Hilariously Ever After

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Hilariously Ever After Page 179

by Penny Reid


  Delivery guy shrugged. “Sorry, Miss. I deliver what they give me. Take it up with the manager.”

  “I tried. Hence your delivery note.”

  Brantley pushed off the side of the garage door where he’d been leaning as I checked all the boxes. “Thank you,” he said to the driver, taking hold of my shoulders and steering me back inside the garage the way he had done with Ellie when I’d arrived an hour earlier.

  He jabbed the button to shut the garage door.

  “Why are you shutting the door?” I asked, doing my best to ignore the way his fingertips sent tingles across my bare shoulders.

  “So, you don’t terrorize the delivery guy anymore.”

  “I wasn’t terrorizing him,” I insisted. “I was simply informing him of all the things he does wrong.”

  “We can agree to disagree.” He released me and stretched his arms over his head. “Let’s get this furniture stacked against the wall we somehow managed to clear, then you can get on with your weekend.”

  I leaned against the wall, folding my arms across my chest with a smirk.

  Brantley looked around, then stilled, sighing. “The furniture is outside on the drive, isn’t it?”

  My smirk got a little larger. “Yup.”

  “Shit.”

  Chapter 9

  I’d made a terrible mistake.

  Sure, Declan was handsome. He had that dark, brooding look that was the reason so many people were attracted to Ian Somerhalder. He was definitely the kind of guy you’d look at four times in the grocery store and proceed to leave with a tingly clitoris and a hankering for a little time to yourself and Tumblr.

  Also, he was perfectly nice. Thirty-two years old, had a great job in accounting, visited his mom once a week, loved to vacation in the mountains, and liked Harry Potter.

  Yep, he was perfect.

  So, why had I made a terrible mistake?

  Simple. He was too perfect. Perfect hair, perfect teeth, perfect laugh—even his nose was perfect. Not a freckle or a mole or a blackhead in sight.

  And with perfect guys came perfect problems. There had to be something buried deep down inside him, waiting to bubble up.

  I watched him as he talked.

  I wasn’t listening.

  I was thinking about the way Brantley caught me when I tripped earlier.

  About how hot his hands had felt through the relatively thin material of my tank top. About how firm he’d gripped me, how warm his breath had been as it fluttered over my mouth and cheek, how—

  “Kali?”

  I jerked back to the here and now as Marcie placed the check on the table.

  “Are you done with that, honey?” She pointed to my half-eaten dinner.

  Crap.

  “Oh, yeah, sorry.” I offered Declan a sheepish smile. “I’m so sorry. I’ve been a terrible date.”

  He smiled, like he didn’t mind at all.

  Hmm. Maybe he was a psychopath?

  “No, it’s fine. I’ve had worse dates. Besides, you said you worked today, right? We probably should have rescheduled so you weren’t tired.”

  Mhmm. Were they thinking about another man on your date, though? Someone they had no place thinking about?

  I bet they weren’t.

  Also: he was responding to me way too positively.

  Was I nitpicking for the sake of it now?

  Ugh.

  “You’re right. I’m sorry. Here—I’ll pay my half of the check.”

  He waved his hand at me when I reached for my purse. “Absolutely not. If you must, you can pay for date two.” He flashed me a grin and slipped his card in the book without checking the total. “Excuse me—I need the restroom.”

  I smiled tightly.

  Boy, he was presumptuous.

  I peeked at the bill, pulled out cash, and slipped it in the book. And ran—right into Marcie.

  She winked. “Your dad called. There was a family emergency.”

  “You’re my favorite person in the world,” I told her, squeezing her hand.

  This time, I managed to escape the restaurant.

  It was still hot and sticky outside, but I’d had the foresight to wear a looser dress, and now, I was glad. Declan had picked me up from my house, which now meant I had to walk home.

  Not a bad thing.

  If only I’d brought flats in my purse.

  Oh, well. I couldn’t win them all. I’d listen to my feet scream at me all night, but for now, I needed to get away from the restaurant.

  I made it onto Main Street, away from the seafront where the Coastal was, and heard a car behind me. My stomach dropped—Declan would have left the restaurant by now, and if this was him, it was about to get real awkward, real fast.

  I winced and peered over my shoulder. A familiar, black Range Rover crawled to a stop next to me, and the window on the driver’s side wound down.

  Brantley poked his head out of the window. “Alone?”

  I frowned. “Where are the twins?”

  He nodded. “Sleeping in the back. It’s easier to shop when it’s quieter. What are you doing walking through town by yourself?”

  “A not so great date,” I replied, tucking hair behind my ear.

  Slowly, his bright gaze ran up and down my body, lingering on my bright-red heels for a moment too long. “And you didn’t drive?”

  “He picked me up, and I, um…”

  He half-grinned. “Want a ride home?”

  “No, it’s fine. It’s out of your way.”

  “It’s three blocks over. Not Los Angeles.”

  “Still, you have to go there and then back.”

  He rolled his eyes. “Then at least let me drive you to my house. Walk from there.”

  I paused, running my teeth over my lower lip.

  “Get in the damn car, Kali,” he said firmly. “It’s getting dark and you’re by yourself. I can’t leave you in the middle of town.”

  “I—”

  He looked at me dead in the eye and repeated, “Get. In. The. Damn. Car.”

  I checked the road and, after seeing it was clear, got in the damn car.

  “Thank you.” He smirked at me and quickly looked over his shoulder when one of the kids snort-snored in their sleep.

  I peered back at them. Both wearing pajamas with dogs on, they each clutched a stuffed toy—Ellie a monkey, and Eli a blue dinosaur. They both slept soundly, with Eli sucking his thumb.

  Brantley reached back and gently pulled it out of his mouth before pulling away from the curb. “Damn thumb sucking,” he sighed. He glanced at me. “A bad date, huh?”

  “Not so much bad,” I said slowly and carefully. “More that he was suspiciously perfect.”

  “Ah, the decent guy. Terrible bunch of people.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Stop it. I didn’t connect with him, that’s all.” Mostly because I kept thinking about you. “I kinda ran out when he went to the restroom.”

  “You stiffed him with the bill?”

  “No! He’d left his card, but I put the cash for my half of the bill. What do you think I am, cheap?”

  “Well, that escalated quicker than I thought it would.” He glanced at me, lips tugging up. “Not at all. I was only wondering.”

  I wanted to roll my eyes again, but in the interest of not giving myself a headache, I decided against it.

  “He thought I was tired from working this morning and apologized for not rescheduling.”

  “And that’s too perfect?”

  “Yes. I was being a dreadful date.”

  “At least you can admit that.”

  “He assumed we’d get a second. Said as much.”

  “Ooh.” Brantley winced. “Didn’t ask?”

  I shook my head.

  “You’ve had a bad day, huh? Get woken up early after too much sangria, have to spend the entire morning at my place thanks to an asshole delivery service, witness a dispute over a pony and a superhero, then you have a shitty date and have to be driven home by your client.”r />
  Well, when he put it like that…

  “And I have blisters on my feet because these shoes are new. So, just a heads up, I’ll be painting in flip-flops this week.”

  “They’re great shoes, though.”

  I looked down. “Yeah, they really are. Shame they’re painful. Maybe they’re the kind of shoes you wear to watch TV and feel good about yourself.”

  “Yeah. They’re those kinda shoes.” His dry tone had me staring at him.

  “What does that mean?”

  He pulled up into his driveway. The headlights illuminated the side of the house, and he smiled at me. “Nothing. I was agreeing with you.”

  I would have called bullshit, but he got out of the car and pulled out his front door key before I had a chance to respond.

  Whatever. I’d let it slide, mostly because I should have taken him up on his original offer to take me home. The blister on the back of my foot was now dangerously painful.

  Well, like he’d said, I’d had a bit of a shitty day, so what was one more thing to add to the list?

  I got out of the car, wincing as I put weight on my right foot and my shoe rubbed the sore blister. “Shit, shit, shit,” I whispered.

  “Here.” Laughing, Brantley walked around the front of the car, holding a small, long, rectangle something. “A Band-Aid. For that blister.”

  I gasped, taking it from him. “Oh my god, I could kiss you.”

  He raised his eyebrows.

  I froze.

  “I mean,” I started. “Not—you know. Kiss you. I could kiss you, but I won’t kiss you. Oh my god, I have to stop saying kiss you. Crap. Never mind. I’m just going to shut up now.”

  He said nothing. He simply gave me a way-too-sexy side grin, and his eyes flashed with laughter…and something that looked a little bit like desire.

  I looked away, cheeks flaming, and got back in the passenger side so I could apply the Band-Aid.

  Me and my big mouth.

  Why the hell did I say I could kiss him? Aside from the fact I could—and that was before the Band-Aid.

  Ugh. Ten idiot points for me.

  I crumpled up the Band-Aid wrapper and gingerly stepped out of the car. It wasn’t perfect, but it was sure as hell better than it had been before.

  “Sssh,” I heard Brantley whisper from the other side of the car. “I’m taking you to bed, El. It’s all right.”

  “Mmk,” she groaned.

  I turned and peeked over the top of the car just as it rocked when he shut the door. Ellie was draped over his body, her head flopped on his shoulder. Her braids hung down her back, and she had her mouth open like she was catching flies.

  Brantley had one arm under her butt, holding her up, and secured her with his other arm. The stuffed monkey hung with its tail wrapped around Brantley’s pinky finger.

  I smiled as he carried her in. Eli was still fast asleep in the backseat, and I watched him through the window. Although I knew he would be fine, I didn’t want to leave him, especially with the front door open and the car unlocked.

  So, I hovered awkwardly outside the car, probably looking far creepier than I ever intended to. After all, it wasn’t every day you had a nicely dressed woman in heels staring at a four-year-old through a car window.

  Not one who wasn’t their mom, anyway.

  Eli rolled his head to the other side, scrunching his face up. He tried to stretch, but the confines of his child seat didn’t allow him to, and apparently, this was the end of the world, because he started to cry.

  I stilled. I didn’t know how to deal with a crying child. Especially not an exhausted, half-awake, crying child. My gaze flitted between Eli and the open front door, but when he cried louder and Brantley still didn’t come back…

  I muttered, “Shit,” and set my purse down so I could open the door.

  “Hey, Eli,” I said softly, brushing his crazy hair away from his eyes. “Sssh. Daddy is just putting Ellie to bed. Hey.”

  His eyes, just a shade darker than his dad’s, opened wide and stared at me, glassy with tears. It was almost as if he was looking at me without seeing me, because the tears carried on falling.

  “Kawi,” he whispered thickly, sleep clouding his voice. “Out.” He tugged at the straps that kept him safe in the seat. “Pwease.”

  Uhhhh.

  “Okay,” I said, I think more to myself than him.

  Like, woohoo, Kali! You got this! It’s only a child! Go get ‘em, Tiger!

  I was a mess.

  I leaned into the car and pressed the little clip to undo the straps. Eli wriggled out of them before I had a chance to move, and with a tight grip on his dinosaur, he grabbed hold of me and hung off my neck.

  Awesome.

  Now what was I meant to do? I was wearing four-inch heels for a start. For a finish, what did I do?

  See, I really needed a cousin or someone to pop a baby out so I had some idea of how to cope with a child.

  I was woefully underprepared for this awkward turn of events.

  “Okay.” Again, who was I talking to? Me or Eli? We’ll never know. One of life’s greatest mysteries.

  I steadied myself on the sloped driveway and used the momentum with which he was trying to escape the car to pick him up. The second we were clear of the car, he curled himself around me. Arms tight around my neck, legs wrapped around my waist as far as his tiny ones would go.

  All I could think as I stepped back was that I was glad he’d evenly balanced his weight. And that I had only drunk one glass of wine with dinner.

  Thank god for small mercies.

  I nudged the car door shut with my elbow, holding tight to Eli, and carefully made my way up the drive to the front door. Another small mercy I realized: the driveway was clearly better made than the windows in this house, because it was perfectly smooth and there was no way I could trip.

  After my day, this was a total silver lining.

  I’d just stepped inside the house when Brantley came down the stairs.

  “Oh, crap. I’m sorry. She was fussing.”

  “It’s fine,” I whispered scratchily. “But I can’t breathe.”

  He dipped his head with a quiet laugh and came to my side. “Hey, buddy. Come here.”

  Eli shook his head and curled right into me.

  Aw, shit.

  Now what?

  “Come on, let me put you up to bed,” Brantley tried again. “Let Kali go home.”

  Again, he shook his head, this time burying his face in my neck.

  I sighed. “Help me.” Leaning against the bottom of the banister, I kicked a leg up. “Take off my shoes.”

  He looked at me funny for a moment before grabbing the heel and pulling it off.

  “Oop,” I breathed when I put my foot down and shrunk several inches. “Other one.”

  Another kick up, another heel grab, another tug.

  Barefoot, I padded up the stairs with Brantley behind me.

  “He’s in my room,” he said. “Left, the end door.”

  Sweet hell. Now I was going to see his bedroom?

  I readjusted my grip on Eli when Brantley passed me and opened the door.

  Thank God, this room was a lot closer to the rest of the house, just how I’d hoped it’d been. Boxes were piled everywhere, but there was a clear space where his kingsize bed was next to a small, single bed with Batman bedding.

  I walked around the large bed with bedding in shades of gray and black to Eli’s. “Here you go, buddy,” I said softly, laying him on the bed.

  He released me, finally, and curled up into a ball on his side, hugging the dinosaur close to his chest. I pulled the cover up over him, and he muttered something unintelligible before a tiny snore escaped him.

  I covered my mouth with my hand, stifling a tiny giggle at the adorable sound.

  Brantley smiled, leading me out of the room and shutting off the light. I went down the stairs before him, breathing out slowly and running a hand through my hair.

  “Thank you,”
he said softly, joining me at the bottom of the stairs. “It’s been a long time since someone but me put one of those two to bed.”

  I smiled, sliding my feet into my shoes. At least I didn’t wince when the back of the shoe hit my blister… “You’re welcome. I’m not used to kids, so let’s say that was a first for me.”

  The smile that stretched across his face was genuine and warm and damn my heart for picking up on that and skipping a beat. “You’re a natural.”

  “In everything but my patience, I’m sure.” I grinned. “Ah, crap, I left my purse outside.”

  He stepped past me and went outside. When I joined him, he was holding it up, staring at it. “It’s not really my color,” he noted of the scarlet-red clutch. “But it’s definitely yours, I think.”

  I laughed and took it from him. “Thank you.” I peeked inside. “Everything is here. Thank god for our almost non-existent crime rate.”

  “I doubt anyone will be trolling this neighborhood for purses to steal.”

  “I don’t know. Anything’s possible. We did have a suspected murder a few years ago.”

  “Was it murder?”

  I pulled out my phone. “No. Not even suicide. The guy wasn’t even from here. He just died in his rental apartment.”

  “How thrilling.”

  “Hey—you don’t move to Rock Bay for the drama. Actually, people just don’t move to Rock Bay.” I brought up my mom’s number and hit dial. “You’re an enigma, Brantley Cooper.”

  He smirked. “Speak for yourself, Ms. Handywoman.”

  I laughed right as Mom answered.

  “Yes?” she said. “Do I need to rescue you?”

  “Not exactly. I’m at Brantley Cooper’s and have the worst blister on my foot. Can you pick me up?”

  Silence, and then, “Why are you at your client’s house?”

  “Long story,” I said. “Please?”

  “I want a full run-down of the date and why the hell you’re at Brantley Cooper’s. Then you’ve got yourself a deal.”

  I sighed. “Fine, fine. Deal.”

  “I’ll be there in five minutes.” She hung up, killing the line with a click.

  Brantley, with four grocery bags in his hands, stared at me. “You just called someone to drive you three blocks?”

  “Uh, yes. But that’s my mom’s job.”

 

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