by Ireland Gill
I shot him a look. “Why? To apologize? I guess we’ll be here for a while.” I said sharply.
“See?” He smirked at me. “You are upset with me. And yes, I am sorry for having to keep you two apart from each other, but it was the only way to keep the both of you safe.”
“Safe from what, Jack? Pain is going to come any way it can with this life. It’s unavoidable, and, of all people, you would know that. You, Hayden, the Council, even my mother, you all robbed me and Jaxon of twenty-one years of knowing each other, growing up and being brother and sister. What good reason did you have for doing that?”
I spoke to him with an anger that I didn't know embraced me within this dream. I looked away from him, consumed then by a pain within my heart, and concerned that I was so angry with my father. I should have been happy to see him, to meet him again. I didn't want to hide my feelings, though. I let my tears fall and looked up at him, waiting for answers.
He looked at me in amazement. “You are just like your dad, aren’t you? Temper and all.”
I backed away from him, pursing my lips, almost offended that that was the first thing he’d had to say to me.
“Evika, I am so sorry that it had to be this way. The damage was already done, and the phantom was released. It was going to hunt you and your brother down.”
The phantom, from what I’d remembered, was the result of a Watcher taking its Seeker back with it into the dark realm after my father didn’t save the Seeker’s soul. Hayden had to tell me this when I refused to save one of my own Seekers before, my very first one. He told me that the phantom created by my father was on a hunt for me, he and the Guardian Council were doing everything they could to keep me safe. I looked at my father blankly.
“That doesn’t help me understand why you split us up, Jack,” I said pointedly.
“With the two of you together, it was too dangerous.” His head lowered as he paused. “I had already created that monster, and it was going to come after you. I already knew you were a Half-life. You both were. I saw this before you were even born.” He looked me in the eyes again. “Evika, the phantom had already used Jaxon to come after you once before. I couldn’t let it happen again.”
I shook my head. “I don’t understand.”
“Ev, I came here to warn you. You and Jaxon cannot be together like this, not until the phantom is destroyed.”
“The hell we can’t!” I shouted at him. “You can’t rob us again. You can’t! Not this time, Jack.”
“Evika! Jaxon tried to kill you!”
I froze. “What? What are you talking about?”
“The phantom has abilities like that of a dybbuk. It is a dislocated soul that can possess humans.”
“Possession,” I repeated.
My father nodded. “This phantom has the abilities to possess a human form. It can become stronger as time goes on.” He sighed, then continued. “When you two were only about six years old, your brother came after you in the middle of the night. He tried to kill you.”
I sucked air, and my heart started racing. “Jaxon was possessed?”
Jack nodded. “You’d woken up and screamed, but your mother and I would have gotten there too late. It was Hayden who had been able to stop him. That’s when we knew we had to separate the two of you. This creature would be relentless until the both you of were dead. The Council was committed to protecting Jaxon, and of course, protecting you from this...thing. Jaxon was exorcised, and the phantom ran off. It leaps into bodies whenever and whenever it can in order to survive.” He sighed and thought for a moment. I saw it in his eyes, a perpetual guilt. “It’s all my fault. I’d created it.”
“Why don’t I remember any of this?” I was curious. “Why don’t I remember Jaxon when we were kids?” Surely, if my brother and I were as old as we were, we’d have memories of each other. We were six. When Hayden told me the story of my father and his Final Death so he could give me his spirit, he’d said I was only four. It didn’t match up. “I would have remembered this, all of this.”
I could see the pain behind his eyes as he looked into mine. “The head angel of the Council, Costello, is a memory harmon. He is the only of his kind. Any memory you have of Jaxon, or memory Jaxon has of you, was taken from the both of you. These memories are safe with the Memory Keeper at the House of Council.”
I guffawed. Your memories were stolen from you is what I’d heard. Yes, maybe it was to protect us, but surely, wiping out any memory we had of each other was unnecessary and completely cruel.
“So, our memories were stolen and we were left in the dark, possibly never knowing about each other our entire lives,” I said quietly. “There had to be another way.”
“I promise you, Evika, there wasn’t. How could we protect you and your brother with your knowing about each other or being together? Until we figured out how to stop this phantom, the Council would have had to worry about each of you trying to find each other. It was the only way.”
“Well, that way is over, Jack,” I said sharply. “Jaxon found me, and I’m not letting any of you split us up again.”
He shook his head. “It’s not safe for you.”
“This entire life isn’t safe, Jack. I practically got decapitated by a Drone the very first day in this damned Soldier of Light role.” I spoke with conviction. “Enough has been taken from me in this life. I’m not about to lose my brother now that I have him back.”
My father blew out a long breath and looked up toward the night sky. His jaw tensed for a moment, then relaxed as he looked me in the eyes again, half-smiling. “I should have known that talking you into anything else would be futile. You’re just as stubborn as me.” He walked closer to me and nodded his head toward the exit sign. “Let’s walk.”
As we walked past the merry-go-round and the tilt-a-whirl, we came to a path that led alongside the bumper cars and onto a larger walkway heading away from the rides. Soon, the sound of the empty, moving rides and carnival music was behind us, and we came to a long and empty boardwalk. Just past the last building on our right was open to a beach alongside the walkway. To our left, the boardwalk was full of lifeless shops and restaurants - completely lit, as if expecting us - and continued as far as the eye could see. And to our right, parallel to the boardwalk, was a few hundred yards of sand that kissed the ocean water.
It was sunset. There were a few sail boats out on the horizon, their black silhouettes contrasted against the beautiful oranges and yellows of the sky. It had reminded me of the same beauty I saw of Lake Erie when Hayden took me up onto the clouds for the first time.
“Does any of this ring a bell for you yet?” my father asked.
I didn’t answer right away. I only looked farther down the boardwalk, then turned to glance at the lights of the park with rides behind us. “Should it? Or is this a memory that was stolen from me, too?”
But I did remember. I remembered the clanking metal of the rides, the smell of the salty ocean water in the air, the local radio station blaring over the speakers. It was all familiar to me, but I didn’t want to give him that satisfaction of knowing that I could recall any of it.
“Ocean City.” He chuckled and shook his head, ignoring my snide remark. “Like I said, this is where we spent our last few days together.”
I didn’t speak. I really didn’t know what he wanted me to say. The only things that would have come out of my mouth were sardonic remarks at every, little thing he said. I was still angry with him, with everyone.
“I’d originally come here to warn you, Evika, and to talk you out of letting Jaxon remain in your life until we solve the issue with the phantom. But I see that you’re not going to listen to me, and probably won’t listen to anyone else either.”
“You’re right, Jack,” I said assuredly. “I’m not going to listen to any of you, no matter what you tell me. Whatever the Council has in place to keep us safe, they’ll have to try harder now because I’m not letting him go.”
He looked out at the shore
, stepped off of the boardwalk, and started walking very slowly in the sand toward the water. I followed, unsure what he’d been thinking.
The sand was cool on my feet; it was then that I’d noticed I wasn’t wearing any shoes. I looked down and saw a half-built sandcastle, its other half a heap of fallen sand with only the peaks still intact. I saw two buckets, one red, and one yellow, with blue shovels lying next to them.
Just then, my father dropped to his knees, hunching over and grabbing his head. He groaned in pain, breathing heavily and leaning forward, almost touching his head to the sand.
I knelt next to him. “Jack, what’s wrong?”
He pulled his hands from his head, leaving slight imprints of his fingernails in his bald scalp. He finally looked at me, holding an expression of dread and disorientation.
“What is it?” I worried.
“I don’t have my gift anymore, Evika,” he finally spoke. “It was lost when I died,” he said. “But I was just given a short vision of what is to come.” He paused and looked around aimlessly before finally looking at me. “You will need to be the one to save him.”
“Save who?”
His sad eyes told me the answer before he even spoke. “Your brother.” He turned his head and stared out at the water. He still seemed as if his mind were still adrift, as if just waking up from a deep sleep. “You are the only one who can save him,” he said quietly.
My stomach dropped and the sick feeling I was used to washed through me. “You mean save him like I would save a Seeker?” I clarified, dread on my face. “Is Jaxon going to die?” I choked on the words as more tears filled my eyes.
He looked at me with his now cheerless eyes. I finally noticed their color in the setting sun, blue, like mine. “Evika, I mean you need to save him from possession.”
My stomach sank. “What?” I asked in a whisper.
“I'm so sorry. I don’t see things like I used to now that I’m gone. The vision wasn’t clear for me like they used to be. I just see that you are the only one who can save him now. That is all I see.”
I looked around frantically, searching for answers, as if I would find them in the sand underneath my feet or out in the endless ocean before us. I had so many questions to ask.
I relented to the absence of breath as the hyperventilation took me over. I fell to my knees and sunk into the sand at my father's feet. I felt defeated and weak. Small and useless. Was this ever going to end? Why did everyone and everything I love have to be taken away from me or destroyed? Why did I have to clean up everyone else's messes and hold so much upon my own shoulders? Why me?
“Jack, what am I supposed to do?” I cried.
He stayed on his knees and moved in front of me, brushing his fingers across my face and clearing the hair from my eyes. His voice was softer this time when he spoke.
“My Evika,” he shook his head and smiled solemnly at me, “I am probably the one person in this world who knows exactly how you feel right now and I am truly sorry that this burdened life belongs to you.” His thumbs cleared the tears from my cheeks and I looked at him curiously. What was the connection with me to every man in my life wiping the tears from my face?
“Do you want to know the reason we chose your name?” he asked me.
Curious, I nodded.
“The very meaning of your name, Evika, is life. And life is what you gave me. It's what you gave to Lavinia and also what you gave to who you know as your mother. I'd never seen Nora so happy until you came along. Your spirit was and is livelier than any other the world has ever known. There is this fire in you, a passion that no one else possesses. No one can ever take it from you because you are life to those around you. You are that spirit that we all seek. You see past the darkness of others and you can find that bit of light in those who have lost it, bringing them back to life. Your meaning to this world and the realms within this world survive because of you.”
I shook my head and looked at my father solemnly. “I'm not any of that. Not at all. It's just a name.”
He looked at me questioningly. “Is it?”
I searched his eyes deeper. He truly believed what he was saying to me. My father honestly had this faith that I was more than just a girl with a bad temper and good judge of character. Like I was some legend. For some reason, I wanted to shatter that image from his mind.
“I wasn’t the right choice, you know. Out of the two of us, Jaxon is the better person. There isn’t an ounce of hate in his body, unlike mine.”
He chuckled. “You may think this, Evika, but you are the stronger one. If I had to do it a thousand times over, it would be you every time,” he assured me. “And, everyone is capable of hate, given they are placed in the right circumstances to push them to feel that way. You are a good person, kiddo. No matter what you think.”
I thought about how my father, Joel, Luka, and Hayden all shared the same opinion about me; that I was a “good person.” No matter how much I tried to explain to them that I had a darkness inside, a perpetual distaste for the souls I had to save, no one except the devil would believe me. Alysto, the devil himself, could see that darkness within me the first time we’d met.
I recalled the Phantom’s existence and wondered if the devil knew how much darkness it possessed. And then I thought about when Hayden told me that my father died before ever telling anyone the reason he never saved the Seeker which it had been prior to becoming what it was now. Would Jack tell me if I asked him? I needed to know if he could see what it had done, the sins it had committed prior to trapping itself in the dark realm.
I looked at Jack inquisitively. “I need to ask you something about the Phantom.”
He blinked and then stared at me square in the eyes, unwaveringly. “Okay.”
I anticipated that he’d have been way more reluctant to offer any information on the subject of the Phantom. I was taken aback for a moment before I asked.
“Who was it, and why didn’t you save that Seeker?”
He sighed. Not one of those I’m-going-to-stall sighs. It was more of one of those You’re-going-to-be-disappointed sighs. “I don’t remember anymore.”
My nose wrinkled. “What? What do you mean you don’t remember anymore?”
“Costello,” he started, “I had him remove the memories before I died. I didn’t want to take it with me.”
“You’re kidding me.” I was immediately crestfallen by his answer. There would be no preparation for me going in to know what this creature had done in its past life as a human. Not only would I not have information from my father on what to expect, I also didn’t know how I was to save my brother from it. I would have to save Jaxon from an entity which was the only one of its kind. Great.
I looked at him intently. “How does this end for me?”
My father kept a poker face as he stared into my eyes. “Evika,” he held my shoulders firmly, “sometimes it is a burden to know what is to come because you either let the fear of it take you over and destroy the happiness you have, or you let it consume you and you try to change the inevitable. I wish I could tell you what is to come, but to be honest, I’m glad I don’t know.”
“But—-” I contested.
“Just know this,” he interrupted me, taking my hands in his. “No matter how long your life is here on this earth, when the time comes for your life here to end and for your new life in the next world to begin, you will be ready and you will be at peace with what has come and what will become. You will do great things. That, I do know. I promise you this.” He squeezed my hands and leaned into me, kissing my forehead. The scent of Old Spice was powerful as I inhaled him. I hadn’t noticed it before. And then, I felt his strong arms wrap around my back and hold me close and tight. I felt the embrace of the father I'd barely remembered. I wasn’t sure how I felt, or really if I wanted to let myself feel anything. But before I knew it, tears welled up in my eyes, and I was hugging him back just as tightly.
“Dad?” I cried to him.
I heard him br
eathe in deep, as if in relief. “Yes?” he answered, still holding me.
“Is it better where you are? Is all of this worth it, in the end?” I longed to know that the afterlife that was to be our final destination was truly the bliss that we all deserved – the World of Light, as they called it. Most of all, I missed my mother and I wanted so badly to be able to know, after seeing her suffer, that the next world made up for it.
My father looked into my eyes once again, holding my hands. The still sunset's light made his crystal blue eyes shimmer. “Evika, anything and everything that has ever made you smile in this life will be in the World of Light waiting to make you smile again. That is a certainty.” He pulled me to my feet as he stood.
I nodded, committing my father's face to memory along with his voice and his scent, and even the way it felt when he embraced me in his arms. It made me miss her, my mother. “Can you please tell her I love her and that I miss her?” I bit my lip to hold the next round of tears.
He grinned at me. “I will tell her,” he said as he kissed my hair. “I have to go. Please remember what I've told you, Evika.”
“I will,” I promised.
My father studied me with admiration as if he were committing this moment to memory, then proceeded to walk away and along the edge of the water. His hand reached into his pants pocket and pulled out a cigarette and lighter. Suddenly, I saw him turn to me again.
“Oh, and Evika, one more thing.” He lit the cigarette and took a quick drag, blowing out the smoke before continuing to speak. “Please remember that your angel was only protecting you and abiding by the rules that were set for him. If you want to be angry with anyone about Jaxon, be angry with me.” He gave me a stern expression.
I studied him before answering, wondering if Hayden had somehow asked my father to throw in a good word for him. But, either way, I knew I'd have to forgive him at some point.
“I'll think about it,” I said.
He winked at me and continued walking again. I stared after him. He would turn his head with each puff of his cigarette, watching the sunset as he continued walking. I laughed inside. I wondered if that horrible habit was one that made him happy and if he got to take it with him when he returned to the World of Light. It made me think about my bad habits and if they actually made me happy. I couldn't think of one that did, not the bad ones anyway.