by Sarah Priest
Autumn returned my view transformed
Piles of rubble, high-rise buildings towering over me
My days never to be the same
The last tree standing.
Undisturbed
There are things I cannot say and things I cannot do
Memories of a love affair that broke me in two
A fear of going forward, causing pain once again
Confusion surrounds me constantly
as I continue to look in.
You’ve seen in me the girl inside
who just wants to run away
Be free once more and have some fun
and a cuddle now and then.
Whose heart lie quietly undisturbed until you looked in
And now not knowing where to turn
except in verse and poetry again.
Secret Rendezvous
Warming my hands on a steaming mug of tea
He is late, where can he be?
A secret rendezvous in the park
Wearing red choker under my scarf
My mind is agog, my animus unknown
Watching the cars waiting to glimpse my beau
Everyone gets on with their daily lives
Not knowing my turmoil inside
To think this once childhood arena
Could be the start of an illicit liaison
Is it too late to regress?
When all I’ve done is had one kiss
Not that it matters now, he has arrived!
World’s End
The day the world was going to end, I met you
Each minute we are apart tears me in two
I want to hold you close and never let you go
Hear your soothing voice touching my soul
Your tender kiss on my lips
I miss you more than words can say
And love you more with each passing day
You are in my heart where you will stay
Until the stars turn cold
The world did not end the day I met you, it just began...
Entity
Not a day goes by that I do not think of you
You are constant, an entity surrounding me; almost dreamlike
One day, I will wake up; but it is real!
Some days my heart pulls me towards you but I have to stop it, for fear it will burst
Other days it is content beating away almost purring
like a cat once it’s been fed
Are you my Romeo and I your Juliet?
Amidst all this pain and suffering, will we be together in the end?
By Your Side
Memories fading of the night we shared, making love
As the rain lashed against the window pane.
My continual drives to and from work
always thinking of you
A chance to talk whenever I can
to last the long night through.
My stomach flips and turns when we say goodbye
the last word spoken
How did I fall so hopelessly in love;
yet living two separate lives?
My heart will continue to ache
until she is by your side.
Christmas
Candles flickering
Festive tunes playing
Stockings full of presents
All I can think about is you.
Tree all lit
Gifts waiting to be opened
Memories of Christmases past
All I can think about is you.
Turkey to roast
Spuds to peel
Mincemeat soaking
All I can think about is you.
Our night together
Holding each other as the wind blew
And all I can think about is:
I was with you.
Brief Times
It’s 4 o’clock and the moon is out
Yet I am driving away from you once more.
Your scent lingers as I see your beautiful green eyes staring back at me
The warmth of your hand on my face as you gently stroke my hair.
I am so in love but our times are so brief
Passionate kisses to last until we meet again
When that is, I do not know.
The feel of your chest under my skin
As I snuggle in tight, happy and content.
Waiting
The sun is shining
The flowers are blooming
But the petals still fade.
The trains are shunting
The bees are buzzing
And the crickets sing their merry tune.
Rows continue
Silence ensures
Impending doom
My heart is aching
Once starved of love
Will wait for you.
Love Affair
I cannot touch you, I cannot hold you
I cannot kiss you goodnight
I do not get to see your sweet smile
Or your beautiful green eyes
No holding hands across the table
Having drinks in our local café
Or talking of our love affair
And that inevitable day!
Weekends torture me
Not hearing your voice down the phone
Wondering if you are alright
Or suffering alone
I miss you every day
As time ticks by
Not knowing our future yet
Or where our next step lies
My love for you holds no bounds
You light up my very soul
I cannot imagine life without you now
As your love has made me whole.
Farewell and Forever
Our time is coming to an end
Like a dying star burning so bright
Taking its last breath before it implodes
To say farewell now seems the only thing left to do
I’ve tried so hard, done my best
But still it is not enough
My heart will not be the same letting you go
To face the trials of your mind alone
My nights will be lonely, they will be cold
Not feeling your body by my side
I won’t see you smile
I shall miss your laugh
Your cuddles, your love
My heart is crying not wanting to let go
My tears are never-ending
I feel truly lost without you
Just come back to me one day
That is all I ask
I will be waiting
I will never let you go
Be mine forever
To start our new life remember
The one where we are together forever...
The Last Time
Will this be the last kiss
The last time I hear you laugh?
Will this be the last time I see your cheeky smile
And look into your green eyes?
Will this be the last time I stroke your chest
And hold your hand as you drive?
Will this be the last night snuggling under the duvet
When it’s cold and wet outside?
All these months of heartache and pain and all those words of love have no meaning if you walk out that door, for the last time.
Jealous Heart
My jealous heart
Her venomous tongue
Hurting the one I love
A troubled mind
A troubled soul
Wanting to let go
A year has passed
And still you stay
Through the heartache and pain
A past still present
Trying to forget
It will ease with time, I know.
The Man That I Miss
Lost and lonely
Weary and tearful
The love I gave
Now bitter and twisted
Promises broken
Timings all out
Left in a void
Not knowing what’s right
Searching my soul
For the person inside
Still scared to come out
And the truth to be told
My heart lay in tatters
My mind’s gone adrift
Knowing I’ve hurt
The man that I miss.
Forgotten Life
What is a life, if you don’t remember it?
Don’t remember your first kiss, your first love
The day you got married
The children you bore, the parties you had
The meals you cooked, the cakes you made
The garden you so lovingly tendered
The house you kept so clean
The man you have lived with for 60 years
Was it all a waste?
You sleep all day, you do not care how you look
You have lost your teeth
A home you do not know, the garden is not yours
Siblings you do not recognise
And your husband, is just Eric
What a life, what a disease, Dementia!
May we never forget how lonely you must be
How confused, how much suffering you have endured
Dementia, please leave my mum to be my mum.
How Many Times
How many times have we walked these woods
spring, summer and autumn
Stomping through the leaves looking through the canopy of trees?
How many times have we walked these hills and stood at the viewpoint and stared?
How many times have we sat in the Lodge, me with my tea and you with a beer
laughing and joking, remembering old times?
How many times have I driven home, only for you to slump in your chair
Feeling alone and confused, not sure of myself, not sure about you?
How many times do I think of you now, now that we are living separate lives?
How many times will I keep going over the good times and the bad?
How many times, how many weeks, months, years will it take for me to accept what I’ve done?
How many times, how many times will it be before I can finally be happy once more?
Summer
Summers past
Summers present
Summers yet to come
Summer droughts
Summers hot and humid
Then the downpour comes!
Summer hats
Summer shorts
Summer fun on the shore
Summer sea
Summer breeze
Floating in out the trees
Summer bees
Summer bugs
Chirping in the grass
Summer walks
In summer parks
Holding hands till we part
Summer songs
Summer loves
Kisses in the dark
Summer teas
Sinking feet
Pebbles on the beach
Summer haze
Drift away
Memories of those summer days.
In My Element
I enjoyed that August day,
Walking round the Sculpture Park
I was in my element,
My boyfriend was not
But we were in love
And he loves to please
So he made it his mission
To photograph me
Wooden dragons and glass-leaved trees
Dancing skeletons and colourful mosaic seats
His camera was clicking
I was lost in a fantasy
It was a perfect day,
The sun not too hot
I was in my element,
Not sure my boyfriend was
So many sculptures adorned our path
A bear and bishop sitting on the grass
Totem poles and giant stone heads
Pelicans wearing bowler hats
My imagination ran wild
Thinking what it would be like
If they all came alive!
In this artists paradise
By the end of the day
As the sun said goodnight,
My feet were weary
And I needed some respite
Some tea and cake to quench our thirst
We couldn’t believe we’d taken over 400 photographs!
My boyfriend WAS in his element!
And I was in love.
The Light Is Failing
The light is failing, I do not know which way to turn
Where have I come from? Where do I go? Where am I now?
I feel nothing, not the cold, the heat, a gentle breeze, nothing.
I feel naked, stripped of my outer skin, bare for all to see
Yet there is no one and I cannot see
I hear a noise, is there someone coming?
It’s the same voice talking, shouting, crying
It scares me; the voice is so painful I want to curl into a ball and shut it out.
It will not stop, it’s getting louder, I cannot take it, I scream.
Suddenly it’s quiet
A light appears, my mood begins to lift
I see a path a way out – I run and run but the path is giving way
The light is failing; I am back in the dark
That lifeless empty place, devoid of love.
Let Me Be
Let me be the woman you fell in love with, several years ago
Let me undo the wrongs and mend the rights of my troubled soul
Let me be free from my anxieties, depression and woes
Undo the shackles from my past to face the future, as yet untold
Let me be free to be who I want to be, no fear holding me back
To walk the path I have chosen and to stay on track
Let me be the one who saves you from your icy tomb
Who unlocks your heart as our passions consume
Let us walk the summer meadows, our hands entwined
Happy and content under the glorious blue sky
Let me caress and kiss your body, fill you up with love
Let’s be together always, you are my soul mate, my love.
Tomorrowland
I am on the beach, holding your hand,
our feet sinking in the sand
Knowing you are with me in my Tomorrowland
We talk of getting married and when it will be,
who will come and see us
And what our first dance shall be
We make love on the sofa watching TV, laze in the sunshine with a coke float and some tea
No demons to control us, no ghosts from our past,
to finally feel free and open up our hearts.
This is my Tomorrowland, this is where I want to be
A place that we can call our own
and you forever with me.
Emperor’s Clouds and Mist
I nestle in my comfy chair to warm my frozen fingers
And cup a steaming mug of my favourite lime green infusion
I reach for the bag and pull it out swaying as it does
Like a pendulum swinging back and forth keeping track of time
The sweetness enriches my taste buds and I imagine where it grows
Perhaps high upon a mountainside or hilltop in the clouds
A lowly peasant tenders the leaves and picks them in the rain
When their floral undertone is at its best and the buds are yet unfurled
He lays them in his smoking hut and keeps a watchful eye
Until the day they are taken to the Emperor on high!
Several minutes pass me by as I ponder on this notion
To the man who brings me my Clouds and Mist, I am truly grateful.
Love in a Teacup
Butterflies whirling
Stomach churning
First date by the sea
Walking the lanes
Until we found a café
There we sat
And did we chat
As you were looking at me
Trips uptown
Clowning around
Sipping some Yunnan tea
Lunchtime meets
At our favourite retreat
Away from prying eyes
Warming, seeping, soothing
Those leaves in a bag
Recollections of the times we’ve had
Our love in a teacup!
Part 2
A Woman in a Tortoise Shell
I am a woman in a tortoise shell
Every move so torpid
Gone are the days I’d jump out of bed
Now I crawl out like a sloth
Every motion positioned
Like a lesson in tai chi
To ease the pain from my ligaments
And my constant back misery
I wobble from room to room
Like a 90-year-old with worn hips
Except I am still fairly young
And don’t want to give in just yet!
Back at home with my parents
I no longer have a place of my own
All those rented apartments
Lining many a landlords pocket
Each year, I dreamt, I hoped
All would be fine
But now my shell has hardened
And slowed me right down
It’s rather cumbersome and weighty
Although it’s comforting in some way
It reminds me I once had my freedom
But now it’s been taken away
My body feels worn and bruised
As I slowly ambulate everywhere
A continuous reminder of the choices made
Knowing it’s too late to turn back.
Clouds
I see a goat, a man in a boat, a dragon breathing fire
It’s amazing what my mind conjures when I look up to the sky
A fun relaxing pastime when there’s nothing else to do
Except lay upon the grass looking up to the blue
Visions in the clouds keep changing with the wind
One minute a wolf and a rabbit, next a fearsome pig
These pictures in the clouds tell a story of their own