by Ireland Gill
“Jaxon, we kinda gotta go home now.” I said, biting my bottom lip.
“Really?” He crammed the last of his nachos into his mouth. “Okay, I think we had enough anyway. Don't you think?” He raised his fingers to show me the evidence; blue chalk all over his fingertips along with splatters of nacho cheese on a few of his nails.
“Ew,” I laughed. “You're cut off.” I razzed him and doused his shaggy hair with my fingers. I grabbed my jacket and pulled out the car keys.
“I agree,” he snorted a laugh. “Here, I'll get us home. I remember the way,” he said while holding out his hand to take his keys. I handed them over.
“Jaxon,” I put my arm around him as we walked out. “No matter what we find out later – the dangerous stuff and all - I'm truly happy that you showed up in my life.” I said it, meaning to give it a slightly silly tone, but it came out much more serious.
He smirked at me, devilishly, then spun me around by my arm, squatted in front of me and scooped me up onto his back as he stood. I yelped and clutched to his neck as I was lifted off of the ground.
“I guess I'll just have to make up for all the time I've missed out on being your brother, huh?” He said with this sideways, cheesy grin.
I laughed. “Jax, you read my mind.” I laid my head against his messy hair as he walked us out to the parking lot, loving this new person in my life. A piece returned to me. I'd known him for only a few hours and he'd already won me over. I would have done anything for him. His innocence, positivity and ability to forgive so easily made him so pure in my eyes. I was starting to think that our lives were set up all wrong. Jaxon seemed like the one who could handle the role of a Soldier of Light way better than I ever could. I may have been able to see the good in people, but Jaxon was completely free of any kind of darkness; free of the darkness I knew still brewed within me. A darkness for which Alysto found a particular lust; and a darkness that was so hard to prove to anyone who seemed blind to it.
I didn't understand why it was me, instead of my twin, who was chosen for this life. However, despite my contesting our roles and questioning the reasons, I knew from that moment on that I would do everything in my power to keep Jaxon away from the imminent dangers that lied ahead. No matter what the cost.
Chapter Two House of Echoes
As soon as we shut our doors, Jaxon started the engine and hesitated for a moment, his hand hovering over the gearshift. He turned to me, his face holding a pending question. “Can I ask you something? About the whole...soul-saving thing, I mean?”
I looked over, but didn't answer right away. I took a moment to gage the seriousness in the way he asked the question. “Sure,” I finally said with a slight shrug.
He breathed a few breaths. “Do you see them all the time? The dead?”
I shook my head. “No, not all of the time. Mostly at night. That's when they come out.”
Jaxon's face contorted with aversion. “Really?
I half-laughed. “I know. Pretty cliché, huh?”
“Kind of,” he agreed.
“It doesn't bother me so much anymore, really,” I assured him.
A concerned expression covered his face. “They don't look anything like the zombie game, do they?”
I smiled and giggled at his innocent inquiry. “No, none that I've seen yet. I'd need therapy if that were the case.”
“No kidding.”
I looked out the window as Jaxon led the Mustang into the main street. My eyes scoped the parking lot area as we passed people walking to their vehicles. “They just look like regular people, really.”
“So, how do you tell the difference?”
I smiled at his continuation of questions. I thought back on the first day that Hayden had taken me to my apartment rooftop, beckoning me to look down at the crowd of souls that spread across the parking lot pavement, all looking up at me in silence. “They make it obvious with their quiet lingering. It makes them look pretty desperate.”
“Creepy.” Jaxon shook his head and shoulders to show a chill.
“Depending on my mood, it's more of an annoyance, really,” I tried lightening the subject a bit. Although I was comfortable with Jaxon, the details of my calling in life wasn't exactly something I wanted to describe at the time being. I felt it would be too thick of a subject to bring up Drones and Watchers and what they were capable of. And the subject of Alysto, well, that was territory that I'd planned on keeping under the rug for a while until I could come to terms with my first encounter and the meaning behind Alysto's agenda. It was the sorest of my subjects yet, really: Not to mention, one of the newest internal conflicts I'd battled to confess to Hayden. After the full day of coping with the fact Hayden kept my twin brother a secret from me until the unexpected knock on the door that morning, it seemed to level the playing field a bit when it came to secret-holding. Although, this was not something that was enough to mask the guilt that consumed me; no matter how badly I wanted it to.
“Okay, I know you have some music in here, buddy. Let’s put something on.” True, not my most subtle transitions from one subject to another, but I heard him laughing. I assumed he caught on.
“Yes, goober. I have music,” he answered in amusement. “You won't be able to miss it back there.” He thumbed to the backseat.
I whipped my body over the middle of the console as we came to a turn and my butt slammed into Jaxon's shoulder while I half-landed in the backseat looking around. I found a huge, gray CD case that must have held over two hundred disks. I squealed in delight and brought it up to the front seat with me. “Wow! Got a thing for music?” I smiled.
“Oh, that's not even a quarter of it. The rest is in the trunk.” He pointed his thumb over his shoulder.
“You do know they have newer technology now so you don’t have to go toting around with all this stuff, right?” I laughed.
Jaxon shrugged. “Can’t get myself to rid of all of it. Our grandfather bought me most of these when I was a kid. Sort of sentimental to me.”
I admired his respect for the memory. “I totally get it.” I sifted thru the case. “Holy crudpuppies! You're as bad as me!” I laughed. I started looking through the music and found a lot of the same stuff I had. I sifted through a bit further and found a favorite. God, I just wanted to hug him and never let him go. “So, Jax. What are you in the mood for on our ride home? Puddle of Mudd or.....Puddle of Mudd?”
He laughed, shaking his head as he put the pony into another gear. “I think I'm up for POM as long as you put in 'Life on Display.' Haven't heard that one in a while.”
“Excellent!” I bounced in my seat. “Track 4 is Change My Mind. Great one to blast, and my favorite is Spin You Around – it's the track after that.”
“Sounds like you know your songs.” Jaxon smiled at me as I put in the CD.
“Music is the soundtrack of our lives.” I sighed. “You're like a journey through the world, going the wrong direction,” I quoted the band as I skipped to the track. “That's classic lyric right there.”
Jaxon bobbed his head. “It is.”
We sang along with the song, hitting every note and every word. We made a great pair of vocalists.
It was different riding as a passenger in Jaxon's Mustang. He drove so carefully, making sure to slow down and stop at the yellow lights instead of gunning through them. I guess that was more my style. He was very gentle with the gas and the break, something I could have learned to do. I made a mental note to try it out later.
“So, about this music – the CDs, I mean...” Jaxon began.
“Yeah?”
“I know I don’t really want to go lugging these hundreds of discs around for the rest of my life to find a song I want to hear. I get that it’s sort of archaic. So, maybe you’d like to help with a project or something? We could make all of these,” he gestured to the case and toward the trunk behind us, “into some sort of piece of art together.”
I beamed at my brother. “I’d love that Jaxon. That would be amazing.
”
Jaxon bobbed his head with a grin. “Awesome.”
By the time we got back to the house, it was minutes to dark. When we pulled into the driveway, I started to immediately feel the anger fill me again, but that hidden guilt within started to resurface and I knew I was doomed. I wondered if Hayden left the house like I'd demanded. It slightly hurt to think about that, but I just overtook that feeling with my anger again then started to question my meaning behind that request for him to leave. What did I really want? Just for him to be out of my face for a few hours? Days? God! He didn't deserve my sympathy this soon. Not for keeping me away from my brother. There were so many lies. So many secrets. This new life sucked for me, but I did manage to factor in Jaxon as my silver lining. Okay, okay. Hayden was a silver lining too, but I wasn't about to admit that at the moment. He was more of a dark gray lining that didn't shimmer at all right then. That's how I felt.
It started drizzling again right when Jaxon parked his pony and cut the engine. I stretched my neck to look a little closer into the house. There were lights on – prepared for my return - but I'd assumed it was Hayden's last attempt to be nice and win some points from me before he left.
“Jeez. What's with the rain today? Isn't this the off-season for this around here?” Jaxon commented.
“Yeah,” I looked at him sheepishly. I hadn't realized it was actually my fault. “About that...um, I'll have to fill you in on that a little later on.”
“Hm.” He looked at me curiously, but the sudden downpour distracted him, and even myself. “Well, we better get inside,” Jaxon said.
I was still looking for Hayden, so I guess the rain was indicative of my current emotion.
“Hey, Evika?” Jaxon hesitated, still staring straight through the windshield and at the house.
“Yeah?”
He looked down, then over to me with solemn eyes. “I know this is really none of my damned business when it comes to how you handle things and how you feel about all of this....but, it's not really his fault, you know. He was given orders for a reason. And probably for a good one – one that we don't have a clue about yet until that truth is spilled.” He paused, the rain pellets hitting the windshield filling the void of brief silence. “If I were in his shoes right now, I'd be torn over right and wrong...and over whatever was best for you. But, despite the fact you technically just kicked me out, I'd never leave. No matter how mad you were.”
I looked over at him, taking in his words and knowing he was right. I granted him a half-smile. “Wish you would have shown up a year ago with words of wisdom like that. In the beginning of all of this, I wasn't very acceptant of change and gave Hayden quite a few challenges.” I looked out the window and at the house once again. The darkness of the night had finally fallen upon us. “Obviously, I still do. Always been something I've had to continuously work on.” I forced a slight laugh.
“New hurdles. New reactions. Seems like there will always be those things in this new life to challenge you.” He smiled brightly. “My trick is keeping an open mind about everything. A different perspective. Find that bright side. Makes it a hell of a lot easier to deal.”
I grinned at my twin brother. It was as if Luka's voice was coming through. “You sound a lot like someone I know.”
He chuckled at me. “Based on that expression, I'm guessing that's okay?”
“Yeah, it's okay.” I nodded to the house. “Let's get inside. Do you have bags with you or anything?”
Jaxon laughed in slight embarrassment. “Kind of.”
I strained for a slight moment to calm down the rain, which only took me a few seconds of concentration. We jumped out of the car, Jaxon grabbed his two duffel bags from the trunk, and we made it to the porch. I fumbled for my keys, placed them into the doorknob and hesitated for a second to prepare myself for whatever may be on the other side of that door. I really didn't know what to expect....and I was deathly afraid of some of the outcomes reeling through my mind.
I turned the knob and opened the door reluctantly at first, then gave it a forceful kick to open at the last second to push through the fear. The heavy hickory door banged against the wall right at the moment I had my first glance into my home. The foyer floor was covered in broken glass and the smell of the warm champagne. The floor glistened with the shards of shattered champagne glasses, and liquids of alcohol and orange juice – the items that were to be used for our celebration of our engagement – were spilled and laying stagnant in the grooves of the tiles.
The basket of clean laundry I'd had sitting on the step before leaving the house that morning was tossed over, its contents disheveled throughout the room and down the hall. My stomach dropped at these first sights. It was not a scene for which I'd prepared myself and I had no idea what the next images would be.
“Oh my God,” I gasped as I lunged across the threshold, my eyes darting every direction to take in the damage. Nothing but silence. No TV. No music. It was a house of echoes. On the left, the living room furniture was moved around, tables turned over, broken lamps, throw pillows scattered out of place from cushions to floor throughout the living space. More panic hit as I felt the crunching of the glass under my feet, yelling for him.
“Hayden!” I was drawn to looking upstairs first. Shoving the messy piles of clothes out of my way for a clear first step, I led myself to the top floor. I heard Jaxon’s steps hit the broken glass and turned. “Jaxon, check downstairs and in the kitchen!!”
I heard him run down the hall with urgency as I darted to my destination. I entered my bedroom, finding nothing really unchanged from way we’d left it that morning – the bed, unmade. But it wasn’t my room that I’d really needed to find what I was looking for; Hayden’s room was where I would find my answers.
I entered Hayden’s bedroom and found the bed stripped of its pillows, sheets and comforter. The items were scattered all over the floor. My eyes were drawn to the closet. The door was already open, and I immediately noticed empty spaces. Patches of the closet wall were visible, which indicated where Hayden's clothes had once hung. Empty top shelves where the suitcases once were. I fell to my knees as realization hit me. Mouth agape. I took the room in slowly, wondering if there were any more items missing, but the tears in my eyes deterred them from spotting any more clues. I didn't need them. Hayden was gone. He'd taken what he needed and left the house – just as I'd requested. Just as I’d demanded. And who was I kidding? This was never what I wanted after all.
I doubled over in pain clenching my stomach with both arms and squeezing, pressing my palms to my eyes to shut them off.
“This can't be it. This can't be what happens,” I whimpered into the floor. “He can't be gone!” Hyperventilation started as I began to think about this change. Was it for good? Was it just his temporary reaction, the high emotions from Fading? His new human emotions taking over and making his actions like this? This wasn't him. This was me! This was my type of reaction. Normally, Hayden would have given me my space, but would have been right at that front door attacking me to settle our quarrel as soon as I came home. Ready or not, that's how it always went. The guilt was relentless, and I was officially convinced; this was all my fault.
Pain. Shooting pain through my chest and throughout my entire being hit me like a strike of lightning from every joint, bone and nerve. It was excruciating, especially in my heart – affliction I hadn't felt in a very long time, coming back to haunt. I raised myself to my knees again and lifted my head to face the ceiling above, my blurry eyes straining to focus.
“You can't do this to me now,” I whispered. “You just can't. Not after all this time. This can't be it. I'm -” I paused to choke at the new tinge of pain that hit once again. “I'm s-s-sorry.” I didn't know what else to say. I had no proper prayers. I could never even properly apologize for anything my entire life. I never did. I lifted my body to the bed and rolled over to Hayden's side. I clung to his pillow and pressed my face into it, inhaling his scent. The aroma of rain, killing me insi
de.
My quiet whimpering was brought to a halt when I heard Jaxon's voice from downstairs.
“Hey, Evika!” his voice boomed. “Evika! I think you need to get down here and see this!”
My eyes flipped open widely, my breath hitching. Fear struck at his words, and my mind was overrun with nothing but the worst imaginable thoughts.
Chapter Three No Surrender
I forced my paralyzed body out of the bed and ran downstairs to the origin of Jaxon's voice.
“Jaxon?”
“In here,” his reply came from the back of the house. I turned the corner from around the kitchen and saw him standing by the patio doors. Afraid to move any further until I knew, the questions beckoned to be asked as I stared at his blank face. “What did you see?”
A slight relief set in when I saw Jaxon grant me a small smile. “It doesn't look like you have to worry about your angel going that far,” he nodded outside to the backyard.
“Huh?” I walked into the room and found looked out of the rear window. There in the middle of the yard by the massive oak tree, about twenty yards from the house, was a small tent pitched on the ground. The opening to the tent was deliberately facing the house and tied back so that the whole inside of the tent was exposed to our view. Hayden was lying down on his back, his neck propped up by layers of pillows. He was leisurely reading a book. A small fire blazed within a controlled pit just outside of the tent. I stood in a stupor. Was he serious? I tell him to leave and he goes and sets up a campsite in the back yard?
“I can't believe him!” I threw my hands in the air.
Jaxon chuckled. “Well, you did say you wanted him out of the house. Technically, he's not in the house anymore, right?”
I looked at Jaxon, realizing he was right and also noting that I was somewhat relieved. I guess it would take much more than this to put a wedge between me and Hayden, much more for him to up and leave. I'm not sure what I would have done if he’d left me. I would have had to face the fact that he was really gone for good. But now that I knew he was there and safe, I wanted him to know just how mad I still was. Something told me it was safe to freely express that emotion.