“I think Alastair will understand.”
“I keep forgetting he’s your boss.”
“Yes, yes your boyfriend is my boss.” Brie smiled. “Now take a drink, and spill the tea it on the ex-fiancé!”
Tanya narrated the wedding day that never happened, however, she left out the parts involving self-medicating and meltdowns. She trusted the new friend, but only to a certain degree. Shauna was to thank for that state of mind. Everything that happened back in Birmingham, made her second guess the newness of London.
Drinks and good conversations over lunch made Tanya feel better about the rough day. However, there was a portion of the lunch she needed to discuss with Alastair. A new revelation arose, only to have her mind wondering about the recent decisions made while settling into the next phase.
Heading home in the back of the taxi, Tanya marinated on the conversation that left her puzzled.
“One more for the road?” She asked while sending a text to Alastair.
“You know I’m always down?”
“How long have we been here?” She laughed, eyes buried in the phone.
“Umm.” Brie replied peaking over in Tanya’s direction. “About two hours. You and Alastair sexting?”
“No! But, that’s not a bad idea.”
“I don’t wanna be a part of that. Just like I didn’t want to be apart of that heated conversation between him and Gretchen yesterday.”
Tanya lifted her head, with wrinkled eyebrows. “What heated conversation?”
The martinis set in for Brie, which gave her the courage to talk about what she heard.
“Do you know how he got this job?”
“Yea, Gretchen.”
“And you never questioned that? How they became so close that she’d help him get a job all the way in London. At the SAME company she works for.”
“What’s there to question? He met her in New York and...” Tanya paused as she caught onto Brie’s insinuations.
“Hey, don’t shoot the messenger. But, you really need to talk to Alastair. He’s a good guy, but if you two are getting serious, some things need to be out in the open.”
“You know what? Let’s take a raincheck on the last round. I really need to get home and start on this presentation.”
“Okay. I definitely understand, Gretchen’s wrath awaits.” Brie joked.
Back at her flat, Tanya wasn’t able to concentrate on the presentation. Alastair kept a secret, and she needed to get to the bottom of it. A phone call from Shauna was a surprising distraction from incomplete work, and questions about her boyfriend.
“You have some nerve.” Tanya answered.
“What?!” Shauna shrieked.
“Encouraging Kenneth to call me. What were you trying to accomplish with that? And why are you telling him my business?!”
“I know you’re probably mad right now, but I’m soooo nervous about this pregnancy. Can we put your aggravation on hold? I need my best friend.”
“You mean the pregnancy you hid from your best friend for three months?” She snapped.
“Wow, THAT’S your problem?”
“You’re ignoring the REAL problem.”
“Look, I wasn’t the one who picked up and moved to the other side of the world. Sorry if me trying to stay in touch is a bit too inconvenient.” Shauna fussed.
“Picked up and moved? Really? I got something that’s called a JOB OFFER, and I took it.”
“Well if you were married to Kenneth, you’d still be here. You drove him away with your ‘I wanna travel the world’ bullshit!”
Tanya was stunned by what her best friend said to her. “What the hell did you just say to me?”
“IF YOU WERE MARR...”
“I know that if I was married I’d still be in Alabama. Country ass Alabama. Being miserable, at you and Kenneth’s beck and call. Never traveling, never exploring any new career options, and probably wobbling around with you....miserable.” Tanya scolded.
“So, since your life didn’t work out the way you wanted it before you’re calling it a miserable situation. Settling down with Ken in Birmingham was something you once wanted, remember?”
“What the hell is wrong with you? I know your hormones may be jacked up right now but damn! Why throw up something in my face that was horrible and devastating to me?” Tanya said with a pained tone.
“It’s time you faced the music. You left without giving Kenneth a fair chance to explain himself.” Shauna replied.
“I get left at the altar, and NOW you’re telling me how I should be handling it. I think I’ve done well by moving on with my life, and a REAL best friend would be supportive.”
Alastair knocked on the door as Tanya yelled. She let him in while boiling with anger.
“Are you alright babe?” He asked, following her to the bedroom. “What’s the matter?”
Shauna heard him in the background,. “Oh, you’re with your rebound?!? That’s why you’re not thinking about us. The ones you left!”
“Just shut the hell up and go to sleep. I thought you were happy for me! You have a husband. Talk about your pregnancy with the person who knocked you up!” Tanya yelled, then hung up.
She turned to face Alastair. He held his arms open, to embrace a heavily agitated lover. Tanya collapsed in his arms and started to cry. She didn’t know where those emotions came from. It could have been from the fight with her friend. Or the guilt she was feeling by leaving her family and close friends. Or it could have been the overwhelming thought of Alastair holding back about his past. But feeling him hold her tighter, made her feel safe. Tanya didn’t think of him as the “rebound guy”. He was HER guy.
“All of this. You growing distant with your best friend, it’s not because of me is it?” He asked as she pulled away.
“No....I don’t think so...It shouldn’t be. She’d like to see me and Kenneth back together.”
“Why would your best friend want you back with a man who hurt you that bad?”
“Rod and Kenneth are good friends. Shauna has this fantasy where all four of us are enjoying married life together. My life is totally different now, and this is what I truly want.”
“Look, I know we aren’t close to the marriage level, but I do see myself being with you for a long time T. You’re amazing, and I don’t want to lose you to a guy like him.”
“I’m not getting back with Kenneth!”
“So it’s me and you? Right?”
Tanya didn’t answer. She knew things may change between them, based on their upcoming conversation. A conversation she didn’t have the strength to start. Placing it on the backburner, she enjoyed being close to her lover, even if everything she was to him could possibly be a lie.
Chapter IX: If Only She Didn’t Know...
Tanya took the following day off from the office to work in peace, and calm down from the previous day. Alastair decided to join her and worked from home as well. After the turmoil, she thought it’d be best to take a break from Shauna for a while. Their friendship was spiraling into a bad place, and she needed space in order to move forward with a clearer mind.
As far as the needed conversation with Alastair, Tanya wasn’t ready for what it would bring. He’d done so much for her, proving he was a good man; outside of his secret. Although the truth was unclear, she wasn’t sure how it would affect their relationship if they were to get serious. He, however, never sensed anything wrong. It was itching him to come clean, yet afraid of the backlash.
“Guess what I’ll be doing this weekend.” Alastair popped in, while Tanya took a soothing bath.
“Don’t know.” She replied in a somber voice. “Tell me.”
He was too excited about the good news to acknowledge his lady’s demeanor.
“Remember a long time ago when you encouraged me to get into the entertainment biz? You know, behind the scenes?”
“Yea.”
“Well, I took your advice, and I’m working with a band who’s performing this Friday. I
was brought in at the eleventh hour but hey, experience is experience right?”
“That’s good love.” She replied, washing her body as if he wasn’t talking to her.
“You’re coming to the show, right? I did some promos for the gig, and I’m nervous about the turnout. I need you there just in case it doesn’t go well.”
“Sure love. I’ll be there.”
He finally caught on to her low mood. “Are you okay?”
Tanya took a beat to decide what to tell him. She wanted to question him about Gretchen, but the call from the ex-fiancé loomed.
“Just umm...Kenneth called me yesterday. While I was at lunch.”
“What!?!? Why is he bothering you?!” Alastair exclaimed. “Do I need to take care of that?”
Tanya splashed her soap and rag in the water in agitation.
“Calm down. I already took care of that.
“Apparently it’s still bothering you.” He replied, taking a seat on the toilet next to her.
“The worst part about it is that Shauna suggested he call. It’s like she’s forcing him back into my life.”
He stayed silent, thinking about the “what ifs”. Hoping it was truly over between his new love and the old fiancé. In addition, if he were to reveal his truths, it could drive Tanya back into the arms of her past.
“I don’t know what it will take for her to stop. At first, she was okay with me moving here, and now since I’m with you...”
“She wants us to end?”
Tanya nodded.
“That’ll never happen. I’m not going anywhere T. I love you.”
She stopped bathing and turned her focus to him. His eyes were filled with worry and sincerity. Anxious about her response to what he’d just revealed. It would have been a good time to come clean, however, he needed her to know that he loved her before delivering the news.
“What did you just say?”
“I know it’s sudden, but I can’t hide the way I feel about you. I love you. And its perfectly fine if the feelings aren’t there for you right now.” Alastair let out a nervous laugh, then continued. “I just want to continuously show you that this is real for me.”
If only he had said those words prior to the conversation with Brie. Tanya wasn’t 100% sure of what happened between him and Gretchen, but she knew it was something he refused to disclose. That refusal created doubts in her mind about his true intentions.
“I-I’m happy that you feel this way. But, I don’t want to tell you I love you until I know for sure. I hope you understand.”
He nodded. “Of course, take all the time you need. I’m in no rush T. I completely understand.”
Tanya continued her bath as Alastair glowed about his new gig. Once again, the necessary conversation was put on hold, because of another unexpected surprise.
Another two days, and still no conversation. Instead of taking things to him, Tanya decided to deal with the source, Gretchen.
A morning meeting with stress infused demands, and snarky comments from the boss drove Tanya to the limit.
“Gretchen...” She leaned back in her chair.
“Yes Hunter.”
“What is your REAL problem with me?”
“Problem? There’s no problem.” Gretchen smirked.
“Yes, there IS a problem and you know it.”
Tanya arose from her desk and walked to the door to close it. She took a deep breath and turned around to look at the back of Gretchen’s head.
“I know about you and Alastair.”
Gretchen whipped her chair around, with a shocked look on her face.
“What about me and Alastair?”
“I know. And you know what I know.”
Her boss arose from the chair, with a stone face. Tanya walked closer to challenge the woman who had been giving her hell.
“Let’s cut to the chase, boss. You’re upset about me dating Alastair. Fine. Be upset. But what I need to know is, why are you taking it out on me?!”
“You sure you want to hear this?” Gretchen asked folding her arms.
“Spill it!”
“Alastair and I have been together off and on since we met in New York. He was my best-kept secret. I took care of him. He was a lost soul fresh out of Paris with no direction in life. I cleaned him up, got him a job, and helped him get to where he is today. As soon as he got everything he needed out of me, he left. That was just last year.”
“Sounds like a typical case of the foolish woman.” Tanya teased.
“Sounds like you’re mixed up with a user. And did he mention Oliver?”
“Who is Oliver?”
“I figured he wouldn’t tell you everything. Oliver is our son.”
Tanya froze. A child was the last thing she’d think Alastair was hiding.
What kind of man is this? She thought to herself. Wait, Gretchen is lying again.
“Wh-What?” She uttered.
“Yes, Oliver is me and Alastair’s son. I’ll let him fill you in on the details.”
“You’re so damn evil. He wouldn’t have a son and not tell me.”
“Think whatever you want about me. But before you confront me about your little boyfriend, know what you’re getting yourself into.” Gretchen stated, gathering her paperwork. “I’ll need the final presentation in an hour.”
As her boss left the office, Tanya’s mood went from bold to weak. Everything became cloudy. Given what she’d already been through, she wouldn’t be able to handle another disappointing love.
It was the night of Alastair’s event, and Tanya couldn’t focus on being happy for her man’s new venture. However, as promised, she showed up to support. He was dressed in casual wear, looking handsome as ever. As the band played, she sat at the bar trying to pretend to be interested. Brie and her boyfriend, Karl, joined as well.
“The band is great, right!?” Brie asked enthused.
Tanya nodded with a small smile, before ordering another drink.
“What time is this supposed to end?” She asked.
“You ready to go?” Brie asked, dancing to the music.
“Kinda.”
Brie shrugged and continued to enjoy the show with Karl. Tanya looked around for Alastair, hoping he wasn’t near so she could sneak out. Since he was nowhere in sight, she left the untouched drink on the bar along 12 Pounds for the bartender, then walked outside.
Feeling the rain pouring on her body, she contemplated going back in. However, everything that she’d dealt with during the week wouldn’t allow her to have a good time. There was no guilt about abandoning Alastair on his big night, as anger from the conversation with Gretchen circled her mind.
“T!” A familiar voice called out from behind. “T, why are you out here? The band has two more songs.”
“I’m going home, Alastair.” She replied facing the street.
“What’s wrong?” He placed the umbrella over both of them. “You don’t feel well?”
“Why didn’t you tell me about you and Gretchen?”
“What?!” He replied, taken aback.
“Gretchen. You two were an item right?” Tanya turned to face him. “Why didn’t you tell me about that? I told you everything about my past. I tell you EVERYTHING Alastair.”
“T.”
“This whole time I thought it was just a little jealousy. Maybe she wanted you, and you didn’t give her the time of day. Now it’s something totally different. You broke her heart, and she’s taking it out on me! This job is all I have now. And you’ve come into my life, stripping that away.”
“How could you say that?!?! The job isn’t all you have love. I’m here too. I’ve BEEN here.”
“Why?”
“You know why, T.”
“Oh because you love me.” She snapped.
“Calm down. Can we talk about this when we get home? Please. This night is important to me.”
“And my job is important to me. This relationship was important to me. Now everything is bad. My friendship is dying
back home, I have trust issues because of being left at the altar by a man who I THOUGHT was going to love me forever.”
The raindrops splashing on her face hid the small tears, as she spoke. Alastair felt her pain, feeling it even more because he was the cause of some of it.
“This new life that was supposed to work out for me, is blowing up in my face!”
“I know things seem hard right now. And I can explain about keeping my past from you, but let’s not do it here.”
“You don’t want to be embarrassed. Great! Well, I was earlier today. Gretchen told me about Oliver. Your son. When were you going to tell me about Oliver?”
Alastair’s face and heart dropped. He was planning on telling her and didn’t need that information getting to Tanya from Gretchen. He knew he messed up bad by not telling her in the beginning.
“I-I was going to tell you T. It’s complicated and I needed time to...”
“To what? Tell me about your son!?!? You have a son that you didn’t tell me about. What kind of man hides his own son?!?”
“Just give me time to explain. But not here. Can we talk about this when we get home? I’ll tell you everything you need to know.”
“I just don’t know anymore. Everything is so confusing. It’s like I don’t belong anywhere.” Tanya said with pain in her voice.
“What we have is real, Tanya.” Alastair said, trying to calm her down.
“Is it?”
“Yes! Just. Give me time to explain, and everything else that’s bothering you, I promise I’ll help you through it.”
“I don’t need any more promises from a man. I gotta go.” She replied in a low tone.
Tanya walked out from under to umbrella to hail a cab. When one pulled up, she turned and looked back at a devastated Alastair.
“Bye Alastair.” She shouted back at him.
He stared at the cab drive away with his lover, hurting in the backseat. He dropped the umbrella, to feel the rain. Part of him didn’t feel worthy of protection against the downpour. Each drop represented reminders of what he’d just lost. A real love who had been hurt so deeply, that she couldn’t trust anything that came after. Each small disappointment, to her, was a warning sign for something bigger.
Devastation or Destiny??? Page 11