I took a breath, trying to calm myself. “The one thing I hate is being treated like a hobby and brushed aside as a passing fancy. Everything that made me, me—the girl you supposedly fell in love with—is gone.” The dam had broken, and everything was spewing out, including my tears. “Did you know Mina no longer wants to be my friend, and I didn’t even know Landen was shipped off to the military? Those were my friends, my family. And I lost them because I chose you—this life. I’ve given up everything, but you’ve sacrificed nothing. Do you realize if I wasn’t here, nothing about your life would change? Not one thing. Where everything in mine has. You have known nothing else. This is your life, and I understand that, and the person marrying you should want it too.”
Dumbfounded, he stood there like aliens had taken me over.
“If we were so in love, we should be bursting with excitement and lust, not able to keep our hands off each other,” I exclaimed. “Don’t you think it’s an ominous sign that on our supposed engagement night, we slept in different rooms?”
“You said you were tired and in pain. You had a headache.”
Jesus, didn’t he hear how ancient we sounded?
My lids pinched briefly together, aware that none of those things mattered with Lennox. No pain would stop me from at least wanting him to be next to me in bed. With Theo, they were excuses to be left alone. And he didn’t fight me on it one bit.
“Do you even love me?”
“Of cours—”
“No.” I held up my hand. “I want you to really think about it, not just give me a knee-jerk response because I feel it’s become more the idea of me than actually me anymore. The next thing on your checklist for becoming a great king. I stand by your side and smile, the perfect wife, always there for you. But when was the last time you actually thought about me?”
“I think about you all the time.”
“Last night? That proposal. Did you think I’d like that? In front of everyone?”
Putting his hands on his hips, he stared at the ground.
“Theo, you know me. Do I like being in big crowds where everyone is watching me?”
“No,” he whispered.
“Then why?”
He stayed silent, still not looking at me.
“Tell me why you would do that to me,” I demanded.
“Because I knew you couldn’t say no!” His head bolted up, a flare of his temper showing.
I sucked in; it was the first bit of honesty from him.
“Fuck, Spencer, I’m not blind. I could feel you drifting from me. And I reacted, knowing in front of people you’d agree. I didn’t want to lose you, and I thought if we got past all this uncertainty, got engaged, we’d find our way back. We still can.”
“No.” I stepped up to him, the ring between my fingers. “We can’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because.” My eyes watered. “You deserve someone who loves you with all her heart. To not even hesitate for a moment when you propose.”
He didn’t speak for over a minute, staring at the ring, tears glinting in his eyes. Finally, he took it, exhaling heavily, clearing his throat. “It’s not so easy. You can’t simply un-engage from a prince.”
“What do you mean?”
“The world is just finding out we got engaged. The authorized comments from RH were issued only moments ago. Our picture has been put up on the official website. It’s too soon to flip it on everyone, and today Father and I have a stressful meeting with Parliament.” He grunted. “What my father is going to say about this…I can’t deal with this today.”
I swallowed. I knew exactly what his father would say. But would he really want his son to marry someone who didn’t love him? Wouldn’t he want more for him?
“Please, can you pretend a little longer?” He grabbed my hand, slipping the ring back on.
“Theo.”
“Please, do me this favor.”
I took in a deep breath, feeling the weight step back on my shoulders.
“Give me a few days. We’ll talk later about how to handle this.”
“Theo…”
“Please, Spencer? I just need a little time. Can you keep acting like everything is fine?”
My shoulders drooped, knowing this wasn’t as simple as handing back the ring and walking away. Not for royals. “Yeah. Okay.”
“Thank you. Let’s keep this between us for right now, not even my sister. Okay?” He stepped up to me, his lips brushing my forehead. “And I won’t lie and say I don’t hope you will give me one last chance. I don’t want to give up on us. I think we could have been really happy.” He kissed me again before moving away, sadness etching his face. “When you said yes last night, you made me the happiest man in the world.” He choked, twisting and strolling for the door.
“Theo?” Pain pinched my expression. That tiny bit of hope Theo still held on to broke. A tear slid down my cheek.
He paused, looking back at me.
“You never even noticed.”
“What?”
“I never said yes.”
While Theo was dealing with the kingdom, I was required to deal with the wedding and engagement plans. By how quickly the House responded to the engagement, Chloe must have been preparing for a while. The folder was thick, and the contacts, the most prestigious in the world, were already dumping sketches on my lap.
The day was a blizzard of meetings and discussions about things I really didn’t have much say over anyway. People showed me a handful of approved dresses, flowers, and jewelry. None of them were me. And after a while, I nodded at anything they recommended, tuning out. It was crazy; no one saw how unexcited I was. Shouldn’t the bride be bustling with enthusiasm?
I kept asking for another glass of champagne, the only perk of the day. I continued to text Lennox, indignation blazing the longer he ignored me. He was still my bodyguard. What if I needed him? Would he go against his duties to stay away from me? The fact he left me last night completely went against protocol.
“It is such an honor to be even asked to present you with one of my designs for your dress, my lady,” one designer gushed, jolting me back to the present. She pranced around, not able to hide her nervous excitement. “I would be so unbelievably honored to also design any gala or event dresses for you. Anything. Even a robe from my line could transform my life.”
Damn you, Theo. Guilt enveloped me over the effort people were putting forward with the hope this would change their careers. And it would all be for naught.
While Chloe and others went over specifications and contracts, I noticed Dalton stroll by the room.
“I’ll be right back.” I leapt off the sofa, rushing out of the room.
“Dalton.” I jogged after him.
He stopped, curving to see me. “My lady.” He dipped his head. “May I offer my congratulations.”
“Don’t,” I muttered, my gaze roaming around for unwanted ears. Tugging his sleeve, I slinked into an empty sitting room. They had a dozen of them, and most were never used. I shut the doors, my words drying up on my tongue, peeling and cracking as they came out. “I’m sorry…for what you saw…god…I can’t imagine what you think of me.”
“It is not my place to judge, miss.”
“Please,” I replied wryly. “You of all people have the right. You have been so kind to me when so many weren’t. And I feel I’ve betrayed you as well. Disappointed you.”
Dalton took a breath, his massive shoulders sinking, his stern guard expression slipping slightly.
“If it makes my actions any less horrendous, I did end things with Theo earlier yesterday. Or so I thought. Last night was supposed to be us putting on a face, until…”
Dalton’s curious gaze met mine. He had the kind of penetrating stare that was sexy and intimidating at the same time. He and Lennox seriously could do a photoshoot for the hottest bodyguards alive.
“The thing with Lennox. I fought it for a long time and after the bombing... I can’t say my choices we
ren’t hurtful and despicable, but—” I stopped, the intense feelings for Lennox ripping out my oxygen.
“What you do is not my concern.” Dalton cuffed his hands, standing tall. “No need to explain it to me.”
“But I feel like I do.” I took a step toward him. “Out of everyone in this place, your respect means the most to me.”
His eyes widened in surprise. “Thank you, ma’am.”
“Don’t fuckin’ ma’am me.” I glared at him, making a chuckle roll off him. “You have known and watched Theo for a long time. Protected him in all ways. I hate how this happened, and I hate you might feel in the middle.”
“You know I wasn’t Lennox’s biggest fan when he first arrived, but he quickly changed my notion of him. He has become a good mate and has my utmost respect for what he has gone through in his life. But you know as much as I like you, my loyalty will always be to Theo first. His safety. But his personal life is not my affair.”
I nodded, swallowing down the tightness in my throat. “Theo doesn’t know about Lennox and me. I don’t want to hurt him any more than I have. But he knows where we stand.” I twisted the ring around my finger. “He wanted a couple of days before we told everyone.”
“Forgive my bluntness, but do you realize what is ahead? It will be a PR nightmare for this place. But I’m more worried about you. It will be you who will be crucified, hounded, and torn apart, no matter how much Theo states it was mutual. Your life will never be the same.”
My teeth ground together, comprehending the horror that waited for me. The hate and backlash would be unfathomable. “It’s better that happens than Theo marrying someone who really doesn’t want to be here. He deserves better.”
Dalton’s head dipped in regard. “This is why I will always respect you, Spencer. I don’t agree with what you did, but you still chose Theo’s happiness. Even if he doesn’t recognize it right now.”
Tears thickened my throat and swelled in my chest. “I’m willing to accept whatever comes because I know down the road, Theo will thank me. He will meet her and realize the happiness he felt with me was a shadow of what he has with her.”
Dalton eyed me. “Sounds like you’re speaking from experience.”
I peered up at him, letting him see the truth in my expression.
He bobbed his head in understanding. “Thought so.”
“Do you know where he is? I’ve tried texting him a dozen times.”
“He walked out last night, forgoing his severance package and recommendation. Handed in his mobile and left.”
“What?” My body jolted as if it had been electrocuted. I knew he was leaving, but people usually stayed on another week or so to train the next person. Especially here. I heard they had a strict two-week policy. “Do you know where he went?”
“I don’t know.” Dalton moved for the door, stopping right at my side. “What I do know is he relinquished a good chunk of money and benefits. Do you know what a recommendation from the Royal House can do for you? It can open any door in the world. It can change your life.” His gaze cut into my soul, forcing me to look away. “Someone would really have to be upset to walk away from that.”
My mind replayed the moment our eyes met, my newly announced engagement buzzing around me when he turned and stalked out.
“There is nothing more torturous than watching the person you love with someone else.” He brushed past me.
“Dalton?”
I curved around watching him grab for the door, his neck craning back.
“Are you in love with her?” The query came tumbling out, though I felt I already knew the answer.
He schooled his face, his voice stiff. “I don’t know what you are talking about.”
“Of all people, Dalton, I understand falling for someone you shouldn’t. But I’m pretty sure she loves you too.” I tilted my head.
His Adam’s apple bobbed, his eyes staring at the ground.
“Some lines can’t be crossed, no matter what you feel.” Resignation clipped his tone. He yanked open the door and strode out, placing more heartbreak on my chest.
The place of some people’s fairytales and dreams was constructed entirely of broken hearts and lies.
Chapter 9
“I know. Don’t disappoint me. Noon.”
The text hidden in the message felt alive, as if the words could climb out of the phone, telling everyone of my crimes. At first, I didn’t know if it was what was said or the fact Lord William knew what texting was, but there was no disguising the threat.
I know.
That, above all, pulsed panic through my veins.
“Here, miss.” My cab driver’s voice rattled through my bones, my head twisting toward the window to the Georgian style buildings in front of me. In the poshest neighborhood, not far from our parliament building, Lord William’s residence took up a good portion of this row. Though he had a beautiful country estate where his wife lived, he spent most of his time in the city.
Shocker.
Even if she liked the city, I wondered if she picked living in the country on purpose. I would if I was married to this dirtbag.
As with most nobles, no one really had a clue what he did to afford such luxurious accommodations, but if I was a betting woman, going by my family, he was just a vile loan shark with a top hat.
“Thank you,” I muttered, ducking deep into my hood. The last thing I wanted was to be recognized.
With everything going on, I had pushed Lord William to the back of my mind. I ended up not seeing Theo the rest of the night, eating an awkward dinner with Catherine, Anne, and Eloise as they played get-to-know-the-fiancée. Finally, Eloise pulled me out, and we snuck into the movie theatre downstairs and got drunk. I adored El, and I hated every time she brought up the wedding. I hated keeping something like this from my friend. She had become someone dear to me, and it pained me to know I would be losing her as well in this mess.
Theo didn’t answer any of my texts, his absence twisting my stomach with dread, like he was sticking his head in the sand again, pretending nothing changed.
Now I had two guys ignoring my messages.
Lord William’s text to me was just another nail in my coffin.
I know.
No doubt he was talking about Lennox and me—a tabloid story the RH did not need. Theo and I breaking up would be enough gossip for a lifetime.
Feigning a blinding migraine, saying I just needed to be left and alone to sleep, I crept out through the garden, slipping out the side gate where tons of tourists and people mingled, making it easy to get lost in the crowd.
There were security cameras and guards everywhere, but most were looking for a breach in, not out. They wouldn’t imagine the Prince’s fiancée would be sneaking out, and without Lennox on my arse, it was much easier to escape.
I desperately wanted to see him, to tell him everything, but I never knew his private mobile number. I didn’t even know where he lived.
“Miss?” The taxi driver snapped me back to the present.
“Yes. Thank you.” I got out of the car, about ready to jump back in when the cab tore off down the street.
“Shit.” I sighed under my breath, staring up at the building, warm lights glowing against the dreary cold day. Fear coiled in my stomach, but I placed one foot in front of the other, treading up the stoop. Taking another deep breath, I ignored the thrashing heart in my chest. I understood what he wanted from me. He made it perfectly clear how I could get my family out of this. The idea instantly burned disgust in my stomach like a bubbling cauldron of poison.
He held the power; the rules were always in his favor. There would be no end to what he would demand from me with a simple threat.
My mother’s sentiment the other night when I said goodbye to my family twisted in my stomach. “We are so proud. The dignity and respect you have brought this family. Your father doesn’t say much, but I know enough to realize you saved this family. We all love you so much.”
I rolled my l
ips together, choking back the sobs in my throat. She had no idea what she had just placed on me.
The doorbell chimed, sounding like a signal of doom. Movement behind the door thumped fear against the back of my legs.
Run, Spencer. Deal with the consequences. But I knew I couldn’t. William would make sure this fell on my family, on the Royal House, on Lennox.
The door swung open, revealing an older woman wearing a servant’s uniform similar to the ones at the palace. Her sour face twisted as her gaze moved down me with disgust.
“I’m here to see Lord William,” I croaked.
“Of course you are.” Repugnance spewed from her, but it seemed directed at me, not for the man calling the meeting. Like I was the harlot coming in to seduce a married man. “I will let his lordship know.”
Closing the door behind me, she huffed, not hiding her loathing of me before knocking softly on the door right off the entry. “Lord William, there is a…girl…here to see you.” She stressed the word as if it were an insult.
I was a girl, young while he was old and powerful. According to the rumors, I wasn’t the first woman he had forced himself on. She probably saw a parade of young women through here, but she clearly thought it was us who were at fault.
Sickening.
“Let her in, Maude.” His voice was ice down my spine, shivering me with cold so deep it carved out my bones.
She opened his door, motioning for me to move. “Hurry up, girl, his lordship is a busy man.”
Her tone fired hatred and life back into my veins. I lifted my head proudly, knowing the lies about to come out of my mouth, but I didn’t care. Stepping close to her, my gaze went down her like she was a bug. “You will address me as Your Royal Highness when you speak to me.”
Royal Command (Royal Watch #2) Page 10