by Liv Olteano
Ginger nodded. “But I don’t think he will. There’s a strong connection between your life forces. An old and tattered one, and a growing number of new ones. They’re developing and strengthening, joining to become something I’d probably describe as indestructible. I can’t imagine that two souls connected like that would ever be able to turn against each other.”
I sat down on a bench and ran my hands over my face. “You’re saying I won’t turn against him, either. No matter what.”
Ginger came to sit beside me. “I think so.”
“Does Taka know?”
“Not the specifics, but he has some idea, yes. It’s something that could impact us all.”
“Because if he turns against us, then I’d stick to his side. And you all know that now.”
Ginger patted my arm. “Don’t blame yourself. Drew and Angelo, or Taka and I have very strong connections between our souls. The connection between you and Nathan is ten times stronger, at least. It’s more like a connecting wall, really. Almost a merger of life forces, in fact. Nobody would be able to betray such a connection. But it doesn’t mean that things would necessarily go wrong.”
“Ancestors help me,” I whispered. “I’m afraid this will get out of control.”
“Some of the most beautiful things in life are out of our control.”
I snorted. “Easy for you to say. You’re not contemplating the possibility of betraying everything you’ve spent your life believing in.”
“Why are you contemplating that?”
I turned to look him in the eye. “Are you kidding? Because he’s our enemy’s brother and we know they’re not estranged.”
“Duh.” He lifted an eyebrow. “What I meant was: why don’t you trust yourself to make the right decision?”
“These things I feel for a man I barely know are stronger than anything I’ve known in all my years of life. Wouldn’t you find that scary?”
“I find it scary how much I love Taka, and I haven’t had as many years of life as you.” He smiled. “But it doesn’t make me doubt myself.”
“Pride comes before the fall.” I stretched my legs.
“So if you mistrust yourself enough, you think it will prevent a fall?”
“I hadn’t thought about it in those terms.”
“Maybe I’m just more optimistic because I’m so much younger than you or Taka.” He chuckled.
“Did you just call us old farts?” Taka asked from the bottom of the stairs.
“I’ll let you guys work that out.” I took the chance to make my exit.
“Hey, Claw,” Ginger said just as I was about to reach the top of the stairs that led up from the basement.
I turned back to look at him.
“There’s something else I think you should consider.”
“And that is?”
“With such a strong connection between you, what you feel and think might not be all you.”
“Meaning?”
“It could be that you feel the echo of some of his feelings and thoughts. All of those doubts and fears could be more his than yours.”
“That’s an interesting idea. I hadn’t thought about it. Thanks.”
I needed to think about that. For me, the best place to do that was our backyard. I sat near one of the trees, leaning back against the bark. Direct contact with nature had always soothed me. Maybe it was a sign of my old age—the longing for what I’d known as a child. I closed my eyes and allowed the peace of Mother Nature to envelop my frantic thoughts and feelings.
Chapter Seven
I DON’T know how much time went by. At some point, I felt someone patting me on the shoulder. I opened my eyes to see Taka crouched in front of me.
“You need to stop giving Ginger reasons to tease us about our old age.” He frowned. “Falling asleep in the backyard is going on that list.”
I smiled. “I’m sure you can handle his teasing. In fact, I have good reason to believe you secretly enjoy it.”
He lifted an eyebrow. “Forget I said anything,” he muttered and sat down beside me. “Feeling better?”
“Yes. Your man is very sharp and perceptive.”
“Some of his many qualities.”
“I think he has a good point about me feeling an echo of Nathan’s feelings. And if that’s true, then he might be feeling the echoes of mine as well.”
“The question is: is he aware of it?”
“That would be interesting but difficult to find out.”
Somewhere in the distance, a lawn mower started up. The engine was very noisy, but it never stopped old Mr. Brown from using it at odd hours.
Taka turned to look in the direction of the noise too, though since we were sitting down, all we could actually see was our fence. “It occurred to me today that though we’ve been around for a long time, the most jarring changes we’ve gone through are all very recent.”
“You mean finding our significant others?”
He nodded. “Satellites, flat-screen TVs, and the internet have nothing on that.”
“I couldn’t agree more. It’s been literally more than a century since anything scared or confused me as much as this thing with Nathan does.”
Taka stretched his legs and set his hands behind his head. “Maybe we were becoming jaded.”
“Maybe.”
“I don’t like seeing you scared and confused,” he said after being silent for a few moments. “It makes me mistrust Nathan all the more. But Ginger says that the connection he sees between you means whatever else might happen, you two will be together. He’s positive about that.”
I exhaled slowly. “That’s not reassuring.”
“I know. But Ginger trusts that connection he sees between you two, and I trust Ginger. I still don’t trust Nathan, though.”
“There’s no real rational reason to trust him. But it’s not my mind in the driver’s seat on this one.”
“If the guy would have been anyone else but Vivian Gallagher’s brother, would you still be this worked up about it all?”
“Hmm. Not this worked up. It would still be scary and confusing, I imagine. Falling for someone generally is. The fact I’ve gone this long without doing it makes it all the worse.”
“Agreed. I hate to be the one to point this out, but he didn’t choose who his sister would be. Maybe we shouldn’t see him as guilty of something by association.”
“Also one of Ginger’s ideas?” I teased.
“This one’s all mine. I haven’t found anything weird about him in my research so far. That’s got to mean something,” he muttered. “I can’t decide if it means he’s a good guy caught up in a bad situation, or if he’s devious and skilled enough to cover his tracks.”
I didn’t know what to say to that. How could I know? That was precisely what troubled me. We sat there for a few minutes, enjoying the silence. It was getting dark, and the bloodred and gold spilling over into the blue of the sky hypnotized me. My thoughts drifted freely, taking in the beauty of the sunset. Shadows started to play over the ground as streetlights went on. The landscape seemed to shift, everything looking more ominous. And yet everything was just as it had been a bit earlier, when the sun still shined. Such little things could make such a difference, I realized. And the very same thing could seem radically different if you saw it in another light. But it didn’t mean that its nature had changed.
“What’s really eating at you?” Taka asked when it had gotten dark.
“What if I’ll end up betraying everything I’ve fought for and believed in until now?” I said in a small voice.
“Yeah.” He sighed. “That would scare the crap out of me too. But I have faith in you, brother. You’re the same man I’ve known for such a long time, whatever new thing you might feel. And if this Nathan guy is worth half the thought you give him, then his presence in your life will only make you a better man.”
“That’s a nice sentiment. But what if the outcome won’t follow that logic?”
“Then I’ll preserve your h
onor, just like you asked me a while back,” he said in a somber voice. “I’ll get you kicked out of the team and have yours and Nathan’s memories erased. Even if it’s going to damn near kill me.”
“You’ll make a fine team leader someday.”
He sighed. “I don’t want to be anything but a member of your team, so stop blowing smoke up my ass.”
I chuckled and we fell silent again for a bit. I dug my fingertips into the ground, hoping the earth would lend me its strength. After a few moments of contemplating what he’d said, I made up my mind about what I wanted to say. “I’m only sure about one thing: anyone who wants to hurt Nathan will have to go through me. Whatever else might happen, that is a fact.”
“What if he doesn’t feel the same way? What if he’s only using you?”
“What if he isn’t?”
He sighed. “Fucking thing. Couldn’t you fall for someone else?”
I smiled. “Apparently not.”
Taka set his hand on my shoulder. “I’m by your side, whatever happens. And I’m sure that you’re on the right side, whatever happens. If this guy was meant for you as my Ginger was meant for me, as Drew and Angelo were meant for each other, then his presence in your life won’t end up bringing about disaster. I have faith in that.”
“It’s encouraging to know that you have such faith in me. I just wish I had half of it myself.”
“That’s what family is for, brother.” He started to get up. “We’re your strength when you need it. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to check on your dinner.”
“Thanks.”
He waved as he walked to the back door of our house. I sat there for a few minutes longer, then got up and dusted myself. Despite all the things I had doubts about, there was one I was sure about: I had an early dinner date to attend to.
HALF an hour later, I was freshly showered and dressed. Taka and I carried up the food to my bedroom. We set the table for two, and he even brought a candle that he set in the middle of the table. I cocked a brow at him.
“Ginger’s idea.” He shrugged.
“Ah. Sweet of him.”
“He’s very confident about the outcome of this thing between the two of you,” Taka said by way of explanation. “And I trust him fully. So consider me team Nathan from now on. At least until he proves to be a traitor or hurts you in any way.”
I smiled. “Thanks.”
“I’ll have dinner served for the guys downstairs. So you’ll have about as much privacy as you can hope to get in a house full of nosy guys.”
I chuckled and nodded. As soon as he was out the door, I gave the table for two another look, then opened the door and walked up to Nathan’s door. I knocked and waited for him to answer.
When he did, my heart skipped a beat. He was wearing a russet shirt that brought out his light complexion. His blond hair looked a bit fuzzy, the ends curling in all sorts of directions. Those dark brown eyes shone with excitement.
“I was standing here like a moron, wondering if I should knock on your door or wait for you to knock on mine.” He grinned.
“Then I’m happy I decided to come get you.”
I stepped back to allow him to come out of the room. When he turned to close the door, I allowed my gaze to slide down his black jeans. They fit snugly around his great ass and emphasized his strong thighs. He had a great build, with narrow hips and wide shoulders. His muscles were nicely developed but not too bulky. We were about the same height, which would make kissing a great thing even while standing. Not that it could be a bad thing under any circumstances.
He cleared his throat. “You look great too.”
I felt my face heat up. “Sorry. I was staring.”
He leaned close enough to whisper into my ear, “I love you staring at me. Don’t worry, I stare at you a lot too. So it’s only fair that you’d stare back every now and then.”
I chuckled as he stepped back a little. “Lead the way,” he said and grinned.
I did. He waited for me to open the door to my room, and I nodded for him to go in first. The lights were off. The candle that Taka had brought in was pretty big, and it cast an adorable dark gold glow. Some light from outside creeped through the windows, too. The shadows seemed to slide around as we went inside. I closed the door behind me as he stood by one of the chairs and waited.
“Please, have a seat.”
He looked at the candle and then into my eyes. “Thank you, Claw.”
“For what? We haven’t even had dinner yet.”
“For everything up to now. I know it can’t be easy to deal with this. It’s a mess, really.”
“None of that is your fault.”
“Maybe not. But I’m still sorry for bringing havoc into your life. Into all of your lives, for that matter.”
“You didn’t ask for it any more than we did. So don’t take the blame for it.”
He sat down. “Part of the blame is mine. I did come looking for you. That was all my doing. And I knew you were my sister’s enemy when I did.”
“Why did you?” I asked as I set the plate in front of him first, then mine in front of my chair.
Taka had made us sushi, claiming that Nathan loved it. He’d probably done some social media snooping to find that out. He was like that: made briefs on people’s likes and dislikes as seriously as he made briefs on our missions. The large plates contained all sorts of rolls and shapes. I had no idea what half of this stuff was. I just had to hope Taka wasn’t secretly trying to poison us.
“Wine?” I asked as I got the bottle.
He nodded.
I poured him a glass of the white, then poured one for myself. After I set the bottle back on the side table, I sat down. We started eating, and the silence became a bit uncomfortable.
“You know,” he said just as I said “So.”
We both smiled.
“You go first,” I said.
“Right. Thanks. I was going to say this isn’t technically the first time we’ve had dinner together.”
“The first time you were wearing handcuffs.” I drank a gulp of wine. “Interesting kind of memory, huh?”
He smiled. “Everything about us is interesting, to say the least. But I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
“You didn’t finish what you were saying earlier. Why did you really come looking for me?”
He looked up into my eyes and bit his lower lip. He put his fork down, opened the buttons on the sleeves of his shirt, and rolled up the hems. Then he set his extended hands on the table, pulling his sleeves up to his elbows.
“I’ve been trying to find you for a while now.”
No marks appeared on his wrists. He was telling the truth. “Okay. But why?”
“I saw you in Denny Park—you and Drew. I couldn’t get you out of my head after that.”
I checked his wrists again—no marks. “In what way?”
“In a very hot way.” He grinned. “I don’t think there’s any way to have sex known to man that I didn’t dream about having with you.”
My face heated up as I checked out his wrists. Still no mark. I gulped down some more wine.
“I did seek you guys out hoping you’d help safely stop my sister, but that was only part of it. I have no ulterior motives. I really want to be with you,” he went on.
Still no marks. His gaze turned hot. The molten chocolate of his eyes was beckoning me closer.
Did I dare to believe it? I so wanted to. If we were true mates, even without Nathan knowing so, he had to be feeling something similar to what I felt. Wasn’t that the whole point of being true mates—that both souls felt the pressing need to be together, knowing they’d have no happiness one without the other? Nathan’s soul yearned for us to be together just as much as mine did, then.
“Even if that means going directly and openly against your sister?” I asked, holding back the impulse to get closer.
“Yes,” he replied simply. “I think my sister needs to be stopped from harming herself and others.�
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“Even if she sees you as an enemy as a result?”
He nibbled on his lower lip. “I’m not her enemy, whatever she sees me as.”
“If you’re on our side, then she’ll think you are her enemy. What if she goes after you?”
“I’ll defend myself.”
Still no marks. I drained my glass of wine and set it on the table as I got up from the chair. His gaze stuck to mine as I went to him. When I reached down he took my hands and stood.
“Nothing about us being together is going to be easy.”
He smiled. “I don’t need to look at your wrists in order to know the truth of that. But I don’t care. I want you so, so bad,” he whispered as he stepped closer to me.
We closed the distance between us and our mouths found each other. The kiss was hot and impatient, but I slowed things down to a simmer. He grumbled a bit. The sound was adorable. I hugged him tight. We were both hard, but I had no plan to give in to that desire yet.
He pulled back a little to look into my eyes. “Please tell me you’re okay with having sex on the first date.”
I chuckled. “We’re not sleeping together on our first date.”
“This is cruel,” he muttered, and leaned his head on my shoulder.
I ran my palms up and down his back, taking my time to learn every curve. I followed the dips and bumps of his spine with my fingertips, kissing his neck. His body molded to mine. He leaned on me, allowing me to support part of his weight.
“We’re not going to rush things,” I whispered against his ear. “Especially because of our circumstances. I want us both to be sure about this. I want you to be sure about this. However conflicted I might be about us, I’m sure you’re even more so.”
“I came looking for you, so I’m not that conflicted,” he grumbled.
Running a silky lock of his hair through my fingers felt like heaven. “But when you came looking for me, you didn’t really know what you were getting into.”
“Well, now I do. I’m still here, aren’t I?”
“True. But you might be because you feel you have no way to back out now.”
He nuzzled my temple and inhaled deeply before speaking. “I’m not here because of that. I’d take my chances if I weren’t sure about wanting you.”