by T. S. Joyce
“You’re being awful.”
Ford shrugged and went back to sifting through tools on a table. “Call me what you want.” His voice said he didn’t care at all, and that pissed her off.
“I didn’t like that! I don’t like to be surprised with affection. I don’t like affection at all anymore!”
“Then cut the shit!” he yelled, rounding on her. “You want to be coddled? That isn’t me anymore. That Ford died, and really, you don’t need to be coddled right now. You need someone to remind you who the fuck you are.” He pointed to his cheek that trickled blood from four claw marks. “This is who you are. You don’t take shit from anyone, you don’t cower, you don’t look at the ground when someone looks at you, you don’t sit there in silence hoping no one notices you. You’re Sora. You’re a motherfucking Deadlies lioness, now a Tarian lioness, and neither one of those Prides roll over for anything. And I know. I know! I know you think they broke you, but you are unbreakable. Accept that quick because I’m not gonna watch you pout for long.”
“Oh, I’m pouting?” Rage boiled through her. She’d brought him a beer. She’d been brave coming out here while he was rampaging, and this is how he wanted to treat her? “I want you to leave!”
“Too fuckin’ bad.”
“I don’t want you here. I don’t want you here!” she screamed, fists clenched hard to hide the tremble in her hands.
“You don’t want me here?” he asked, his dark eyebrows raised. “You don’t think I know that? You just clawed me for a kiss. I don’t really care about your wants right now though, Sora. I care about your needs. You don’t want me here, fine. But as long as you need me here? I’m going to call you on all of your shit until you want to fight everything. The Old Tarians. Orion. Me. Your father. The whole fuckin’ world. And Cassius’s ghost, because you’re feeding him! You’re giving a dead man power. You get that, right? You were a badass, you ended him, but then you’re letting his ghost live by holding onto the hurt. Fuck that. Start dealing with that ghost and move on because I’m not going to sit here and watch you shrink away. If I have to be your fucking backbone until you find your own again, okay. And if it makes you hate me in the process?” He shrugged and shook his head. “I’m okay with that, too.”
She wanted to hurt him back. He’d made her panic with that kiss, and she was so pissed off at he own weakness. Like she really needed the reminder that she was a mess. He’d triggered her on purpose just to get a reaction. But why would he do that? Oh, she wanted to hurt him back. “I don’t like you anymore.”
“You mean you don’t like the new me?” he growled softly, the look in his eyes completely dead.
She wrapped her arms around her waist and nodded once, lowering her gaze, because that’s what she did, that’s what she did, that’s what she fucking did now! She clenched her teeth against the stupid tears that wanted to spill again. He wouldn’t see any more of her tears. No man ever would again.
Ford sauntered right over to her and lowered his voice. “Welcome to the club. I don’t like the new me much either. Look at me.”
Steeling herself for a three count, Sora forced herself to look up at him, and he nodded once. “Atta girl.” And then he walked out of the shed without looking back.
Sora leaned against the doorframe, overwhelmed with confusion as she watched him leave. “Why are you here?” she called.
“Because believe it or not?” he said, turning. “My goddamn empty chest feels like there’s something in it again when I’m around you.”
Sora was stunned into silence as he held her gaze a few moments more, then turned and strode off.
He cared.
That’s what he’d just said. Ford still cared for her.
And no, it wasn’t like before. It wasn’t this pure love that they’d had when everything made sense, before they’d been damaged beyond repair. His feelings were different because he was different and she was different. He wasn’t sweet anymore, but he was something else. Maybe something she needed.
Because she’d drawn blood on a man who’d forced a kiss, and that was a first.
And even though it was Ford, it counted. It was important she’d done that.
There was this little microscopic spark in her chest that was proud.
When she looked down, the smoke that was billowing from her had slowed and thinned to wisps. But it had also changed color. Now the smoke was white, like a cloud, ever reaching for Ford.
He was doing something to her, but she wasn’t so sure it was something bad anymore.
He’d pissed her off enough to get a rise out of her. To drag the lioness from hibernation. Because Sora could feel her now, alert and watching him leave. Paying attention. Wide awake. He was dragging her animal back to life. And oh, he was being mean about it, but maybe he was right. Perhaps she didn’t need to be coddled.
Maybe…just maybe…he was breaking her back together again.
Chapter Six
Ford wanted to murder everyone.
That wasn’t anything new. That was just his life now. Even thinking of going back to New Tarian Pride territory right after that battle earlier made him clench his hands tighter on the steering wheel. It was a miracle this damn SUV was running as smooth as it was. From the grass grown halfway up the tires, it looked like it had sat by the big house in the abandoned Pride territory for months. He’d found the spare set of keys under the front wheel well. He didn’t know who it had belonged to, but that Tarian War had clearly wiped out the owner. There was no way he would’ve left it if he was alive. It was a nice Tahoe, black on black, lifted, leather seats, the works. But smelled like sadness just like the rest of that damn place. The trail he’d found to get his motorcycle to camp went right through the ravine and across the shallowest part of the river, then up the other side of the swinging bridge. He understood why most of the Old Tarian Pride had parked in the level, gravel lot at the mouth of the bridge, though. The trail through the ravine was brutal and had a dozen different places to get stuck. But he liked it. A man like Ford didn’t seek out easy anymore. He appreciated the accomplishment much more than smooth sailing.
At the end of the trail, the gravel parking lot was empty. Orion must’ve come and gotten his truck after Ford had found the groceries. He didn’t understand Orion anymore. Maybe he never really had. The man fought to keep his sister safe and then left her alone the second she was outside of an active Pride territory.
Ford’s cell phone lit up from the cupholder, so he eased to a stop and read the text. Speak of the devil. Orion messaged him, I talked to Ronin. He and the boys know you have a problem being around males. The girls are gathering Sora’s belongings and will meet you at the front gate. Don’t piss ’em off. They may seem nice, but those lionesses are hellions. I know you’ll find your way back here, probably sooner than later. I know you better than you think, Ford. Probably better than when we were friends, back in your human days. I understand the hunter in you now. Or maybe I understand the protector. The New Tarians will be one hundred times easier to separate her from than the Deadlies. I don’t know how to handle them or stop future contracts for Sora. They’ll never stop coming for her. Not until she’s claimed by a Pride who can give them a good alliance. They’re in over their heads with territory disputes and need allies. I don’t fuckin’ know what to do about them.
Ford smiled. He knew exactly what to do about them—kill them all and dare their ghosts to come after Sora. He’d kill ’em twice if they tried.
One thing at a time.
The New Tarians were up first.
He didn’t play any music as he drove back to the place he’d stolen Sora from. He sat in silence, as he preferred now, all the way up the snaking mountain roads until he turned right into the entrance of New Tarian Territory. There was no one in the check-point building, just a few women milling around in front of the gate. One, a dark-haired, green-eyed, statuesque woman was leaning on a teal suitcase. Sora’s favorite color. Or at least it used to be, back
when Ford knew her.
He pulled to a stop and eased out, not even bothering to hide the low and constant growl in his throat. These were the people who had hurt Sora.
“We’re glad you took her,” the raven-haired woman said before he was even out of the Tahoe.
“What you did,” uttered a silver-haired, bright-eyed lioness shifter, “was the best outcome. But we want questions answered.”
Ford huffed a laugh and grabbed the suitcase. “Is this all of it?”
“I’m Emerald, Ronin’s mate,” the black-haired woman said. “This is Rose and Katy, and this is Annamora.”
“Is. This. All of it?” he repeated.
“We are her friends!” the mousey woman in the back, Annamora, blurted out.
“Yeah? Some friends. You wanted to kill her.”
“No one wanted that!” the older woman, Rose, barked out. “We want her to get better, but she stopped growing here. She was stagnant. Like a weed who had been fed poison. She just…withered. You think we wanted to hurt her? We aren’t what you think, just like you are nothing we’ve ever seen before. Spare your judgements, Dark Lion, and we’ll spare you ours. Just…don’t hurt her.” Her shoulders relaxed. “Help her if you can. Please.”
Ford was stunned into stillness. The lions who had wanted to end her were asking him to help Sora now? What was this game they were playing?
Annamora stepped forward. “I was with Sora in Cassius’s care.” The way she said “care” was spat out like a curse. She didn’t look up at him, but instead trained her eyes on the ground and wrung her hands. But she kept her voice steady enough when she said, “The girl she is now isn’t the girl who I first met. She was spunky. She wanted to live. She wanted to be free. She liked dressing up and laughed sometimes when people weren’t around. I watched…” She swallowed hard. “I saw what happened to her, and I watched the light fade from her eyes a little at a time until she didn’t laugh anymore. She didn’t dress up. She didn’t smile. She didn’t even look up from the ground.” Annamora lifted pleading bright gold eyes to Ford. “We couldn’t help her,” she whispered.
“Orion said you are her human,” Katy murmured, stepping forward. “When he called and asked me to gather her things, he said you were hers. Sora told me about you.”
Well, now, Ford was a curious kitty. Trying for ambivalence and missing, he cleared his throat and asked a little too casually, “What did she say?”
“That you had a purple bond with her, it was pure, and she’d known love. She would never know a love like yours again. You…” Katy frowned and squared her shoulders. But then lifting her chin a little higher, she said, “You are the reason she Turned me. She didn’t want to see me and Kannon, my mate, split up because of what I was and what he is. She said her biggest regret was not biting you.” She canted her head and studied him. “I think you are probably different from the man she remembers, but I thought you should know you were never forgotten. She was on trial in the first place because she wanted me to have what she had with you. You are a monster, and she’s sad. I think you are both different now. I don’t think you need to fix her, though. I think you should just make sure she’s okay being who she is now. And maybe perhaps see the value in the new woman she’s grown into.”
Okay. These women had his attention. “And how do I do that?” he rumbled.
It was Emerald who shrugged up one shoulder and answered. “Empower her.”
Ford’s smile slowly stretched his face. Huh. They were on the same page, in the same book, in the same library. “She needs more than just me. I can make her safe, but I don’t know what to do with…feelings.”
Rose snorted. “You and every other man.”
Katy and Annamora were biting back smiles now, and Emerald was looking down at her shoes. Her shoulders were shaking. Was she laughing? Well, he didn’t understand that either.
Katy spoke up. “Rose is upset because this morning, her mate, Talon, surprised her with new tires and rims on her truck and did a bunch of modifications without telling her.”
“You’re mad because he surprised you,” Ford said in a monotone. His frown was so deep it actually made his forehead ache.
“Well, yes. We were supposed to fix up my truck together. And pick everything out. Together.”
“Why?” Ford asked.
“Because,” Rose said, “it’s romantic.”
What was this romance nonsense she was talking about? Women might as well be speaking the language of popcorn shrimps because he couldn’t fuckin’ understand a word they were saying.
“Cool, well, now that your story made me want to gouge my eyes out—”
“Make her feel pretty, cared for, and special,” Rose rushed out.
“How about I make her feel safe, safe, and a little more safe? I’ve got one trick. That’s me maxing out. Stay complicated, ladies,” he said, giving them a two-fingered salute as he carried Sora’s suitcase to the Tahoe.
“Is it okay if we visit her sometime?” Annamora asked.
“She’s up in Cassius’s house. You want to brave going back there? Your lioness feels about as brave as a rabbit in headlights, but be my guest,” he said, tossing the luggage in the back. He slammed the door. “And that’s an invite to your mates, too, but they won’t be walking out of that territory if they do pay a visit. No boys allowed and all that shit. I’m always up for a good brawl, though, so if they feel like a fight, bring ’em along. We’ll have a fuckin’ party.”
“You can’t be around males because of your lion?” Emerald asked. “You do feel…sick.”
“Thank you.” He got in and slammed the door, and then out the window said, “If I even catch wind of Ronin or any of you coming after Sora, I’ll eat you.”
He watched all of their faces turn white as sheets and their eyes go round. Why? Because he hadn’t hidden an ounce of conviction from his tone. They could hear the truth in every word. He really would physically and literally eat anyone who even looked at Sora wrong.
Katy swallowed hard. Dryly, she said, “If making Sora feel safe is your only trick…well…that’s a pretty good trick.”
Ford turned away from the check-in station, peeling out just to throw rocks and gravel all over it, and smiled to himself as he watched the window of it shatter in his rearview mirror. He considered throwing the SUV into reverse and blasting through the gate to start some more shit with the males of the New Tarian Pride, but saw Sora’s face in his mind, missed her, felt empty being so far away from her, got worried about her being okay, so sped off down the road.
The girls weren’t so bad, but fuck their mates.
Up next? The Deadlies Pride.
He had some serious unfinished business with Sora’s father.
Chapter Seven
When Sora was stressed, she cleaned Right now, she was really freaking stressed, so the house was sparkling. She’d dusted and wiped down every surface, bagged up anything that belonged to the Old Tarian Pride, hauled it out, and tossed it onto a small mountain of trash in front of the house. And then in a moment of fury, she’d found a lighter and set it all on fire. She probably did it a little too close to the house, but in her defense, she hadn’t originally intended to have a bonfire.
Ford was gone. Like…really gone. He’d been away for hours, it was getting dark, and this place was full of ghosts. She knew because she could see them—blurry shadows of the people she’d hated, the Pride she’d helped kill. Surrounded by ghosts and, still, she felt completely alone. Maybe Ford’s escape was a good thing. Maybe she needed time alone to purge herself of all the awful shit that had happened here.
Time to reflect.
Time to think.
Time to deal with her own emotional baggage.
She was tired of being sad. There it was. She was tired of being able to look at a wall for hours and not remember where the time went. She was tired of not feeling like herself or not feeling valuable. She was tired of invisibility. She was just…tired of being tired.
So, first thing was first, the only way she could think of to get this pressure off her chest was to rid this place of ghosts. And the only way she could think to rid it of ghosts was to burn their shit.
Let it all burn, burn, burn.
The fire was big and billowing smoke, shooting sparks into the sky, but hang it, she wanted it even bigger. She wanted the clouds to see her moving on. The stars, too. The moon. Let the sky see she wanted to fight again.
She bit back tears as she yanked out drawers full of clothes and carried them out stacked one on top of another. Burn, burn, burn. The fire heaved and crackled each time she added to the pile. And just on the outskirts, the translucent shadows, the ghosts, they stood and watched her. She couldn’t tell which ones were which. Maybe the one closest to her was Cassius, or perhaps Derek. She didn’t know and didn’t care. All she knew was that with each load she tossed onto the fire, she felt a little better. It wasn’t revenge she was seeking. She’d already gotten that the day she’d risen up with the other lionesses of the Old Tarian Pride and killed Cassius. No, this was something more important. It was letting old memories bombard her but not shying away. It was feeling brave. It was destroying the power those memories had on her…destroying it with fire.
This shirt was the one Cassius had worn the night she’d met her contract mate.
This pocket knife was his favorite.
That jacket still smelled like Derek’s cologne.
That chair was Cassius’s throne where he lorded over all in his domain. How many times had she heard it creak, and cringed when he stood up to reprimand her? Well, creak, creak, motherfucker. You’re ashes now.