“You taught yourself how to read?”
She nodded. “Along with math, history, spelling. It’s taken me years to grasp it all. Every Friday I go to a free GED prep class. That’s my goal. I take my GED test at the end of the week.”
“That’s amazing, Delilah. Do you want to go to college?”
“I don’t know. It’s taken me such a long time to get to here. I’m just taking one step at a time. Maybe someday, I guess.”
He crossed the room and pulled her into his arms, hugging her tightly. “Do you know how special you are? To undertake something like this takes a very strong person, Delilah. Not everyone can just pick up a book and start teaching themselves to read and make it a lifelong commitment.”
Her body relaxed into his embrace and his heart swelled with pride and love. He kissed the top of her head. He replayed all she’d said through his mind and one thing popped out.
“What did you mean that your mother wanted you to work?”
Immediately she stiffened and pulled away from him. Shame had once again shut down her vivacious features.
“I told you that my mother had a lot of kids.”
He nodded.
She licked her lips and twisted her fingers together. He didn’t say anything. He let her control the situation. Finally, she took a deep breath and squared her shoulders, and then met his gaze with her own.
“My mother’s a whore,” she finally admitted in a flat, emotionless voice. “She’d get pregnant by her Johns to milk the state for money. Only, when I turned old enough, she had the same bright idea about me.”
Caleb’s stomach clenched. He had a suspicious inkling what she was going to say and damned if he didn’t want to put his fist through a wall.
“She put me up for sale as soon as I got my first period,” she said. “I was eleven.”
Tears welled up in Caleb’s eyes, tears for a little girl whose childhood was stolen from her.
“You’ve got to understand, I didn’t know any better,” she continued. “That life was all I knew.”
“Sweetheart--”
“Please,” she said, holding up her hand. “If I’m going to get this out then I need to say it now.”
“Okay,” he said.
“When I was fifteen, I got pregnant.”
His heart sunk and nausea churned in his gut. He suddenly wished he could block out what she was going to say but knew he couldn’t be that selfish. He was here for her, to comfort her, and his feelings needed to be pushed to the far corners of his mind.
“I lost the baby,” she continued. “I did very bad things to make sure I did lose it even though my mother kept telling me I could make a lot of money off it. I ended up in the hospital and this nurse comes in one night to change my IV, and she looks at me and asks what the hell am I doing with my life. And I couldn’t answer her. But right then and there I knew I had to get away.”
She fell silent, lost in her memories.
“Are you okay?” he asked softly.
She shrugged. “I’m never going to be one hundred percent perfect. There’s guilt that I try to keep at bay as much as I can because what happened to me happened to my sister. Only I got out. I struggle every day to remind myself that I’m good enough, that I survived for a reason. And when I take that GED test, and I pass it, then I know I’ve done it. I’ve beat all the statistics that would’ve kept me in Mississippi, whoring and ignorant.”
She bit her lip as she looked at him.
“Delilah--”
“Do you think less of me?”
“What?” he asked incredulously.
“Does knowing this about me change your opinion?”
He took her hand. “Of course not. Do you know how strong you are?”
She shook her head. “I’m not strong. If I was strong, I’d want to become a social worker or something to help other kids like my sister, like me, but I can’t go back to that world.”
“It’s not weak to want to avoid someplace dark,” he murmured.
“All I want to be is normal,” she said.
“What’s your definition of normal?”
She thought for a moment. “I don’t want to dance. I don’t want to wear a bathing suit to work. I want…nice things. Maybe a couch that’s not patched up. I want...”
Suddenly, tears welled up in her eyes.
“I want,” she said again, clearing her throat. “I want to love, and I want to feel like I’m worthy of love. And I don’t want to have to fight for everything in life. I’m so tired of fighting, Caleb.”
The words were too much for her and she broke down, sobbing. Caleb gathered her in his arms and sank to his knees, cradling her tenderly. His tears flowed with hers as he accepted her pain, being the rock she so desperately needed. Humbled that she allowed him to see a glimpse that she probably had never shown another human being. After everything she’d been through, he was surprised that she’d allowed him past her defenses.
Almost as if she heard his thoughts, she pulled away but kept her eyes focused on everywhere but at him.
“Why don’t we, uh, forget that happened,” she murmured, her voice all husky from crying.
“No,” he replied.
Her eyes snapped to meet his. “Excuse me?”
“No,” he repeated. “We won’t ignore what happened. I won’t ignore what you said. You’re an amazing woman, Delilah.”
She bit her bottom lip with her top teeth, the wheels turning in her brain. Working herself up. He nipped it all in the bud. He leaned down and kissed her softly on the mouth.
“And you know what?” he murmured. “You are loved.”
Chapter Thirteen
Caleb walked back from the corner burger joint near Delilah’s apartment complex carrying two plastic bags filled with greasy, salty, artery-hardening goodness. He was so hungry that the smell wafting up toward him made his salivary glands go into overdrive. He was tempted to eat the fries now but held out by sheer willpower.
He ran up the stairs to her apartment two at a time and inserted the key. Delilah set out plates and napkins on the small kitchen table. She smiled at him before opening the fridge and grabbing ketchup, mustard, and mayonnaise.
“Mayo?”
“You’ve never had mayo with your fries?”
He shook his head. “Most definitely not.”
“You don’t know what you’re missing,” she said as she smacked her lips together in a tasty gesture.
“I’m missing something very gross,” he told her as he unloaded the bags. “Two cheeseburgers, loaded. One set of regular fries and one set of chili cheese fries. Two sodas and for dessert I got us some chocolate chip cookies.”
“So, this is what? About three thousand calories?”
“Each,” he agreed.
“Perfect,” she commented, smiling. “If I get some junk in the trunk I won’t have to dance anymore.”
He slapped her on her butt. “Stop talking all sexy on me.”
She chuckled as they sat down to eat.
“I think this is our first date in the daytime,” he said as he picked up his burger. So large he was barely able to fit his mouth around it. He definitely couldn’t talk for a few minutes as he chewed.
She, on the other hand, took nibbling bites. “You don’t count the gym a date?”
“I think I died a little that day. Very embarrassing.”
“Don’t forget the beach yesterday. And I don’t know if this counts as a date. I mean, we didn’t go anywhere.”
“Dates don’t have to be about traveling anywhere.”
“Oh yeah?”
He held up a finger. “You have any candles?”
She thumbed at a kitchen cabinet. “In there.”
“Okay. How about this. You clean up in here and let me prove that dates can be impromptu whether at home or out and about.”
She raised an eyebrow. “It’s going to take me two seconds to clean up. How long do you want me to keep busy?”
“No
t long,” he said. He stood and walked over to the cabinet, grabbing the three candles that were there. They weren’t anything fancy, just some scented ones to use whenever power went down. Then he leaned over and kissed her cheek before walking out to her tiny living room.
He heard her puttering in the kitchen as he closed the window curtains and lit the candles, bathing the room in a twilight glow. On his phone he brought up the music app and perused his playlist until he found some romantic classical music. He held out his hand to her and when she took it, he swung her around until she landed against his body. Then he hit the play button on his phone and slipped it into his pocket. The music formed a small bubble around them as they slow danced.
He molded her to his body, bringing all her soft spots into the hard planes of his. He loved how she felt, how just her touch made his heart race and his blood burn. But it was more than just how she made him feel physically. Delilah challenged him mentally. They never ran out of things to talk about and the revelations she shared just opened up a trove of future conversations. He wanted to be the man she turned to talk things out. He wanted to be the person who stood by her side as she figured out how and where the future would take her.
He never thought he would leave Alaska but for her, he would be willing to go anywhere. When the song ended and the room fell silent, they continued to sway together. The candles scented the room with a light apple and cinnamon scent, like a pie baking in the oven. He hummed the melody of the song, knowing full well he was slightly out of tune, but he didn’t care. It kept her in his arms. Everything about her turned him on but it wasn’t just a sexual pull that had his senses completely immersed. She was this tough girl trying to keep her head above water, but he saw her as a beacon shining through some overwhelming adversity. It made his heart beat with pride.
She picked up her head off his chest and leaned back to look at him. They stopped dancing and he cupped her face. No words were needed. He lowered his head and gave her a light, lingering kiss.
“I love you,” he murmured when they broke for air.
She tensed and pushed him away.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
“You can’t say that.”
“Why does it bother you? You know how I feel.”
“Please, Caleb.”
He wanted to rant and rave at her but knew that was the absolute wrong way to approach such a discussion with Delilah. She went into the kitchen to get herself a glass of water.
“Why does admitting my feelings scare you? What are you afraid of?”
“Why aren’t you more afraid?” she countered as she turned to face him. She sat the glass down on the tile countertop with a sharp click. “What if you still had Claire today? What love for me would you have then?”
He shook his head. “That’s a moot point.”
“I think not!”
“Yes,” he insisted. “It is. What is this really about, Delilah?”
“You can’t love someone based on a one-week vacation!”
“Who says?”
“Logic! Logic says so. Just…go back to your world, Caleb. Go back to the good you do, the help you give. Go back to the life you live. And I’ll go back to mine.”
He grasped her upper arms firmly in his hands. He wanted so badly to shake some sense into her. “Come with me to Alaska.”
“What?” she asked with an incredulous, forced laugh. “You’re crazy.”
“Yeah. Maybe. But come with me anyway.”
She broke free of his hands. “Get out of here.”
“You don’t really mean that.”
“Yes, Caleb. I do. Get of here. This vacation of yours…it’s over,” she said, getting right into his face. “We’re over.”
“Delilah--”
“Get out!” she yelled. “Get out! I don’t want you here anymore, Caleb! I don’t love you!”
That brought him up short. He could fight with any argument, could handle any objection she threw at him, but only if she returned his feelings.
“Are you lying to me?” he demanded. “What we have is a good thing, Delilah. Don’t ruin it with a lie.”
She looked at him in the eyes. “I. Don’t. Love. You.”
It had nearly destroyed him when he lost Claire, but even that pain couldn’t hold a candle to what he felt now as he stared at Delilah, and she stared back with nothing but indifference and pity. He thought they were soul mates, that they would stand side by side through life. Yet now all he realized was that he was a great big fool.
He opened his mouth to say good-bye but his vocal cords weren’t working. He turned on his heel and just left. He walked out of her apartment and down the stairs. He kept on walking, not knowing where he was at or where he was going. Because the only thing he could see, could feel, was every cell in his body curling up to die.
Chapter Fourteen
“Jake, can you come pick me up?” Caleb asked into his phone.
“Sure,” Jake replied. “Where are you?”
“I don’t know. I’m pretty sure I’m still in Inglewood.”
“What’re the street crossings?”
Caleb looked at the intersection he was near. “West Florence and North La Brea.”
“Holy hell, dude! Don’t move. I’ll be there as soon as possible.”
The call clicked off and Caleb stuffed his phone back into his pants. It was late afternoon, nearing twilight but traffic was still flowing heavy. All of a sudden, he couldn’t wait to get the hell out of Los Angeles and just go home. He’d hand enough vacationing to last a lifetime.
Jake showed up an hour after he’d hung up on Caleb. He pulled over in the sports car and rolled down the window.
“Hey, baby, how much?” Jake teased.
“Not now, Jake,” Caleb said wearily as he slid into the passenger seat.
Jake gave him a quick look before refocusing on his driving. “I take it you’ve been with Delilah?”
“I was. I’m not now.”
“What happened?”
“She ended it,” Caleb answered. “Admitted she never cared for me. I guess I was just a vacation fuck for her.”
“I’m sorry, man.”
Caleb shrugged. “Guess I had it coming. I mean, I couldn’t always be lucky in love.”
“Love?”
Caleb didn’t say anything.
“Wait a minute,” Jake continued. “Are you telling me you love her? Come on, Caleb, you’re a smart man.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means that you can’t fall in love in a week,” Jake said.
“Oh, like you’re the expert on relationships,” Caleb retorted. Jake’s lips flattened and for the first time, tension crackled between them. It made Caleb feel bad. “Sorry, Jake. That was uncalled for.”
Jake shrugged. “No, you’re right. I’m just an actor who only has girlfriends who’re only interested in how much money I make and my status on the red carpet. I wouldn’t know real love if it bit me on the ass.”
“Well, I do but I assure you I ain’t going anywhere near your ass.”
Jake snapped his fingers. “Damn.”
Caleb gave a sad smile. “Thanks for picking me up. After she kicked me out all I did was walk. I haven’t the foggiest notion where I am.”
“Well, we’re still in L.A. Just an undesirable section.”
“Just because we’re not in a zip code sporting million-dollar homes doesn’t make this an undesirable section,” Caleb said.
“No, dude. Really. You were getting close to South L.A. Hey, what ‘cha got planned for tomorrow?”
Caleb shrugged. “I don’t know. Nothing much. Packing. Wallowing in self-pity.”
“Why not come to set with me?”
“What?”
“Your last Hollywood experience. Which may sound really cool but let me warn you, you spend most of your time sitting around waiting until you’re needed for five minutes.”
“So why would I want to come with you?�
�
“Because even though I’ve only known you for a few days, I know you. You know?”
“Huh?”
“You’ll sit around moping and drinking. Then you’ll start drunk texting and believe me, no one deserves the morning after shame of drunk texting.”
“So you’re saving me?”
“You bet your sweet ass.”
“I don’t know, Jake. I kind of like the idea of moping and drinking. The big hole in my heart is saying fill me with alcohol.”
“Don’t give in to the dark side.”
Caleb looked out the side window and leaned his head back against the headrest. It was hard for him to keep up with Jake’s friendly banter when all he wanted to do was curl up and nurse the ache in his soul. He barely got over Claire.
How was he supposed to get over Delilah?
****
The next morning, after a night tossing and turning, Jake picked him up and they headed toward the studio. He wondered if he’d been hit by a truck, stuck under the fender and dragged about a thousand feet because he felt raw, bruised and broken. His mind was so jumbled that no coherent thoughts coalesced, which was why he found himself on a movie set in Hollywood.
Jake’s television show was filmed in a hangar on the backlot of the studio. Part of it had been transformed to look like a high school while another part had been set up to look like an office. A hundred people were moving in and out, to and fro, shuffling about in a hurry. Almost everyone greeted Jake as he gave Caleb a quick tour. He smiled and said hi to everyone, calling them by name.
In front of the hangar stood five white trailers and Jake walked to the last one in the first row.
“This one is mine,” he said and opened it. “Come on in, we’ll be spending a lot of time in here today.”
“Really?”
Jake grimaced. “Yeah. That’s the downside to television. Very long days but I get paid regardless of how long my screen time is.”
“Is that why you went to a TV show instead of doing another film?”
“I thought you weren’t into Hollywood gossip,” Jake said, surprised.
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