by Selena
The door slams behind me, and I jump, swallowing a shriek of surprise.
Preston turns toward me. I step back, my hand fumbling for the bar to open the door.
“Wait.”
I stand frozen as he walks toward me. I should run. I should turn and get the hell out. But I see Coach Snow in her office, a pair of glasses perched on her nose, looking at something on her computer. Does that mean I’m safe?
I remember the coach who walked away from me that day when I begged for help. I remember what Coach Snow said to me that day—that you can do what they want you to do, or be who they want you to be.
No. I’m not safe.
I turn, throw the door open, and bolt. I hear Preston call my name, but I don’t stop. I’m halfway around the side of the gym when he grabs my arm from behind and spins me around, pushing me against the gym wall. Damn, he’s fast.
“I’ll scream,” I warn. “Devlin will fucking kill you.”
It strikes me how ironic that statement is. That just a few weeks ago, I would have threatened him with my brothers. But he doesn’t care about pissing them off. Now I have his cousin on my side. And he cares what Devlin thinks.
Preston’s piercing blue eyes skate over my face, and he has the nerve to look surprised when his gaze meets mine and he sees my pupils dilated with fear and the wild look in my eyes.
“You’re scared of me,” he says.
“Of course I’m fucking scared of you,” I snap. “You assaulted me, threatened me with a knife, tied me up, and told me your football team was going to gang rape me. Am I supposed to think you’re a harmless little bunny rabbit after that?”
“You know,” he drawls slowly, his gaze sliding to my lips. “I think you’re a honey badger after all.”
“And you’re a snake,” I say, jerking my arm away from him.
A smirk tugs at the corner of his lips. “You know who wins that one, don’t you?”
“What do you want?” I demand.
Preston’s eyes search mine for a long moment, and then he lets out a little scoff. “I want my arm back,” he says. “Can you fix that for me, Honey Badger?”
“No more than you can undo what you did to me in that locker room.”
“I’d say it worked out pretty well for you,” he says. “You got my cousin out of the deal, didn’t you?”
“So now you’re going to make me pay for that?”
He works his jaw back and forth for a second. “Do you love him?”
“None of your fucking business,” I snap.
“Oh, but it is my business,” he says, leaning in, his voice lowering as he stares into my eyes. “He’s so fucking smitten he can’t see straight. But I can. So either you love him, or you’re fucking with his head. Which one is it, Honey Badger?”
I swallow hard, my heart hammering in my chest. This time not because I’m scared of what he’ll do to me, but because I’m scared of being vulnerable in front of this demon boy. “I love him,” I say, my voice steady enough to give me strength. “What about it?”
“Good,” he says, reaching out and taking my hand. His hold is firm but not painful as he drags me back toward the gym doors.
I balk, digging my heels in. “Let me go, Preston.”
“I’m not going to hurt you,” he says. “Just go to your meeting. We’ll talk after.”
He leads me through the door of the gym and releases my hand. With a nod toward Coach Snow, he picks up the ball and walks slowly down the court, dribbling the ball. The noise echoes around the room, but this time, my legs are steadier as I make my way over to the office where Coach Snow sits behind a wall of glass. I glance back at Preston, wondering what his psychotic brain is cooking up for me after this. I wish he’d just gotten it over with.
“Crystal, come in,” Coach Snow says, taking off her glasses and setting them on the desk when I walk in.
I step inside and close the glass door before taking a seat. “You wanted to see me?”
“I did,” she says. “I’m afraid I have some not-so-good news.”
“Let me guess,” I say. “Arkansas’s not ready for this jelly?”
She laughs. “That’s a very good way to put it.”
“Thanks,” I say. “I knew I wouldn’t make it. That’s why I didn’t come try out. You can’t put a girl on the squad when all the other girls hate her.”
“Well,” she says, leaning back in her chair. “I’m glad you understand.”
“I do,” I say. “And I think I made my point at the game. So, if that’s all…”
She nods, then sits up straight again. “Actually, before you go… Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” I say. “Why?”
She glances at the basketball court where Preston is shooting a one-handed basket. “Well, I’m sure I only hear a fraction of what goes on with the students here, but I did hear some disturbing things about an incident that may have occurred after our last meeting.”
Oh my god. My face burns, and I think I’m going to die on the spot. Not only has the rumor gotten around the whole school, but even the teachers heard about the supposed gangbang in the locker room. Lovely.
“Nothing happened,” I mumble.
She sighs. “Okay. But if you need to say anything, I’m here. No judgments.”
At least it’s better than a crusty old administrator talking to me about this, but holy hell, I’m so not telling a teacher about what happened that day. Especially not when I can barely admit to myself what happened. That I’d go to those lengths, tell Devlin to fuck me like that, just to get him to fall for me. That’s the moment he told everyone I was his. That’s the moment when he was forced to admit his own feelings for me—to his cousins, to me, and maybe even to himself. So yeah, maybe I really am a whore. Not for the reason everyone thinks, but because I used my body to get what I wanted, what I needed. And it fucking worked, didn’t it?
He helped me get Royal back. That was what I was after.
“Thank you,” I say to Coach Snow. “I appreciate it. But you should know better than to believe the rumor mill around here.”
“I do,” she assures me.
“Good,” I say, standing. “Then if we’re all done here…”
I think about what my family would say if they knew I’d wasted this opportunity to ruin the Darling name. But I’m well beyond that. It strikes me that I’m now protecting Devlin. For the first time in my life, I’m lying not to protect my family, but to protect someone else from my family. I’ve protected the Dolces from scrutiny, rumors, and themselves. For the first time in my life, I have something for myself, and I won’t let my family ruin it. This lie isn’t about my family. It’s protecting something that is mine and mine alone.
I’m about to step out of the office when I pause. What if Devlin had been absent that day? What if it had been some other girl he didn’t care about? Part of me wants to turn in Preston, but I know better than to start shit with him again. Not to mention what Devlin did in the hall for me when Royal hit him. I know how much that hurt Devlin’s pride to walk away, to leave me with my brother. I know he did it for me, that he wanted to hit Royal but didn’t. If he’s willing to put aside our family feud for me, I should do the same for him. Not only that, but I don’t exactly hate Preston, though I should. Some part of me feels for him. He lost everything when he lost football.
But there is someone else who was there that day. The adult in the situation should have stopped it before it even started. That should never have fallen on Devlin’s shoulders.
I turn back. “You know, something almost happened,” I say to Coach Snow. “Devlin stopped it, but one of your football coaches walked away when he saw it going down. I asked him for help, and he turned around and left.”
Coach Snow nods slowly. “Do you remember which one?”
“I don’t know his name,” I admit. “But he’s one of the football coaches.”
Coach Snow taps on her keyboard for a few seconds, then turns the screen to me. The coaches
school pictures all smile back at me. I point to the one who refused to help me that day. She thanks me, says I might have to come talk to her and the admin again, and then I’m free to go. I feel light as I step out of the office. But then I stop, my pulse quickening when I see Preston there, playing his sad solo basketball game.
I could walk back into Coach Snow’s office like a coward, but I’m going to have to face him eventually. I keep my feet planted and wait for him to notice me. After one more shot, he tucks the ball under his arm and walks toward me. With every step, my heart thuds louder in my chest. “Come on,” he says, taking my hand and pulling me toward a door I know all too well.
“No,” I say, yanking at my hand. “Let me go, Preston.”
He sighs and releases my hand, reaches into his pocket, and hands me his knife, handle first. “Take that if it makes you feel better. I just want to show you something.”
“How dumb do you think I am?”
“Come on, Crystal,” he says, sounding genuinely frustrated. “Devlin’s my boy. I would never hurt his girl.”
“You already did.”
He rubs between his brows with his thumb. “You’re right,” he says at last, lifting his head and meeting my eyes. “There’s no excuse for what I did to you. I’m the worst of all the pieces of shit you’ve ever encountered, and I know it. But I told you I’m not a liar, and I’m not a liar.”
“Sounds like something a liar would say.”
“Look, Devlin didn’t say you were his girl until he did,” Preston says. “And now you’re his girl, which means you’re one of us. Which means, whether I like it or not, I’d take a fucking bullet for you, Crystal.”
“I thought you and Colt turned your back on him when he went to jail.”
Preston’s jaw tenses. “Where’d you hear that?”
“From Devlin.”
“Then keep it to yourself,” he says. “That’s between us. We don’t need that shit getting out.”
Interesting. So Devlin told me something they don’t want the school to know. I treasure that little piece of information more than I should. Devlin doesn’t just love me. He trusts me.
“Okay,” I say, flicking the blade of his knife out. “Then tell me what happened, and I’ll go in there with you.”
“You know what happened,” he says. “Devlin’s dad ratted out Grampa Darling. Devlin knew he’d be in serious trouble for that, so he tried to take the fall for his dad. They were both arrested. We were supposed to shun him except at school.”
“You’re just faking it?” I ask. “Does he know that?”
“We’re not faking anything,” Preston says. “Devlin did right by his dad. The dude’s too fucking noble for his own good. Colt and I aren’t holding shit against him because he didn’t do shit wrong. So, did I answer all your questions?”
“Walk in front of me,” I say after a second’s hesitation.
“Want me to put my hands above my head?” he asks sarcastically, shoving the door of the locker room open and stalking in.
I step in behind him. My heart lurches into my throat. Preston walks back to the shower where he dragged me that day and stops, turning to the stall. I can’t look. My breath is coming fast, and my mind spins so wildly I can’t hold a thought. It’s just a blur of images, of raw emotion choking through me like it did in those moments, that horrible, endless stream of minutes where I hung here alone, waiting for every woman’s worst nightmare to come true.
“Why are you doing this?” I ask Preston, my voice strangled.
“Look,” he orders. “It’s just a shower stall, Crystal. It can’t hurt you.”
I squeeze my eyes shut. He’s wrong. It hurts too much.
I hear him shift, and his arm slides around me. I jump, shock hammering into me. But his grip is comforting as he stands next to me, not pinning my arms but holding my waist; not trapping me but supporting me.
I didn’t know the whole world would shift when Devlin said he loved me.
“I know I’m the last fucking person on this earth who needs to be giving advice,” Preston says, his voice a soft murmur. “But even evil people get it right sometimes. As my old man likes to say, every action you take is letting the world know who you are. You can stand there and cry about it like a little bitch, or you can suck it up and show no fear, like a man.”
“I’m not a man,” I say through numb lips.
“Open your eyes, Crystal,” he says. “You’re stronger than this.”
He’s right. There’s only one thing in this room that can hurt me, and it’s not a shower stall. I open my eyes. It’s so unremarkable, that shower stall. The floor and walls are just tile. The showerhead is just stainless steel. No rope. No blood. No hair.
No echoes of my screams.
I remember hanging there, so filled with terror that it knocked me over the edge. I went numb, not just my arms but my soul. I gave up. There was nothing left, not even hope.
But Preston doesn’t get to write this narrative. Because it didn’t end with him.
There was nothing for me here until Devlin walked in and brought meaning. When he stood in front of me and blocked me from their sight, I knew in that moment that he would protect me, that he wouldn’t let anything bad happen to me, no matter what Preston had said. That was the moment my heart beat again, the moment that hope bloomed in my soul again. When his hands touched me, I remembered that I could feel again, no matter how numb I’d been up until that moment. He hadn’t just proven that I was his in that moment. He’d proven that he was mine.
He had made a move that changed the whole game. He proved I could trust him. I didn’t just win some stupid, meaningless game. He truly cared. I used it against him, and he still cares. More than I even realized until this moment, when it sinks in all over again.
“Preston,” I say slowly, not moving away from him but tensing, ready for the other shoe to drop. “Why are you being nice to me?”
“Don’t sound so shocked,” he says, dropping his arm from around me. “I’m a nice guy.” Without waiting for an answer, he lets out a snort of laughter.
“What’s so funny?”
“I told you I’m not the liar. I can’t even keep a straight face to sell you that bullshit.”
“So?” I press. “Why are you suddenly being nice to me?”
He turns to me, his expression calm and his voice matter of fact. “Like I said, you’re Devlin’s girl now. Besides that, I respect you in your own right. I’ve got to hand it to you, Dolce. You played the game, and you played it well enough to hook my boy, and that’s not easily done.”
“And you’re not going to try to ruin my life to get back at me for that?”
He shrugs and says to me what Devlin always says. “All’s fair in love and war.”
“What about this?” I ask. “Is this part of the game? Part of the war?”
Preston shakes his head. “Nah. You did him wrong, but if he chose to forgive you, that’s between y’all. I got no beef with you, Honey Badger. As far as I’m concerned, you’re solid. You didn’t rat me out when you could have with the cops, and you didn’t just now. I won’t even ask for forgiveness, but at least I can tell you there won’t be anything else to forgive.”
“You don’t have to deserve forgiveness,” I say, turning to the Darling boy I know least, the one who scares me most. I force myself to let go of the fear that wants to sink its teeth into me when I meet his piercing gaze. He might not be a nice guy, but he did me a solid just now. “I can give it, anyway. That probably makes me the biggest fool in Faulkner, but I can’t hate you for something that brought me Devlin. Just like I can’t hate him for what he did to me. I get it. We came in here like a bunch of punks trying to tear down the kingdom you built exactly the way you wanted it. Of course you defended your turf.”
Preston gives me a long, searching look before shaking his head. “Forgetting what any of us did would make you a fool. Forgiving it makes you a better person than anyone in either of our families
deserves.”
“I don’t know about that,” I say, Royal’s haunted eyes flashing in my mind. He deserves better than me for a sister.
“I do,” Preston says. “Well, except maybe my uncle. God must have been picking the parental lottery winner the day that guy fucked Devlin’s mom.”
“Lovely image,” I say with a tight smile. I cross my arms and squint up at him. “So, are we friends now or something?”
“Don’t go getting all sentimental on me now, Dolce,” he says. “I don’t do friends. I got room for three things in my life. Family, football, and fucking. If you ain’t any of that, you ain’t shit to me.”
“What about Dolly?” I challenge.
For the briefest moment, a flash of a second, something crosses his eyes. It’s such a fleeting glimpse, like the one I saw when I called him his grampa’s little bitch. I may never figure this boy out, but I know when I hit a nerve.
“What about her?” he asks, crossing his arms to mirror my position, his head back while he looks down his nose at me in that superior asshole pose he likes so much. The one I like so much, too, damn it. He may be straight psycho, but he’s still hot as fuck, just like Devlin.
“Nothing,” I say, strolling toward the door.
Preston follows, and though my heart does an instinctual lurch against my ribcage at the sound of his footsteps behind me, I know he’s not going to hurt me now. Devlin told them I was his, and now the whole world knows it. Even my brother, after this morning.
I stop just outside the locker room door and hand back the knife. “Thank you.”
“Don’t mention it,” he says, closing his knife and pocketing it.
“Not just for the knife,” I say.
“I know what you’re thanking me for, Crystal,” he says. “Give me some fucking credit.”
“Okay.” I nod, tightening my arms across my chest. “Then tell me this. The night Royal disappeared, who took him?”
Preston narrows his eyes. “I told you that.”