“Hi.” Tanya replied taking the envelope out of his hand, walking it over to Shauna.
“Hey Ken! Come on in.” Shauna said opening the envelope.
“Oh no, I won’t stay long. I know you guys are trying to clean up, and I’ve been working all day. I’m beat. Tanya, ummm. C-can we talk?” He asked nervously. “Outside?”
All eyes were on them. Everyone anxiously waited to see what Tanya was going to say or do next. She turned around and reluctantly nodded. Walking past Rod, Kenneth, and Shauna’s mother out to the front porch, she took a stance with her arms folded looking at the cars and the neighborhood. He followed her and shut the front door.
“How has London been treating you?” He asked trying to find the right things to say.
“Good.” She sighed and looked at the quiet street. “Really good actually.”
“I’m glad to hear that. My business has been doing well. All I have time for is work these days. Not much play. Alabama is the same. Well, not truly the same since you left.”
She turned her head to him. “Is that so?”
“Yes it is. I know you still hate me. Hell, I hate myself for what I did to you. But you have to know that I’ve NEVER stopped loving you. Please know that. I allowed my ego, fear, and insecurities to make a dumb decision that changed my life for the worse. I want us again. I want us to be in love. I know that it’ll take a lot of time and compromising on my end. And I’m willing to do that, I promise. But just, come home Tanya. Come back to me. Losing you was HARD.”
“Hard for you?” Tanya asked. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before saying her peace.
“Kenneth, understand this. I was willing to settle for this...THIS.” She pointed to their surroundings. “I loved you so much that I was going to give up living the life I’ve always dreamed of just to be your wife. I would have given you as many kids as you wanted. Stopped the talks about moving away because it annoyed you, sell the first home I bought that brought me so much independence. All of that for YOU. The day you decided not to show up for our wedding day, the humiliation I had to go through, the pain I felt because a man I loved way too much made a last minute decision not to pledge his life to me, changed everything. I’m no longer compromising to a fault. I stopped being that push over I once was. You giving up on us, drove me to find ME again. I’ll never be that same woman again. I can’t say that I still love you. I care about you. Want the best for you, but we’ll never be the same. Alabama isn’t home for me anymore. For the last time Kenneth, WE ARE DONE!” Tanya explained.
After speaking those words, the lingering burdens of distrust lifted. It freed her, and all Tanya could think about was getting back to Alastair to love him.
“I had a feeling you would say something like that.” Kenneth held his head down. “I just can’t stop thinking about you.”
“I’ve moved on Kenneth. I found love again.” Tanya softened her tone. “We’ve had a few bumps in the road, but things are starting to look up again. You have to forgive yourself for what you did to me....to us, and move on too.”
The news Tanya dropped, killed Kenneth’s hopes for good. He loved her so much and held onto the dream that they could piece what they had back together. Kenneth had no other choice but to finally give up, and move on.
“I’m glad you’ve found happiness.” He lied. “I hope it works out for you two.”
“Thank you. Not only for those words but...Thank you.”
“For what?” He asked looking up.
“For everything.”
Kenneth knew just what she meant after that. Tanya felt grateful to him after ruining their wedding day. By him leaving, he opened her world up to happiness. And that reality crushed him even more.
“Can you tell everyone I said goodbye. I’m going to head out. Have a safe flight back...home.” He said, giving her a hug.
As he held Tanya, he gently kissed her on the forehead. The last forehead kiss Kenneth gave was the night before their wedding day. It obviously felt different back then. It was a kiss of new beginnings. But at that moment, the kiss symbolized the end.
Tanya leaned against the wooden rails and watched him walk away. He wouldn’t be completely out of her life due to their mutual friendship with Rod and Shauna. That didn’t bother her much because the conversation was the final page in their book.
The next morning, Tanya was at the airport. While waiting for the plane, she reflected on the wonderful time with her family and friends. As she boarded, she received a message from Rod letting her know that Shauna went into labor early.
After a long but smooth flight, Alastair met his lady at the airport with open arms. Tanya ran to him like they were in an old romance movie.
“I missed you so much!” She said in between kisses.
“I missed you too T.” He whispered in her ear. “How was your trip?”
“Good. Really good. But I’m glad to be back in your arms.” She smiled. “Let’s go home!”
On the way to Tanya’s place, she couldn’t keep her hands off Alastair. Running her fingers through his hair, brushing her fingertips on his beard.
“How was the baby shower?” He asked kissing her fingers while she stroked his face. “Did you and Shauna make up?”
“Yea we did. Kinda told her off. But I don’t think she’ll change. I love her, but our friendship will have to be a little distant for a while.”
“Sorry to hear that.”
“Don’t be. Oh and I’m selling my townhome to Rod and Shauna. Then, Kenneth showed up afterward. And we talked.”
“I was afraid you were going to say that.” Alastair said, worried. “What he do? Apologize again?”
“In a way, yea. Mostly he wanted to express his love for me.” Tanya rolled her eyes.
“And your response was?” Alastair asked hesitantly. He didn’t want his girlfriend to come home only to tell him that she was unsure about their relationship, again, due to a conversation with her ex-fiancé.
“That I had moved on.” Tanya replied brushing her hands on top of Alastair’s “With you, and I wasn’t giving you or my new life up to go back to him. And I meant that. You make me happy, London makes me happy, and somehow, the job is going to be happy again.”
Alastair pulled over and gave his woman the most passionate kiss. He was content that Tanya “chose” him. Knowing that she was faced with the opportunity to go back to Kenneth, and rejected that possibility, put his lingering fears aside.
He looked into her eyes. “I love you so much.”
“I love you too.”
Soon after, Tanya’s phone buzzed with a photo message of Shauna and Rod’s new baby. It was a girl. Rhonda Shaunice Jefferson. Born, 5lbs, 7oz.
The night of New Year’s Eve. Lit candles neatly arranged in the living room, fireplace blazing, champagne, with Alastair and Tanya, dressed up sitting on a faux fur rug. Hours before, they enjoyed a romantic dinner. Instead of sticking around for the party crowd, they decided to go home and bring in the New Year making fireworks of their own.
“So T. What do you want in the new year?” Alastair asked.
“I want....to continue loving you. Sharing moments with you, get further in my career, learn how to drive in this country.” Tanya laughed. “And be whatever you need.”
“Well, I can teach you to drive, help you with the career thing, but I think you’re already on the right track.” Rubbing his hands through her hair. “For the record, you’re already everything I need, and I can give you moments...in Paris.”
“What do you mean babe?” Tanya squinted at him feeling tipsy.
“For Valentine’s day, I have something planned for us, in Paris. Since your last Valentine’s Day wasn’t....good.”
“You mean me getting left at the altar.”
“I wanted to make sure your next one would replace that. Spending it with me, meeting my father, walking the streets holding hands....creating moments.”
Tanya didn’t have to say anything. The expression on her face wa
s all the confirmation he needed to show she was on board with the plan.
She stroked his face. “What do you want babe?”
“You’ll find out in Paris.” Alastair replied with a wink.
The clock struck 12 am, and sweet kisses brought them into the New Year. Their love transitioned them from the old and into the new. Fast, unexpected, adventurous love. Tanya started the New Year with her destiny.
The Diary
Dear Diary,
I faced two of my fears. Getting left on my wedding day, and falling in love with a man who was the complete opposite of me. So opposite that I changed my life, my dreams, and my desires. I did all of that and he left me at the altar. That pain was the most hurtful thing I’d ever felt. I was happy to have found Kenneth. And I made that choice. The choice to choose him over everything else. The choice to dream less as I loved him more....And he left me.
I probably could have gone back to Kenneth to work it out after the humiliation settled. But in him leaving, I realized that a life with him wasn't what I truly wanted. He needed a woman who didn't mind taking a back seat to his dreams. Or a woman who enjoyed the same life. As time went on, I began to understand his fear. He saw things in me that scared him. The fear of me waking up one day, doing the same thing to him that he did to me. Honestly, I think I would have. Which is why it was easy to forgive him, once I set my hurt and ego aside. I set us both free. I heard through Shauna that he's dating again. I pray he finds the one. Even with his big mistake, he's a good man and deserves true love. The same true love I found with Alastair.
Many times I thought I was over it, but the doubts triggered by small obstacles with Alastair showed otherwise. Then the stars aligned, and I received everything that I was supposed to have. No matter how many times I pushed Alastair away, our love drew us back together. And I’m grateful for that. I could kick myself for settling Kenneth, but the devastation threw me into a world that I’d dreamt of.
Being left at the altar, gave me life! Free from the bondage love can trap you in. I’m free to continue my dreams of loving someone deeply without losing myself. I’m waking up from my big dreams and LIVING them. In taking a chance on moving forward with my life, I found a love that will accept me, not change me. I have Alastair to thank for re-awakening that fire in me.
As promised, he gave me a new memory for Valentine’s Day. He proposed in Paris. Of course, I accepted. I could be fearful of another bad wedding day, but I don’t have the heart to allow that fear to take over. I’m jumping into my destiny!
Dreaming, Living, and Loving always,
Tanya
“Subconscious thoughts speak to the universe. And it gives us what we REALLY want. No matter how many times we fight it. It gives us what we want. Is your destiny worth the devastation?”
Also by The Blakk Dahlia
the Heartbreak Diaries
Devastation or Destiny???
The Perfect Sin
Rushing to Distraction
Wrong Vengeance
Watch for more at The Blakk Dahlia’s site.
About the Author
E. Alexcina Brown adds another slash to her name, auther, in writing under the moniker, The Blakk Dahlia.
The Model/Actress/Blogger/Editor-In-Chief has released various ventures within the enertainment and fashion industries in front of the camera and behind the scenes.
Wearing many hats, this entrepreneur shows that being a creator can open many doors while inspiring others to take risks in pursuing their dreams.
The Blakk Dahlia will be releasing her first book series the Heartbreak Diaries delving into the true inner thoughts and various routes of heartache and how women cope and move on.
Photo Credit: Kadijah Watkins
Read more at The Blakk Dahlia’s site.
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