by C D Cain
“Well, yeah, the first stint is. A group will go up from August to the end of October or early November. I can’t get a straight answer out of Paxton. But then they’re supposed to choose two residents out of that group to go back for a year.”
I felt myself take a step back and rock on my heels. A year? He could be gone a year and I knew nothing about it? Why didn’t he tell me? It seems we were both having possible changes in our lives that neither one of us was sharing with the other. I began to feel an uneasy discomfort of this being my life—pregnant by a man I didn’t truly love and living separate lives because there were pieces we didn’t want to or couldn’t share with one another.
Tyler put her hand on mine. “Rayne, I had no idea you didn’t know.”
Her need to console me brought me back to the reality in front of me. This wasn’t the time or the place to think of such things. “It’s fine.” I patted her hand. “That’s not of our worries right now.”
“Then what is?”
I looked at the tray of supplies. “Fixing this nasty cut. I’m afraid it’s going to need stitches.”
She smiled a real smile this time and laid back on the gurney. “I’m in good hands. Have at it, Dr. Storm.”
“This should heal really well,” I said as I tied off the last of the nylon stitches. “I put a few absorbable sutures underneath. Come back in seven days so I can remove these nylon ones. They’re just here to keep the skin edges together but I don’t want to leave them in too long or they may scar.”
“Can someone tell me who on God’s green earth thought this ultrasound would be effective outside the patient’s room?” Violet’s voice was loud and left little doubt that the entire emergency room hadn’t heard her.
Tyler flinched. “Who the hell is that?” she asked.
The curtain pulled back quickly. “Hello, Mrs. Richard, I’m Dr. Breaker from OB. Let’s have a look at this little baby.” She saw me and stopped pushing the ultrasound cart. “Dr. Storm.”
“Dr. Breaker.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t realize Mrs. Richard had someone with her.”
“Call me Tyler.” She pointed to the fresh black sutures on her chin. “I cut my chin when I passed out. Dr. Storm had to sew me up.”
“Aw, I see.” Violet looked around the room. “You have got to be kidding me?” She pulled the curtain back again and nearly ran head first into a nurse who was quickly rounding the corner.
“I’m sorry, Dr. Breaker. I’ll have you ready in a second,” the young nurse said as she finished wheeling the cart next to the stretcher. Her hands shook as she plugged the electric cord into the wall.
“Do you see anything else missing?” Dr. Breaker’s eyes threw daggers at the nurse. “Well don’t look at me, nurse. Look at the patient. What is missing?”
The nurse bit her lip as she searched over Tyler. Tyler looked nearly as frightened as the nurse did. “Umm…”
Dr. Breaker sighed deeply and rolled her eyes. “Let’s see. You page an OB doctor because you have a pregnant female who suffered a loss of consciousness, fell, and sustained a laceration. A pregnant female. Oh, dear Lord in heaven. A monitor. Wouldn’t you think a fetal monitor would be good for this patient?”
“Oh, yes, ma’am.” The nurse dug into the drawers of the cart as she tried to find the monitor.
I was having a hard time not leaping in to help the poor girl but I had no idea where the monitors were kept. Yet I felt pretty certain they weren’t in that slim drawer she was searching in.
Dr. Breaker stepped in between her and the cart. She raised her hand in the air. “Just get out of here and find me someone who knows what the hell they’re doing.”
The young woman wiped away a tear as she brushed past me and disappeared behind the curtain.
I turned around.
Dr. Breaker was looking at me. “Were you finished, Dr. Storm, or do you need more time?”
“Oh no. I’m finished.” As if I was going to say anything different to Dr. Ball Breaker. I’d completely forgotten she was Violet and wondered if she too had forgotten or rather regretted the friendship we had started developing in Florida. Could she feel it a betrayal to Sam? I ignored the image of Sam as it appeared in my thoughts.
I peered around Violet’s shoulder to Tyler. “The nurse will bring you an instruction sheet as to how to care for the wound.” Tyler looked at me with begging eyes and I knew she didn’t want me to leave her with Dr. Breaker. Sorry, chick. You’re on your own here. “I’ll see you in seven days.” I turned to Violet. “Dr. Breaker.”
She nodded. “Dr. Storm.” Then she winked and mouthed the words, “Nice seeing you.”
I walked from the room and wondered how she could do that. How can you bless out a sweet young nurse and then smile a second later?
“I’m going to need a shot of something strong after this night,” Angie said as she passed me while wheeling yet another cart into the room. “Dr. Dick’s wife and Dr. Ball Breaker all in one room. Being charge nurse sucks dirty ass. Do you hear me? Dirty ass.” She held back the curtain. “Dr. Breaker,” she said in a more pleasant voice. “I apologize for us not being better prepared for you. I’ll be your nurse from here forward.”
Angie had a point though. Tonight called for a shot of something very strong and I knew just where to go.
“Hey, you.” Jazlyn was adjusting the sound board as I walked into the Pineapple Post. “You’re cutting it close tonight. Women should start coming in very shortly.”
I wondered if she ever considered I might choose to stay one night. So far, I hadn’t. “Got tied up in the ER. Some fiery OB/Gyn came in raising hell. Had the whole ER buzzing.”
Jazlyn gave a hearty chuckle. “Uh oh. Did she turn into Dr. Ball Breaker tonight?”
I blinked at her surprised that she knew Violet’s nickname. “You know about that?”
Jazlyn stepped down from the deejay area. “Oh, hell yeah. Vi’s sort of proud of the nickname.”
“No shit.”
“Are you kidding? She loves it. She says people respect her more if they’re afraid of her.”
“Well, then she was gettin’ a whole lotta’ respect tonight.” I followed Jazlyn to the bar. She reached into the ice bin to pull out a beer. “Not tonight, my friend. I think I need something a little stronger.”
“Oh, really? Been one of those days?”
“You can say that again.”
“Pull up a stool. I’ve got just what the doctor ordered.” She pulled a bottle from the shelves behind her and poured a clear liquid into two shot glasses.
I recognized the Patron bottle the minute her hands gripped the neck. I closed my eyes to the memory of Sam’s hands over mine as she instructed me on the art of shooting tequila. She’d given me a swarm of butterflies that night. Butterflies that drowned in the warmth of the tequila buzz. My lips loosened to let spill the intoxication of her smell as I fell into her arms.
“Hey.” Jazlyn’s hand was on my arm. “Where’d you go?”
I shook my head. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be.” She pushed the shot glass toward me. “I’ve learned that only one person brings that look on your face.”
I slammed the liquid back and hoped the burn would ease the hurt in my heart. Unfortunately, it only managed to make me cough. I slid the empty glass back to her. “Again.”
Light poured into the darkened club as the entrance door opened. Jazlyn squeezed my arm to steady me. I realized I must have jumped.
“Hey, girls. Come on in. The pool table’s all set up for you.”
“Thanks. Can we have a pitcher of whatever you’ve got on tap tonight?” one of the four girls said as they walked to the pool tables.
“Sure thing. Got a light and dark. What are you in the mood for?”
“Make it a dark.” She held the hand of the shorter girl n
ext to her.
Jazlyn gave me two more shots in the time it took her to fix a tray with a pitcher of beer and four mugs. She pointed at me as she walked around the side of the bar. “Stay. I’ll be right back.”
I watched Jazlyn as she talked to the four of them. They looked young, alive, and full of uninhibited smiles. I felt a heavy weight on my shoulders at the irony of me describing the girls in that way. They were probably a mere couple of years younger than me. Yet I felt at least ten if not fifteen years older than them. Two of the girls giggled as they had found an escape in one another. They playfully tugged at each other’s body as they leaned against the side of the pool table.
I rested my head in my hand as I propped my arm up on the bar. The empty shot glass sat in front of me. “I don’t remember the last time I giggled,” I said to Jazlyn as she walked back behind the bar. “You know, giggled.” I rubbed my fingertips in circles around my temples. “I feel so old. Like a woman who has watched her life go by.”
Jazlyn placed her finger under my chin and raised my eyes to her level. “But see, that’s the beauty of it all. You aren’t old and you haven’t let your life pass you by. You’re young and fully capable of changing anything about your life you want.”
I tapped my finger on the rim of the empty shot glass. “Why don’t you ever ask about him?”
She filled my glass. “Because he has no bearing on our friendship. And he’s your story to tell. Figure when it’s us—it’s us.”
“She used to ask about him all of the time.”
“That’s because he had a huge bearing on yours and hers. Sam wanted you from the get-go. He was who had you.”
“Not really.” I drank the tequila hard and fast. “He’s never had me the way she did. Why couldn’t she see that?”
“She was too close.”
I thought of Tyler. I saw her tearful eyes looking into mine, searching for answers I’m sure she didn’t find. The tequila rose in my throat with a soured taste as I thought of Paxton and Grant’s plans. Not once had he mentioned the possibility of the year extension. I thought of her sitting alone in an emergency room. But in all reality, she wasn’t alone. She was sitting there with their unborn child. I thought of her feeling pregnant, alone, and trapped in a marriage she didn’t want to be in any longer.
“I don’t want this life.” The glass had magically been filled again but this time I felt the spinning of my head as I leaned back to drain its contents. My vision had to catch up to the position of my head as I looked back at the giggling girls. “I want that.”
“Whoa, sister, you’re going to have to slow down. That last bit came out a little slurred.”
“No.” I held my glass up. Or at least, I think I held my glass up. “Please give me another. I don’t want to think right now. Please.”
I opened one eye to notice dimmed recessed lights above me. The room was a quick blur as I lifted my head to look around. Damn tequila. At some point, Jazlyn must have helped me up the stairs to their loft. I pictured a distorted image of her leaning over me and telling me we’d work all of this out together. That must have been when she deposited me on her couch. I dug my cell phone out of my back pocket to send a text before rolling back on my side.
Text Message to Mo at 1:55am: “I’ll b there.”
Text Message from Mo at 2:10am: “Gr8!”
“See, what did I tell you?” Jazlyn screamed over the crowd.
I had thought the Atlanta club would be crowded but I’d never imagined this. The club was at least twice as large as the Pineapple Post and I dare say there wasn’t one single spot of flooring not covered by feet.
“I’d kill to have a place like this.”
Or at least that was what I think I heard her say over a multitude of voices drowned out by sounds of music pumping through the speakers. Then it occurred to me, no one here knew me. I could be who I wanted to be without anyone back home the wiser. I could absorb the scene around me yet not have to talk or be nervous or even dance as there was little room to do any of it. I didn’t have to worry about expanding out of my own thoughts as it was too loud to do anything but feel the bass vibrating my chest. A little over two hours from Birmingham and here I was standing in a club full of gay women. Their bodies leaned into each other as they strained to hear one another. Their casual touches of hands on arms, shoulders, smalls of back were a sign of attraction or comfort between them. A sign they didn’t try to hide or dampen. They were open to everything they wanted to share. And here I was, standing in the middle of them, grinning like a fool.
I caught Jazlyn looking at me with a huge grin on her face. “See. This is why I kept asking you to stay at my club instead of jetting before the ladies came.”
“Yes, but no one in this crowd knows me.”
She smiled in understanding but was suddenly distracted as she looked up over the crowd. “Come on. She’s about to start.” She pulled my arm to move us closer to the large deejay box. “We need to get closer.”
The lights dimmed to black as the masses of voices around me quieted. The music of a single violin began to play. The crispness of the speakers made the music sound as if it had taken the stage before us. Its notes streamed together in a near torturous song of shyness seduced by pain and sadness. A soft, falling rain filled the wall-to-wall screen behind the deejay’s booth. The violin’s scream became stronger, confident, and powerful as the raindrops strengthened into a storm. A flash of lightning erupted across the wall as the lights above us turned on bright all at once and then faded again into darkness. The intense energy of the room was electric from the music and created a storm. My senses were intensified to everything around me. A synthesized beat joined the violin. Another flash of light and lightning.
“Can you feel it?” a sultry voice, deep and low was heard over the electronic music. “Come on, ladies. I said, can you feel it?” The voice held the last words to linger over the sound system before they faded into song.
The lights lit up one by one over our heads. A keyboard’s notes teased into a slow crescendo.
“Say my name and you can dance.” That voice. The voice I had grown to know as a friend sounded much different than the one I had heard over the phone.
The crowd erupted in a scream. “Mo!”
Boom.
The bass exploded with one final lightning strike. I could feel the beat pounding in my chest as laser lights danced around us. Strobe lights flashed until they centered on the female standing in the deejay box.
The crowd roared in unison as they sprung up and down on their feet. One beat. One crowd collectively dancing to that one beat.
She held her hand up in the air as she danced with them to the music. She adjusted the oversized earphones until only one covered her ear. “The night is ours!” She moved her hands along the large instrument panel until the beat faded into an even faster paced rhythmic collection of strings, keys, and beats. “Now dance your beautiful asses off.”
Jazlyn’s face was as energetic as the bodies moving around me. “Isn’t this friggin’ amazing?”
And it was. I was held captive by Mo. Her body flowed and became one with the music. She raised her hand in the air and swayed to the beat as the other hand deftly moved across the panel—pulling, pushing, or spinning the device to will her tunes. Her hands created their own rhythms as they moved from the panel board to adjust the headphones from her ears to her bare neck. I wondered if she had cut her hair as I couldn’t imagine that much hair staying tucked in the newsboy cap she was wearing.
The beat she created enticed my body to sway with hers. I was under her spell as much as anyone surrounding me. She didn’t release any of us as her music streamed unbroken. Her voice called to give our bodies freely to her, reassuring us she was in control tonight. Women shouted their submission to her as their bodies moved together. Heads bobbed to her cadences, they bounced on their toes to h
er tempos and swayed their hips to her pulses. I was no exception although my screams were silent. It was a seductive trance she had us in, undulating our bodies to her creations. Sweat gently rolling down the small of my back. She was as erotic as the music she was vibrating through the women…through me.
The strobe and dancing lights kept the faces darkened from me. Only rarely would one hit a face just right for me to make out their expression. Flash, beat. Flash, beat. The faces of women all strangers to me spun around in the light. Was I so oblivious to think I would see one type here? Had I not considered women of all shapes, sizes, races joined together for one night. Feminine. Androgynous. Casually dressed. Sporty dressed. All strangers to me. The lights flashed on and off to the beat.
Sam.
Off.
On again. Sam’s face.
Sam?
Off. I looked at Jazlyn.
“What?” Jazlyn mouthed. “You okay?”
I nodded. Couldn’t be. I’m seeing things.
The music lowered. “Ladies. You’re killing me. You look too damn good for me to stand up here all night.” She moved her hands across the panel one final time before she took her earphones off and walked down the stairs. The screams were the loudest I had heard yet.
Mo made her way through the crowd. Not an easy feat as she was stopped multiple times. Her clothes didn’t do much to hide the body underneath. She wore a white tank top which fit snugly against her chest. Her lean, long arms were adorned with bracelets. Her hips were covered with blue jeans tied together by leather straps instead of a zipper and button.
Jazlyn swooped her up in a hug the moment she came to stand in front of us. “Girl, you’re freakin’ killing it tonight!”
Mo grinned ear to ear. “This crowd is too crazy. I don’t think we could fit another woman in here tonight.”
“You just make sure you bring this sort of crowd out when you come play at the Post.”
“No doubt.” Mo diverted her attention to me and smiled the one I did not see when she talked to the young girl at the taco stand. “Hey, you.”