Because I Love You

by A'zayler

  “So? Too many of my niggas done ran up on her.”

  Zebrina sucked her teeth. “Egypt, you don’t even like people for real. Them ain’t your friends. Auto nor BB have ever hit her, so that’s all you should care about. Everybody needs love, and she’s really a good person. She’s just had a hard life, and she’s doing her best to get out. You should really give her a chance.”

  BB nodded, and I frowned at this nigga. I could see his wife saying that, but him too? Hell nah.

  “You agree with her?”

  That sucker ass nigga was in love too. He nodded his head and even kissed her cheek for emphasis. “My baby is smart. I agree with anything she says.”

  I exasperatedly ran my hand over my face. I was never going to have anybody on my side. They all believed in love, and I could give two fucks about it. Or, so I thought.

  Chapter 10

  -Egypt

  I stood in front of the small jewelry booth in the mall checking out all the sparkling necklaces behind the glass. I wasn’t sure which one I wanted yet, but I knew I wouldn’t be leaving without one. I’d been in the same spot for the past twenty minutes and still hadn’t found what I was looking for. The Arabian man behind the counter had tried to sell me everything except the loafers on his feet, but I wasn’t budging.

  I liked nice shit, and he wasn’t about to push any old thing off on me just because he was ready to make a sale. There was a boatload of different charms to pick from, but the only two that stood out to me was the large “E” charm and the head of Queen Nefertiti. That one was tough as hell and would hit just right with the chain I’d already picked out, but there was one thing stopping me. Azayna wasn’t a queen.

  At least she didn’t carry herself like one. I paused momentarily and allowed my mind to float back to the Azayna I’d seen at the grocery store and at the library. Now, that Azayna was a hit. She was beautiful with a touch of hood girl shit going on, just like I liked them. I was a nigga from the block, so I liked women who could relate to me.

  Not that I liked Azayna, I was just somewhat attracted to her and had been feeling bad as hell for doing her the way I had at the grocery store and again at the pool party. Like she’d told me that day in the store parking lot, all the things I’d said weren’t called for. I was just trying to save a little face because I’d been checking her out on some real shit until I realized who she was. After that, I threw my hardcore exterior up and did the fucking most unnecessarily. As I had been doing for years.

  On top of her looking absolutely nothing like I’d ever seen before, that vibe we’d been on from the club and at the library had me feeling weird as shit too. I’d left the library actually contemplating hitting her up that night, and I wasn’t even fucking with her like that. Then, to make stuff worse, seeing her at the pool party a little more reserved than the other girls didn’t help. I’d been rude then too.

  I had ended up seeing her later that day after leaving the hospital with BB, and instead of taking Zebrina’s advice, I’d fallen right into my old trap and did some stupid junk. Not only had I been past mean to her, but I had gotten downright disrespectful and spit in her direction. Not on her or at her, just by her to be rude. I was an asshole and took any opportunity I had to be one.

  That was dirty, and I’d been feeling stupid ever since. Sitting around wondering what she thought of me and my ignorant actions, reaching out to her had crossed my mind a few times, but I bit it back. I didn’t even care enough about her to appease her thoughts of me. So, why was I in the mall copping her an apology gift? I had no fucking clue.

  I’d charged it to my mama raising me right and my sister picking up where she left off. I’d told her all about both situations, and, of course, Logan’s in love ass had all the answers. She’d been so mad about the grocery store stunt and the spit trick I’d done. It took me all night to get off the phone with her after telling her that. I was so happy when that nigga Yeshi called her name for something. I ain’t really care for his ass too tough, but I was glad he’d come to my rescue then.

  “You like? I give to you for forty percent off.” The Arab man was holding the necklace I’d picked out with the Queen Nefertiti charm hanging on it.

  That bitch was busting.

  “Damn, that’s tough,” I said aloud. “Let me see the one with the E.”

  Even with that one being one of the best-looking charms the man had, I hadn’t wanted to get it because she didn’t need a necklace with my initial on it. That would definitely give off the wrong idea. I contemplated still getting it and just telling her not to wear it around the hood, but that would be fuck boy shit.

  “I think I’ma just go with the queen.” I tapped the glass with my closed fist.

  “How about this? I give you two. Buy one get the second one fifty percent off? I do that for you only.” He tried to sweet talk me in his chopped-up English.

  I scratched my head before pulling some money from my pocket. “Aight, give me both of ’em then.”

  I was such a sucker, but I’d been a major pest to the girl for no reason. Just to make my ego feel good, I tossed dirt on hers, and that wasn’t right. Always having done my best to be a noble man, I had to right my wrong. If not for her, then for me. The look in her eyes had been eating at me for the last couple of days. I’d seen the water in them but acted like I hadn’t to make myself feel better.

  Once I’d left the jewelry counter, I perused the mall and ended up copping her a purse too. Once I figured I’d done enough, I left. Now, all I had to do was find her. I checked the time on my dashboard, and it was mid-afternoon. She should have been on the block by then, so that was where I headed.

  In my Challenger, I cruised down the streets where I normally saw her and hadn’t been able to find her at first. I doubled back and saw a few of the locals. I started to ask them had they seen her, but hell nah. I was already going out bad enough behind her, I wasn’t doing no public shit like that. I already called myself being discreet by driving my Challenger instead of the old school.

  I was just about to give up on finding her when I saw her hop out of the passenger seat of the white truck across the street from me. I got mad as hell when I saw that shit. She’d apparently just got done fucking and sucking, and here I was with bags of gifts for her hoe ass. I was sucker as hell for that shit. I was just about to keep riding past her when she noticed me. I should have hopped out my ride and punched her in her shit right then. My fist clenched and everything. I was on go for this hoe, and she was pushing every limit I had.

  I was mugging like hell when she finally looked in my face. Like always, her eyes twinkled some. Not as bright as they used to, but I didn’t have to be told why. I’d repeatedly hurt her feelings, so she probably didn’t even feel the same no more. She was rocking the big hair she’d had that night at the party house with a skin-tight black dress. Gone was the jewelry and dreads that I’d fallen for in the parking lot of the grocery store and the quiet rooms of the library.

  They were replaced with ugly ass makeup that she didn’t need and some plastic ass shit that shouldn’t even be called jewelry. I was still taking in her appearance when the truck she’d just gotten out of drove past, reigniting my anger. She was still on the sidewalk looking everywhere but at me and pissing me off further. I knew she saw me.

  “Man, bring your stupid ass here,” I finally yelled at her.

  “Don’t be calling me stupid. You’re stupid with your ugly self.” She spat and began walking down the sidewalk.

  Now if she thought I was about to chase her, she was right. There was no way in hell I was about to let her disrespect me like that in front of people and nothing be done about it. I’d been letting her get away with that mouth for too long. I sped up and swerved my car right up in front of her before hopping out. She jumped back, looking dumb as hell.

  Maggot ass even had the nerve to grab her chest when I walked up on her. She needed to be scared. Out here on that hoe shit, while I’m riding around in my feelings lik
e a sac. I was so mad that I wished I had actually given her a fucking heart attack, let her flat line, then slapped the shit out of her head to wake her back up.

  “Get your ass in my car. You see me looking for you.”

  “Leave me alone, Egypt.” She looked away and swallowed.

  Wait one damn minute. Was this girl about to cry? See, she was on some soft shit, almost making me feel bad for even talking to her like that. Almost. My anger outweighed my empathy. She sold ass, she should have had tougher skin any damn way.

  “You can dry all that shit right there up. Don’t nobody feel bad for you.”

  Her eyes misted even more as she tapped her foot in that ugly, plastic heel. I looked down, and my frown got worse. Her toes were hanging all out and shit, out here just making me look bad as fuck.

  “I didn’t ask you to feel bad for me,” she half yelled.

  I stepped closer to her, and she shrank back some. “Try me one more time.”

  This time, she looked at me dead in my eyes, but she stayed quiet. Maybe she was trying to play mind games on me to make me feel sorry for her or make me stop yelling. Either way it went, it worked. I just couldn’t fight the sincerity in her tears. I’d had that bad since childhood.

  I could still remember crying when my sister would get whoopings. I’d be sitting there full out swinging at the air and shit, wishing I could swing on my parents because she was crying. Sap ass emotions that still fucked with me as an adult. Standing there with her was slowly bringing it out of me, and I was fighting tooth and nail to keep it in.

  “Man, chill.” I reached for her hand, momentarily forgetting where I was. I dropped my hand and just looked at her.

  She kept looking away, blinking all hard and shit.

  “I’m sorry, aight? I’m sorry,” I whispered to her, thinking it was going to help.

  All that did was make it worse. The water she’d been trying to fan away rolled out of one of her eyes. She sniffed hard, trying to prevent any more from coming, but it didn’t help. Apparently, she’d noticed that and hurried to wipe them with the back of her hand.

  “It’s fine, I’m cool.” She cleared her throat and looked at me.

  I wanted to be moved a little more by her face, but it was caked with so much makeup that I couldn’t. Looking at her in all her pussy selling attire was ruining it for me, and since I had some stuff I needed to say to her, I didn’t let that happen.

  “Come take a ride with me.”

  She nodded but didn’t speak vocally. Instead, she just walked to my car and got in. As soon as I was in it with her, I peeled out of the parking lot and headed down the street.

  “Tell me how to get to your house.”

  She looked at me and shook her head. “No, I don’t take people there.”

  “I ain’t people, now tell me where it’s at.”

  “No, Egypt.”

  I could feel myself about to get angry enough to say some more hurtful shit, so I sat quietly for a minute. I sure as hell wasn’t about to take her to mine, so we were stuck. One of us was going to have to be the bigger person, and it wasn’t going to me. All I knew was that I wasn’t saying none of the stuff I wanted to say to her while she was looking like a fucking prostitute. She needed to bathe and let me see her the way I saw her the other day.

  “Listen, I ain’t gon’ judge your spot. Just tell me where it’s at.” I looked at her. “I just want us to have some privacy, that’s it.”

  She wasn’t saying anything, but I could tell by the way she looked that she was thinking. There was no telling what her spot looked like, but I meant what I’d said. I wouldn’t judge. As long as there weren’t roaches and dirty panties lying everywhere, then I would be straight.

  “You have to get on the highway,” she finally said.

  “Cool.” I drove up the road and headed for the expressway.

  I was shocked, to say the least. I was just too sure that she stayed in the projects. I had no idea that not only did she not live there, but that she actually lived in a good neighborhood. I was floored when we finally pulled into a parking spot. It was in front of some dark grey apartments with lime green doors and shit. The area was quiet, and there was nobody outside. It was nice, and I was baffled. Pussy must have been popping for real to be able to afford a spot this nice.

  She moved slowly getting out, but once she was out, I grabbed the bags plus my bookbag with my Mac in it and followed her. It may have looked nice, but I still didn’t trust it like that. My gun was like my shadow, it went where I went. I looked around, taking in how clean the hallways were while I waited for her to open the door. Got fucking damn! Her shit was laid. Her living room was decorated in red, burnt orange, and brown. She had trees and plants damn near everywhere, and it smelled good, like fruit and candy.

  “Damn, your spot is tight.”

  She looked over her shoulder at me and smiled. “What? I can’t live nice and sell my body?”

  Here she was with that shit. I looked at her and turned my nose up. “Sholl the fuck can’t.”

  I dared her to say something else dumb again. Ruining my mood while I was trying to relax.

  “You’re crazy.”

  “Yeah… yeah, I am.” I looked her up and down again. “Go back there and find yourself. I’ll wait on you up here, and don’t come back talking dumb.”

  She nodded and walked away.

  In pure amazement, I walked in and kicked my shoes off. That’s what she’d done, so I followed her lead. Since she’d walked to the back of the house, I stayed in the living room marveling at all her decorations like I’d said I would. Everything about her place felt so comfortable that I could literally chill there all day. Shid, her spot was nicer than mine, and mine was pretty straight.

  I had laid back and kicked my feet up on the ottoman in front of me when I heard the shower running. I was itching to move, but I didn’t want to invade her personal space. I could wait on her, especially since she was probably washing that other nigga off her. My nose twitched at the thought. She probably had done all kinds of shit with that nigga too.

  I sucked my teeth as I thought about it. The more I thought, the madder I got, and just like before, I was ready to go off in her shit about it. Lucky for her, she came around the corner looking the way she looked. The light pink top she was wearing looked nothing like hoe clothes. Even with me able to see her nipples poking through her shirt, she still looked wholesome.

  Most of her ass was covered by the black cotton shorts she was wearing, but the rest of it hung out for me to see. The big, wavy hair was nowhere in sight. Her red and blonde dreads were pulled up in a loose ponytail hanging to one side of her head while some red funny shaped glasses magnified her eyes. Her pretty face was clear with none of that cheap ass makeup covering it, while her long, brown sugar colored legs flexed with her steps. I guess walking the streets in them cheap ass heels had helped tone her legs up a little bit more.

  On the sofa, I was still laid back coolly, like this was my house as I watched her. It was obvious that she was nervous, because she was moving kind of slow, and she still hadn’t made eye contact.

  “Why you acting so shy? With the shit you do every day, you can’t possibly be this shy.”

  She sucked her teeth hard and looked at me. “Why must you always do that?”

  “Do what?” I was genuinely confused.

  “Insult me? I mean, for real. I haven’t done anything to you, and you’re already chopping me down.”

  “Damn, my fault. I didn’t mean it how it sounded.” I chuckled and laid back a little more and threw one of my legs on the sofa. “I just don’t get how you always seem so pressed when I’m around.”

  She took a seat on the floor before answering me. “I’m not shy, it’s just you. You’re always so mean. I just have to be on guard around you.”

  I laughed lightly. She was right; I was mean as hell. Even when I wasn’t trying to be, I guess, because I really was trying my hardest to be cool with her right th
en.

  “Sorry about that. Street shit, it’s hard to break out of it.”

  When she didn’t say anything, I figured now was the perfect time to give her the stuff I’d bought. I sat up and grabbed both bags before pushing them toward her.

  “What’s this?”

  I waited for her to pull the purse out. “I wanted to apologize for hurting you these last couple of days... and that other day, some years back.” I paused because I wasn’t going to say it, but I was sure she knew what day I meant. “You don’t have to tell me because I know I did, and I was wrong. My mama didn’t raise me like that, and no matter what you did, you didn’t deserve it. I know I’m harsh sometimes, but that’s just me. I hope you don’t hold it against me.”

  She was holding the necklace in her hand while the purse rested in her lap. The way she smiled made me smile too.

  “Aww, Egypt,” she crooned. “This was so sweet. You didn’t have to buy me anything.”

  “Yes, I did. My mama and my sister taught me to always apologize with gifts.” I shrugged. “So, that’s what I did.”

  “I love them. Thank you so much.” She beamed at the necklace in her hand. “You want me to wear this?”

  The gold chain with the E swung back and forth in her grip. I frowned for a minute because I had specifically told that nigga to put the queen charm on the necklace. Now, look at my ass. Forced to tell her yeah and have people thinking she was mine. I wanted to slap my damn forehead at how stupid all of this was getting.

  “You ain’t got to. They just didn’t have much to choose from.”

  She smiled harder as I stammered over my words. “No, I want to. I like it.”

  “Well, only wear it when you look like this.” I nodded toward her current appearance.

  Seconds later, she was off the floor and kneeling in front of me as I sat on the edge of the sofa. Both of her arms circled my neck and squeezed.

  “Thank you so much, Egypt. You’ll never know how much this means to me,” she whispered. “I’ve never gotten a gift from anyone.”