the way out of the truck before he sped off.

  “Dumb fucker,” I mumbled as I looked up and down the street, trying to piece together the quickest way to my spot.

  Once I decided, I began my journey home.

  Chapter 4

  -Egypt

  “I can’t believe you did that girl like that.” I looked in the rearview mirror at Dream.

  She was standing on the side of the street looking lost and wore out as hell. If Master knew that nigga Joshua had just dogged her out like that, his ass wouldn’t be as calm as he was. Prostitute or not, Master didn’t play about his hoes or his money.

  “Fuck that dirty broad. She ain’t shit.”

  On that, I agreed, but I wouldn’t tell that nigga that. He already had his ass on his shoulders. What would me voicing my opinion change?

  “She can’t be too dirty. You just finished sticking your dick in her tricked-out ass.”

  “Nah, she still dirty as fuck.” He laughed loudly. “She’s just something to do.”

  I could tell he was trying to blow him fucking her off like it was nothing, but with me, he couldn’t even do that shit. I’d listen to him say whatever he wanted to say, but at the end of the day, he’d smashed on her, so that didn’t make him no better than her. In my eyes, any nigga who bought ass was just as nasty as the hoe he was buying it from.

  “I wouldn’t buy pussy if y’all niggas paid me to.”

  “Nigga, you don’t have to buy it. That’s why you can sit over there talking yo shit. You don’t even like these hoes, and they still come running to you.”

  I laughed at this dude the whole time he made jokes about how easy it was for me to get women. That’s all these fools ever clowned me about. I mean, they were right, but still, they ain’t have to say the shit like it fazed me none. I’d never had a problem bagging bitches, but that wasn’t all I was on. I was more about my paper than fucking women, especially if I had to pay for the pussy.

  How the fuck could I stack my cash if I was tossing it on the cheapest trick that walked by me? I couldn’t, so I didn’t. Clearly, Joshua was butt hurt over the shit too because he’d talked shit to me about women the entire ride to pick up and on the way back to the gas station. I was happy as hell to get out this nigga’s crybaby ass space.

  “Aight, peace,” I told Joshua while climbing out of his whip and walking over to my own.

  We were back at the gas station, and my whip was untouched, just like I’d known it would be. I didn’t make a lot of noise, but these folks out here knew better than to try me. I didn’t do a lot of talking nor, did I do a lot of bragging, but my actions were loud as hell in the ear of the hood. They felt me.

  Once I was in, I cranked up and prepared to pull out, but my eyes caught the picture of Auto on the dashboard and me. I smiled as I thought about how different shit would be if my nigga was still out here with me. I shook my head and tapped the picture the way I always did when I got in my feelings. I missed my blood for real. Not even on no gay shit, but I’d be one happy ass nigga once he got out.

  It had only been a year since my boy had gotten knocked and shipped out, but I felt every single one of those days in my chest. Auto was my best friend and had been since the second grade. On most days, he felt more like my brother than my friend, and it was the same way with him. We were a two-man crew, never needing anybody outside the two of us, so imagine how fucked up I was when my boy got slapped with them years.

  I felt like a real bitch when he got sentenced. Shed tears for my boy and everything, but the bond we share ain’t really one I can talk about, you’d have to feel it. Since he was out of the game right now, I had to hold stuff down for us both, which was one of the main reasons why I moved the way I did. I didn’t talk, laugh, play, or even hang out more than necessary.

  Most people assumed I was just a mean li’l nigga, which I was, but it wasn’t because of shit they’d done. I’d been on some middle finger to the world since my mama died. Shid, I ain’t have nothing else to live for, so I did what the fuck I wanted. If something happened to me, that would be good. I’d be back where I belonged; with my mama.

  Before she passed, I was actually a pretty good dude with a good heart. My biggest issue then and now is that I didn’t trust. I mean, at all, not even a little bit. I don’t trust nobody but my sister, and since she’s been with her new nigga, I don’t know how much I trust her ass anymore either.

  I laughed as I thought about Logan. Now that was my muthafucking nigga. Even if she didn’t ever get no bigger, she was gon’ still be my nigga. She thorough as fuck but sweet as pie. Too damn sweet for real, but that�
��s how our mama was. She’d give you the shirt off her back in a snowstorm, and she’d raised Logan to be the same way.

  Me, on the other hand, I used to buck at her all the time. Never listening, just hardheaded for no reason. I would rip and run in the streets with Auto, not paying my ole bird any attention, but I’d pay any amount of money to have her back. Things hadn’t been the same for me since.

  Day in and day out, I lived with no cares, doing whatever reckless shit needed to be done. Care about life for what? I didn’t have anyone but Logan and my pops, and she didn’t need me no more because she had her li’l fucked up, drunk ass husband, and my pops and I halfway trusted his ass.

  He was a pastor at one of the churches on our block but still ran more hoes than Master. Church women were some of the biggest freaks, and my daddy was living proof of that. I tried not to judge because I know it was probably his way of coping, but that shit was still tacky as hell.

  I’d turned a cold shoulder to that church stuff since my mama’s passing, but I could and would bet my last dollar that the Lord wasn’t nowhere near my daddy’s church. His old hoe ass. Nigga has my sister fooled like hell, but that’s easy since she ain’t in the same city as him no more. For me, he’d might as well cut his shit.

  My personal life was a trip, but it was private, and I kept it that way by minding my own business. Never dibbling or dabbling in stuff that didn’t concern me. If it wasn’t no gang shit, I wasn’t moving with it. I was blood to my core, and that was that. I’d lay down about my gang and my sister. Everything else I could do without.

  Women were cool, but they brought drama. If I didn’t think it was dumb and irresponsible as hell, I might buy some pussy just to get my nut every so often, but I hated that shit. Just thinking about sex took my mind back to ole girl, Dream. I just don’t see how in the hell she did what she did. Her lifestyle was crazy.

  Today wasn’t the first time I’ve ever seen her or heard about her for that matter, it was just still so fucked up to me. I’d kill Logan if she ever embarked on that trashy ass trail. Dream, on the other hand, wasn’t my concern. I didn’t know her story or why she chose to hoe around, but I didn’t give a fuck either. That was her shit; she could get her paper how ever she wanted. From what I’ve been told, she’s good at the shit, so might as well cap off of it.

  Dream was the super head of the hood. I’d half listened to plenty of stories detailing her mouth and pussy game, but that ain’t do shit but turn me off from her even more. Shawty’s rep was tarnished than a muthafucka. The only reason I really ever saw her as much as I did was that she was best friends with my OG’s wife, Zebrina. The two of them were total opposites, and I had not one clue why my OG let his girl hang with that hoe.

  If I had a wife, hell even a girlfriend, Dream sure as hell couldn’t be her best friend. Fuck that. Birds of a feather flocked together in my opinion and hanging with Dream should have been a straight up no for Zebrina, but my OG, BB, was laid back like that. He didn’t let a lot of shit ruffle him, and Zebrina keeping the company of a well-known hoe was proof of that.

  Dream was wrong in so many different areas of life. If she wasn’t fucking and sucking in the hood, she was fighting. In the whip alone, I had to laugh at her for that. It was always some loud ass rumor floating around about her getting her shit rocked for fucking with other girl’s niggas. Females stayed busting her ass.

  “Hell nah.” I kept laughing as I drove.

  I was back on the street that we’d left her on and didn’t see her nowhere. Apparently, them feet were just as good as that mouth because she was nowhere in sight. I kept riding, checking to see if I saw her. I had looked up and down the sidewalk for her and still didn’t see her nowhere.

  “The hell she went that fast?”

  That block was long as shit. I kept looking before I decided to speed up and get on with my evening. It wasn’t like I was about to stop and give her a ride anyway. The last time I offered that hoe a ride, shit went too far left to bring it back right. We’d been fucked up ever since. Sometimes I felt bad for the way I did her that night because she hadn’t deserved it.

  I was hurt and had taken it out on her, but since I no longer gave a fuck about life or anybody in it, I pushed off doing the noble thing and apologizing. My mother would have knocked me every way but the right way had she seen how I did Dream after she’d been there for me that night, but since she was dead, she couldn’t do anything. Dead people couldn’t do shit, so I could do what the fuck I wanted, including ignoring Dream. It wasn’t on no beef shit; we just didn’t fuck with each other, and it was understood.

  Well, it was understood on my part; I didn’t really know about hers. She acted like she couldn’t stand me, always rolling her eyes and smacking her teeth and shit, and I couldn’t blame her. After the way I’d done her, I would probably hate me too, but that wasn’t her only problem. She loved to act like it was, but I knew better. Her other problem was that she wanted me and couldn’t have me. I stayed peeping the little twinkle in her eye, and the slick li’l looks she’d shoot my way whenever I was around.

  Today was no different. I might not have seen her directly, but I could feel her looking at me in Joshua’s whip. That’s why when we got into our li’l argument, I wasn’t surprised. Anytime you felt that much attraction to another person, y’all was either gon’ be fucking or fighting. There was no sidelining that shit.

  “Look at this shit here.”

  There she was. She had her li’l purse thrown over her shoulder walking fast as hell. I watched the way the tight outfit she was wearing ran up in her ass for a minute before swerving up on her, so she could see my car. I rolled my window down and contemplated yelling some stupid shit at her but then had to second guess that idea. I didn’t need none of these niggas thinking I was paying to fuck. That wasn’t my style.

  I was just about to drive off and not even fuck with her, but she spotted me. Her face scrunched up, but she didn’t say anything. She just looked and kept walking. Her stride slowed down, though, like she was waiting for me to say something to her.

  “You need something, Egypt?” she yelled from where she was when she realized I wasn’t opening my mouth.

  I didn’t even notice until she yelled that I was still cruising next to her. That was almost worse than actually letting her get a ride. I looked like a stalker when all I wanted to do was say some dumb, spiteful ass shit to her just to be funny. I would have been better off letting her get in the whip with me than to be following her maggot ass around. Then again, the more I thought about it, fuck this stupid shit. I was grown as fuck and had better shit to do than to be fucking off with the hood hoe.

  “Nah, I just wanted to see what a hoe on her stroll looked like.”

  She stopped walking. “Are you fucking serious?”

  I laughed and nodded. “Hell yeah.”

  She paused like she couldn’t believe me, and that only made me laugh harder. Her crazy ass probably thought I was about to offer her a ride. Nope, hoe. I fell out laughing again. She wouldn’t get in my car and spread the hood germs across my seat. If I hadn’t been a spiteful ass dude, I never would have stopped for her ass anyway.

  “You’re real weak for that. Stupid ass nigga.” She rolled her eyes and got back to walking.

  Even though I’d started with her first, I still felt insulted as hell. I didn’t let people talk to me crazy like she did, and I momentarily thought about heating her up with a bullet for a second, but that would be savage as hell for no reason, so instead, I yelled back at her.

  “Walking ass hoe.”

  I sped off without another thought after that. That li’l bitch had the wrong nigga if she thought she was about to keep popping off on me. She should have felt honored that I even acknowledged her. I ain’t have to even do that shit. My car was bending corners and pulling up at my crib in no time. Since I was still somewhat irritated by that audacity of Dream, I ended up slamming my damn door too hard. That woke my ass up quick.


  “Dumb hoe,” I mumbled, way too fucking bothered by that prostitute.

  After making sure my glass was good, I took my keys out and headed inside my spot. It was a ducked off li’l townhouse that I’d rented the week after my mother died. No matter how hard I’d tried, I just couldn’t step foot back into that house.

  My shoes hit the wall when I kicked them off, and so did my keys. I had dropped them onto the floor with the rest of my shit and headed to take a shower. It had been a long day, and I had plans for the night, so I needed to get with it. It was supposed to be some street shit popping off, and I stayed ready for that. If I couldn’t do nothing else to relieve all the pent-up stress I had, fighting and shooting damn sure would.

  As if my thoughts could be heard, my phone started ringing. I looked down at my watch to see who it was calling. When I saw my OG’s name, I picked up quickly.

  “What’s popping, blood?”

  “Five. What’s good?”

  “You coming out tonight?” he asked.

  “Fa sho.”

  “Aight, bet. Hit me when you pull up so I can make sure you good.”

  I told him I would before ending the call. Blaze Black, or BB as we all called him, that was my OG. He was the old school homie in my gang and had been looking out for me from the first night I joined. He showed me tough love like no other, but because of it, I was official as fuck. He taught me everything I needed to know about being a street nigga, and I respected him for it.

  No love, just respect. The streets didn’t love nobody, so neither did I. If it wasn’t Logan or Auto, I had nothing for you. You could earn my respect but never my love. It wasn’t up for grabs, so it would never come. I spent a lot of time with him because he was one of the realest niggas I knew, so I considered him family, but still no love.

  When I finally made it to my bedroom, I undressed and hit the shower. My all black fit was gon’ hit hard as hell with my brand new olive-green and camo combat boots. It was probably going to be hot as hell outside that night, but I didn’t give a damn. I was putting on my fucking boots.