by L.H. Cosway
He rubbed his jaw. “Okay. Order me whatever you think sounds good.”
“Will do,” I said then went to pick up the phone. Despite my casual façade, my heart was beating a mile a minute. I willed it to slow down but it was no use. I was both nervous and excited to be alone with James. Sure, we’d been alone in my room at his house, but that was a sparsely furnished bedroom with a futon. This was a five-star luxury hotel with sumptuous, stylish interiors. Something about that made things feel more intimate. Adventurous even. Like I could do things here I might never do at home, and that was a dangerous thought.
I decided to order James a steak. He was probably just as starved as I was after all the walking we did today. I turned back around to find him stretched out on the bed, his arms folded above his head and his back leaning against the pillows. Totally comfortable.
It was exactly where I’d been lounging before he arrived, and I found it unfair how relaxed he was while tiny acrobats were doing backflips inside my stomach. I picked up the remote control and turned my attention to the TV.
“We can watch something else,” I said, scrolling through the options.
James reached out and took the remote from my hands. “I’ve interrupted your night, Michaela, so we’ll watch what you want to watch. Now come sit,” he said, patting the space next to him.
Warily, I sat, but I couldn’t relax, not with him so close. I knew James would never try anything weird. It was me I didn’t trust.
“So, you don’t like being alone in hotel rooms?” I ventured curiously.
“What makes you ask that?”
“I just thought that might be why you wanted to hang out,” I replied.
James let out a long sigh. “It’s not that I don’t like hotel rooms. I’ve just been having a hard time sleeping lately, and the more I try to fall asleep, the worse it gets. They say you should get up and do something if you can’t sleep, instead of just lying in bed, so that’s why I came here.” He paused to study me. “I can leave if you—”
“No, no, you can stay. It’s fine.” I eyed him sadly. “Can you not sleep because of your mum?”
James’ brow furrowed, his mouth making a sad shape. “It’s a little because of Mum, but it’s also because I’ve stopped…” He paused mid-sentence, like he hadn’t meant to reveal whatever he’d been about to say.
“Because you’ve stopped what?” I questioned in a soft voice. Seeing Diana? Did he miss her? The thought caused a sharp, jealous pang in my chest.
He ran a hand over his face, looking so tired. He really must not be sleeping well. “Please promise me you won’t tell any of the others this,” he said, “because I’m not sure they’d understand.”
Oh my God. I was right. This had to be about Diana. I braced myself for the blow, shifting to face him fully and placing a hand on his arm. “Whatever it is, I’ll keep it between us. You can trust me on that.”
He looked away for a second, seeming almost…ashamed. When he brought his attention back to me, his face was etched with worry. “For the last few years, I’ve been on anti-anxiety medication,” he said and my eyebrows jumped. Okay, so this wasn’t what I’d expected. I hated to admit the relief I felt.
“I’d been experiencing a lot of stress about signing on to Running on Air,” James continued. “Diana convinced me that medication would help me overcome it. So I started taking pills and have been for years. But I stopped taking them recently because I hate relying on them. They feel like a crutch, but I also don’t feel like I need them anymore. I love being on the show. It doesn’t freak me out like it used to. The problem is the withdrawal has been rough. I’ve been dealing with bouts of insomnia and stomach pain.”
I was completely shocked. I didn’t even realise what I was doing when I reached out and pulled him into a hug. James seemed to sink into the embrace, wrapping his arms around me in response.
“I had no idea,” I whispered.
“I did a good job of hiding it,” he said, voice low, his breath hitting the top of my ear.
Suddenly, I was very much aware of his body on mine, his hard chest and stomach pressing into me. I didn’t want to pull away, but I knew I had to. Just another minute…
At last, I drew back a little, my eyes travelling back and forth between his. “Have you seen a doctor yet? Maybe they could prescribe you something for the withdrawal symptoms.”
James shook his head. “I can deal with the symptoms. They’ll fade eventually. Besides, I don’t want any more pills. I just want to get back to my old self.”
“You should still see a doctor,” I went on. “Just to have a checkup and make sure everything’s okay.”
“Maybe I’ll go when we get back to London,” he said.
I swallowed thickly when his gaze lowered to my mouth. Stop looking there! my subconscious screamed while my libido told it to shut the hell up. Whatever James was thinking right then, I wanted to know more than anything.
We were locked in a moment, still half hugging, when his hand came to rest on my cheek. “You’re always there when I need you.”
“Just trying to be a good friend,” I answered, the words barely audible.
“It’s not just that though—”
A knock sounded on the door.
Room service couldn’t have arrived at a more opportune time. Or was it inopportune? I jumped up from the bed and hurried to let them in. A porter carried in a large tray and set it down on the table by the window while James pulled a twenty out of his wallet for a tip.
The porter left and we were alone again. I removed the fancy silver domes that covered the food.
“You got a starter, a main course, and a dessert,” James observed, sounding amused.
“What? It was a long day and I’m starving,” I protested, and the tension of a moment ago dissipated. Just like that, we were back to our normal selves. I couldn’t decide if I was happy about that or disappointed.
“You better eat quick,” James said. “That chocolate cake is looking awfully tempting.”
I held up a fork, a playful threat. “Touch my cake and suffer the wrath…of my fork.”
James chuckled. “The wrath of your fork?”
“Forks can be deadly weapons if used correctly.”
He arched an eyebrow. “I don’t doubt you.”
We brought our plates over to the bed, because what was the point of staying in a hotel if you can’t at least eat in bed? After our heart-to-heart, it was surprisingly relaxed and not at all awkward watching the movie together. I even shared my chocolate cake with him.
We both seemed to silently agree to forget the moment before the food arrived and I was glad of that. The intensity of it was way too much to contemplate, never mind discuss.
“I could do that,” James said when Channing Tatum did an impressively acrobatic dance move.
“You’re on Running on Air. You can do a whole lot more, I’m sure,” I said, and he looked pleased with the compliment.
We ended up watching two more movies; Dunkirk (James’ choice) and The Grand Budapest Hotel (my choice). Both were really good. In fact, I didn’t know about James, but I definitely didn’t want him to leave. I could’ve spent the entire night watching movies with him. My earlier panic was gone completely now, and there was something peaceful about spending time with him like this. By the third movie, we were both lying down. I had my side of the bed and James had his. The foot or so of space between us felt like a galaxy of distance. My fingers itched to reach out and skim along his arm just to see what it felt like. Then I thought of how he might react. Would he be shocked? Disgusted? Intrigued?
I wasn’t brave enough to take the risk. And besides, touching him was not part of the plan. Nothing that had happened tonight was part of my plan, but I was too weak to resist. When James showed up at my door looking tired and needy for company, there was no way I could’ve told him to leave. There were a few moments where I tried to force my mouth to say the words, but those words were vetoed by the part
of me that was besotted with him.
I must’ve been staring because he turned to me then. I quickly looked away, embarrassed, and did my best to focus on the movie. He didn’t mention the staring, which was a relief.
This man had opened up to me, told me things he hadn’t told anyone else, about Diana, the medication. That meant he trusted me.
My heart clenched at the thought that he’d needed medicine to deal with anxiety. I’d always seen James as this strong, confident, put-together person, but he had issues just like the rest of us. He’d been carrying so much on his shoulders these last few weeks, and all I wanted was to relieve some of the burden. I hoped talking to me helped at least a little.
He must’ve sensed me studying him because he stretched out, his fingers skimming along my arm, leaving tingles in their wake.
“What are you doing all the way over there?” he asked, his voice pure gravel and I swear I stopped breathing.
Nineteen
Michaela
“Michaela,” James whispered then, his husky voice washing over me.
“Yes?” I whispered back, still hardly able to breathe.
“Come here,” he murmured, pulling lightly at my arm. My heartbeat pounded in my ears as my body rolled forward and pressed to his. I could feel every hard plane of his chest and stomach. I felt flushed and tense and excited and terrified all at once.
A moment passed as he held my gaze. I grew self-conscious, shifting away a little, but he pulled me back. My heart skipped a beat.
“Can I just…” James trailed off, his voice quiet. “It feels good to hold you,” he went on and I just about died. Was this really happening?
“Okay,” I whispered back as he wrapped his arms tight around me. They were so solid and warm and good. One of my legs rested on top of his, just above his knee. My entire body fizzed with awareness, my ear pressed to his chest, listening to his heartbeat. Was it just me, or had his pulse sped up a little?
His thumb brushed back and forth over the small of my back. Did he even realise how amazing that felt? Tiny pinpricks of desire skittered down my spine. It was a good thing I was wearing a thick, fleecy pyjama top, because my nipples could cut glass. I’d be mortified if James felt them. I closed my eyes and imagined what might happen if I pressed my mouth to his neck, dipped my tongue out, and tasted his skin. Would he push me away or let me keep going?
Unable to control the fantasy, I saw myself climbing on top of him, rubbing my wet, needy flesh against his hardness, the only barrier between us a few scraps of troublesome fabric. James’ hands would grip my backside as I ground into him. Maybe he’d even pull off my top and take one of my hard, aching nipples into his mouth…
“M?”
James’ soft, questioning voice broke through my heated thoughts, and I realised with stark horror that I’d let out a quiet moan. Oh. My. Goodness.
Embarrassment flooded me until I met his gaze and saw desire swimming in his dark irises. Oh…my…
Did he…was he…?
Time moved in slow motion when James clasped my jaw in his hand, his eyes moving back and forth between mine. “I’m going to kiss you,” he said, like he was asking permission, and I was certain I was hallucinating. His closeness had scrambled my brain. Yes, that was it.
But then, it appeared he was waiting for me to say something back, which meant his words were real. I hadn’t imagined them.
“Kiss me then,” I replied breathily, trying to be bold.
Barely a second elapsed before his mouth found mine. Was this really happening? James’ lips were tender, just a whisper really, but the kiss was still electric. So many thoughts flooded my head, the loudest being, James Khan is kissing you right now! He likes you. He wouldn’t be kissing you if he didn’t like you.
I had to be dreaming. But no, that was definitely his mouth on my mouth, his hard, very real body pressing into my body.
I squirmed beneath him and a rumbling sound emanated from deep in his throat. I moaned again, unable to help it, and felt his thumb dig into my neck where his hand still cupped my jaw.
As soon as he heard my moan, James deepened the kiss, climbing on top of me. I was too lost in him to properly comprehend what we were doing. My legs fell open, welcoming him fully, and my clit throbbed when his erection pressed into me.
James was kissing me, and it was turning him on and my brain didn’t know what to do with that, so I decided to switch it off.
His tongue tangled with mine, sliding and caressing in a way that set every cell in my body on fire. I burned for him, burned for more, now, please.
I didn’t realise I’d said that last word out loud until James broke our kiss for the briefest moment. “Don’t worry. I’ve got you,” he rasped possessively, and my insides hummed.
My hips rose to meet his as he thrust, bringing his erection flush with my heat. He kissed me, exploring every inch of my mouth. I wanted him to put his mouth everywhere. I wanted him to taste my breasts, my stomach, my sex. There wasn’t a single part of me that wasn’t singing for his attention.
“Fuck, you’re sweet,” he growled, moving from my mouth now to press kisses along my jaw and neck.
My head fell back into the pillows as he lowered to my chest, pressing his face to my breasts, nuzzling my now very obviously rock-hard nipples. He locked eyes with me, then bit down gently over my pyjama top and a sharp cry escaped me.
A second later his mouth was on mine again, kissing me with a need I felt deep down in the pit of my stomach. I locked my legs around his hips, while my hands gripped his wide shoulders. My palms wandered down his solid back, and he gave a rumbly sound of approval.
I didn’t know how long we kissed, but it seemed like an eternity. My lips were puffy and sore in the best possible way. Finally, James pulled back, keeping his arms tight around me as he held me to him. I didn’t need to wonder why he broke the kiss. It was too intense. Too heated. And I knew if we didn’t stop we’d end up having sex.
His hand came up to stroke my hair. “That was…” he trailed off, like he couldn’t find the right word. I felt the same. My feelings and attraction to him aside, there was nothing that could’ve prepared me for how explosive his kiss would be. I’d never felt anything like the electricity and heat and sheer perfection with any of my previous sexual partners.
“I know,” I breathed.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
I nodded.
“Can I just…hold you for a while?” he went on and I didn’t think it was possible for my heart to melt, but it did.
“I’d like that,” I whispered back and his arms tightened around me.
Somewhere along the way, I dozed off. The next thing I knew, it was morning. I was warm and cosy – cosier than usual. Slowly, I came to, my whereabouts coming into sharp focus.
James and I had fallen asleep together. He’d spent the entire night in my room. It was a good thing Paul hadn’t come to check on us, because this would be a tough one to try and explain. My face was mashed into James’ chest, my hand spread out on his hard, chiselled stomach. His T-shirt must’ve ridden up during the night because I was touching his bare skin and my brain didn’t know how to compute how amazing he felt.
Carefully, I chanced a peek up at his face. His eyes were closed, his breathing slow and even. I was stunned at how handsome he was when he slept. The morning light filtered through the curtains, casting shadows on his face. I didn’t want to wake him. I didn’t want to move a muscle. I’d be happy to spend the rest of my life here, feeling his solid, reassuring warmth beneath me as I listened to the symphony of his heartbeat and slumbering breaths.
A moment later he stirred, his eyes blinking open as he focused on me. A slow, heart-stopping smile spread across his lips as he whispered sleepily, “Hey.”
“Morning,” I breathed, my stomach all aflutter from his smile when suddenly, there was a knock on my door.
“Michaela?” Paul called. “Are you in there?”
I looked to
James in panic. What should I do? my eyes asked.
He brought his mouth to my ear, whispering, “Tell him you’re about to get in the shower and that you’ll meet him down in the lobby in half an hour.”
His voice was almost hypnotic. “I’m about to shower,” I called back to Paul. “Can I meet you in the lobby in about thirty minutes?”
“Sounds good,” Paul replied. “By the way, have you seen James? He’s not in his room.”
I started to panic again. “Um, yeah, I think he went out for a jog in Central Park before breakfast.”
“He did?” Paul said, sounding unconvinced. “But it’s freezing out.”
“The cold never stops you lot,” I answered back. “Bunch of fitness freaks.”