by J E Moore
garage and couched down behind a tall corner shrub. He listened - nothing, then peeked between the branches. A deep breath of relief; John knew he wouldn't be much of a threat to them until he retrieved his gun. He used one eye to look around the garage door frame. "Drat, our connecting kitchen door is open. This could be dangerous, but alas valor often includes peril. I'll hafta be quick." John took the eight steps as fast as he could to the treadmill, reached under the dish towel, sweat-rag he had the covering pistol. He felt nothing. He tossed the cloth aside. The shelf was bare - no fricking gun! "Auugh," he gulped. "They must have found it... so now what?" He smoldered at his bad luck. "Sonnavabitch, I do know what. I've got to get the hell out of here before they come back to their truck and blast me with my own weapon! What a crock this turned out to be. How'd I ever come up with this lame plan?" Luckily, John was able to quick-step it outside to his previous concealment as he sweated rivets and proverbially shook in his boots.
Finally, the now lesser of a hero after a jerky retreat, was squatted out of sight behind his car and tried to form a Plan B or was it up to C or D now? "Whatever." Jimmy's house was behind him. "Guess I have no other choice. I sure hope he's got his head on straight today. I need his damn telephone."
He rose and sauntered across the street as casual as he could to his other neighbor's front door. 'Ring, ring.' "If he doesn't answer, I'm totally screwed. The thieves will get away because stupid me also forgot to get the license plate number while I was in the garage."
Miracle of miracles. Jimmy answered the door. "Hello, J, J...ohn," he stuttered. "L, L...ong time."
"Yes, it has been partner. Sorry 'bout that. I need to come in. I'm in a big hurry." The very senior citizen nodded 'yes' and stood aside. "Jimbo, I need to use your telephone a.s.a.p. Our house is being robbed as I speak." John led him to a front window where they could watch without being seen. "See the white van in my driveway? They're the burglars who have been terrorizing the neighborhood for the last two months." As they peeked between the verticals, John saw two men load something heavy into the rear of the panel truck. "OMG, they're stealing everything we own. That was probably the television!" Jimmy didn't appear alarmed. "The phone, Jimmy. Where's your phone?" His neighbor appeared confused by the request. "Oh, no. Don't go goofy on me now," John chided. "This is an emergency." The old man held his arms up in a manner for John to look for it as if there were one. "What? Do you mean you don't have a telephone? Okay, how about a cell phone?" Jimmy shook his head, "no."
"Nothing, you have nothing? What if you have a serious problem and need help?" Jimmy grinned and showed him an old, worthless medical Panic button he wore around his neck. John was touched by the man's dementia and became consoling, "Don't you understand without phone service your panic button won't work, my friend?"
"No money," Jimmy explained. "I'm all right."
John shook off his neighbor's misfortunate lifestyle as he watched the robbers go back inside for another load. "Oh, no! They're going to clean us out completely and get away Scot free. I'm helpless."
"N...no. Not help...helpless," Jimmy responded. "MacDonald's... Mac...Donald's" and grinned like a Cheshire cat.
"Wha... what?" This was John's time to stutter. Jimmy made a walking motion with two fingers and pointed down the street.
"McDonald's?" repeated John. "The hamburger joint? Oh, yeah. They're about three blocks away aren't they?"
Jimmy flashed another crooked-tooth grin then grabbed his lower abdomen. "Bath, bathroom... gotta go," and shuffled toward the hallway.
"Too much excitement for the old boy," reasoned John. He called to him, "Thanks a lot, buddy. I'm off to McDonald's now." As he scurried as fast as he could on a trek which turned out to be four blocks eastward he cursed, "Maybe I'll get a break and the bandits will still be there when the cops arrive. I deserve a fricking break!"
John burst through the front door and rushed to the counter, "Manager! I need the manager right now!" who heard him and hustled over immediately.
"I'm the manager. Is there a problem with the food, sir?"
"No!" screamed John. "My house is being robbed . I need you to dial 911... I don't have a phone on me. Call the police right now!" The young man gave him a blank stare. "Why are you just standing there? This is an emergency!"
"Emergency?" the manager repeated. "You need emergency service?"
"Yes, yes, and get a move on it. The thieves are taking everything we own including our life savings. (John & Joyce didn't believe in banks since so many had failed.)
Yes, sir, I'll call right away," and went to his desk in the kitchen area. He quickly dialed the Control center and reported the incident.
John heard him say the words: police, robbed, thieves and emergency. "Finally," he rasped. "Now we're getting somewhere."
The young man returned, "They will be here shortly to assist you, sir." He gave his official, professional plastic smile and said, "Would you please step away from the counter and take a seat so our other patrons may be served? And, you being a valued McDonald's patron... may I offer you a complimentary order of fries and a diet Coke while you wait?"
John thought his eyes were going to pop out of his head at this absurdity but numbly retreated and took a seat as requested. He heard, "Next customer please." As he sat steaming, he reflected, "He didn't ask for my address. So, the police must be coming here. More wasted time! Idiots." John turned to look out the windows just in time to see a blue hovercraft with flashing red lights land in the parking lot. "About time," he spat.
Out hopped two creatures which resembled four-foot tall, brown crickets. One carried a black medical bag, the other toted a personal computer case and both had universal translator devices hanging below their heads. After hopping into McDonald's, all the while 'clicking' (talking) to each other, the manager pointed to John and they went to him. No one was alarmed or even surprised by these bizarre insect being's presence.
"Hello, John," one 'clicked' which was translated into English.
The other opened his p.c. case and said, "How do you feel? Are you hurt?"
He answered, "I feel frustrated and angry. My house is being robbed. Are you the police?"
"No, but we are here to help you. Have you been injured or struck your head in any way today?"
John thought and answered, "Why, yes. The car's trunk lid came down and hit me behind the head while I was loading groceries earlier this morning at Publix.
The p.c. was actually a portable, medical diagnostic computer and the slightly smaller (younger) of the cricket technicians began touching a probe on several areas of John's head. Shortly, he 'clicked' to his partner, "See these test results?" The larger (senior) then pressed a spot behind the human's left ear and he became a calm, normal person. "You're fine now, John. Go home. The walk will do you good. And, don't be afraid; the maintenance crew has finished replacing your broken hot water heater."
The two medical technician crickets returned to their aircraft, ascended a thousand feet and hovered over the Human Community exhibition below. The senior explained: "These types of non-visual injuries occur occasionally with the live human replicas. There's no real damage to their motor functions or circuitry. The reason for John's odd behavior is due to a jarring of the artificial intelligence module where the d.n.a. and memory cells retrieved from rubble in their extinct world are implanted. Sometimes when these frail entities suffer head trauma they get knocked out of sync and revert to their past lives which were filled with crime, police and the wars which of course eventually destroyed their planet's regenerative capabilities. This subject's actions will be chronicled and added to many other human incidents to be evaluated later."
Changing direction he continued, "As you can see below, this being the newest community, joins the seven other sites here in the Extinct Worlds Expo constructed for our young and future generations to study and learn from the aliens' fatal mistakes." As they observed hundreds of cricket families wandering through the theme parks below and being pleased with the
ir handling of the situation, he instructed, "If you have no other questions, check us back in service."
The junior 'clicked' at the aircraft's communication unit, "Control Center, Emergency Response Unit three is now available for a new assignment. The human replica, SENHL200 has been successfully Reset."
The end
Game Over
In the near future...
Eleven p.m., sailing on Regal Cruise Line's five thousand passenger flagship: The Colossus of the Ocean which had recently departed Rio de Janeiro, Brazil for its inaugural world cruise. Victor Armada rode the Special Guest's private elevator upward toward his executive suite located on the sixteenth floor. He noticed in passing a button designating deck thirteen. The forty-year old bachelor cocked his head and pondered, "I don't recall seeing that before... here or on any other ship, even hotels." He arrived at his penthouse, "Odd, perhaps I'll check into it tomorrow."
Ten a.m. the next morning as his steward placed Brunch service on the casual dining table located within the suite's one hundred foot long veranda connecting starboard and port on the aft of the massive floating five star hotel Victor asked, "Say, Palo (from Manila) what's up with the thirteenth floor? Is there a renovation in progress?"
"Pardon, sir?"
"I saw a button in the elevator marked thirteen last