That following Thursday afternoon, Tanya and Gretchen were having their weekly meeting in her office. The night before, her parents left for St. Louis to catch up with her brothers. Having them there refreshed her mind for the long workdays ahead, and Gretchen’s outlandish demands.
As they finished the meeting, Alastair stopped by.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt.” He said, planting himself in the doorway.
“It’s ok Alastair. We’re done.” Gretchen gathered paperwork and her laptop.
“Tanya, did your parents make it to St. Louis safely? He asked.
“Yea. I spoke with them this morning.” She smiled, typing on her laptop.
Gretchen sneered in Alastair’s direction. Irked by him asking about Tanya’s parents. He ignored her envy and continued.
“That’s good to hear. You ready for lunch?”
“Sure.” Tanya raised her head. “Meet me in the lobby in five minutes?”
“Ok.” He winked before disappearing into the hallway.
“He tries so hard. Flirting with every skirt around here.” Gretchen mumbled. “I wouldn’t go to heaven with him.”
Her boss snickered her way out of the office, leaving Tanya in a frozen state. She wasn’t planning on falling for Alastair so soon but the time they spent together was special. Although she assured her mother that it was only a friendship, there was indeed an organic spark between them. The talk with her mother at the restaurant opened her eyes to possibilities. Unexplainable to her, but something she didn’t want to discontinue. Tanya wasn’t looking for love, but she didn’t want to pass up on a chance of getting to know Alastair as more than a friend.
With the good things brewing with Alastair, the last thing she needed to hear was that he was the “office charmer”. Her mind went back to her relationship with Kenneth. Everything was perfect relationship-wise, then the other shoe dropped right before their wedding. She couldn’t risk that again, so any sign given about Alastair was a tough but necessary pill to swallow.
While taking their usual walk in the park, Alastair sensed something bothering Tanya.
“What’s wrong, T? You don’t seem like your usual self.”
She shook her head and focused on the ground. He grabbed her hand to stop her.
“What’s the matter?” He urged. “You can tell me anything.”
“Do you do this with every woman here?” She finally looked at him.
“Do what?” Alastair stepped back, keeping her hand in his.
“This! What we’re doing. You know being friendly, taking me out. Meeting my parents.” She said, disgruntled.
“What!?! Why are you asking me that?” He asked, offended. “And meeting your parents was your idea. Remember?”
“I told you about what led me here. I don’t need to get caught up on someone. Look, if you want to be friends, fine but anything else is out of the question. I’m not interested in anything more so...if you’re trying to woo me, you might as well stop!”
He released her hand. The brutal honesty insulted his character. Alastair wanted to take things slow with Tanya. He really liked her and didn’t have the thought of making her an office fling. Doing what he thought was right in showing support and giving quality time, seemed to backfire by her own assumptions.
“Thanks for clearing the air.” He nodded. “Friendship it is.”
“Were you expecting something more?” Tanya probed.
“Doesn’t matter now does it?” He murmured disappointingly. “I just remembered I have some reports to do. Rain check on lunch?”
“Sure. We can catch up later, after work.” She said, regretful. “Are we okay?”
“We’re friends T. Of course.” He replied in a sarcastic tone.
Alastair walked away, without looking back. Tanya realized she’d extinguished the spark. They didn’t catch up after work, nor communicated that evening.
Tanya felt bad about how she treated him. Protecting herself from a potential letdown, led her actions. He said they were good, but they both knew their friendship wasn’t going to be the same.
Later that night, her alarm was set to call her best friend at 2am.
“Hey girl! What’s new?” Shauna answered, happy to hear from the best friend.
“Eh.” Tanya sighed. “I don’t know.”
“What’s wrong? Ready to come home?”
“This is my home now Shauna.”
“Maybe...”
“Anyway.” She rolled her eyes. “Everything is okay but, I’m missing something.”
“What?”
“I don’t know.” She replied in a bleak tone.
Tanya was missing Alastair’s company.
“Tanya, you chose to move away, and start over. Staring over takes time to connect with your new surroundings and new people.” She advised.
“I know. Just wish everything would fall into place already.”
“What happened with that guy you were hanging out with? Was he just a fling?”
“No!” She replied outraged. “Alastair is my friend. But, I think after today it won’t be like that anymore.”
“Why? What did you do? Refuse to sleep with him?”
“Stop that!” She replied disgustedly. “I think I made him feel bad. We were talking today, and I told him, in a harsh way, that I didn’t want to be with anyone.”
“Which is the truth.”
“I don’t know, maybe. I feel like I could have been more honest with him. I want to take things slow with Alastair. Get to know him, and then move on to something more.” Tanya revealed.
“This soon?”
“I said to take things slow.”
“No, I mean you’re thinking about dating this soon? You don’t know him.”
“I know enough. He’s been consistent and we get along great! He’s actually the type of guy that I could see myself being with. We like the same things!”
“So what. You have a man back home who is willing to change for you.”
“I don’t have a man, and my home is here.”
“Tanya, this London stint...”
“It’s NOT a stint!” Tanya snapped. “Why can’t you just be a friend and LISTEN, without forcing your opinions on me? My life isn’t in Birmingham. I NEVER wanted my life to be in Birmingham.”
“Never? Hmph. That’s a lie. You almost married a man that would never leave here. Don’t get brand new Tanya.”
“I know what I almost did. I just...” She sighed. “I don’t know. I’m thinking that breakup happened for the best. I’m not sure I would have been truly happy with Kenneth. I’m happier here. In London, without him.”
“I can’t with you right now. Fine. Be in London. I’m about to snuggle with my HUSBAND.” Shauna taunted.
“Bye.” Tanya grunted.
The conversation with her best friend did not go as planned. Shauna didn’t want to hear anything about her moving on with another man. But Tanya needed advice on how to smooth things over with Alastair, not an introduction to talks about Kenneth. After hanging up, she started to feel a strain with the former matron of honor.
The next day at work, Alastair avoided Tanya. She really wanted to talk to him but felt it would be better to give him space. Plus, she had to sort out her own feelings before starting that conversation.
“I need new friends.” Tanya said aloud, staring at the computer screen.
“Good thing you said that!” Her co-worker, Brie, said popping into the office.
“Hey Brie. I was just thinking out loud.” She said, flustered.
“No worries. I was like that too when I first moved out here. I know you spend a lot of time with Alastair, but ummm if you’re up to it, maybe we can go to an art show tonight.” Brie suggested.
“Sure I’d enjoy that.” Tanya responded smiling. “And I need to get out after this week.”
“Cool! It starts at 8. I’ll send you the details when I get back to my office.”
“Okay. And thanks for the invi
te!”
Brie worked in Branding under Alastair. Like Tanya, she was a UK transplant, hailing from Chicago. Having lived and worked there for over a year, Brie was settled, in a relationship, and used to the London life. Tanya strived to be like her in that way.
She stood up from the desk to get her 3pm coffee, to her surprise, Alastair appeared in her office.
“Hi.” Tanya said, locking her eyes into his. “Missed you at lunch today.”
“I worked through lunch.” He replied in a dry tone.
“You okay?”
Alastair nodded quickly. “I needed to stop by and tell you that our meeting, later this afternoon, was pushed to next week.”
“Well, that’s a relief. I wasn’t in the mood to deal with Gretchen’s rambling today.” Tanya laughed. “Got enough of that this morning.”
He nodded again, holding back his natural reaction to engage.
“It was ‘Tanya do this, and we need to do that....Oh look, this is the new puppy I’m thinking about getting. Do you think he’d like me?’” She mocked Gretchen’s mannerisms. “I’m like c’mon girl, let’s handle this business and go on about our Friday.”
“Whelp” Alastair shrugged. “That’s Gretchen.”
“Are we hanging out this weekend? Tonight I’m going with Brie to an art show, but I’m free tomorrow and Sunday.” She urged. “I was thinking we should do a horror movie night. You can come over and...”
“T...” He blinked slowly. “I have plans.”
“Oh.” She replied, feeling rejected. “Maybe next weekend, or sometime next week.”
“We’ll see.” He shrugged with one shoulder. “Anyway, I just stopped in to tell you about the meeting.”
“Alastair.” Tanya called out as he turned to leave.
She walked passed him and closed the office door.
“Why are you being like this?”
He folded his arms, pierced his eyes into hers, and then unfolded them. “I’m not following.”
“You know what I mean.”
“I do know what you mean, but I’m not following.”
Tanya leaned on the door, confused.
“You basically told me just yesterday that we’re to be just friends. Which is fine. But now you want me to come over for movie nights.” He explained.
“That’s what friends do Alastair.” She replied in an innocent tone.
“I wanted to work towards being more than a friend to you.” He scoffed. “Forgive me for not being transparent about that before, but I thought you felt it.”
“I-I did, but...” Tanya sunk her head to the floor.
“You did.” Alastair sighed. “It’s fine. Look, I really like you. But I understand that you don’t feel the same way.”
She wanted to say he was wrong, but Gretchen’s declaration of him, mixed with confusion, stopped those words from leaving her lips.
“The way you told me yesterday was a bit cold. I care about you, I just want that same respect. I can’t do the whole push and pull thing.” He continued, refolding his arms.
“I’m sorry. Um, we should just give it some space.”
“You’re right.” He nodded. “Enjoy your art show.”
That night, Tanya was not feeling the art exhibition. She made the best of it, while Brie tuned into the live paintings like a kid in a candy store.
“Wanna grab a drink?” Brie asked as they left the show. “I know that style of art probably wasn’t your cup of tea.”
“It was that obvious huh?” Tanya laughed. “It’s not that. I have a lot on my mind.”
“You’ll unload over drinks.”
They walked to a nearby lounge with soft music and an eclectic ambiance. There were only three other people in the place, occupying a table in the corner.
“So, what is it? London treating you bad?” Brie asked stirring the ice in her glass.
“No. I think I pushed someone away too soon.” Tanya disclosed.
“How did you do that?”
“By not telling him how I really felt. Instead, I did the immature thing, and was kinda rude.”
Brie smirked. “Are we talking about Alastair Brooke?”
Tanya couldn’t hide her smile. The mention of his name took over her facial expression.
“So it IS true!” Brie slapped her hand on her leg. “Everyone in the office thinks you two are an item.”
“What!? No! We’re just friends.”
“You take walks in the park together almost every day at lunchtime. You flirt at team meetings. And he’s always popping in your office just to say hello. Oh and let’s not forget his favorite phrase in our weekly meetings, ‘We need Finance input, oh I’ll reach out to Tanya myself about that.’”
Tanya laughed at Brie’s imitation of Alastair. She thought their spark was only noticeable between them. First her mother, then the entire office knew there was more to it.
“Because we’re friends.” She attempted to convince her co-worker.
“Everybody sees it Tanya. You two have a thing for each other. I think it’s great!”
“It’s not like that.”
“Hide it all you want. But it’s very clear he’s into you. He’s never been that way with anyone else.”
“Really?!” Tanya replied shocked. “Gretchen said he flirts with all the ladies.”
“Gretchen!?! You listened to Gretchen!?” Brie frowned. “Please. No.”
“Why would she say that if it weren’t true?”
“Because she’s Gretchen! Look, I know she’s nice at first but get to know her. She’s very spiteful. And she’s smitten with Alastair. He can’t stand her.”
“That bitch.”
Brie burst out into an annoying laugh, while Tanya came to a realization. She spoiled a good friendship over a rumor started by a jealous woman.
Brie could only stick around for one drink before meeting up with her boyfriend. Tanya stayed behind and wallowed. Taking a chance, she messaged Alastair.
“Can you meet me somewhere? I have to talk to you. Please.”
Following the text was the address of the lounge. Waiting for a response, Tanya prayed that he’d come to see her.
Forty-five minutes passed, and Tanya was the only patron left. There was no returned text from Alastair either. Afraid she’d be seen as a pathetic lonely woman on a Friday night, she decided to leave.
“Damnit I have to pee.” She fussed at herself.
Walking into the women’s restroom, she felt a weird feeling in the pit of her stomach. Tanya looked at her phone, counting the minutes until Alastair’s response. Each second sent her deeper into discouragement.
She walked out of the restroom area and found a familiar white man sitting alone at the bar. He hovered over the fresh glass of whiskey circling his finger around a dried water ring on the wooden panel.
The pitted feeling in her stomach grew deeper as she didn’t know what his presence would mean. Alastair could have shown up to painfully reject their friendship or to simply hear her out. She walked closer and placed her hand on his shoulder.
“I didn’t think you would come.” She whispered.
Alastair sat up, interlocking his fingers, with the usual piercing look.
“It’s hard ignoring you, you know?” He breathed deeply.
“Really?” She smiled softly.
He pulled out the empty stool next to him. “Sit down, let’s talk.”
“Thank you.” Tanya replied, softly.
Five seconds of silence. She sat still and prepared for the official “kiss off”. Chunks in her throat arose, hoping the impact would come easy.
“I’ll go first. I’ve already told you how I felt. I don’t know why you would get the notion that I’m messing about with other women. Especially ones I work with...”
“Gretchen.”
He was immediately astounded by her quick response.
“Well um, the other day when you came by my office.” She raised her head. “Gretchen made a comment about you fli
rting with every woman in the office. It caused me to re-think...THIS.”
He nodded, apprehensive about what else Gretchen told her. “Is that all she said?”
“Yea. I know it sounds crazy but, I have to be careful. The last thing I need is another surprise from ANY man in my life. Even if it’s someone I’m just getting to know.”
“Hey, I get it. You just moved here, and we’ve only known each other for a short while. But give me a chance to show you who I really am.”
“I’m sorry. About everything.” She groaned. “Me jumping to conclusions, and the way I brought it up. I should have told you about it.”
“So that made you lose interest in me?” Alastair wrinkled his eyebrows and bit his bottom lip.
“Not really. I never lost interest. I was just, scared.” Tanya confessed.
“It’s normal for you to feel that way. I’d be scared to jump back out there too if I had gone through someone leaving me the way your ex did. But you HAVE to communicate with me.”
“I know.” She nodded.
“And you can’t define me by someone else’s rude comments. Gretchen’s a..”
“A BITCH!”
“I’d agree with that.” Alastair laughed.
“I just feel so stupid. All of this could have been avoided.”
She turned to face the assortment of liquor, neatly placed behind the bar. Alastair’s eyes remained on her, reading the body language. The language disclosed that she was very remorseful for causing confusion between them.
He was also relieved that Gretchen didn’t divulge into anything deeper. The statement she made about him was a lie, however, there was a pang of inner guilt that made him place his ego aside and easily let go of the assumption Tanya made about him.
“What do you want T? Ultimately?” He inquired, sincerely.
Tanya took a deep sigh, thinking of how to answer the question. She didn’t give much thought on moving on romantically as it wasn’t expected to happen so soon after the failed engagement. Releasing the rehearsed words, she allowed the heart to speak.
“I wanna have it all. The career, the man, the adventure. I want to wake up and not think about what I’ve been through. I want to enjoy this new chapter in my life without the fear that it’ll repeat itself. Honestly, I want to love again. But the RIGHT love this time. Not giving up parts of myself that I hold dear to me just to have someone. And I feel like...with time, that person could possibly be you.”
Devastation or Destiny??? Page 9