by E. F. Benson
CHAPTER XI
Nadine enquired at Hugh's door again that night before she went to bed,and found that he was still asleep. She had promised her mother not tosit up, but as she undressed she almost smiled at the uselessness ofgoing to bed, so impossible did it seem that sleep should come near her.After her one outburst of crying, she had felt no further agitation, forsomething so big and so quiet had entered her heart that all poignancyof anxiety and suspense were powerless to disturb it. As has been said,it was scarcely even whether Hugh lived or died that mattered: the onlything that mattered was Hugh. Had she been compelled to say whether shebelieved he would live or not, she would have given the negative. Andyet there was a quality of peace in her that could not be shaken. It wasa peace that humbled and exalted her. It wrapped her round very close,and yet she looked up to it, as to a mountain-peak on which dawn hasbroken.
Despite her conviction that sleep was impossible, she had hardly closedher eyes, when it embraced and swallowed up all her consciousness. Thiscyclone of emotion, in the center of which dwelt the windless calm, hadutterly tired her out, though she was unaware of fatigue, and her restwas dreamless. Then suddenly she was aware that there was light in theroom, and that she was being spoken to, and she passed fromunconsciousness back to the full possession of her faculties, as swiftlyas they had been surrendered. She found Dodo bending over her.
"Come, my darling," she said.
Nadine had no need to ask any question, but as she put on her slippersand dressing-gown Dodo spoke again.
"He has been awake for an hour and asking for you," she said. "The nurseand the doctor are with him: they think you had better come. It ispossible that if he sees you there, he may go off to sleep again. But itis possible--you are not afraid, darling?"
Nadine's mouth quivered into something very like a smile.
"Afraid of Hughie?" she asked.
They went up the stairs, and along the passage together. The moon thatlast night had been hidden by the tempest of storm-clouds, or perhapsblown away from the sky by the wind, now rode high and cloudlessly amida multitude of stars. No wind moved across those ample floors: only fromthe beach they heard the plunge and thunder of the sea that could not soeasily resume its tranquillity. The moonlight came through the window ofHugh's room also, making on the floor a shadow-map of the bars.
He was lying again with his face towards the door, but now his eyes werevacantly open, and his whole face had changed. There was an agony ofweariness over it, and from his eyes there looked out a dumb,unavailing rebellion. Before they had got to the door they had heard avoice inside speaking, a voice that Nadine did not recognize. It keptsaying over and over again, "Nadine, Nadine."
As she came across the room to the bed, he looked straight at her, butit was clear he did not see her, and the monotonous, unrecognizablevoice went on saying, "Nadine, Nadine."
The doctor was standing by the head of the bed, looking intently atHugh, but doing nothing: the nurse was at the foot.
He signed to Nadine to come, and took a step towards her.
"You've got to make him feel you are here," he said. Then with his handhe beckoned to the nurse and to Dodo, to stand out of sight of Hugh, sothat by chance he might think himself alone with the girl.
Nadine knelt down on the floor, so that her face was close to thoseunseeing eyes, and the mouth that babbled her name. And the great peacewas with her still. She spoke in her ordinary natural voice withouttremor.
"Yes, Hughie, yes," she said. "Don't go on calling me. Here I am. What'sthe use of calling now? I came as soon as I knew you wanted me."
"Nadine, Nadine," said Hughie, in the same unmeaning monotone.
"Hughie, you are quite idiotic!" she said. "As if you didn't know inyour own heart that I would always come when you wanted me. I alwayswould, my dear. You need never be afraid that I shall leave you. I amyours, don't you see?"
"Nadine, Nadine," said Hugh.
Nadine's whole soul went into her words.
"Hughie, you are not with me yet," she said. "I want you, too, and Imean to have you. I didn't know till to-day that I wanted you, and now Ican't do without you. Hughie, do you hear?" she said. "Oh, answer me,Hughie dear!"
There was dead silence. Then Hugh gave a great sigh.
"Nadine!" he said. But it was Hugh's voice that spoke then.
She bent forward.
"Oh, Hughie, you have come then," she said. "Welcome; you don't know howI wanted you!"
"Yes, I'm here all right," said Hugh in a voice scarcely audible. "ButI'm so tired. It's horrible; it's like death!"
Nadine gave her little croaking laugh.
"It isn't like anything of the kind," she said. "But of course you aretired. Wouldn't it be a good thing to go to sleep?"
"I don't know," said Hugh.
"But I do. I'm tired too, Hughie, awfully tired. If I leaned my headback against your bed I should go to sleep too."
"Nadine, it is you?" said Hugh.
"Oh, my dear! What other girl could be with you?"
"No, that's true. Nadine, would it bore you to stop with me a bit? Wemight talk afterwards, when--when you've had a nap."
"That will be ripping," said Nadine, assuming a sleepy voice.
There was silence for a little. Then once again, but in his own voice,Hugh spoke her name. This time she did not answer, and she felt his handmove till it rested against her plaited hair.
Then in the silence Nadine became conscious of another noise regular andslow as the faint hoarse thunder of the sea, the sound of quietbreathing. After a while the doctor came round the head of the bed.
"We can manage to wrap you up, and make you fairly comfortable," hewhispered. "I think he has a better chance of sleeping if you stopthere."
The light and radiance in Nadine's eyes were a miracle of beauty, likesome enchanted dawn rising over a virgin and unknown land. She smiledher unmistakable answer, but did not speak, and presently Dodo returnedwith pillows and blankets, which she spread over her and folded roundher.
"The nurse will be in the next room," said the doctor; "call her ifanything is wanted."
Dodo and the doctor went back to their rooms, and Nadine was left alonewith Hugh. That night was the birthnight and the bridal-night of hersoul: there was it born, and through the long hours of the winter nightit watched beside its lover and its beloved, in that stillness ofsurrender to and absorption in another, that lies beyond and above theunrest of passion amid the snows and sunshine of the uttermost regionsto which the human spirit can aspire. She knew nothing of the passing ofthe hours, nor for a long time did any thought or desire of sleep comenear her eyelids, but the dim room became to her the golden island ofwhich once in uncomprehending mockery she had spoken to Hugh. She knewit to be golden now, and so far from being unreal, there was nothing inher experience so real as it.
She could just turn her head without disturbing Hugh's hand that lay onher plaited hair, and from time to time she looked round at him. Hisface still wore the sunken pallor of exhaustion, but as his sleep, sostill and even-breathing, began to restore the low-ebb of his vitalforce, it seemed to Nadine that the darkness of the valley of theshadow, to the entrance of which he had been so near, cleared off hisface as eclipse passes from the moon. How near he had been, she guessed,but it seemed to her that for the present his face was set the otherway. She knew, too, that it was she who had had the power to make himlook life-wards again, and the knowledge filled her with a sort ofabasing pride. He had answered to her voice when he was past all othervoices, and had come back in obedience to it.
She did not and she could not yet be troubled with the thought ofanything else besides the fact that Hugh lived. As far as was known yet,he might never recover his activity of movement again, and years ofcrippled life were all that lay in front of him; but in the passing awayof the immediate imminent fear, she could not weigh or even considerwhat that would mean. Similarly the thought of Seymour lay for thepresent outside the focus of her mind: everything but the fa
ct that Hughlived was blurred and had wavering outlines. As the hours went on theoblongs of moonshine on the floor moved across the room, narrowing asthey went. Then the moon sank and the velvet of the cloudless sky grewdarker, and the stars more luminous. One great planet, tremulous andtwinkling, made a glory beside which all the lesser lights paled intoinsignificance. No wind stirred in the great halls of the night, themoans and yells of its unquiet soul were still, and the boom of the surfgrew ever less sonorous, like the thunder of a retreating storm.Occasionally the night-nurse appeared at the doorway of the roomadjoining, where she sat, and as often Nadine looked up at her smiling.Once, very softly, she came round the head of the bed, and looked atHugh, then bent down towards the girl.
"Won't you get some sleep?" she said, and Nadine made a little gestureof raised eyebrows and parted hands that was characteristic of her.
"I don't know," she whispered. "Perhaps not. I don't want to."
Then her solitary night vigil began again, and it seemed to her that shewould not have bartered a minute of it for the best hour that her lifehad known before. The utter peace and happiness of it grew as the nightwent on, for still close to her head there came the regularuninterrupted breathing, and the weight, just the weight of a handabsolutely relaxed, lay on her hair. Not the faintest stir of movementother than those regular respirations came from the bed, and all thelaughter and joy of which her days had been full was as the light of theremotest of stars compared to the glorious planet that sang in thewindless sky, when weighed against the joy that that quiet breathinggave her. She did not color her consciousness with hope, she did notilluminate it by prayer; there was no room in her mind for anythingexcept the knowledge that Hugh slept and lived.
It was now near the dawning of the winter day; the stars were paling inthe sky, and the sky grew ensaffroned with the indescribable hue thatheralds day. Footfalls, muffled and remote, began to stir in the house,and far away there came the sound of crowing cocks, faint but exultant,hailing the dawn. About that time, Nadine looked round once more atHugh, and saw in the pallid light of morning that the change she hadnoticed before was more distinct. There had come back to his facesomething of the firm softness of youth, there had been withdrawn fromit the droop and hardness of exhaustion. And turning again, she gave onesigh and fell fast asleep.
Lover and beloved they lay there sleeping, while the dawn brightened inthe sky, she leaning against the bed where he was stretched, he with hishand on her hair. And strangely, the moment that she slept, theirpositions seemed to be reversed, and Hugh in his sleep appearedunconsciously to keep watch over and guard her, though all night she hadbeen awake for him. Once her head slipped an inch or two, so that hishand no longer lay on her hair, but it seemed as if that movementreached down to him fathom-deep in his slumber and immediatelyafterwards his hand, which had lain so motionless and inert all night,moved, as if to a magnet, after that bright hair, seeking and finding itagain. And dawn brightened into day, and the sun leaped up from his lairin the East, and still Nadine slept, and Hugh slept. It was as if untilthen the balance of vitality had kept the girl awake to pour into him ofher superabundance: now she was drained, and sleep with the level strokeof his soft hand across the furrows of trouble and the jagged edges ofinjury and exhaustion comforted both alike.
It had been arranged after these events of storm that the party shoulddisperse, and Dodo went to early breakfast downstairs with her departingguests, who were leaving soon after. But first she went into the nurse'sroom, next door to where Hugh lay, to make enquiries, and was taken byher to look into the sick-room. With daylight their sleep seemed only tohave deepened: it was like the slumber of lovers who have been longawake in passion of mutual surrender, and at the end have fallen asleeplike children, with mere effacement of consciousness. Nadine's head wasa little bowed forward, and her breath came not more evenly than his. Itwas the sleep of childlike content that bound them both, and bound themtogether.
Dodo looked long, and then with redoubled precaution moved softly intothe nurse's room again, with mouth quivering between smiles and tears.
"My dear, I never saw anything so perfectly sweet," she said. "Do letthem have their sleep out, nurse. And Nadine has slept in Hugh's roomall night. What ducks! Please God it shall so often happen again!"
Nurse Bryerley was not unsympathetic, but she felt that explanationswere needed.
"I understood the young lady was engaged to some one else," she said.
Dodo smiled.
"But until now no one has quite understood the young lady herself," shesaid. "Least of all, has she understood herself. I think she will findthat she is less mysterious now."
"Mr. Graves will have to take some nourishment soon," said NurseBryerley.
Dodo considered.
"Then could you not give him his nourishment very cautiously, so that hewill go to sleep again afterwards?" she asked. "I should like them tosleep all day like that. But then, you see, nurse, I am a very oddwoman. But don't disturb them till you must. I think their souls aregetting to know each other. That may not be scientific nursing, but Ithink it is sound nursing. It's too bad we can't eternalize such momentsof perfect equilibrium."
"Certainly the young lady was awake till nearly dawn," said NurseBryerley. "It wouldn't hurt her to have a good rest."
Dodo beamed.
"Oh, leave them as long as possible," she said. "You have no idea howit warms my heart. There will be trouble enough when they awake."
Seymour was among those who were going by the early train, and when Dodocame down he had finished breakfast. He got up just as she entered.
"How is he?" he asked.
Dodo's warm approbation went out to him.
"It was nice of you to ask that first, dear Seymour," she said. "He isasleep: he has slept all night."
Seymour lit a cigarette.
"I asked that first," he said, "because it was a mixture of politenessand duty to do so. I suppose you understand."
Dodo took the young man by the arm.
"Come out and talk to me in the hall," she said. "Bring me a cup oftea."
The morning sunshine flooded the window-seat by the door, and Dodo satdown there for one moment's thought before he joined her. But she foundthat no thought was necessary. She had absolutely made up her mind as toher own view of the situation, and with all the regrets in the world forhim, she was prepared to support it. In a minute Seymour joined her.
"Nadine came down to the beach just before Hugh went in yesterdaymorning," he said, "and she called out--called?--shouted out, 'Not you,Hughie: Seymour, Berts, anybody, but not you!' There was no need for meto think what that meant."
Dodo looked at him straight.
"No, my dear, there was no need," she said.
"Then I have been a--a farcical interlude," said he, not very kindly."You managed that farcical interlude, you know. You licensed it, so tospeak, like the censor of plays."
"Yes, I licensed it, you are quite right. But, my dear, I didn't licenseit as a farce; there you wrong me. I licensed it as what I hoped wouldbe a very pleasant play. You must be just, Seymour: you didn't love herthen, nor she you. You were good friends, and there was no shadow of areason to suppose that you would not pass very happy times together. Thegreat love, the real thing, is not given to everybody. But when itcomes, we must bow to it.... It is royal."
All his flippancy and quickness of wit had gone from him. Nextconversation remained only because it was a habit.
"And I am royal," he said. "I love Nadine like that."
"Then you know that when that regality comes," she said quickly, "itcomes without control. It is the same with Nadine; it is by no wish ofhers that it came."
"I must know that from Nadine," he said. "I can't take your word for it,or anybody's except hers. She made a promise to me."
"She cannot keep it," said Dodo. "It is an impossibility for her. Shemade it under different conditions, and you put your hand to it underthe same. And Nadine said you understood, and beha
ved so delightfullyyesterday. All honor to you, since behind your behavior there was thatknowledge, that royalty."
"I had to. But don't think I abdicated. But she was in terribledistress, and really, Aunt Dodo, the rest of your guests were quiteidiotic. Berts looked like a frog; he had the meaningless pathos of afrog on his silly face--"
"Nadine said he looked like a funeral with plumes," Dodo permittedherself to interpolate.
"More like a frog. Edith kept pouring out glasses of port to take toNadine, but I think she usually forgot and drank them herself. It was alunatic asylum. But Nadine felt."
"Ah, my dear," said Dodo, with a movement of her hand on to his.
Seymour quietly disengaged his own.
"Very gratifying," he said, "but as I said, I take nobody's word for it,except Nadine's. She has got to tell me herself. Where is she? I have togo in five minutes, but to see her will still leave me four to spare."
Dodo got up.
"You shall see her," she said. "But come quietly, because she isasleep."
"If she is only to talk to me in her sleep--" began he.
"Come quietly," said Dodo.
But all her pity was stirred, and as they went along the passage toHugh's room, she slipped her arm into his. She knew that her _coup_ wasslightly theatrical, but there seemed no better way of showing him. Itmight fail: he might still desire explanations, but it was worth trying.
"And remember I am sorry," she said, "and be sure that Nadine will besorry."
"Riddles," said Seymour.
"Yes, my dear, riddles if you will," said she. "But you may guess theanswer."
Dodo quietly turned the handle of the door into the nurse's room, andentered with her arm still in his. She made a sign of silence, and tookSeymour straight through into the sick-room. All was as she had left ita quarter-of-an-hour ago; Nadine still slept and Hugh, in that sameattitude of security and love. Her head was drooped; she slept as onlychildren and lovers sleep. But Dodo with all her intuition did not seeas much as Seymour, who loved her, saw. The truth of it was branded intohis brain, whereas it only shone in hers. She saw the situation: he feltit.
Then with a signal of pressure on his arm, she led him out again.
"She has been there all night," she said. "She only fell asleep atdawn."
They were in the passage again before Seymour spoke.
"There is no need for me to awake her or talk to her," he said. "Youwere quite right. And I congratulate you on your _ensemble_. I shouldhave guessed that it required most careful rehearsal. And I should havebeen wrong. And now, for God's sake, don't be kind and tender--"
He took his arm away from hers, feeling for her then more resentmentthan he might feel against the footman who conveyed cold soup to him. Hedid not want the footman's sympathy, nor did he want Dodo's.
"And spare me your optimism," he said. "If you tell me it is all for thebest, I shall scream. It isn't for the best, as far as I am concerned.It is damned bad. I was a Thing, and Nadine made a man of me. Now she istired of her handiwork, and says that I shall be a Thing again. Anddon't tell me I shall get over it. The fact that I know I shall, makesyour information, which was on the tip of your tongue, wanton andsuperfluous. But if you think I shall love Hugh, because he lovesNadine, you are utterly astray. I am not a child in a Sunday school,letting the teacher smack both sides of my face. I hate Hugh, and I amnot the least touched by the disgusting spectacle you have taken me ontiptoe to see. They looked like two amorous monkeys in themonkey-house."
Seymour suddenly paused and gasped.
"They didn't," he said. "At any rate Nadine looked as I have oftenpictured her looking. The difference is that it was myself, not Hugh,beside whom I imagined her falling asleep. That makes a lot ofdifference if you happen to be the person concerned. And now I hope themotor is ready to take me away, and many thanks for an absolutelydamnable visit. Don't look pained. It doesn't hurt you as much as ithurts me. There is a real _cliche_ to finish with."
Dodo's _coup_ had been sufficiently theatrical to satisfy her, but shehad not reckoned with the possible savageness that it might arouse.Seymour's temper, as well as his love, was awake, and she had notthought of the two as being at home simultaneously, but had imaginedthey played Box-and-Cox with each other in the minds of men. Here Boxand Cox met, and they were hand-in-hand. He was convinced and angry: shehad imagined he would be convinced and pathetic. With that combinationshe had felt herself perfectly competent to deal. But his temper rousedhers.
"You are at least interesting," she said briskly, "and I have enjoyedwhat you call your damnable visit as much as you. You seem to havebehaved decently yesterday, but no doubt that was Nadine's mistake."
"Not at all: it was mine," he said.
"Which you now recognize," said she. "I am afraid you must be off, ifyou want to catch your train. Good-by."
"Good-by," said he.
He turned from her at the top of the stairs, and went down a half-dozenof them. Then suddenly he turned back again.
"Don't you see I'm in hell?" he said.
Dodo entirely melted at that, and ran down the stairs to him.
"Oh, Seymour, my dear," she said. "A woman's pity can't hurt you. Doaccept it."
She drew that handsome tragical face towards her, and kissed him.
"Do you mind my kissing you?" she said. "There's my heart behind it.There is, indeed."
"Thanks, Aunt Dodo," he said. "And--and you might tell Nadine I saw herlike that. I am not so very stupid. I understand: good-by."
"And Hugh?" she asked, quite unwisely, but in that optimistic spiritthat he had deprecated.
"Don't strain magnanimity," he said. "It's quality is _not_ strained.Say good-by to Nadine for me. Say I saw her asleep, and didn't disturbher. I never thought much of her intelligence, but she may understandthat. She will have to tell me what she means to do. That I require. Atpresent our wedding-day is fixed."
Seymour broke off suddenly and ran downstairs without looking back.
Dodo was quite sincerely very sorry for him, but almost the moment hehad gone she ceased to think about him altogether, for there were somany soul-absorbing topics to occupy her, and forgetting she had had nobreakfast, she went to Edith's room (Edith alone had not the slightestintention of going away) to discuss them. Her optimism was luckily quiteincurable: she could not look on the darker aspect of affairs for morethan a minute or two. She found Edith breakfasting in bed, with a largefur cape flung over her shoulders. Her breakfast had been placed on atable beside her, but for greater convenience she had disposed theplates round her, on her counterpane. There were also disposed theresheets of music-paper, a pen and ink-bottle, and a box of cigarettes.The window was wide open, and as Dodo entered the draught caused themusic paper to flutter, and Edith laid hasty restraining hands on it,and screamed with her mouth full.
"Shut the door quickly!" she cried. "And then come and have somebreakfast, Dodo. I don't think I shall get up to-day. I have beencomposing since six this morning, and if I get up the thread may beentirely broken. Beethoven worked at the C minor Symphony for three daysand nights without eating, sleeping, or washing."
"I see you are eating," remarked Dodo. "I hope that won't prevent yourgiving us another C minor."
"The C minor is much over-rated work," said Edith; "it is commonplacemelodically, and clumsily handled. If I had composed it, I should not bevery proud of it."
"Which is a blessing you didn't, because then you would have composedsomething of which you were not proud," said Dodo, ringing the bell."Yes, I shall have some breakfast with you. Oh, Edith, everything is sointeresting, and Hughie has slept all night, and Nadine with him. Theyare sleeping now, Nadine on the floor half-sitting up with her headagainst the bed, looking too sweet for anything. And poor dear Seymourhas just gone away. I took him in to see them by way of breaking it tohim. Whoever guessed that he would fall in love with her? It is veryawkward, for I thought it would be such a nice sensible marriage. Andnow of course there will be no marriag
e at all."
At this moment the bell was answered, and Edith in trying to prevent hermusic-paper from practising aviation, upset the ink-bottle. Severalminutes were spent in quenching the thirst of sheets of blotting paperat it, as you water horses when their day's work is over.
"One of the faults of your mind, Dodo," said Edith, as this process wasgoing on, "is that you don't concentrate enough. You have too manyobjects in focus simultaneously. Now my success is due to the fact thatI have only one in focus at a time. For instance this Stygian pool ofink does not distress me in the slightest--"
"No, darling, it's not your counterpane," said Dodo.
"It wouldn't distress me if it was. But if I opened your mind I shouldfind Hugh's recovery, Nadine's future, and your baby in about equallyvivid colors, and all in sharp outline. Also you make too many plans forother people. Do leave something to Providence sometimes."
"Oh, I leave lots," said Dodo. "I only try to touch up the designs nowand then. Providence is often rather sketchy and unfinished. Butyesterday's design was absolutely wonderful. I can hardly even be sorryfor Hugh."
Edith shook her head.
"You are quite incorrigible," she said. "Providence sent what wasclearly intended to be a terrible event, but you see all sorts ofglories in it. I don't thing it is very polite. It is like laughing at aghost story instead of being terrified."
Dodo's breakfast had been brought in, and she fell to it with anexcellent appetite.
"There is nothing like scenes before breakfast to make one hungry," shesaid. "Think how hungry a murderer would be if he was taken out to behanged before breakfast, and then given his breakfast afterwards. I hada scene with Seymour, you know. I am very sorry for him, but somehow hedoesn't seem to matter. He lost his temper, which I rather respected,and showed me he had an ideal. That I respect too. I remember thestruggles I used to go through in order to get one."
"Were they successful?" asked Edith.
"Only by a process of elimination. I did everything that I wanted, andfound it was a mistake. So, last of all, I married Jack. What adelightful life I have led, and how good this bacon is. Don't you thinkDavid is a very nice name? I am going to call my baby David."
"It may be a girl," said Edith.
"Then I shall call it Bathsheba," said Dodo without pause. "Or do I meanBeersheba? Bath, I think. Edith, why is it that when I am most anxiousand full of cares, I feel it imperative to talk tommy-rot? I'm surethere is enough to worry me into a grave if not a vault, between Seymourand Nadine and Hugh. But after all, one needn't worry about Nadine. Itis quite certain that she will do as she chooses, and if she wants tomarry Hugh with both arms in slings, and two crutches, and a truss andone of those sort of scrapers under one foot she certainly will. Ibrought her up on those lines, to know her own mind, and then do whatshe wanted. It has been a failure hitherto, because she has never reallywanted anything. But now I think my system of education is going to bejustified. I am also suffering from reaction. Last night I thought ourdear Hughie was dying, and I am perfectly convinced this morning that heisn't. So, too, I am sure, is Nadine: otherwise she couldn't have fallenasleep like that. And what Hughie did was so splendid. I am glad Godmade men like that, but it doesn't prevent my eating a huge breakfastand talking rot. I hope you don't mean to go away. It is so dull to bealone in the house with two young lovers, even when one adores themboth."
"Aren't you getting on rather quick, Dodo?" asked Edith.
"Probably: but Seymour is _congedie_--how do you say it--spun,dismissed, and quite certainly Nadine has fallen in love with Hugh.There isn't time to be slow, nowadays. If you are slow you are leftgasping on the beach like a fish. I still swim in the great waters,thank God."
Dodo got up, and her mood changed utterly. She was never other thangenuine, but it had pleased Nature to give her many facets, allbrilliant, but all reflecting different-colored lights.
"Oh, my dear, life is so short," she said, "and every moment should beso precious to everybody. I hate going to sleep, for fear I may misssomething. Fancy waking in the morning and finding you had missedsomething, like an earthquake or suffragette riot! My days arereasonably full, but I want them to be unreasonably full. And just nowJack keeps saying, 'Do rest: do lie down: do have some beef-tea.' Justas if I didn't know what was good for David! Edith, he is going to besuch a gay dog! All the girls and all the women are going to falldesperately in love with him. He is going to marry when he is thirty,and not a day before, and he will be absolutely simple and unspoiled anda wicked little devil on his marriage morning. And then all his energieswill be concentrated on one point, and that will be his wife. He willutterly adore her, and think of nobody else except me. I shall beseventy-four, you perceive, at that time, and so I shall be easy toplease. The older one gets the easier one is to please. Already littlethings please me quite enormously, and big ones, as you also perceive,make me go off my head. Oh, I am sure heaven will be extremely nice, ifI ever die, which God forbid; but however nice it is, it won't be thesame as this. You agree there I know; you want to make all the music youcan first--"
"As a protest against what seems to be the music of heaven," said Edithfirmly, "if we may judge by hymn tunes and chants, and the first act ofParsifal, and I suppose the last of Faust, and Handel's oratorios. It isvery degrading stuff; all the changes of key are childishly simple, andthe proportion of full closes is nearly indecent. And I want anotherink-bottle."
Edith whistled a short phrase on her teeth, as a gentle hint to herhostess.
"It's for the flutes," she said, "and the 'cellos take it up two octaveslower."
She grabbed at her music-paper.
"Then the horns start it again in the subdominant," she said, "and allthe silly audience will think they are merely out of tune. That'sbecause they got what they didn't expect. To be any good, you mustsurprise the ear. I'll surprise them. But I want another ink-bottle. Andmay I have lunch in my room, Dodo, if necessary? I don't know when Ishall be able to get up."
Dodo was not attending in any marked manner.
"We will all do what we choose," she said genially.
"We will be a sort of harmless Medmenham Abbey. You shall spill all theink you please, and Nadine shall marry Hugh, who will get quite well,and I shall go and order dinner and see if Nadine is awake. I am afraidI am rather fatuously optimistic this morning, like Mr. Chesterton, andthat is always so depressing, both to other people at the time, and tooneself subsequently. Dear me, what a charming world if there was nosuch thing as reaction. As a matter of fact I do not experience much ofit."
Edith gave a great sigh of relief as Dodo left the room, andconcentrated herself with singular completeness on the horn-tune in thesubdominant. She was quite devoted to Dodo, but the horn-tune was infocus just now, and she knew if Dodo had stopped any longer, she wouldhave become barely tolerant of her presence. Shortly afterwards thefresh supply of ink came also, and Edith proceeded straight up into theseventh heaven of her own compositions, which, good or bad, wereperfection itself to their author.
Dodo found a packet of letters waiting for her and among them a telegramfrom Miss Grantham saying, "Deeply grieved. Can I do anything?" This sheswiftly answered, replying, "Darling Grantie. Nothing whatever," andwent to Nadine's room, where she found Nadine, half-dressed, rosy fromher bath, and radiant of spirit.
"Oh, Mama, I never had such a lovely night," she said. "How delicious itmust be to be married! I didn't wake till half-an-hour ago, andsimultaneously Hughie woke, which looks as if we suited each other,doesn't it? And then the doctor came in, and looked at him, and said hewas much stronger, much fuller of vitality for his long sleep, and hecongratulated me on having made him sleep. And the nurse told me thefirst great danger, that he would not rally after the shock of theoperation, was over. As far as that goes he will be all right."
Nadine kissed her mother, and clung round her neck, dewy-eyed.
"I'm not going to think about the future," she said. "Sufficient to theday is the good thereof. It is
enough this morning that Hughie has gotthrough the night and is stronger. If I had been given any wish to befulfilled I should have chosen that. And if on the top of that I hadbeen given another, it would have been that I should have helped towardsit, which I suppose is the old Eve coming in. I think I had betterfinish dressing, Mama, instead of babbling. Have you had breakfast?"
"Yes, dear, I had it with Edith. She is in bed making tunes and pouringink over the counterpane, and not minding."
Nadine's face clouded for a moment, in spite of the accomplishment ofher wishes.
"And then I must see Seymour," she said. "It is no use putting that off.But, oh, Mama, to think that till yesterday I was willing to marry him,with Hugh in the world all the time. Whatever happens to Hugh, I can'tmarry him, Seymour, I mean, if the ridiculous English pronouns admit ofany meaning; and I must tell him."
"Seymour left half an hour ago," said Dodo. "But there's no need for youto tell him. I took him into Hugh's room and he saw you asleep. Heunderstands. He couldn't very well help understanding, darling. He toldme he understood before, when you called out to Hugh not to attempt therescue. But he only understood it pretty well, as the ordinary personsays he understands French. But when he saw you asleep, not exactly inHugh's arms, but sufficiently close, he understood it like a realnative, poor boy!"
"What did he do?" asked Nadine.
"He behaved very rightly and properly, and lost his temper with me, justas I lose my temper with the porter at the station if I miss my train. Ihad been just porter to him. He thanked me for a horrid visit, only hecalled it damnable, and so I lost my temper, too, and we had a fewflowers of speech on the staircase, not big ones, but just promisingbuds. And then, poor chap, he came back to me, and told me he was inhell, and I kissed him, and he didn't seem to mind much, and I supposehe caught his train. Otherwise he would have been back by now. I'mexceedingly sorry for him, Nadine, and you must write him a sweet littleletter, which won't do any good at all, but it's one of the things youhave to do. Darling, I wonder if jilting runs in families likeconsumption and red faces. You see I jilted my darling Jack, to marryinto your family. But you must write the sweet little letter I spoke of,because you are sorry, only you couldn't help it."
"Did you write a sweet little letter under--under the same circumstancesto Papa Jack?" asked Nadine.
"No, dear, because I hadn't got anybody exceedingly wise to give me thatgood advice," said Dodo. "Also, because I was a little brute there is noreason why you should be."
"Perhaps it runs in the family, too," suggested Nadine.
"Then the quicker it runs out of the family the better. Besides you aresorry for Seymour."
Nadine opened her hands wide.
"Am I? I hope so," she said. "But if you are quite full of gladness forone thing, Mama, it is a little difficult to find a corner for anythingelse."
Dodo turned to leave the room.
"Anywhere will do. Just under the stairs," she said. "I don't want toput it in the middle of the drawing-room. After all, darling, youpropose to jilt him."
"There's something in that," said Nadine. "Oh, Mama, I used not to haveany heart at all, and now that I've got one it doesn't belong to me."
"No woman's heart belongs to her," said Dodo. "If it belongs to her, itisn't a heart."
"I should have thought that nonsense yesterday," said Nadine. "Oh, waitwhile I finish dressing; I shan't be ten minutes. What meetings we havehad in my lovely back room! One, I remember so particularly. You andEsther and Berts all lay on my bed like sardines in evening dresses, andI had just refused to marry Hugh, who was playing billiards with UncleAlgie. Somehow the things like love and devotion seemed to me quiteold-fashioned, or anyhow they seemed to me signs of age. They did,indeed. I thought a clear brain was infinitely preferable to a confusedheart, especially if it belonged to somebody else. I'm not used to it,Mama: it still seems to me very odd like a hat that doesn't fit. Butit's a fact, and I suppose I shall grow into it, not that any one evergrew into a hat. But when Hugh swam out yesterday morning, somethingcame tumbling down inside me. Or was it that only something cracked,like the shell of a nut? It does not much matter, so long as it is notmended again. But how queer that it should happen in a second, likethat. I suppose time has nothing to do with what concerns one's soul. Ibelieve Plato says something about it. I don't think I shall look it up.He wrote wonderfully, but when a thing happens to oneself, that seemsto matter more than Plato's reflections on the subject."
There was a short pause as Nadine brushed her teeth, but Dodo sitting onthe unslept-in bed did not feel inclined to break it. She wonderedwhether a particular point in the situation would occur to Nadine,whether her illumination as regards a woman's heart threw any light onthat very different affair, a man's heart. She was not left long indoubt. The question of a man's heart was altogether unilluminated, andto Dodo there was something poignantly pathetic about Nadine's blissfulignorance. She came and sat down on the bed close to her mother.
"Hughie will see I love him," she said, "because he won't be able tohelp it. I shall just wait, oh, so happily, for him to say again what hehas so often said before. He will know my answer, before I give it him.I hope he will say it soon. Then we shall be engaged, and people who areengaged are a little freer, aren't they, Mama?"
Dodo felt incapable of clouding that radiant face, for she knew in thedays that were coming, all its radiance would be needed: not a singlesparkle of light must be wasted. But it did not seem to her very likelythat Hugh, whose joyous strength and splendid activity had been so oftenrejected by Nadine, would be likely to offer to her again what would be,in all probability, but a crippled parody of himself. But her sense ofjustice told her that Nadine owed him all the strength and encouragementher eager vitality could give him. It was only fair that she shoulddevote herself to him, and let him feel all the inspiration to livethat her care of him could give him. But it seemed to her very doubtfulif Hugh would consent, even if he perceived that it was love not warmfriendship that she gave him, to let himself and his crippled bodyappeal to her. In days gone by, she would not marry him for love, and itseemed to Dodo that a real man, as Hugh was, would not allow her tomarry him for pity. He had offered her his best, and she had refused it;it would not be surprising if he refused to offer her his worst. The joythat had inspired Dodo so that she had softly melted over the sight ofNadine asleep by Hugh, and had exultantly mopped up the spilt ink withEdith, suddenly evaporated, leaving her dry and cold.
"You must wait, Nadine," she said. "You must make no plans. Give Hughieyour vitality, and don't ask more."
She got up.
"Now, my darling, I shall go downstairs," she said, "and order yourbreakfast. You must be hungry. And then you can say your prayers, andbreakfast will be ready."
Nadine, absorbed in her own thoughts, felt nothing of this.
"Prayers?" she said. "Why I was praying all night till dawn. At least, Iwas wanting, just wanting, and not for myself. Isn't that prayers?"
Dodo loved that: it was exactly what she meant in her inmost heart byprayers. She drew Nadine to her and kissed her.
"Darling, you have said enough for a week," she said, "if not more. Andyou said them because you must, which is the only proper plan. If youdon't feel you must say your prayers, it is just as well not to say themat all. But you shall have breakfast, whether you feel you must or not.I say you must."