Broken Butterfly: Fallen Brook Series: Book 3

by Jennilynn Wyer

  I wrench my head to the side. “Jayson, stop. We need to talk. Please.”

  Fallon is holding a fuming Ryder back and I know if I don’t get the situation under control—and fast—things are going to detonate. Thankfully, Freda comes to the rescue.

  “Jay, Julien said Liz was here?” she says in a question, then rushes forward when she sees me, just like Faith did yesterday.

  “Oh my goodness. Look at you! So grown up and so beautiful,” she exclaims. “Jay said you weren’t going to be able to make it. Come inside. We’re about to eat.” She notices Ryder struggling against Fallon’s hold and her smile falls.

  “Jay, go tell Ryder and his friend to come on inside. Your father is carving the turkey.”

  “No, Mom. Liz and I need to talk. Alone. Start without us,” he tells her and grips my hand so hard I wince. He pulls me around the side of the house and toward the forest where our fort is. Ryder and Freda both shout my name, but Jayson doesn’t slow down.

  “Jayson, you’re hurting me,” I speak softly because I can tell how angry he is right now. He eases his grip but doesn’t let go.

  It’s easy to see the remains of the fort up ahead since all the trees are barren and have lost their leaves. It’s a bit run down, a few pieces of plyboard are broken and faded. Hailey and I would spend hours out here when we were younger—raking the pine needles to create pathways through the forest, collecting things from the creek bed to store in jars, nailing sticks into tree trunks to create ladders to climb. It was also the place where Jayson and I made love for the first time, and those memories are still potent in my mind, like the recollections of first loves usually are.

  Jayson goes into the front of the fort and hauls two stumps out, offering one to me. I place a gloved hand to the wood. My dad made these for me and Hailey. Jayson and I sit down at the same time and he hesitantly touches my face with his cold hands. He’s wearing a thin shirt and jeans and nothing else, not even shoes.

  “Aren’t you cold?”

  “Where have you been? Why did you run off?”

  I swallow. Here we go.

  “I’ve been with Fallon.”

  “Where, Liz?”

  I gnaw on my thumbnail, a nervous habit of mine. “Um, we took his yacht to New York City, and then flew to Iceland, then England, France, Spain, and a few other places.”

  “Why did you leave me? Why did you leave my bed and disappear? Why did your note say it was a mistake?” Jayson’s voice breaks along with my heart. Those icicle tears come back.

  “I’m so sorry, Jayson. I shouldn’t have done that to you. But I didn’t know what to do. I was so scared and lost.”

  Jayson tries to reach for me, but I resist. “Why won’t you let me hold you?”

  “Jayson, we can’t go back to the way things were between us.”

  “You came back to me. You remembered and you came back to me.”

  “But I didn’t,” I cry. “That wasn’t me. I wish I could explain it better, but the girl that night wasn’t me. That was Old Elizabeth, and she doesn’t exist anymore.”

  “Liz, you’re not making any sense. What the hell has Fallon done to you?” he accuses.

  Hearing him blame Fallon raises my hackles and I bite out, “Fallon is a good man. I won’t stand by and allow anyone, even you, Jayson, to bad-mouth him.”

  “What the hell is wrong with you?”

  “Jayson, please listen to me. I was messed up after my memories came back. It was like I was two different people. I didn’t know what to do. The morning after we were together, I somehow managed to walk to Fallon’s frat house. He took me in. He helped me. I owe him so much. Without him, I think I would have crawled into a hole and died. I hated myself for what I did.”

  I take a deep, calming breath because getting into an argument with Jayson about Fallon will only derail the conversation we need to have. Jayson hates Fallon and vice versa. No amount of expounding on Fallon’s good points will change that in Jayson’s eyes.

  “You hated being with me?” he asks in a pained voice.

  I take his hand from my face and grip it between both of mine. I stare into his silver eyes, eyes that used to look at me with love but are now filled with hurt.

  “I’m not explaining myself well. There will never be a time I will ever regret being with you. You were my first love, Jayson. I will always love you. But I’m not in love with you.”

  “You’re in love with Fallon?”

  “It’s not what you think. I do love Fallon. Just like I love you and Julien. But the person I’m in love with is Ryder. I want to be with Ryder. I choose Ryder.” I’m sweating like mad and my words are coming out choppy, but I said them.

  “That shit again? Is this why Ry went off the grid the past week?”

  “Yes. He’s been with me and Fallon.”

  “I don’t understand,” Jayson exclaims and stands up to pace in front of me. “You love me and then, poof! No memory, so you don’t love me anymore; you say you love Ryder. Not to mention I found out you kissed Julien—twice. Then when you get your memories back, you come running to me. You fuck me,” —I cringe at his crass words— “you tell me you love me after we screw each other for hours, then you run away and go straight to Fallon, who by the way, you now say you love too. Am I missing anything, because Jesus Christ, Liz, that all sounds like crazy bullshit and makes you nothing but a whore.”

  I jerk back in horrified shock at him calling me a whore. Without thinking, my hand snakes out and slaps Jayson across the face, the sound echoing between the trees. We both freeze in shock, staring wide-eyed at each other.

  “I guess I deserve that,” he says, rubbing his cheek where I slapped him. It’s already showing the red imprint of my hand.

  I’m still livid. “You bet your ass you do!”

  “Well, can you blame me?” he yells back. “This is confusing as fuck. You came back to me, Liz. You fucked me like the world would end. I had bite marks and scratches to prove that night was real. You fell asleep in my arms and told me that you loved me. I woke up to a note. A fucking note saying that everything that happened between us that night was a mistake!”

  A single tear slithers down his red cheek like a raindrop falling down a windowpane. I grab his icy hands to pull myself up from the log seat. We’re both breathing hard, our dual breaths creating mist that floats away in the cold winter air.

  “I’m so sorry about everything. I’ve fucked things up so badly. You deserve better. I don’t know how else to explain myself or justify what happened. I will always love you. We created Elizabeth Ann from our love. But I’m not coming back to you. I’m in love with Ryder. I choose Ryder,” I repeat, hoping he finally understands.

  Jayson grabs my wrists so hard I know I’ll have bruises tomorrow. “No, princess, you came back to me.”

  “Jayson, will you please listen to me? I don’t want to hurt you, but you need to understand that I’m not coming back to you.”

  He continues on like I hadn’t spoken. “And I told you that night in the hospital that I would never stop fighting for you. We belong together. You. Are. Mine.”

  Jayson backs me up against the tree next to the opening of the fort; the same tree he and Julien hung upside down on when I saw them for the first time thirteen years ago. Two snaggle-toothed brown-haired boys that I called my princes. My breath gets knocked out of me from the force of my back hitting the trunk and it takes me a second to get my lungs working again.

  “Jayson, please stop,” I wheeze out.

  He pulls down my bottom lip with his thumb, the pupils of his metallic eyes narrowing to a pinprick.

  “These lips belong to me, just like your body and your love belong to me. There isn’t a single part of you that hasn’t felt my touch. You remembered and you came back.”

  “I’m not that girl anymore, Jayson. And you haven’t listened to a word I’ve said. I love Ryder!”

  “We’ll see about that,” he replies angrily, pressing into me harder and makin
g it difficult to move.

  Before me is the boy I grew up and who I know better than most anyone, other than Ryder and Julien. Jayson panics and reacts by acting out in the heat of the moment without thinking. It’s just like when Ryder told Jayson and Julien his feelings for me. Jayson panicked and came straight to me, declaring his love. He felt like he had to be the first one to stake a claim on me. Or the night at the bonfire in eleventh grade when I was jealous over Ryder’s attention toward Maria, and Jayson tried to drunkenly take me against a tree next to the abandoned warehouse because he felt insecure. Or every time he tried to push me into accepting that I was his girlfriend even though my amnesia left me with no memories of us being together that way.

  “Elizabeth!” Ryder’s voice calls from the edge of the forest as he, Fallon, and Julien quickly approach. Jayson steps away from me and the suddenness of it has me falling to the ground. Within seconds Ryder is sliding across the leaf-littered ground, catching me in his arms.

  “Don’t you touch her again,” he snaps at Jayson just as Jayson is crouching down to help lift me up.

  “Liz, baby, I’m sorry,” Jayson garbles out like he’s coming out of a trance.

  “Liz, you alright?” Julien asks me, coming into my line of sight as he shoves Jayson back.

  Fallon lunges forward but I’m able to grab the bottom of the leg of his jeans to stop him from charging Julien to attack Jayson.

  “I’m fine. I just lost my balance.”

  “The fuck you did,” Fallon snarls.

  Ryder helps me to stand back up. The four boys square off. Jayson and Julien on one side, Ryder and Fallon on the other, with me in the middle.

  I’ve had enough. Nothing more will get resolved today between the five of us.

  “Please apologize to Freda. I didn’t mean to ruin your Thanksgiving dinner. We all need to sit down and talk soon. I have a lot of explaining to do and apologies to give. I owe both of you apologies,” I tell Jayson and Julien.

  “I don’t want your damn apologies, Liz,” Julien angrily hurls at me. “You lied to me. You promised you wouldn’t leave again, and you lied.”

  “You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Ryder tells him.

  I open my mouth to speak but Julien shuts me down. “I’m not interested in anything you have to say right now. Come on, Jay. Mom and Dad are waiting for us and dinner is getting cold. Fallon, I don’t know how you factor into everything, but if it wasn’t for this shit-show, I would say it’s good to see you.”

  Fallon acknowledges Julien with a chin jerk, his focus never leaving Jayson.

  Jayson shoulders past Ryder and Fallon and cups my face with his cold hands. He bends down to my ear and whispers, “It will never be over between us, princess.”

  A cold shiver makes its way down my back as I remember my nightmare from that first night I was on Fallon’s yacht. I recall Old Elizabeth telling me, “You will never find true happiness with Ryder. You’re deluding yourself if you think you can. Jayson will never let me go.”

  Jayson turns back around and shifts his attention from me to Ryder. He takes a deep breath and I watch as Jayson’s entire body language changes. “Heard you had a good trip. Can’t wait to hear about it. Welcome back.” He holds his fist out to Ryder for a bump.

  What the hell? The whiplash caused by Jayson’s sudden change of demeanor has me off-balance.

  Ryder knocks his fist to Jayson’s like they weren’t about to come to blows five minutes ago. “Good to be back.”

  “Why don’t we all meet up at Ruby’s tomorrow for lunch?” Jayson suggests. “You can come too, fuckwad,” he tells Fallon.

  “Wouldn’t miss it, dickhole,” Fallon replies.

  And then, like nothing ever happened, the boys start chatting away, leaving me very much perplexed on what the hell is going on. The only exception is Fallon. He sticks close by me watching Jayson. Ryder wraps his arm around my waist and pulls me to his side as we walk with the rest of the group back toward the house.

  “Jules, where’s Elijah?” Ryder asks him.

  “We broke up.”

  What? Then I remember. Elijah was going to propose today.

  “What happened, Julien?” I reach for his hand, concerned for my best friend.

  Julien jerks away from my touch as if I threw acid on his skin and ignores me. Instead, he continues talking to Ryder and Fallon. “You guys want to come in for a bit?”

  “Nah, man. Thanks though, but we need to head back.”

  Jayson’s eyes laser back to me. “Liz staying at your house, then?”

  “Yeah. Fal, too. We’ll head back to campus on Saturday.”

  Fallon leans over to whisper in my ear, “Have you had enough of this kumbaya bullshit yet?” I nod yes. “Come on, kitten. Let’s get out of here. You guys can continue to shoot the shit. I’m taking kitten with me,” he tells Ryder.

  Ryder squeezes me tighter to his side as Jayson stares holes into me. “Hold up, man. We’re coming,” Ryder tells Fallon.

  And then I see it. The thing I have adamantly avoided. I made sure to fix my gaze away from it when I walked up to Jayson’s front door. I made sure to look away from it when Jayson dragged me into the forest. But I can’t avoid it anymore. My childhood home stands before me like a haunted house of horrors. It’s dark inside, curtains closed. It looks old and decrepit, a twisted shell of the warm, welcoming home of my memories.

  “Baby, look at me,” Ryder begs, but I can’t. I can’t tear my eyes away from it.

  “Fuck,” I hear someone say.

  “Get Liz out of here.”

  I forcibly remove Ryder’s hold on my waist. “No.” I walk up to the back patio steps. I feel so small standing there, like a lost soul staring up at the gates of Hell.

  “Mom said no one has lived here. It’s been locked up and empty for a while,” Jayson informs me.

  I trail my fingers along the deck railing. Hailey and I would come out here and lie in the sun during the summers. I never was able to get a proper tan no matter how long we stayed out here. Jayson and I would recline together on one of the loungers and watch the night sky or we would come out here when it rained. I always loved the sound of the rain hitting the deck flooring, or the earthy scent of the air after a storm.

  I press my palms flat against the back door. He ran out through this door that night. This is the door He used to escape after killing my family and stabbing me. He destroyed my life then fled. He took my family from me. How is any of that fair? I pound my closed fists against the door and the glass panes rattle. I turn around to see wide-eyed faces standing at the bottom of the steps not knowing what to do. Except for Fallon. The tips of his lips curve up. He understands what I need.

  “Look down and to the right, kitten.”

  I do as he says. There’s an old, weathered baseball bat lying on the deck. I remember it. It belonged to this little boy, Danny, that lived down the street. Hailey would sometimes babysit him at our house on the weekend. He must have left it here. I strip my gloves off and bend over and pick it up. The metal of the handle is cold to the touch. It’s covered in dirt and the painted letters of the brand name are mostly worn off. I test its weight then fist the handle with both hands and swing with all my might. Two glass panels on the back door explode and shatter into diamonds.

  “Jesus Christ, Liz! What are you doing?” Julien yelps.

  “Elizabeth, stop,” Ryder says next.

  Fallon tells them, “She needs to do this. Let her.”

  I swing the bat again. More glass breaks, tiny shards collecting on my shoes and leggings like snowflakes.

  I tune out the male arguments behind me knowing Fallon will keep Ryder, Jayson, and Julien away. I swing again at the back door. And again. And again. The doorknob flies off and I kick the door in, holding the bat like a broadsword. I step inside and almost vomit at the musty smell that accosts me.

  I yell over my shoulder, “Stay out!” and then I disappear inside the darkness.

  Ch
apter 16

  It takes a minute for my eyes to adjust but when they do, I scan my surroundings. Everything looks the same as I remember. It’s as if the house has turned into a museum where each room is a diorama or an exact replica of itself from two years ago. I’m in the kitchen. Instead of the putrid, stale smell of the interior air, my senses smell the aroma of the apple crumb muffins Mom used to bake. I see the kitchen island where Hailey and I would sit and laugh while Mom puttered away cooking. I notice that there are only three chairs instead of four at the kitchen table. I was tied to the fourth chair. I broke it trying to escape from Him. I scan the floor expecting to see pieces of broken wood scattered across the tile, but there’s nothing. It’s like the events of that night never took place right where I’m now standing.

  My gaze tracks to the pantry door, which is open and empty. My unfocused eyes watch in a trance as He pulls Hailey out of it by her hair and drags her limp body across the floor. I squeeze my eyes tightly shut trying not to see what comes next. If I don’t open my eyes, then I won’t see what He does to Hailey. But I still see it. I still hear it. I hear her dying gasps as he plunges his knife into her. I hear his grunts as he savagely assaults her in front of me. I hear him screaming at me to look, to see. I still don’t understand what he meant, and not knowing is driving me mad. What did he want me to see so badly? Why did he keep saying those words to me?

  My eyes fly open. I’m at the living room entrance. There’s no more carpet on the floor. As if removing the carpet would prevent me from seeing the large pool of blood spreading out around the prone bodies of my parents. Their dead eyes locked on me while I was tied to that chair.

  I slowly make my way down the short hallway to the music room. It’s empty. Where did all my dad’s instruments go? I walk up the stairs to my old room. The door is already open. The glow of the lights from the tree outside my bedroom window casts shadows along the walls. I almost expect to see Jayson climbing through my window and I imagine him doing just that. Despite our recent fight, I smile at the memory.