“When it's light? But that means you'll be up there in the daytime, too...”
“That's why you stay out of the cakes.”
“And I'll be down here, staying out of the stinking cakes,” he said as she vanished.
Chapter 20
The daylight under the ridgepole flickered dark for the moment it took a barn owl to land in the owl hole with a vole, step across her empty nest and glide down to her three young on the first truss. She tugged and pulled and tore off its head for the first fledgling, while echoes rose from Razzmorten's riding heels as he walked into the cavernous dining hall along the length of the great board far below.
“Good morning, Father,” said Minuet as he pulled back his chair with a screech.
“I'm surprised you're not having breakfast in your tower with Leeuh this morning.”
“Well, I had expected as much myself,” he said with a nod at Hebraun as he sat across the table from her. “But she was already up and gone when I got up. And would you believe that she made her bed?”
“Leeuh?” said Minuet. “My. That is a change.”
“Or so she might be having us believe.”
“You doubt her sincerity?”
“Well, let's just say that she has a lot of years to live down... Did you pick cherries this morning?” he said, looking up at one of the orderlies who was setting out piping hot bowls of barley grits.
“Yes sir,” said the orderly. “They're on their way. And with any luck, we'll have the first pies of the year before you ones get up from the table.”
“Biscuits and peas picked at sunrise,” said Hebraun, grinning hugely as he briskly rubbed his hands together. “This is a good morning.”
“What do you make of her business venture, Father?” said Minuet, pulling open a steaming biscuit and setting it down quickly.
“Leeuh has a business venture?” he said. “I've not heard a word about it.”
“She told us about it when we saw her, last night,” she said as she buttered her bread.
“So what is it?”
“It's called sukere. She says it beats honey...”
“Razzorbauch!” he said, shooting to his feet to begin pacing about as everyone fell silent. “He began talking about sukere when Demonica took him to see King Vortigern in Gwael several years ago, though I figured if he ever did raise the stuff, he'd make sukee from it. He came to me five years ago trying to talk me into going into the sukere trade with him. When I refused, he tried to turn me into a dragon. I turned the spell back on him, turning him into one, and I added a spell of my own to keep him that way. It was his dragons which burnt the Elven hyssop ship on the south shore of the Gulf of Orrin, not long before that, by the way. I had the idea that trapping him in his own spell would keep him out of mischief, but with everything going on at the time, I plain forgot about it.
What a mistake!” He paced about in agitation for a moment before returning to his chair and pushing aside his bowl.
“You must not, under any circumstance, allow sukere in Niarg,” he said. “That stuff's poison. People don't die from it right away. They become horribly dependent on it and spend the rest of their short lives denying it until it finally kills them.”
“Leeuh said that sukere's better for people than honey,” said Minuet. “And she seemed so convinced of this, that her sukere claim was the only thing she told us which really seemed believable.”
Razzmorten set his spectacles on the table and pulled at the bridge of his nose. “Then I'd say Razzorbauch was never good enough to tell her the truth about it, for one thing. And for another, she has undoubtedly been an addict for a few years, now. That would explain why she's developed those bags under her eyes. Didn't you notice? But if Razzorbauch's spent any time around her as the dragon I turned him into, I can't picture her as being anything resembling innocent.”
“So,” she said. “She's undoubtedly got her baggy eyes from the sukere. And she stands a very good chance of being deeply involved with some evil design involving sukere with Razzorbauch and Demonica.” She leant aside to see to Rose. “Oh sweetheart.
You've got cherries all down your front.”
“They still taste good that way, Mamma. See? Here's a really good one.”
“I'll take care of her,” said Bethan. “You've got things to discuss.”
“Mamma? When Grandma Bethan gets me cleaned up, can she take me to show Real Grandma how I can sit on Mystique?”
“You just got your new unicorn, dear. I want to be there with you until you've had some real experience riding.”
“I understand,” said Rose as Bethan led her away. “Grandma? You'll have to learn to be patient. Mamma's just being a queen like you used to be.”
Razzmorten was far too distracted to smile after Rose. “You can't imagine the damage it will do if the people of Niarg get to using that stuff,” he said, sharing a serious look with Hebraun and Minuet. “There's going to have to be a law against it.”
“This may be a problem,” said Hebraun, leaning back in his chair with a sigh. “The minute we're rash enough to begin telling the people of Niarg what they're forbidden to eat, they'll hotly demand the right to eat it and hate me as a tyrant at the same time. I'm afraid that the only kind of law which would ever work is one passed by the people themselves. They'll have be the ones to forbid it. All we can do is tell them all about sukere before they ever see it and have them vote on it.”
“By all means, before they ever see it,” said Razzmorten. “Particularly if Razzorbauch's still a dragon, it may be Ugleeuh's very job to get the people of Niarg trapped by the stuff before we have the time to warn them.”
“Then we shall commence spreading the word this very day,” said Hebraun as he pushed back his chair.
***
During the time Gastro was supposedly away at Ashmore seeing to his affairs, he managed to find his way to the Chokewoods and steal the Great Staff from Razzorbauch. When he returned to Peach Knob, Ugleeuh married him in secret, leaving with him at once for the Chokewoods. There, he built her a barn, a chicken house and a tiny wattle and daub cottage at the far end of the forest from Razzorbauch's keep, using the Great Staff. The moment Ugleeuh got her hands on the Staff, she got rid of him by turning him into a sea serpent, condemned to spending the rest of his days patrolling the coast of the Chokewoods. And it was there in her “cabin” that she and Hubba Hubba spent the next five years with the Great Staff, hidden as a broom, right under Razzorbauch's nose.
“I'm so glad you decided to bring me back home this morning, Ugleeuh,” said Hubba Hubba, his beak white with sukere powder as he pecked at a sweet roll. “I know you set wards all about that awful oak, but there was no way I could sleep with a pair of great horned owls working that hayfield all night. They got a rabbit right by the tree. It screamed something awful the whole time I watched them tearing it to pieces.” He paused to bristle out all over and give himself a thorough shake. “Now you aren't getting ready to run off again, are you? You wouldn't want me to starve, would you?”
“Now dearest, I am leaving directly,” she said as she gave him a thorough scratch, “but I'll be back in plenty of time for supper.”
“Where is it this time? Razzorbauch's?”
“No. I've a great deal more to do in Niarg.”
“Well, it's always someplace. What am I to do while you're gone? Hey, don't look at me like that. I get lonely.”
“Be patient, my sweet. It won't be forever. Don't you want us to have a business?”
Hubba Hubba gave a two-footed trot across the corner of the table, like the crow that he now was, and flew to his perch. “Of course I do,” he said as he settled himself with a crow-like snap of each wing before commencing a lumbering stroll up and down the length of his perch, like the parrot he could not remember having ever been. “I just miss you, is all. I'd rather be here than waiting in that tree, but why does your stupid father not like crows, anyway? I am your pet. I ought to be able to stay in the tower with
you.”
“I know dearest,” she said as she scratched his head and chin, “but soon I'll be done in Niarg and I'll be back here for as long as we like...”
Suddenly there was a knock, but before Ugleeuh had time to answer, the door came open and Razorback stuck in his head. “Good Morning Leeuh,” he rumbled, unable to come all the way in because of his size.
Ugleeuh snapped up her broom in a panic and set it inside the pantry. “Uncle Razzorbauch!” she said. “I mean Razorback. You gave me quite a start...”
“That's the first I've heard you call me that in all these livelong years that I've been trapped by your father's spell. There was no harm done just now, and I know that I surprised you, but it could be disastrous if you were ever to forget in front of the dragons.”
“I'll be careful,” she said. “I was just about to go by your keep on my way back to Father's tower to let you know what kind of progress I've been making in Niarg. It's a wonder we didn't miss each other. You haven't been here since Gastro built the place.”
“And you owe me plenty for barging in here and giving me such a scare, old fool,” she thought. “If you saw the Staff, it would be playing for keeps, wouldn't it?”
“Well, its good I caught you then. I have a certain house guest.”
“Demonica?”
Razorback nodded.
Ugleeuh made a face.
“You know, you could be living opulently in my keep. Somebody besides the hired help needs to use it. I've told you this over and over.”
“Well, my late husband did build this place, don't you know. And I'm not completely alone. I've got my crow here, for company,” she said as she gave Hubba Hubba another scratch.
“About as trustworthy as Ocker, no doubt.”
“So why've you done business with him all these years?”
“Because he always knows exactly what's going on in the Chokewoods before anyone else and his information is always exactly correct...”
“For a price,” said Ugleeuh.
“Indeed,” said Razorback. “What does your bird charge you?”
As if to demonstrate, Hubba Hubba gave her a nip on the arm and held out his ruffled crown for another scratch.
“Everything my dearest can manage, as you can plainly see,” she said, giving Hubba Hubba the scratch he wanted.
***
Captain Strong hurried the length of the green carpet runner as it mounted the dais in the throne room and ran to the feet of Hebraun and Minuet's great chairs. He bowed, handed them each a large printed broadsheet summarizing the evils of sukere and stood at parade rest, listening to the tinkling of bells outside the window as Minuet's sheep grazed the inner ward.
Minuet set aside her embroidery hoop as she took the paper. “Sukere Canna's Sweet Peril to One and All...” she said, reading aloud the headline.
“A fine white and granular powder...” said Hebraun, reading the next lines. “Next to honey its sweetness be louder... The strength of its call shall make thee a thrall... Whilst its purveyor's purse grows the prouder...”
On they read, falling silent as their eyes darted over the lines. “Excellent,” said Hebraun, looking up. “And I'm right pleased you've announced the date when all the towns throughout Niarg gather to vote on the matter. I clean forgot to have you include it.”
“Yes,” said Minuet. “And I'm sure Father will agree that you've mentioned everything. And this is right quick. Have you already one sheet of this news for each household throughout the land?”
“The printer said he reckoned they'd have it by noon, maybe,” said Strong. “It's going to make above three wagon load of that nice paper.”
“And you wrote this?” said Minuet, looking up to catch his eye.
“Such as it is, Your Majesty,” he said, looking quickly at the toes of his boots to hide his obvious pride in it.”
“Well, you write as well as the stories I've heard you tell,” she said.
“Try to have everyone moving by twelve bell of Argentowre,” said Hebraun, “or one bell at the latest, criers and paper carriers at the same time. And don't forget about Jutland and Oilean Gairdin. Let's not forget that the Elves are citizens of Niarg, even if we've hardly seen them since the plague, except when they deliver honey.”
“I shall see to it, Your Majesty,” said Captain Strong. “But before I go, might I ask a question and possibly make a request?”
“By all Means,” said Hebraun.
“Did Gastro indeed go away with Ugleeuh five years ago?”
“That's what Ugleeuh just told us. But she said they parted ways and she doesn't have any idea where he went.”
“Well, Gastro and I were childhood friends. Years ago I used to sound like him and everyone else in Ashmore and Goll. He's kind of got me worried, if you know what I mean. I'd like to find out what happened to him.”
“We thought he was a nice fellow ourselves,” said Hebraun as he glanced at Minuet. “We wondered if he ended up in Ash Fork, but that doesn't explain why he never came back here.”
“That's what worries me,” said Karlton. “So do you reckon I could have your leave for to take broadsheets to Ashfork?”
“No problem. We'll even give you some time off with pay, if you need it. Just tell Bernard he's taking over for you.”
Captain Strong bowed, turned on his heel and started out.
“Tell Gastro to come and see us, if you find him,” called out Hebraun. “You hear?”
Strong halted, nodded, saluted and went on his way.
***
“Father, I'm back!” sang out Ugleeuh as she closed the door of his tower apartment. “I've had such an incredible day.”
Razzmorten jumped up from his manuscript and hurried in to see what on earth he must not have heard right.
“I've been 'round to all sorts of mongers and merchants, offering them my opportunity and practically every one was eager to listen.”
Razzmorten drew back a chair for her across from his manuscript. “That seldom happens,” he said as he sat back down where he had been. “And does your opportunity have anything to do with your uncle Razzorbauch and sukere, my dear?”
“Minny-Min told you,” she said as she took her seat. “Here I was looking forward to being the one to tell you. But no matter. I'm much too happy and excited to be upset. Isn't it wonderful? I know you and Min-Min always doubted that I could ever do anything other than cause mischief. But here I am, setting up a respectable business in Niarg. I'll bet you never expected that.” She reached across the table to pat his hand and silenced her giggle at the sight of him. “Now what? I thought you'd finally be proud of me.”
Razzmorten was stunned as much by her effervescence as by the seriousness of her business with sukere. “I see why everyone thinks she's sincere about this,” he thought. “I hate doing this, Leeuh,” he said with a sigh, “but I can see that Razzorbauch has misled you about sukere...”
“I never thought you'd sound just like Demonica,” she said with a gasp of shock.
“But if you think sukere's dangerous the way she does, you just don't know enough about it, yet...”
Razzmorten drew a breath.
“Nope!” she said, throwing up her hands. “Don't even try to tell me. I've been eating sukere for above five years now and I'm the healthiest I've ever been. Now, do I really look poisoned to you? Of course not, because sukere's safe as safe can be. Uncle
Razzorbauch told me how that lie about sukere got started by the jealous honey mongers. So you're all worked up about nothing.” She sprang from her chair with a huge smile and gave him a peck on the cheek, leaving him wide eyed and speechless. “Now, as much as I'd love to stay and chat, I've a very important engagement with a distinguished gentleman, and I must hurry down to my rooms and change so I won't be late.” She paused at the door. “You still approve of Elves, don't you?”
“Why yes, but...”
With an impish smile, she vanished out the door.
Chapter 21
/> Ugleeuh appeared on the gravel path in the thicket of hollyhocks, just inside the white picket gate to the house of the Elven court herbalist, Talamh Coille Graham. She put her scrying ball into her bag and took out a looking glass. “My word...” she said, peering into it this way and that, “too many hours.” She stood there for a moment, mouthing the verses of something inaudible amongst the endless calls of the cricket frogs. She looked into the mirror again to be certain that her glamourie had hidden the bags under her eyes. “Good,” she said. She started up the path to the door with the dainty staff Demonica had given her. She knocked and stood surrounded by a forest of tinkling crystals, dangling in the dancing splashes of rainbow light.
“Leeuh!” said Talamh, the moment the door opened. “You look positively stunning.”
“Yes, I would have to,” she thought with a knowing twinkle in her eye as she offered him her hand.
He embraced her at once and stepped back for another look at her. “Come in, come in,” he said. “I'll tell Liadan you're here, though I think she's already started supper.” He led her up a cramped spiral staircase and out onto a balcony overlooking Jutland Lake, alive with the sounds of cricket frogs like a vast sea of grating marbles, where he set her at a table spread with linen. “I've finally got my apothecary completely moved into the castle here at Oilean Gairdin,” he said as he took his seat.
“Well that's wonderful, dear,” said Ugleeuh with a toss of her long black hair, “but it's also kind of a shame, don't you think? I mean, I think your king's being silly, withdrawing from all the places where Humans live. Surely they've gotten over blaming Elves for the plague. Here I've been hoping you'd re-establish your apothecary at Niarg Castle. It would simplify things for us.”
“Well yes. But we could hardly be expected to get business going again where everyone insisted on treating us like lepers. I've told you about having people in Niarg make hex signs in the air and look the other way as they pass on the sidewalk. After a while, having an Elven presence in Niarg simply stops being worth it.”
Heart of the Staff - Complete Series Page 21