Because I Love You

by A'zayler

  I’d been on the first thing smoking out of there because BB had already sent me on my way, but she wasn’t budging until she’d gotten to Egypt. It was crazy to me right then, but I understood now. I’d risk my life for BB’s too, but that was because I knew he’d do the same for me. I’d been a bit hesitant to leave him as well, but after he’d assured me I was good to leave, I dipped. Egypt was different, though. He obviously didn’t value Azayna’s concern for his life like BB did. He and my baby were not the same.

  Chapter 6

  -Azayna

  I checked my phone for the thousandth time, trying to see had Egypt texted or called me. When I saw no new notifications, I sucked my teeth. I should have known the night at the party house was too good to be true, especially since he didn’t have my number. I was dumb to believe last night was more than what it was anyway. Egypt didn’t like me; he was just high, and I’d let his inebriated state make me lose my mind.

  “Let me check Facebook.” I flipped over on my stomach and pushed some of my locs over my shoulder.

  I swiped through my timeline to see had anybody posted any RIP posts. When I didn’t see any, I checked the rest of my social sites. When I came up with nothing, I breathed a sigh of relief. Had something bad happened, I would have definitely found out on the book. I’d seen a few statuses about the shootout at the party house, but nobody had spoken on any casualties, so that was good.

  Satisfied enough to get my day started, I slid from my bed and walked into my bathroom. The cool air immediately brushed against my skin, making me shiver. I kept my apartment cold because that was the way I liked it, and since I lived by myself, I could do that. I could never and would never share my living space with anyone. I got annoyed by the smallest thing, so sharing would do nothing more than cause constant arguments.

  Plus, with me being a prostitute, men were always begging to come home with me or getting too infatuated after sex. The last thing I needed was for my address to get out. There was no telling what would happen with these people. I couldn’t put my life in somebody else’s hands like that.

  In the bathroom, I stood in the mirror wearing just my t-shirt and panties. No bra and nipple rings showing. My bright red and blonde locs were all down and hanging around my shoulders and back. I looked at my bare face for a few minutes before quickly tying my hair back and brushing my teeth. I washed my face afterward and pulled my hair up into a bun.

  It was the weekend, and the time I took off, so I was about to hit the streets and handle some business. Since I lived nearly an hour outside of the inner city, I didn’t have to worry about running into any of the niggas I entertained or the bitches who hated me for it. I could peacefully shop and live. When I first started tricking, I was still living in the projects, but after enough people came knocking on my door like they had that right, I quickly made my move.

  To nobody’s knowledge, not even Master’s, I maintained my everyday life in a small suburban neighborhood all by my lonesome. My place cost a pretty penny, which was why I barely had enough money to get a car, but that would come soon enough. Since I didn’t have a regular job, I couldn’t file my taxes and get a new car like all the rest of the hoes. I had to fuck and save.

  After styling my locs into a high bun, I walked back into my bedroom. I got dressed in a pair of dark blue jeans and a fitted yellow crop top that fell off both shoulders. All my gold necklaces and rings came next. My gold watch that was probably too big to be on my wrist was after that, followed by my other arm being filled with bangles. I put on my chunky gold hoops to match everything else.

  I was almost completely dressed when I put my top and bottom grills in. They were shining with real gold and diamonds. They had been a Christmas gift from Master, and I loved them to death. I smiled at my ghetto looking reflection in the mirror. I was the true definition of a hood star. No matter how far out of the hood I got, it would forever be in me.

  A lot of women turned their noses up at me whenever I was out in public, but I didn’t care. I liked what I liked, and they liked what they liked. I never judged them and didn’t give a fuck if they judged me, so I did my own thing, especially, since I only really got to be myself on the weekends. All through the week, I wore different wigs and clothing to hide as much of me as I could. I didn’t let my business interfere with my personal life, and surprisingly, it never had. I’d accidentally ended up in the city a few times without my wigs and hoe clothes, and nobody ever recognized me. I loved it that way.

  After sliding my feet into a pair of gold thong sandals, I grabbed my phone and called my downstairs neighbor. I normally would have called before I even got dressed, but with Mrs. Lois, I didn’t need to. She was old and always up. It didn’t matter how early I called her. I did my best not to call her too much, but it was the beginning of the month, and my food stamps had just hit my card. I’d been itching to hit the grocery store.

  “Good morning, Mrs. Lois. How are you today?”

  “Hello, Azayna, dear. I’m fine. How are you this morning?”

  “I’m okay. Just hungry as ever.”

  “Well, you know you’ve called the right person. I’m making breakfast right now. Come down here and get you a plate.”

  I perked up at the thought of Mrs. Lois’ food. She was a beast in the kitchen, as most old people were, and with her being my surrogate grandma, she stayed feeding me.

  “Say no more, I am on my way.” I laughed, and so did she. I paused for a minute to let our laughter wear off. “Do you have time to take me to the grocery store once we finish?”

  “I have a hair appointment in a few minutes, but I’ll have Curtis take you.”

  After staying on the phone with Mrs. Lois for a few more minutes, we got off, and I headed down the stairs. Somehow along the way, I got lost in my thoughts. Maybe I was sad about not having a car, or maybe my livelihood was just that depressing. At any given moment, my mind would wander off to having a better life.

  Here I was, Azayna Meadows, a twenty-three-year-old prostitute, bumming rides and making a living off serving up the goods. Just shameful. Though it hadn’t been my first choice, it was all I knew, and I didn’t feel like sulking over it. I was going to get my money by any means necessary, and if this was it for now, then dammit, this was it.

  Growing up in a single parent household had taught me to be a hustler. My mama did what she had to do for me, and though it wasn’t always the right thing, I didn’t knock her for it. She’d tried. Between her and my granny, I was raised pretty okay. Things for me hadn’t changed until I met Master. That nigga was the definition of a pimp. A mouth so smooth that I hadn’t realized I was a prostitute until I was one.

  Because of who I am now, I’ve cut off pretty much anybody who knew me as a child and chilled alone. My granny and my mama had both died from breast cancer, and I was all I had. I’d probably get it and die soon too since it was obviously hereditary. For now, I worried about me, and me only. Nobody else mattered. Not the crack fiends, the dope boys, the dope boys’ baby mamas, the hotel owners, or anyone else who watched me degrade myself on a daily basis, not anybody. This was life. Nothing more, nothing less.

  “There’s my baby.” Mrs. Lois grabbed me in a hug as soon as she opened the door.

  I smiled and walked right in. My stomach flipped at the smell of the food, and I couldn’t wait to get full.

  “I just love you. Come on in here with your fine self. You’re wearing those jeans. Remind me of myself when I was your age.”

  I smiled genuinely. She was always telling me how much I reminded her of herself. If only she knew half, but I was grateful that she didn’t. We continued our conversation as she sat and ate with me until it was time for her to go. Mr. Curtis and I were right behind her and headed to the grocery store.

  The entire trip went by relatively quick. I’d gotten what I needed and was back out of the door in no time. I didn’t want to keep Mr. Curtis waiting too long. He was extremely patient, but I still did my best to make it sna
ppy. Once back at the car, I helped him put my groceries in the trunk before going to take the cart back.

  I was so busy checking my social media for any updates on Egypt and his crew that my cart slammed into the side of a white Challenger with black rims. My hand flew to my mouth as my eyes widened. I could tell by how nicely customized the car was that the owner took pride in it.

  “Oh shit!” I whispered behind the palm of my hand.

  The driver hopped out of the car and leaned down to look at the scratch that I’d just placed there. I was on the verge of throwing up because the long, black scratch on the back of the car was noticeable as hell. I wasn’t getting out of this one.

  “I am so sorry. I can pay for the damages,” I rambled, not even taking the time to look up at the man.

  “It’s cool, baby. I got it.” His back was still turned, and even though his voice was calm and somewhat nice, I knew he had to still be mad about that scratch.

  I know I would have been. I was so afraid for him to stand up and make eye contact, but I couldn’t hide forever. Mainly, because I recognized his voice and now his hair. At least I knew then that he wasn’t dead, but I was still uneasy as hell. I had been so scared before that I hadn’t taken the time actually look at him. How had I missed those light brown dreads? I died ten more times before he turned to look at me. Hopefully, his high from last night would carry over into today, and he’d be nice to me. When he turned around, his face scrunched a little.

  “Stop looking so scared, it’s just a car. It’ll be aight.”

  I watched him stare at me, probably trying to see where he knew me from. Letting him meet me outside of the streets crossed my mind, but that probably wouldn’t end well, so I went ahead and got it out of the way.

  “Nah, let me pay my way. I sell enough ass to handle this little dent.” I figured I’d be rude to him before he had a chance to shoot me down first.

  I watched as his eyebrows furrowed before they relaxed again, and a scowl replaced it.

  “What?” he questioned. “What you on?”

  “Egypt, don’t act like you don’t know who I am.”

  “Don’t flatter yourself, ma. I really don’t know who you are.” He chuckled arrogantly.

  “Whatever. You can play if you want to, or you can let me pay for this li’l scratch to get fixed,” I sassed.

  He looked me up and down, lingering a little more in a few places before he frowned, and his mouth fell open. He hurried to close it back before snapping his finger in realization.

  “Oh, hell yeah, now I know who you are. Your pussy selling ass is definitely paying for this shit. I thought you might have been a respectable young female out here trying to make a living. You just a careless hoe who sells your ass. I’ma get an estimate and send you the bill ASAP.”

  He was still talking when Mr. Curtis walked over and asked was I ready. I told him yes and turned back to Egypt.

  “Let me know the cost, and I’ll give you the money.”

  “You fucking that old ass nigga?” he questioned with a frown on his face. “You really don’t have any morals, do you? You’re probably filled to the brim with worms.” Egypt shook his head and laughed. “You need to find you a new hustle. The shit you do is sick as fuck.”

  Since I couldn’t think of a good enough comeback, I just rolled my eyes. Fuck him and his judgment. Here I was worried about his life, and he was in my face insulting mine. I’d heard it enough over the years, but it sounded so much worse when Egypt said it.

  “Don’t do all that eye rolling shit. You out here looking crazy enough already.”

  “Fuck you, Egypt. Just fucking fuck you,” I cursed incoherently.

  My feelings were hurting like crazy, and I really just wanted to get out of his face. “You’re just like everybody else. Don’t know the first thing about me, but you’re quick to judge.”

  “I don’t need any specifics. All I need to know is that you’re a hoe who's going to pay to fix my fucking car. That's what I do know.”

  “All that wasn’t even necessary, but you got it.” I swallowed the lump in my throat and fixed my purse on my arm. I quickly looked over my shoulder to make sure Mr. Curtis was in the car and hadn’t heard all of Egypt’s insults. “Get at me with that quote. I’m sure you know where to find me.”

  I didn’t even wait for that nigga to say anything else before I hopped in the passenger seat of Mr. Curtis’ old school Buick. As soon as I was comfortable in my seatbelt, I lay my head back on the seat and closed my eyes. Egypt had seriously put a hurting on my feelings, and my tears were doing all that they could not to come out.

  He’d been so sweet before, and even some before finding out who I really was. How or why he chose to flip into the spawn of Satan and wild on me like that was beyond me. My mind was boggled as to why he could hate me so bad. I mean, it was my ass that I was selling, not his. He had absolutely no reason to feel that strongly about me.

  “You alright there, baby girl?” Mr. Curtis asked me. He could obviously see that I was bothered.

  I lied quickly as hell. I didn’t want him to worry too much or tell Mrs. Lois. I’d known her for the last three years, and she most definitely didn’t mind getting in my business. She would pick and probe until I told her every detail surrounding the minor fight I had with Egypt.

  “Yes sir, I’m fine.”

  He looked at me then back at the road. “Do you know that young man?”

  “Nope, I have only seen him passing.”

  “In passing, huh? And he’s able to disrespect you like that?”

  My heart dropped. If he’d heard enough of our conversation to know that Egypt had disrespected me, then he’d heard the tidbits of my job description or the lack thereof.

  He patted my shoulder. “Don't you ever let a man disrespect you like that again. I don't care who he is. You’re too sweet and too pretty for that. I don’t care if you wanted to walk dogs for a living, it’s your prerogative. We all get one life to live, Azayna. What we choose to do with it is our business.”

  “That all sounds good, Mr. Curtis, but it’s not like that on the streets.”

  “Like hell, it ain’t. I wish I could have had a few minutes with that little knucklehead. He wouldn’t have opened his trap to say another rude thing to another lady in his life.” Mr. Curtis nodded his head in a matter of fact way.

  I had to laugh because he probably thought he could have done something with Egypt for real. The more I thought about it, the harder I laughed. Before long, I was in a full fit of laughter. Egypt probably would have killed Mr. Curtis with one punch. He didn’t know that, though, so I’d let him feel good about sticking up for me.

  “Thank you, Mr. Curtis. I needed that.” I held my stomach as my laughter subsided.

  At that moment, I was so happy to have him and Mrs. Lois in my life. They were truly my angels. Contrary to what stupid ass Egypt thought, I wasn’t and would never lay-up with Mr. Curtis. He was just a really nice old man who didn't mind doing things for me.

  Whenever I needed assistance with anything going wrong in my place, like the air not working or the toilet flooding, he was there to help. He and Mrs. Lois were the only two people that I really had. Outside of them and Zebrina, there was no one, and I was stuck being the loner that I’d grown to be. I’d met Zebrina at a private party that Master had sent me blindly into one night, and we instantly clicked.

  She had been there with BB and some of his gang members. Since she’d been the only girl, she perked up the moment I sat next to her and complimented her hair. We clicked instantly, talking the whole night and many more after that. I’d been afraid to befriend her at first because of who her husband was, but surprisingly, he didn’t judge or disrespect me. He’d even ordered us both food and drinks and thanked me for keeping her company at the end of the night.

  Unlike me, Zebrina didn’t sell her body. She was a real beauty queen who had eyes for BB and only him. At first, I’d thought it was just her who was in love like that,
but after hanging around him and her enough, I quickly noticed it was easy for her to feel that way about him.

  The way BB treated Zebrina was how every man should treat their woman. I loved it and envied it at the same time. I was sure I’d never have anything even close to what they had, but it was still a beautiful thing to see. They were both good people and deserved each other.

  Considering how beautiful and high class Zebrina was, one would think she’d frown on me, but she didn’t, and I loved her for it. We’d been friends for a little over a year, and I was so happy that I’d met her. She didn’t judge just loved. I wish I could have more of her, but since she was in medical school and boo’d up all the time, our time was limited.

  Last night had been a rare sighting because BB didn’t play her being around that ghetto shit, but after practically begging him and assuring him she’d leave if anything looked bad, he obliged. Like the real woman she was, she kept her word. The moment she heard talk about being shot, she was blazing out of the door, and I couldn’t blame her.

  She had a life, things to live for, and people who loved her. Me… I was just me. I sighed in defeat, but before I allowed myself to get too far away in my mind, I thought about something else. Not long after, we pulled up to our building and started unloading groceries.

  Once I was back inside and comfortable on my sofa, my mind drifted back to Egypt. I couldn’t believe that I’d actually sat up all night worrying myself crazy over him. He’d see the next time I considered his punk ass.

  I was still fuming about Egypt’s little yellow ass when my phone rang. When I saw Master’s name, I wanted to decline it because I honestly was in no mood to be laid up having free sex with him. He was cool, and the sex was always some of the best, but the financial position I was in right then didn’t really allow me a lot of time to be topping my pimp off just because he was horny. Occasionally, he would pay me, but more times than not, he kept his bread to himself.