by A'zayler
“That’s a shame. You’re too pretty for that.” I pushed upward some, trying to settle her in my lap a little more, and she relaxed into me with ease. “Your friend all in my mouth.”
“Stop looking at us, Brina!” she squealed excitedly.
“He told you to say that?” Zebrina asked with a big smile. “Well, let me get up and go then, so y’all can have some privacy in this public library.” She stressed the word public.
Azayna nodded, still smiling hard as hell. I smiled from behind her head. I was actually surprised by how much I was enjoying her. Everything about the way she felt made me feel good too.
“Tell her she ain’t got to leave. She just needs to turn her head for a minute.”
“You don’t have to leave, Brina, just turn around for a minute.”
Our little game was fun, and the perfect distraction for the way I’d been feeling. I guess Auto had been right about women making life better. If Dream was making me feel like this, I could only imagine how a real girlfriend would be.
“Okay, she’s not looking,” Azayna whispered when she turned to face me.
Our eyes met, and we just held the gaze. I didn’t know what she expected because I wasn’t about to kiss her, but there was nothing else for us to do.
“You need to set my face up on your phone.”
“You must plan to use my phone again?”
“Maybe.” I touched her hair. “If I can see you looking like this again.”
“You can.”
“When?”
“Whenever you want to.”
I hugged her to me. “If I could, it would be every day, so don’t say stuff like that to a nigga like me.” I looked away as my thoughts got the best of me.
Her hand in my hair turning my head brought me back to her. “A nigga like you? Tell me what that means.”
“It means with the mental state I be in sometimes, I’d be up your ass all day, every day.” I chuckled to myself more than anything because she didn’t crack a smile.
“Come on then.” She tilted her head to the side. “Come see me whenever you like.”
“You don’t mean that.”
“Yes, she does,” Zebrina said, making us both aware of her presence again.
Azayna’s head fell into mine as she laughed. I hugged her to me tighter and laughed into her neck. We fell softly on each other in odd places until our laughter subsided.
“Go ahead with Zebrina. I’ll see you around.”
She pouted some while shaking her head. “No, because the next time I see you, you might not be this nice.”
I laughed… hard. She was learning me rather quickly. “As long as you’re respecting yourself, I’ll always see you. It’s when you’re doing that other shit.”
“Okay, swear then.” She held her hand up in my face. I looked at it because I didn’t know what she wanted me to do.
“Press your palm into hers and say swear, Egypt. It’s what me and her do when we’re telling the truth, but I guess I’ll share it with you too since you’re special.” Zebrina’s energetic personality was one of the reasons I loved her so much.
I followed her directions and pressed my hand with Azayna’s. “Swear.” Her face lit up, and I marveled at the design in her gold grills. “I love this gold, ma.”
“I’m trying to be like you.”
We were back smiling at each other until Zebrina stood from her place on the floor and pulled Azayna with her. I played like I wasn’t going to let her go before pulling me and her up from the floor together.
“I guess I’ll walk out with y’all.”
We all gathered our stuff and got ready to go. I caught Azayna looking at me so many times it wasn’t even funny, and every time I did, I’d lick my tongue out at her or wink. She was eating that shit up too. Blushing and giggling like hell.
Zebrina waved before getting in her car. “Alright then, little brother. I’m sure I’ll see you soon.” She closed her door and left me alone with Azayna.
“It was nice to meet you.” Azayna held her hand out, and I hugged her up instead.
She felt good as hell in my arms. So good, I closed my eyes. We hugged, and as we were pulling away from each other, she whispered to me.
“I forgive you.”
“For what?” I asked, but she ignored me and got into the car with Zebrina.
I wasn’t sure what she forgave me for when I hadn’t even apologized, but she hadn’t left me time to get a clear answer before she and Zebrina pulled away. I stood there wondering for a little longer before getting in my car and leaving as well. Maybe I’d figure it out, maybe I wouldn’t.
Chapter 8
-BB
“Damn.” I grabbed my head as I stumbled into the wall.
I’d just gotten out of bed, and I was so dizzy and lightheaded that I could hardly walk straight. Hence the reason I’d fallen into the wall. It was well into the afternoon, and that was my first time getting out of bed. I’d been lying there in pain all morning, barely able to move, but the urge to urinate took over. I’d held it as long as I could, but the last thing I wanted to do was lay my grown ass in the bed I shared with my wife and piss on myself.
She might have accepted a lot of stuff, but I was sure that pissy sheets wouldn’t be one of them. Hell, I didn’t even accept that nasty shit. I did my best to make it to the bathroom, but the excruciating pain that I was in at the moment was making it so much harder. With my hand to my chest, I dragged my legs the best I could. Both my chest and legs were hurting me so badly that I wanted to bend over and cry.
Real fucking tears. The pain was that bad, and there was nothing I could do about it. I’d already popped some pain medication, but they hadn’t really helped. The most they did was help me sleep, but the moment I rolled over or woke up, I was right back in the same boat.
It had taken me forever to get there, but I finally made it to the toilet. I pressed one of my open palms to the wall in front of me to hold me up while I fumbled with my shorts with the other arm. Normally, I could stand up like the grown man I was and urinate on my own, but my legs and chest weren’t having that today. I scrunched my eyes up as tight as they’d go until I’d finished.
The walk back to my bed was just as hard and long as the walk away from it had been. When I was finally back in bed, I lay flat on my back and closed my eyes. I was doing all that I could not to cry. The deepest part of me wanted to call Zebrina and have her come home, but she had class, and I wouldn’t dare keep her away from her work.
On top of stopping her from doing her own thing, I didn’t really want her to see me like this. Whenever I had a crisis, it would stress her out to the max. She’d be crying, missing out on sleep, and catering to me around the clock, which always stopped her from doing whatever she had to do for a few days. As much as I loved and needed her during these times, being selfish had never been my style.
I didn’t feel like she needed to suffer because I was suffering. As much as she told me that she wanted to be here for me, I still found my ways to push her away. My sickness was tricky, and I was deathly afraid of leaving her here alone without me. Zebrina had been sheltered and spoiled when I met her, but after marrying me, I’m sure it had gotten ten times worse.
I protected her from any and everything that I could. I gave her whatever she wanted and needed because doing that for her made me happy. As long as she was good, so was I. She was my sun, earth, and moon. Having Zebrina in my life brought peace to everything that was chaotic. Her spirit was always so willing, and that alone made it easy to love her. If it were in her power, she would do it for me, and I couldn’t thank her enough for it.
I showed her love as much as I could, so she’d always know I appreciated her and everything she was to me. I didn’t care that she wasn’t street savvy; I didn’t want her to be. I liked her just the way she was. On our best days, she was my queen and best friend. Forever holding me down.
As if we were connected mentally, my phone began to ring.
>
“Hey, B, what are you doing, my love?”
I did my best not to groan into the phone because she’d know I was in pain and come rushing to me. “I was just lying here on the bed.” I squeezed my eyes because it was so hard for me to breathe that I almost didn’t get that sentence out.
“Blaze,” she called my government name. “Are you okay?”
“Ye… yeah, baby. I’m good.”
“No, you’re not. I’m on my way home. Have you taken anything?”
Just what I hadn’t wanted to happen, happened. She’d picked up on my condition and was dropping whatever else she had to do to come and check on me.
“I did, about thirty minutes ago.”
She sniffed, and I took a deep breath. I hated to hear her cry about me. “Where’s it hurting today?”
I wanted to answer her, God knows I did, but the pain just wouldn’t allow it. I fought through it as best as I could for another few minutes until it subsided enough to talk to her.
“Chest and legs, baby.” I sighed and grabbed my chest. “Breen,” I moaned.
“I’m coming, BB. I’m already in my car, baby. I’m on the way.”
I nodded and didn’t say anything else, and she didn’t press me. I could hear her background noise as I lay in our bed with my eyes closed. Not too long afterward, I fell asleep. When I woke up, she was there. In bed cuddled up behind me. Her breasts were on the back of my head as her arm draped over my neck. When I stirred, she sat up and looked down at my face.
“How you feeling?”
“Better. How long I been sleep?”
“About two hours.”
I wiped my eyes so I could see her better. “Damn, why you ain’t wake me up? You know I be wanting to see you.”
If I could take her smile and frame it, I would. It brightened my day like that. I had the sexiest picture of her on my phone screensaver for that exact reason. Sometimes, I tended to let stupid shit that niggas did in the streets get to me, but every time I looked at her picture, I was able to calm down. So many times, she’d stopped niggas from losing their lives and hadn’t even known it.
“I wanted you to get some rest.”
I grabbed her wrist and kissed it. It had been the closest and easiest part of her to get to. I felt her body scoot closer to me, and not even a whole minute later, I heard her sniffing.
“Stop.”
She sniffed hard. “Okay.”
“Come around here.” I didn’t have the strength to pull her, so I hoped she’d just come like I’d told her to. She did.
Her body crawled over mine before she snuggled closer to me. I couldn’t hold her as tight as I wanted to, but the closeness was enough. She was still trying to get comfortable when a pain so sharp ripped through my arm and chest that I had to yell out. Her whole body shook when mine stiffened.
“I’m calling the ambulance.” She hopped out of bed and grabbed her cellphone.
“Nah, don’t.” I reached for her, but she completely disregarded my hand and continued calling.
Her talking to the emergency dispatcher was the last thing I heard before dozing back off.
***
-Zebrina
I ran my fingers through my hair, stressed completely out as I made my way further into the hospital room. I’d just left the nurses station after filling out some paperwork and was happy to be back in my baby’s presence. I set my purse down in the chair next to his bed before going to where he was. Without a second thought, I leaned over and kissed his mouth. I pecked it a few times before getting so caught up in my feelings for him that I was lovingly pulling at his bottom lip.
“I’m sorry you have to go through this, baby.” I rested my forehead against his. “I’m here, B, I’m here.” My eyes got misty as I thought about how uncomfortable this had to be for him.
I sucked on his bottom lip again and just held it in my mouth, enjoying the warmth. “Blaze.” I sighed and lay my head on his shoulder. “I’m here.”
I wasn’t sure what else I wanted to say to him right then, but I did know I wanted to be under him. I needed to be as close to BB as I possibly could be to make myself feel better, and the stupid bed railing was pressing into my chest and getting on my last nerve.
“Ugh!” I leaned away from him and began to look around the railing for a way to let it down.
I was leaning down and trying to look under it when I felt BB’s hand on the back of my head. I jumped so hard that I fell into the chair. I’d thought that he was asleep.
“Oh, my god!” I yelped as I covered my chest with my hand. “BB, you scared me. Why didn’t you say anything? Make a noise or something?” I gave him a sympathetic smile as I stood back to my feet.
When I finally made eye contact with him, it wasn’t the jovial smile that I was normally greeted with. His eyes drooped in the corners, and his mouth was flat. The underlying smile behind his eyes that always made me feel like a bashful teenager wasn’t there. Instead, it was replaced with a painful longing. I hated how tired and withdrawn he looked.
“Aww, BB,” I crooned as I stepped closer to the bed again. “How you feeling, baby?”
I was worried he wouldn’t be able to say anything to me because of how much medication they’d given him, but he did eventually. His voice was low and almost inaudible, but it was music to my ears.
“How long have we been here?” He cleared his throat after hearing how hoarse he sounded.
“Not long, a little over an hour. You feeling any better?”
“A little.” He touched his stomach, and his eyes squinted.
I rushed to him from where I’d been standing and rubbed his head. His eyes were closed for a minute as he took deep breaths.
“Do you need me to get you something?”
He didn’t say anything, nor did he shake his head. He just continued to lay there balled up in pain. When he finally opened his eyes, his forehead and top lip were both covered with sweat. I watched him scoot around in obvious pain before stopping and laying his head back on the pillows.
“Can you call the nurse?”
I nodded at him before moving to the door and walking out. It didn’t dawn on me right then that I could have just hit the button on the bed. All I cared about was getting him somebody who could make him better.
“Blaze Black needs you. He’s in a lot of pain,” I told the nurse sitting behind the desk.
She stood up and fixed her scrubs. “Yes, ma’am. I’ll come check on him.”
She and I walked back to his room. As soon as we entered, his eyes found me. Though no words were spoken, I knew he wanted me. I couldn’t explain what it was that I saw, but his eyes were asking for me. I rushed to him with no problem while the nurse did as well. She checked his monitors and the bags of clear fluids hanging on the pole next to his bed.
“You have ten minutes until your next dose. Do you think you can wait that long?”
“No, he can’t,” I answered prematurely because he’d just nodded his head at her.
She gave me a polite smile before giving BB her attention. “Give me ten minutes. I’m going to get your medicine ready, and I’ll be right back.”
He nodded again, and she left. As soon as she was gone, I was in his face. “Why didn’t you tell her you needed it now? You’re hurting, B.”
“I can wait.” He moaned with his eyelids fluttering.
It was breaking my hurt to see him in so much pain, but this was our life, so I even though I hated to see it, I had to be here for my baby.
“I’ll be okay. Stop worrying.”
I quickly looked down at him before pecking his forehead. “That’s like telling me to stop breathing.”
He grunted, but I didn’t miss the small smile on his lips. Even while he was sick, I was able to make him feel good.
“I don’t know why you always try to act so tough. I know you’re a big, tough, boy and all, but this disease isn’t something you can just brush under the rug, Blaze.” I walked away from the bed and sa
t down in the chair that I’d placed my purse in.
When I moved, his head followed. By the time I was comfortable, he’d turned in his bed so that he was looking directly at me. For a long and very comfortable moment, we stared at each other but said nothing.
“What you think we should name our daughter?”
I smiled. “Blaze Junior.”
He grinned lazily and closed his eyes. As bad as I wanted to get up and comfort him, I stayed in my seat so that I wouldn’t crowd him. It took him a minute to open his eyes back up, but this time, when he did, they were wet.
“Oh, no, baby, I’m about to go get that nurse. She’s about to give you some more medicine right now.” I was out of my seat and headed for the door when he quietly called my name.
I looked over my shoulder, and he was holding his hand out toward me. Versus running to him as I’d been doing since I’d been there, I stayed put and just looked at him. I was no fool. I could tell all he wanted to do was make me leave that little nurse alone, but I wasn’t about to do that for all the tea in China.
“Breen,” he whispered with closed lids.
He was laying it on thick, but I’d be darned if it hadn’t worked. I was walking my happy behind right over to him. I grabbed his hand as soon as I was close enough to it. He squeezed my hand and pulled me the rest of the way.
“Shift that silver bar under the railing, and it’ll move,” he weakly told me.
I obeyed and was granted full access to my baby. I slid in that bed so fast that I didn’t even have a chance to kick my shoes off. I shifted and scooted until I was comfortable next to him. Normally, I would lay my head and practically the rest of my body on top of him when we were lying down and chilling, but right then, I wasn’t so sure. He was in enough pain, so I didn’t want to put my thick body on him and make anything worse.
“You good now, crybaby?”
I giggled and nodded my head against his shoulder just as his hand touched my thigh. His grip was so firm and loving that I wanted to melt, but the sight of his swollen fingers ruined that moment for me. I had just been about to pick his hand up to examine it a little closer, but he was busy pulling my leg onto his lap.