by LJ Swallow
"Vee wasn't hurt. I don't think she needs mouth to mouth, Heath." Xander's amused voice joins us in the kitchen.
Heath unwinds my arms from his waist and steps back. He runs a fingertip across my mouth, with a smile, and the rough contrasts the smooth from his lips moments ago. I turn to Xander and can't decide if his expression's amusement, or if he's perturbed by what he walked into.
Xander catches sight of our glasses. "I'll have one, thanks." He crosses to us and lifts up the bottle, squinting at the contents. "Where the hell did all that go?"
"I needed a drink," I reply. "That okay?"
Xander scratches his nose. "You're flushed. Is that my brother or the alcohol?"
"Both."
Heath chuckles.
"Uh huh." Xander splashes whiskey into a glass. "You two should take your activities upstairs."
The douche's attempts to embarrass me fail, but the outlet triggered by kissing Heath grows. Heath brushes the front of his bloodstained shirt. "Might change out of this and take a shower."
"A cold one might be a good idea," Xander says with a smirk. "And I'd be quick if I were you, judging by the contents left in the bottle I think Vee will be asleep before you persuade her to do anything else."
Heath ignores his brother's taunt and kisses the top of my head. "Don't drink too much." He pokes my nose and walks away.
Alcohol to dampen down my smutty intentions? Wrong move because the alcohol switched off more inhibition. I'm seconds away from pursuing Heath upstairs and cramming myself into the small shower with him. Mad skills? Heath has exactly the right ones to unleash the frustration inside.
I turn away. No, I won't give Xander more fuel to his accusations I’m a sex-crazed harlot whose one goal in life is to bed every guy in the house.
Even though that's exactly what I want to do.
Fuck. I draw a ragged breath and finish the glass contents. Will this happen every time I kill? Every time my powers trigger? Losing control of Vee as my powers channel is one problem, wanting to lose control beneath one of the guys I live with afterwards is a whole different issue.
I tap my fingers on the side of the glass. Another?
Xander rests against the counter beside me. "You want to talk about what happened today? Scary shit."
I snort. "Understatement. And no. Tomorrow. I need sleep before I'm up to dealing with anymore. Did they scare you—those things?"
Xander blows air into his cheeks. "Not scare. Worry. Meeting a whole new brand of fun is always stressful. Now, the worst part is finding out what they are and learning how to deal with them."
"Learning? Can't you just eradicate them?"
He shakes his head at me in the way an adult would to a small child, which goads me. "If we could 'eradicate' everything, the world would be a safer place and we'd have no job. Sometimes we find what we come across are also in books; often they're demon types that more powerful ones have managed to locate and reanimate."
Xander turns away and helps himself to another drink. As with Ewan and Heath, I'm drawn less to what he has to say and more what's beneath his clothes. Especially the jeans fitting so well around his tight ass.
For heaven's sake, Vee. Inappropriate, much?
I drag my gaze away and hold out my glass.
Xander hesitates. "Have you eaten?"
"No."
"You should before you drink any more."
I purse my lips in amusement. "That's very caring of you."
"I'm supposed to keep you safe. Allowing you to collapse, vomiting, on the floor, because you're a non-drinker who's downed half a bottle of whiskey, isn't looking after you."
"I'm not hungry. And the alcohol is doing nothing."
"Sure, it isn't." He sighs and tops my glass up. "I'll find Joss, he can cook something."
I splutter whiskey across the bench. "You're a cheeky bastard. Is Joss the house chef or something?"
"Believe me. Whatever I cook won't be appetising. And burnt. Poisoning you doesn't count as keeping you safe either."
A frowny, pouty Xander doesn't help my attempt to quell the smutty thoughts pushing to the surface. Those lips seriously need biting sometime soon. Tonight?
Omigod. I need to get out of this kitchen.
"Are you sure you're not drunk?" he asks.
Should I also tell him what happens to me when I kill? "I'm fine. Just feeling a bit... off. I'll be okay after a sleep, I hope." I stare at his long fingers curled around his glass, remembering them stroking my skin after he hurt me in our sparring match.
Maybe I should go to Heath. Now.
"You coped well," he says.
"Coped? I more than coped!" He succeeds in snapping me out of it. "I saved you and between us we destroyed the bastards."
"Yeah. Well. You couldn't have managed that without me."
I grit my teeth. "Is that so?"
"Yes, that's so." He straightens. "We're connected, remember?"
"I think you're the one who needs to be reminded of that."
As we spark off each other, the power grows again. Oh, hell, I want to touch him. I want Xander also losing the control he holds, beneath me, hands on me, above me, hell any way he wants.
I swallow as the thoughts intensify and cloud my head along with the alcohol.
Xander tips his head. "Are you suggesting you want to remind me, Vee?"
"No."
"I heard your conversation with Ewan, and you're practically glowing with sex right now; it's streaming from you." He steps towards me. "Are you going to lose control around me?"
"Don't tease me," I say in a quiet voice. "There's so much I don't understand, Xander. It's tough."
The amusement drops from his face, replaced by concern. "I'm sorry," he says softly. I reach out to touch his hand, but he flinches. "No. You can’t choose to do this with me."
"I wasn't going to do anything."
He shakes his head. "Vee, I won't let anything happen between us because some bullshit power takes control. If ever anything happens, it will be because we want it to."
My heart stutters at his words as Xander moves away and turns back to pour himself another drink.
"I wasn't going to do anything," I repeat. "I can control myself, you know."
Xander swirls the contents of his glass and stares into it. "I'm glad to hear one of us can."
He doesn't look back up, and we finish our drinks in silence.
"I'm bloody exhausted," he says eventually and sets his glass beside the sink. "Night."
I nod and lick the whiskey from my numbing lips. "Night, Xander."
He hesitates and for a strange moment I think he's about to kiss me goodnight. The confusion passes between us and he rubs my arm. "Hope you feel better tomorrow." He inclines his head upwards. "Go and see Heath, I'm sure he'll help."
12
VEE
The sombre mood permeates the house today, the events from yesterday denying any chance of banter. I chose to spend the night with Heath; the right move because I couldn’t walk into today as tense as yesterday evening. Following an early walk to soak up the quiet calm from the world surrounding the house, I head back into a strange morning.
Xander and Ewan sit at the table, lost to their surroundings as they sift through information.
“How are you feeling this morning?” I ask Ewan.
He kindly lifts his T-shirt to answer me. My question sounded odd considering he died yesterday, but the morning view of his tattooed body provides a welcome distraction.
"Have you found anything?" I ask.
Xander shakes his head and chews a pen. Scrawled words cover a notepad open in front of him.
"What are you looking for? Can I help?" I ask.
Xander turns his eyes back to the laptop screen. "I think Joss wanted to chat to you."
"Joss? Why?"
"He wants to take you shopping," replies Ewan, also not looking at me.
I jerk my head back. The Horsemen discovered an enemy they never knew existed and
have no idea what it is or where it came from, and Joss wants to go shopping?
"Might take your mind off things," says Xander.
"Because I'm a girl and I must like shopping?" I ask with a short laugh.
Xander rests back in his chair and rubs a hand across his mouth, regarding me. "Heath said you're struggling with letting go of your human side. I personally think you should keep hold of that part of you."
"Why?"
"Because the Vee you were is part of who you are. I think it would help you to hold onto your humanity."
Does he mean he believes there's something darker in me that may take control? That if I become only Truth and not Vee that I become something sinister?
"Well, I think it would help if we found out what attacked Ewan."
"That's not likely today. There's no record of anything like the things that attacked us. My guess is we follow a trail until we find something concrete. Heath's talking to the shifter clans and vampire houses in the area to ask if they've seen anything."
Oh how easily I forget about the other creepy residents in the world. "And ask Portia?"
Ewan runs his tongue along his teeth and side glances Xander. "Heath's attempting to talk to her too, but I doubt she'll help us."
"She’ll probably blame us," mutters Xander.
I cross my arms. "Have you always had a shaky relationship with the fae?"
"We have a shaky relationship with everyone." Ewan pauses. "Some shakier than others."
"Your world is mind-boggling," I reply.
"Your world too, Vee," replies Xander.
True. Escaping the world for more than a short walk tempts me in Joss’s direction.
VEE
"Life is one huge barrel of fun right now, isn’t it?" says Joss as he opens the cafe door.
"What are we doing here?" I ask. "I thought we were going home now we've finished at the shops."
We spent an hour at the local department store, where Joss pretended to show interest while I picked out a coffee machine. Yes, the world is about to be overrun by zombies and we shop for kitchen goods.
On the drive home, he changed direction and we ended up in Grangeton. I spent many afternoons in this cafe with Anna, and the occasional date too. Trips to cafes don't factor in my life now. Although apparently they do.
The 1980s interior dated over the years; the wood panelling faded and peels from the walls in places. I swear the poster advertising milk as the “drink of champions” has been on the wall above the serving counter since I was a teen.
Or since I thought I was a teen.
Joss guides me into the café, and I slide into a booth to sit at the scratched table I always chose with Anna.
"How about some more normal in your freaky world; we can chill out for a while. Do you like cake? I like cake!"
I blink at his laid-back enthusiasm for ordinary life. Coffee machines and cake won't solve broken alliances and supernatural threats, but I understand what he's trying to do here.
"That's very sweet of you, Joss, but don't you think we should be getting back to the others? I imagine Xander's chomping at the bit to follow up a new lead by now."
“Ha ha.” Joss flicks my nose and I scowl. "Chomping at the bit? Like a horse?"
I smile. "Accidental metaphor, sorry."
“Still, that was funny.” He waves a menu at me. “What cake would you like?"
"Surprise me."
"Awesome!" He turns away and heads to the counter.
I stare around the cafe hoping for a slice of normality with my cake, but knowing my luck, a non-human creature exists in the room watching. Hairs lift on my neck thinking about it. The teenage girls hunched over milkshakes and their phones whispering? The two mothers with toddlers climbing across the tables and ignoring demands they behave? My paranoia’s reached new bounds.
Joss returns with a metal sign with the number 6 painted in black and slides into the booth next to me. He rests an arm along the seat back and purses his lips.
“I'm not going to ask you about yesterday as I want you to switch off from that, but I can sense you won't let go of what Logan said at Portia’s the other night."
I take a sugar sachet from the nearby bowl and pick at it. "I'm okay."
"I hope you haven't paid any attention to the fae moron. None of us believe you're anything but part of us."
"I haven't." I shuffle closer. "I'm good."
Joss wraps his arm around me. "Liar, but I'll forgive you."
The young waitress, with auburn hair pinned up high, serves coffees and two huge chocolate cake slices smothered in brown icing. She unsubtly checks Joss out as he removes his jacket, revealing the toned arms and T-shirt stretching across his broad chest. Who wouldn’t take a minute to enjoy the man with the tanned, muscular frame and striking green eyes filled with friendliness?
My mouth waters as I look at my cake, and I eagerly pick up the spoon. "I'm starving!"
"Don't blame me, I didn't do it," says Joss.
I groan and nudge him with my elbow, his humour blowing away more of the day’s seriousness. "I appreciate this. I didn't realise how I missed the ordinary."
"Yeah, I can tell you’re calmer already." He places hand on my leg as he continues eating.
"Thanks, Joss. This is good," I reply through a mouthful.
"I needed to take you on a date. The other guys seem to forget a girl needs attention and to feel special." He digs the spoon into his cake and slips it into his mouth. "And before you say anything, I know we're not exclusive. I’m happy you brought up the subject and were clear to us all about that."
"Mmm." Man, this cake is good. "I had to say something. The situation doesn't bother you does it?"
"Why should it? I like the idea that I can take you out and have time alone with you without causing issues between us all." He pauses. "Sorry if my response at the time sounded like I only see the situation as sex. I know we all want the physical connection, but I get as much from sitting and chatting to you.” He nudges me. “An energy boost."
With Joss, our interaction holds a closeness different to the others. I recognise his feelings as readily as he does mine, and we’re in tune in a way I’ve never felt before on an emotional level. Is that why things haven’t become physical with us? Because our bond lies on this different level? Maybe, but alone with Joss’s warmth and comfort curling around me, the same spark kindles inside as with the other guys.
The times he’s held me close, to soothe and protect, were also joined with the physical desire to wrap myself in him and us. What level would sex with Joss take me to? The intensity with Heath came from the Death within me. How would Famine manifest? Whatever happens, I’m positive it’ll be a heightened experience emotionally. I’m unsure I could cope with that right now.
Joss interrupts my musing. "I want you to be happy. We all do. Life's damn complicated right now, but everyone deserves downtime."
"You sound like Heath."
He splutters. “I'm nothing like that moody git."
"No, I mean Heath likes the ordinary in the world."
"Yeah, but when he's alone, Heath sits and overthinks everything. I switch off. Eat cake. Spend time with a beautiful woman." Joss strokes my cheek with a thumb. "Well, I don't normally find time to hang out with beautiful girls unless I'm having a really good day.”
“I guess you’re generally busy with work,” I joke.
“Exactly. Plus, you're the only one who matters now. I’m done with picking up random strangers."
"You don't want sex with other girls?"
Joss's expression contains a horror I never expected at the question. "What? No. I mean, how would you feel if that happened?"
Jealous. I lick the spoon. Is it fair to ask the guys to be faithful to me when I've indicated I won’t be exclusive to any of them? I highly doubt Xander will step down from the hook-ups the guys hint he indulges in often. "Haven't really thought about it."
He places down the spoon and takes my hands
. "Vee. Everything you said was right. We're a group, and we commit to each other. It’s always been hard to find anybody outside of us we'd trust; relationships and Horsemen don’t quite mix. You bring an element we missed out on. Not because you’re truth, or female, but because you belong. I don't have any interest in jeopardising the balance by bringing in anybody else."
"Not even for one night?"
"I doubt one night with a random girl would be worth losing a chance with you. I do have a chance right?"
I squeeze his fingers. "You know the answer to that. I've been drawn to you since we met in the pub that first night. I can’t help that part of me feels selfish but—"
"But that's not helpful. It's two way, you know. We get a lot out of being with you." He rubs his lips together. "Besides, I'm hoping for extra points for buying you cake. Maybe a step up the list?"
I scowl at him.
"I'm joking!" He sips his coffee. "Do what feels natural, Vee."
I study Joss’s face as he returns to eating, my chest blooming with warmth at his words and how he treats me. I’m caught up in the intense physical attraction to Heath and Ewan, and his words from yesterday echo. He’s a “hang in the background” guy. I feel as deeply about this man as I do the others, whether that’s the supernatural bind or not.
Human Vee feels for him too.
“Joss.” He looks around and I wipe chocolate from his mouth before leaning forward and placing a soft kiss on his lips.
Joss cradles my head and moves his lips gently on mine, and the flickering need from him washes over me. I sense his affection in the kiss, and the buried desire to step from friend to lover.
"You taste even better than I thought," he whispers against my mouth. "Vee and chocolate cake." He draws his head back and licks his lips. "Amazing combination."
I snuggle into him, aware more kissing could overwhelm me, and enjoy the warmth buzzing through my veins. Sugar high and Joss high, a great combination. Joss is correct. Normality is what I need before I head into the next part of my crazy Horsemen life. His calming influence helps, but our attraction doesn't.
How the hell did I manage to share a bed with him and keep my hands to myself?