“Yeah, that’s me; all I can talk about is jewelry and shoes,” I snipped.
“Oh, sorry. Was I supposed to say you’re too busy shagging your married bodygua… Duchess Caroline!” Theo effortlessly flipped between his masks, taking the old woman’s hand and kissing it. “So good to see you, looking beautiful as always.”
She dipped her head at him, her short frame drenched in a heavy gold embroidered gown.
“Oh. You two look like you stepped right off the top of a cake,” she gushed, her gaze searching behind us. “Is your bodyguard here tonight?”
“On our arse, like his dick is in my fiancée,” Theo muttered as he took a drink, forcing me to suck in a gulp of air.
“What?” The old woman touched her almost deaf ears, the party noise limiting her hearing.
“It’s lovely to see you, Caroline.” I grabbed Theo’s arm, my nails digging in. “We are going to go dance. Enjoy the party.” I dragged him away, smiling and nodding every two feet, another person wanting to congratulate or speak to us, but I didn’t stop until we were on the dance floor, my body bristling with anger.
“What?” Theo took my hand, his other going to my lower back. “Did I say something wrong? Untrue?”
“Again, all I can say is I’m sorry. I didn’t want to hurt you, though I did anyway. I can say I’m sorry till the end of time, but I know it’s not going to help.” We glided over the floor together, our steps in sync, but everything else clashed and banged. “So, please. Let’s get through Christmas without killing each other.”
He kept his gaze over my head, his lips rolling together. We stayed silent for a bit before he spoke.
“This was not how I imaged our first Christmas together would be,” he mumbled. “Seeing my great-grandmother’s ring on your finger, a wedding before us, I imagined myself bursting with happiness, so excited to start my life with my wife. Now feeling your touch makes my skin crawl…”
My throat squeezed, forming tears behind my eyes, my mouth locking down. I didn’t have any response except the same one I had said a hundred times already. My part in this, causing Theo such pain and grief that he had become angry and bitter, would always haunt me.
“May I cut in?” A familiar old voice croaked behind me, stiffening my spine.
“Lord William.” Theo stepped away from me. “I heard about what happened. Good to see you up and looking well.”
“Thank you, Highness.” Lord William bowed, his gaze staying on me, creating the sensation of bugs crawling over my skin. “I had amazing care and a visitor who made me really assess my life. See what was important.”
“Yes, I saw your wife, Lady Cabot, was here,” Theo replied. “She must be relieved.”
Lord William’s eyes stayed locked on me. “Yes, my wife was absolutely combusting with emotion.”
Livid he was still alive, I’m sure.
“Will you do me the honor of letting me dance with your stunning fiancée for a moment?” Lord William asked Theo, as if I was property to be let out when he deemed it.
“Of course. Please.” He gratefully waved to me. “She loves to dance, and I can’t say the same, so by all means.” Take her far away from me. He didn’t say it, but I could hear the unspoken message. Theo quickly retreated.
“Spencer.” Lord William’s lids lowered, his arms opening to clasp mine, his hand pressing far too low on my back, bringing me closer.
“Move your hand,” I growled, glaring up at him.
“We would look awfully silly if we weren’t touching,” he said against my temple, drawing me in tighter. “Dancing is meant to be intimate, a way to seduce and touch, right in front of society.” He moved us across the floor, his joints and bones making the dance a little stiff.
“You wanted to talk. Talk.” I glanced around, cautious of the people around us.
“What you told me at the hospital.” His voice was unemotional. “It changes nothing. Not that I believe you anyway.”
“What?” I tried to step back, but his boney fingers dug into my skin, keeping me moving with him.
“You still are in my debt. He’s Fredrick’s son. And your family owes me. Either you lose everything, or you save your family, Spencer.”
“I can’t believe you,” I seethed. “You really are soulless.”
“Mine was ripped from me a long time ago.”
“Oh, boo-hoo.” I glared up at him. “You had your heart broken. Get in line. You aren’t the only one who’s been hurt or deceived. It’s how you come out of it that makes you the person you are. I’m sorry for what my aunt did. It was awful, but it doesn’t forgive what you do. Your vile actions are your own. The only person to blame for how your life turned out—bitter and ugly—is you.” I yanked out of his grip. He didn’t fight me, his body going still. “You are weak, Lord William. A coward. You’d rather blame others for your cruel behaviors, hiding behind them like you have the right because someone hurt you. You don’t. And threatening and attacking women makes you a piece of shite, certainly not a real man.”
Lord William didn’t move or speak, his gaze fixed over my shoulder, his face pallid.
My head swiveled, following his focus. My stomach plummeted, fear zipping up my throat, coating my tongue.
My family had arrived and were chatting with Theo near the dance floor. But I knew the one Lord William was staring at. It was like looking at the photo of the younger version of himself.
Landen was the closest to us, wearing a tux, looking so grown up and toned from the last time I saw him. The military had carved his boy’s body into that of a man. Slight stubble grew along his jaw, his brown eyes catching the twinkle lights. He matched younger Lord William even more now. And now that Lord William knew, it was something even he couldn’t deny.
He was the father.
Landen, sensing eyes on him, turned his head, his gaze landing on me. A grin engulfed his face, his feet already moving for me. I ran for him, my heart bursting when his arms wrapped around me, feeling instantly happy and complete. The heart of my family was home.
“I’m sorry,” I croaked, trying my best not to cry. “I’m so sorry.”
“For what?” He leaned back.
“For not being there for you. I-I didn’t even know you had left for the military. I was so self-absorbed. God, Landen, you are my heart…and I wasn’t there when you needed me the most.”
He wrapped me up in a big bear hug, not caring about decorum. “It’s okay, Spence. You had a lot going on.”
“It’s not a good enough excuse. We always promised each other…you and I against the world. We would always have each other’s backs.”
“And we always will.” He stepped back, squeezing my arms. “You got caught up in this world. And at first, I did hate it and blamed you…but that was because I was selfish too. I didn’t want to lose you. I spent the first half of camp bitter, angry, and isolated, but one day I overheard another soldier saying graphic things about you, and after I kicked his arse, I realized everything I was holding on to wasn’t fair to you. You are my best friend and family. No matter what, I knew we’d have each other’s backs. I just let it go. And after that, I actually started to like what I was doing.”
“You liked military camp?”
“Well, let’s not get carried away, but…” His cheeks reddened.
“You met someone.” My eyes widened.
He shrugged. “I don’t know what it is. But it made me not hate everything and everyone all the time.”
“I’ve missed you so much.” I stared at him.
“Same, cuz.” He nudged me. “One night, we need to get trolleyed and catch up. It’s a holiday tradition, after all.”
“Oh, I don’t think you are ready for that.” I winked. He had no idea of the stories I had to tell.
“Please, the things I can tell you now.” He winked back. “Bring it.”
“You’re on. And I can’t wait to hear all about this person…” I drifted off, curving an eyebrow.
He
only grinned, not giving me any hint. Not that I cared. If Landen was happy, I was happy.
“You look good.” I repeated my thoughts out loud. “Happy.”
“I am, I think. The closest I have been in a long time, anyway.” His forehead scrunched. “Not everything is rainbow and unicorns. But it is strange, Father seems different since I got back. Interested. He actually muttered something about me taking an acting class if I wanted to.”
“What?” I gaped.
“I know, right?” Landen looked back at Fredrick. “I think aliens have taken over his body, but I’ll take it.”
I glanced from Fredrick to Landen, then to the man who had been behind me. Lord William was gone.
I had no idea what his plans were, but I knew in my gut, I would take this secret to the grave. Landen’s father was Fredrick. No matter what. Nothing good would come of him finding out the truth. It would only lead to heartache, pain, anger, and betrayal. It would tear my family apart and destroy Landen.
Whatever I had to do to protect Landen, I would do it.
After spending some time with my family, them gushing over my pending nuptials, I had to escape, get some air. My heart thudding, I slipped out, holding back the approaching pain I would be dumping on my family. My feet returned me to the dark mural room, the shadows thick, only a few windows letting in enough light to give the room definition.
My hand pressed to my chest like I had to hold in my heart and lungs from jumping out of my body and running for safer ground.
How could I do this to them? They looked so happy and thankful for their luck in a son-in-law. Without knowing the full truth, I think all of them felt relieved my actions were “saving” them from something, a doom they could feel hinting on the horizon. And I was about to take all that away and hand them more shame, grief, and humiliation.
My stomach knotted, dripping with acid, spinning doubt through my chest like a tornado. Was my happiness worth all of theirs? My sister’s future, our home, my family’s reputation? I wouldn’t only be bringing attention to myself. It would follow my family like a plague for the rest of our lives. Was I that selfish to cause so much harm for my joy?
“Don’t, Spencer,” a husky voice muttered from behind. His shadow was never far from me, prickling my skin with awareness.
“What?” I whispered back, my hand curling into the fabric of my dress, the weight of everything pushing down on my bones, ripping the air from my lungs.
“Doubt yourself. Take on everyone else’s happiness like it’s yours to give them.”
“Isn’t it?” I spun around, facing the man who held my heart in his hands, anger hinting at my tone. Lennox, hands in his pockets, stood near the entrance, his expression stony. “Why is mine worth more than all of theirs? My one action will destroy their lives as well. This isn’t just about me.”
“Because no one can live their life for someone else.” He pushed off the wall, strolling closer. “I know. I did it for years. And living in lies only ends up destroying you more.”
“But it would just be me. If I stay, the royal family, my family—no one is hurt.”
“Except you.” His shiny dress shoes bumped mine, his physique looming over my own. “And me.” His hands moved to my neck, sliding up to my face, tilting my head to look up at him. “I’ve spent too long being stuck, being with the wrong person out of guilt, obligation, and fear of hurting others. It’s not fair to anyone. Your uncle and aunt and parents are grown; they are the ones who control their happiness, their fate and reputation. Not you. We have this one life to live, and you shouldn’t have to live it to please and bubble wrap others in lies. It’s yours, Spencer. What do you want?”
“You.” The emotion was so pure, so truthful, and I knew as selfish as it may seem, I didn’t want to live without him. “I want you. I want to work with animals, living far away from prying eyes and being judged for how I walk, dress, speak, or even breathe.”
“Then have it,” he muttered, his mouth moving closer to mine. “Have it all, Spencer. You deserve happiness as well.” His lips, soft but powerful, incinerated me in a moment, wiping everything from my mind and letting me fall into his heat.
“I have nothing to say to you,” a woman’s voice hissed, footsteps moving quickly for the very room we were in. “Stay away from me.”
Lennox and I moved at the same time, instinct darting us toward a dark corner, blending into the shadows like ghosts, our bodies melding together.
“What would people say if they saw us together?” The woman stomped into the space, swiveling back on the grey-haired man following her, her green jewel-encrusted gown glinting in the moonlight streaming from the windows.
I knew that dress. A gasp lodged in my throat, my hand covering my mouth, pressing firmer into Lennox.
Aunt Lauren and Lord William.
“Nothing’s changed,” Lord William growled. “Still more concerned about what people think than what matters.”
“You know nothing about me.”
“I did once. Very well.”
“I have no idea what you are talking about.” She shifted on her feet, prodding up her chin, trying to look regal and strong, but I could see it was all a front, fear seeping out, tainting the air.
William lurched for her, his hand wrapping around her throat. She inhaled, a gasp catching in her throat, her chest moving in and out. “I know you used to love this.” He squeezed down, his gaze roaming over her. “I’ll bet your husband never knew how twisted you liked it. So cut the crap. You can flounce around acting like you are above everyone, but I know the truth. I’ve always known you, and you hate that.” Lord William drew her in closer, her face tilted up to his. “I see you, Ren.”
“Don’t call me that.” She pulled away from him, anger raising her voice. “You know nothing. I merely let you believe you did.”
“I. Said.” Lord William grabbed for her again, yanking her back into him. “Cut the bullshite. I know the truth.”
She tried to push him away, but he held on to her tighter, yanking her aggressively. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Tell you what?” she challenged, fire I had never seen dancing in her eyes.
“Why, Ren?” Lord William croaked. An unfamiliar vulnerability tangled his features, his thumb pushing down on her throat. “Why?”
She breathed through her nose, staring up at him, her jaw locking down.
“I loved you so much. I would have done anything for you. I was willing to give up everything to be with you.”
“And that made you the fool,” she spat back. “A hopeless old fool who believed in fairytales and dreams.”
“Don’t act like you didn’t love me. That you were always this cold and cruel.” He shoved her against a wall, her breasts heaving, her cheeks flushed. “At one time, you were fire and passion. Fredrick has never been able to please you like I could, and we both know it.” He shoved her harder into the wall, her breath hitching with angry desire.
“He does. He’s twice the man you are in bed.”
Lord William’s laugh boomed in the empty space, cracking against the walls.
“You can’t even lie well.” He pressed into her, a barely audible moan rolling from Aunt Lauren, her mouth parting. “It may have been a long time, but I still know your body better than you do. And what you liked. Admit it, Ren, I was the only one able to give you what you wanted. The only one who could match your desire and preferences.”
“I will do no such thing.” She huffed, but even from where I was, I could see her body betray her as his hands moved down her hips.
“You destroyed me, Ren,” he whispered against her ear, her head tipping back. “Did it get you off, knowing you ripped my heart in half, took my world away?”
“Yes,” she hissed as her back arched, soaking in his body against hers. “You were pathetic, like a whipped dog following me, a married woman half your age. Willing to give up your money and title. Pitiful.”
“Shut up.” He clutched her t
hroat again, squeezing down. I knew from the pictures I saw, they had been into very kinky things, but it still made me feel ill to see my Aunt Lauren getting turned on by his roughness. By the man who threatened my family and attacked me.
“You’ve gotten so used to lying. Do you even know the truth anymore?” He flipped her around, shoving her front into the wall, his body pressing into her from behind. Her nails gripped the wall, desire billowing off her. “Did you know with one signature, I can rip everything away from your family? Your pretend wealth? You are penniless, Ren. I didn’t even have to try to make that happen. Your husband did it all on his own, but I won’t say I didn’t leap at the opportunity to be the one who held your future in my hands, to watch it crumble, to know I had a hand in your ruin, destroying you bit by bit. I hold everything that’s ever meant anything to you. Wealth. Title. Reputation. Me. The man you so cruelly walked away from, running back to that twat. Has your life been everything you wanted? Hoped for?” He pinned her arms to the wall. “You used to have so much life. Now all I see is this pathetic, vapid shell.”
Aunt Lauren whimpered with pleasure and pain as he dug into her skin.
“You’re nothing but a bitch who has lied and deceived everyone she’s ever pretended to care about, destroying their lives in your wake,” he rumbled in her ear before stepping away from her. “I know the truth, Ren…I know the boy is mine.”
“Wha-what?” A cry broke from Lauren’s throat as she turned back around, her eyes wide. “How?”
“Look at him! It’s like looking in a mirror at my younger self!” He tossed his arm toward the doorway. “You made me believe it was part of the reason you went back to Fredrick.” William shook his head. “But you knew he was mine. Walking away from me wasn’t enough for you? You also took my son with you.”
“Please.” Her hand went up to her throat. “Please, you can’t…”
“What?” he roared. “Tell your husband his son is actually mine? That we had been deeply in love? Bloody hell, Ren. I hated that boy for so long, thinking he was why you ran back to Frederick, but this whole time…” Grief slashed off his tongue, his head bowing. “Why? Why?”
Royal Command (Royal Watch #2) Page 24