He obeys. With a couple of hard tugs, the fabric splits in half and falls away. Next to go are my bra and panties, leaving me splayed out completely naked and vulnerable under him. I attack his jeans while he pulls off his shirt. He stands up briefly to remove the rest of his clothes and shoes, and I whimper at the absence of his body against mine. My greedy hands pull him back before he’s finished. I use my feet and legs to help push his boxers all the way down and off. I pull him savagely against me, wanting to feel his full weight pressing down on me, smothering me until all I can see and breathe is him.
“We have a lot to discuss, baby,” Ryder says with shallow, rocking thrusts of his hips that wipe away any other thought other than how good it feels. He slides his hard cock against my folds and up to my clit, lubing himself with my wetness, and I’m about to lose my goddamn mind.
“But tonight, I’m going to love you. Everything else can wait.” I nod my head in agreement and grab his neck, pulling him down so I can kiss his delectable mouth. Even the sound of his deep, raspy voice turns me on like nothing else.
With one hard thrust of his hips, he seats himself fully inside me, the girth of him stretching me and filling me up. Our twin hisses of pleasure echo throughout the cavernous bedroom. I was so incredibly wet beforehand that there was no need for foreplay. My hips rock upward of their own accord wanting him even deeper. I feel his cock pulse inside me like a heartbeat, and my core clenches around him in response. It’s the most delicious feeling. I’m finally complete. I’m home. Ryder is my home.
He bends his arms to rest on his elbows and grabs my face with both his hands. We don’t move. We stare at each other for a very long time. It has felt like ages since I last saw him, and my eyes can’t seem to take in enough of his stunning face. I trace the scruff of his stubble with my fingertips, and sparks surge through my nerve endings. I touch his mouth, pulling his bottom lip down and rubbing it with my thumb. My other hand glides across his eyebrows and into his hairline, feeling the soft hair that falls forward. Ryder is mirroring every caress on my own face. When he pulls at my bottom lip, I gently bite down on the pad of his thumb and flick my tongue out to taste its saltiness. His pupils dilate and he gradually leans in, butterflying his mouth across mine with feather-light kisses.
I’m so full and happy and in love. Ryder pulls his hips back slightly and slides in once more, lighting me up like one of those sparklers you buy for the Fourth of July. I squeeze my thighs against his sides and use my muscles to leverage him closer. I suck his tongue into my mouth as he moves in and out of my slick channel in a bold assault of pulsing, thrumming thrusts. It feels so damn good, my toes curl. Our bodies are already slick with sweat, and our skin glides over each other’s like silk against satin.
Ryder swivels his hips and a bolt of something powerfully electric travels up my spine. I shudder from the intensity of it. “I think you found my G-spot,” I tell him, my hands moving in a frenzied exploration of his smooth, hot skin.
“Yeah?” He sends a wicked gleam my way and repeats the motion. I cry out a strangled gasp and almost climax from the sensation.
“Holy shit,” I pant, my eyes watering.
“Let’s see how many times I can get you to come. I’m aiming for five within the next hour.”
Hell, yes.
I’m about to reply with a sassy retort but my skeptical laughter dies as Ryder pistons in once more and I explode in a torrent a million glittery pieces, coming unexpectantly with a long, convulsive moan that seems to echo around the room.
“That was sexy as fuck,” he says, kissing me.
As I quiver beneath him, Ryder gentles his pace, riding me through my orgasm, the glide of his cock inside of me slow and determined. As my second orgasm builds on top of the remnants of the first, I reach between us and slide my hands down his abs to where we’re connected. His whole body jerks.
“Fuck, I’m going to come,” he grunts and rolls us so that I’m now on top. I grab the headboard as he cradles my breasts, pinching and pulling each nipple between his thumbs and middle fingers. My head arches back in exultation, my pale blond hair whipping out all around. I eagerly move up and down his shaft, using my leg muscles to jackhammer myself on him, chasing yet another orgasm which is hurtling at me at light speed.
Ryder sits up and takes one tight pink bud into his mouth, sucking hard, and I’m done; the flick of his tongue on my aroused nipple sending me over the edge for a second time. I death-grip the headboard and sing out his name. Ryder soon follows. After he thrusts up into me a few more times, I feel the warmth of his release penetrating deep, the sound he makes while coming inside me better than any music I could ever write. I’m drunk off of the cascade of sensations I’m feeling. After the last tingle fades, I collapse on top of Ryder, my body draping over his left shoulder like a limp rag doll. He bands his arms around my middle and nuzzles my chest with soft licks and tender kisses.
“God, I’ve missed making love with you,” I say, my voice breathy and sated. Ryder rolls us once more so he’s on top of me again, our bodies still intimately connected. He relaxes and compresses my body down into the mattress, knowing exactly how I like it. I love feeling his weight on top of me after we make love. We spend several minutes giving each other languorous kisses. I rub my hands up and down his back, steeping in the sensual feel of his tight, defined muscles. The world is right again. I have my perfection back. But I also need to start working for his forgiveness.
Dragging my fingertips down the side of his face, I begin. “That night you went to see Fallon, I decided it was time to go through some old boxes that Daniel and Drew had packed for me. Stuff from my old room, my old life.”
I panic when Ryder tries to move off me, so I pull him back down, lifting my head to meet him with a kiss. “Please just listen. Let me finish,” I implore him, and he stills.
“There wasn’t a lot in the boxes. Mostly pictures and scrapbooks. There was a scrapbook full of Hailey’s poems. I read every one of them. They were so beautiful, and I became sad because I couldn’t remember her.”
“The two of you loved each other very much. You and Hailey were as much best friends as you were sisters.”
“I know that now because I remember. I couldn’t have asked for a better sister. I miss Hailey so much. I miss Mom and Dad,” I say, choking back the tsunami of tears that are threatening to escape. “I found some pictures of you and me as kids and thought it would be cool to make a memory board to hang up in the bedroom. As I went through the boxes’ contents, I kept pulling pictures of us out and placing them in a separate pile. I found another scrapbook. It was of me and Jayson. When I picked it up, something caught my eye. There was a ring. I didn’t know what it was at the time, but when I picked it up, it was like something clicked. Like the final puzzle piece snapped into place and I was able to see the full picture. All of my memories came pouring back. Every single one. Everything. The first thing that I remembered was that night. I remembered what happened, Ryder. I felt it all. I felt everything He did to me. I saw Mom and Dad and Hailey. It was like dying all over again.”
I begin to cry, the dam giving way and bursting forth. I feel wet droplets dripping down on my shoulder and realize that Ryder is crying with me. I wrap my arms around his neck and hold on to him for dear life.
“Why was I the only one to survive, Ryder? Why me? It’s not fair. I would give anything to go back and take their places. I would give anything to sacrifice myself so that Hailey could live.”
Ryder tightens his hold around me. “Please, baby, don’t ever say that. Don’t ever think that. I never want to exist in a world where you aren’t in it.”
“Even though I didn’t die, losing myself with the amnesia felt like death. The last thing I remember was you lifting me in your arms and telling me you loved me. I needed you to know that I loved you too. I remember saying it. I hope you heard me.”
“I heard you, sweetheart. I heard you.”
Ryder covers my face in wet kisse
s, the saline from our combined tears is like the first spring rain washing away the desolation of winter and bringing renewal for new life to grow.
“When my memories returned, it was like I was possessed by two people. My mind split between Old Elizabeth and New Elizabeth. Old Elizabeth took over. I don’t remember how I got to Jayson’s. It was raining and I somehow made it to the condo in the rain. When I woke up the next morning, I rolled over to reach for you, but it wasn’t you next to me. I didn’t understand why I was in Jayson’s bed. Like the night before, when my memories returned, everything that happened hit me all at once. I’m so sorry, Ryder. I slept with him. I wish so desperately that I could go back and not open those damned boxes. I didn’t want to remember. I was happy with my new life. All I wanted was you. I’m so fucking sorry. I’ve hated myself since. I hate what I did. I never meant to hurt you or Jayson, and I wound up hurting everyone.”
Ryder pulls back slightly, grabbing my face with both his hands. “Why didn’t you come to me? Why did you run to Fallon and not me?”
It takes me a minute to calm myself enough to continue. I meet his eyes, finding enough strength to go on. “I felt like I was losing my mind. I didn’t know what was real anymore. A part of me wanted to give up and curl into a ball on the floor, to disappear. I was so ashamed. I didn’t know who I was. I didn’t want to hurt anyone else. I couldn’t face you or Jayson or Julien. I managed to walk to Fallon’s. It was the only place I could think to go.”
“Home,” he says gruffly. “You should have come home, Elizabeth. To me. You turned off your tracking software. I went to the condo to see if you were there or if Jay or Jules had heard from you. I had looked everywhere trying to find you.”
A small, sad chuckle comes out when I say, “I forgot my shoes. I walked barefoot for over a mile to Fallon’s.”
Ryder kisses me once, ever so softly. “Baby.”
I shake my head at his tenderness. I don’t deserve it. “I couldn’t face you after what I’d done.”
“I saw the note.”
I shatter when he tells me that. He’s known this entire time that I betrayed him in the worst possible way and slept with Jayson? I feel like I’m going to be sick. My body shakes as I gasp for breath trying to pull heavy oxygen into my lungs. Ryder has known this entire time and he still came for me? He still loves me? How will I ever be worthy of this man? He should hate me for what I did. Thick repulsion at myself slithers its way up my esophagus and I push Ryder off, running to the bathroom to vomit up nothing but dry heaves.
Ryder sits down beside me on the cold tile floor, pulling my hair back even though nothing more than strangled gags come out. He rubs a hand in soothing circles around my back, and I rest my head on my forearm that’s propped on top of the toilet seat. I should be grossed out by the fact I’m leaning on a toilet, but I’m too distraught to give a shit.
“Baby, please,” he begs. “Please don’t do this to yourself. I love you. Everything will be alright.”
“How can you say that? How can you stand to look at me? I don’t deserve your forgiveness, Ryder.”
He slides himself behind me, his warmth enveloping my back. He brushes my long hair to the side so he can rest his chin next to my ear, making sure I hear everything he next tells me.
“I have loved you for an eternity. I was given a second chance, one brought on by tragedy, but one I will never regret taking. You are everything to me, Elizabeth. I know you didn’t mean to hurt me. I’m not going to lie and say you didn’t, because it was one of the worst pains I have ever experienced—knowing you had regained your memories and the first thing you did was run back to him. All my fears came true, and it was like everything you had said to me was a lie.”
I don’t think anything could have prepared me for the agony his words bring me. I hurt the man I love. I broke his trust. I don’t deserve him or his love, but if given another chance, I will spend the rest of my life making it up to him.
“You’ve been through so much already, Elizabeth, but I promise we’ll work through it. There’s something Fallon said when he called to let me know you were with him. I told him that you went back to Jay, and his exact words were, ‘No, she didn’t.’ It took me a minute to understand, but I do. If it’s Old Elizabeth that needs my forgiveness, she has it. But she’s not the woman in front of me now. She’s not the woman I hope to spend the rest of my life with. When you came back to us after being gone for over a year, you were different. You had changed, whether you meant to or not. That’s the woman you are. The feisty fighter with pink-streaked hair who loves new adventures. The one who drives a Hellcat. The one who curses and drinks and gave me her whole heart. The first woman I ever made love to. And I love you with every fiber of my being.”
His words slay me. Ryder Cutton is the most amazing man, and I am so damn grateful for his love. I’m about to tell him how much I love him in return when he rises up from his place behind me and I hear the shower turn on. He lifts me up and carries me under the spray where he holds me as the warm water sluices down my cold body. Too emotionally exhausted to do anything, I give myself over to Ryder as he tenderly washes me, holding me upright with one strong arm wrapped around my waist. As he rinses the shampoo from my hair, I look up at him with huge, green eyes filled with love and desperation.
“Fallon has helped me so much these past couple of weeks. I wouldn’t have made it without him. I owe him so much. I know who I am now. I will spend the rest of my life loving you with everything in me. I only want you, Ryder. I don’t want Jayson or anyone else. You’re it for me. My heart will always belong to you. It already did. Ever since I was nine years old.”
Ryder’s dark hair is plastered to his head, rivulets of water dripping down his face and chest and stomach. But my eyes never waver from his. “My love for you is and will never be a lie, Ryder. I have always loved you. That night after I left your garage, I had already decided. I was going to choose you. I will always choose you. You’re my forever.”
“And I choose you, Elizabeth. I don’t want to spend another day without you by my side. I know we’ll have a lot of things to work through, and then there’s Jayson and Julien to deal with. But if it’s absolution you need, Elizabeth, then you have it. I forgive you.”
How many times can I shatter tonight? Hearing him say he forgives me both rips me apart and glues me back together.
“I forgive you, Elizabeth,” he repeats, adding steel to his words. “I know you didn’t mean to hurt me. You must have been so scared. I’m sorry I wasn’t there with you to help you through it.”
God, this man, his soul so pure and good. I may have to reconsider my hatred of the Fates. I would endure any trial, any struggle, any fight, to have this man love me.
Ryder bends down and takes my mouth in a gorgeous passion-filled kiss that leaves me breathless. I haven’t lost him. He still wants me. I wasn’t expecting his forgiveness even though I was desperately hoping for it. Julien talks about my capacity for love, but this beautiful man standing before me puts it all to shame. His love humbles me, and I will cherish it and protect it for the rest of my life. My heart expands and my skin warms as if the sun is breaking through the dark clouds of a thunderstorm, creating a rainbow in its wake. We kiss and caress one another in the close confines of the shower until the water runs cold and our skin is wrinkled and pruned. Ryder finds two large towels rolled up in a cabinet in the corner of the bathroom and wraps me in one of them when we exit the shower. The past hour of great sex and heart-felt confessions has been cathartic, leaving me feeling lighter and unburdened.
I smile. “There’s one good thing about my memory returning. I have every memory of you back, and I wouldn’t trade those for the world.”
“Even the one of me doing a backflip on the motorcycle?”
“Especially that one. You were so sexy that night. I wanted to rip your clothes off.”
“I think you succeeded in that objective quite well earlier,” he chuckles, looking at the cloth
es littering the bedroom floor. His laughter makes my stomach cartwheel in that special way only he can make it do.
I tug his towel away from his waist and throw it across the room. “Let’s see if I can work on some more of those promises I whispered to you earlier.”
“I think I also remember guaranteeing you more orgasms,” he adds.
He tosses me back onto the bed, and my laughter fills the room until it turns into moans of delight as he crawls between my legs.
Chapter 12
Day 18: He Found Me
Barcelona
After our marathon of make-up sex, and with the effects of jetlag catching up to him, Ryder falls into a very deep sleep. Even though I’ve been up well over twenty-four hours, my brain doesn’t want to shut down. I’ve spent the last several hours wrapped in Ryder’s arms, staring at the man I love more than life itself, and tracing the lines of the tattoo above his heart. I’m still in disbelief that he’s here; that he forgives me. It’s so much more than I deserve, but I will grab hold of it and never let go again.
Knowing Ryder should be asleep for a while to come, I disentangle myself from his arms and legs and go in search of Fallon and coffee. I slip on a pair of leggings and a hoodie and make my way downstairs. Through the window, I see Fallon sitting out on the patio. I make two cups of coffee and take them outside, placing one in front of him on the table, then sit down in the chair beside him.
“Thank you, Fallon.”
“I take it things went well?” he casually inquires, but I see the smirk he’s trying hard to hide.
I blush hard because there is no possible way that he didn’t hear my very vocal orgasmic screams coming from the bedroom all night long.
“Where’s our boy?”
“Still asleep,” I reply and take a sip of coffee. I reach over and take Fallon’s hand in mine. “Fallon, seriously, thank you for everything. I will never be able to repay you for what you’ve done for me and what you’ve given to me.”
Broken Butterfly: Fallen Brook Series: Book 3 Page 12